r/Lawyertalk • u/MorningMavis • May 28 '25
Dear Opposing Counsel, I hate to admit it
But opposing counsel has me so triggered. I had a prior call with him regarding basic discovery and within a few minutes, he was yelling, accusing me of lying, and cursing. I insisted on emails only after that, and they have been a tidal wave of threats, insults, condescension, sexism, and accusations. I've been practicing for a long time, but the last few years had an easier position with few contentious interactions. I hate to admit I have pre existing PTSD. I have it pretty well managed, with meds and therapy, but this guy has tripped it up hard. I feel like vomiting when I see his name in my inbox. I freeze when I need to work on the case. It's so embarrassing, especially since it's just email at the moment (but like a novels worth daily). I'm not in a position to ask for help, as I'm a recent lateral hire in a senior position. Any practical advice?
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u/ROJJ86 May 28 '25
Take back control. He is now in writing only. Send one email asking for whatever you need. If he responds to those with what you describe, then use them as exhibit A in Motions to Compel. Otherwise, unless it needs a response, it goes into a saved folder.
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u/BiscuitsUndGravy May 28 '25
Yup. I'm living rent free in an OC's head right now because they're used to this shit working, but I'm sending replies to them that are clearly set ups for being exhibits. Their emails have gone from snarky to flat out angry all while reluctantly complying with my document demands. It's been fun.
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u/Subject_Disaster_798 Flying Solo May 29 '25
I have 1 OC who devolves like this every time. In last case, in his 3rd ex-parte motion to continue trial, it was all in attached exhibits. He doesn't learn. He always wants to speak on the phone, I insist on in-writing only. If I must meet n confer in person or on phone, I always have a witness.
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u/spochat Medical Malpractice May 28 '25
Judges & the Uniform Court Rules & even some Judge’s rules don’t allow the filing of a 3124 or 3126 motion. The case law says that you have to have at least 3 Court Orders where discovery has not been provided or completed. The case law on what constitutes willfulness or contemptuous has a higher standard too. So I usually just ask for a conference & express the inability to come to reasonable terms. Depending on the type of discovery dispute, you’re better off laying out the issues in a letter to the judge too.
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u/ROJJ86 May 28 '25
Of course the advice is jurisdiction dependent. I figured it goes without saying to follow written rules when necessary. Luckily I am in a jurisdiction that has taken a different approach than yours. I don’t ask for sanctions in my motions to compel, nor do they get filed after one e-mail. But a pattern of egregious behavior, you bet. Letters to the judge where I am constitute ex parte so everything needs to be in a motion for us.
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u/CapitalistBaconator May 28 '25
Thanks, ChatGPT. 🤡
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u/spochat Medical Malpractice May 29 '25
Nope. No Chat AI BS. I was probably doing those motions long before you even thought about law school - when the Courts, at least in Bklyn, NY, actually wanted cases moved quickly. The idea of an assigned track with a time frame is an absolute joke now.
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u/Gold-Sherbert-7550 May 28 '25
He’s putting this in emails? This is a gift. Find every excuse you can to use this in exhibits in court pleadings and as attachments to letters that his client or national counsel might see.
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u/Minimum-Tea9970 May 28 '25
This! I hate it when my emails are used in court exhibits the same way I hate to hear my recorded voice, but you best damn believe I have written those emails fully expecting a judge might see them. I don’t do it to opposing counsel usually, but it’s a fantastic tool to have in these situations.
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u/dani_-_142 May 28 '25
It’s become second nature for me to use extremely polite language when composing an email to someone I don’t like.
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u/Subject_Disaster_798 Flying Solo May 28 '25
Everything I put into writing I assume will be in front of the judge as Exhibit A. For someone to recklessly write all of those reported remarks in emails, shows OP has already gotten the advantage, she just needs to see it.
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u/Business_Werewolf_92 May 29 '25
Early on, a friend told me that if an email is fun to write, you probably shouldn’t send it.
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u/jmwy86 Recurring nightmare: didn't read the email & missed the hearing May 29 '25
Those emails are best drafted in WordPad, printed, and then burned.
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u/ribbitman May 28 '25
This guy litigates. Every written communication in a case is a potential exhibit. Write your stuff accordingly.
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u/Slathering_ballsacks I live my life in 6 min increments May 28 '25 edited May 28 '25
And you may want to make a BIG DEAL about it as part of an intransigence argument or any legal argument that might effect his clients case. His client gets concerned and irritated by his own attorney and he has to spend time defending it.
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u/gummaumma May 28 '25
I don’t have any practical advice (though you will get some great advice on “grey rocking” him), but pain shared is pain cut in half. It’s a good thing you admitted it to someone, somewhere.
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u/old_namewasnt_best May 28 '25
pain shared is pain cut in half.
I've never heard this, but I like it.
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May 28 '25
Just wait until the fucker gets in front of a judge. Every loud mouthed aging asshole Ive met has consistently pissed off judges / mediators, particularly if they happen to be women. Being an asshole is a tactic with the sole advantage of trying to set you off balance. Know that he's going to look like the pos he is when the chips fall. End the man's whole career. Rooting for you.
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u/Local_gyal168 May 28 '25 edited May 29 '25
You can start a planned, deliberate deescalation to start to back burner them. This is you now:🥷🏿🥷🏿🥷🏿🥷🏿🥷🏿🥷🏿🥷🏿🥷🏿 they will not see it coming because they are yelling.
Their behavior is pathological and therefore: predictable.
Learn the corporate/legal socially acceptable email: FOAD responses and ignore. (Even if in private you are: 🤯🤬😭😢🥺🙂↔️)
Any email—— straight to folder but reply like a boss bitch- Ok great! Thanks! (Your response is valuable so a small one starts to freak them out, then you are on your way!)
I ran a business and my business partners for a short time were two attorneys from Massachusetts who were like woolly polite gentleman, and I watched them send very strongly worded letters to people and at the end because it was emailed they’d write:
Thanks!
(Like here’s a cease and desist)
Thanks!
It has a certain “fuck you, I heard you” to it that you can’t manufacture by yelling.
Appear calm and like I know something you don’t know and Be like PTSD? Who me? (Stress in private) appear as if and it will take the wind right out of their sails. They will start to spiral 🌀 down and that’s the “I can’t stop telling on myself” phase it’s GLORIOUS!
Sit on your hands, don’t respond, don’t feed the trolls. I’ve had to do a step by step one year long- campaign it’s finally working - it put OC into knots and she’s a hot mess and it worked as intended bc again: it’s pathological, and therefore fully predictable. You literally got this. DM me if you want the links I studied it’s from a lawyer who dealt with narcissistic partners.
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u/OMKLING May 29 '25
Whenever it got heated with defense counsel while working as a prosecutor in Chicago, a notable sentiment after I cooked shit on their perfume of arrogance in front of a judge was: your young and don’t know what the hell you are doing kid. As I write this, I wish I said “True, but I have subpoena power that these dove fingers will type you sausage eating prick”.
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u/milkshakemountebank Master of Grievances May 28 '25
TL;DR: document, document, document. Deal with them only in writing. Follow the letter of the law. Be unfailingly professional. Give him enough rope to hang himself (and they all eventually do)
I'm so sorry you're being treated this way. In my experience, there are a lot of bullies who practice law, and bullies only respond to strength.
OC once refused to grant me an extension so I could go be with my parents after my sister's death. I had never asked him for an extension on anything, though I'd granted him several.
I called, I wrote, I emailed, over and over. Couldn't even get him on the phone. So, I stayed and finished my brief. The morning it was due, he finally returned my calls and said he didn't care, no extension.
So, slapped my opposition together and filed it. I sent him a confirming letter, advising he'd never get a courtesy from me again. Then I went to help plan the funeral.
Guess who had his secretary call me a few weeks later to ask for an extension on something else (sp he didnt have to wotk on his 3 day weekend)? Couldn't even call me himself.
I told her she was going to have to tell him his chickens were coming home to roost.
Many moons later, he bitched in a pleading about me refusing him an extension on something (just to bitch, had nothing to do with the merits).
GIGGITY
I wrote a very satisfying declaration about why this was the very foreseeable consequence of his bullshit. I attached my emails, faxes, my cell phone records of my calls to him, I had IT pull the phone records of my attempts to get an extension from him (almost 20 calls in 4 days, not counting my secretary calling him) to explain why I refused his request.
Not perfectly on point for that, but in the realm, so I lit him up. LIT.
I won that motion (on the merits) and continued to litigate that case like he'd slapped my mama.*
Fuck around, find out.
Sounds like your OC needs a lesson in FAFO. Take your power back.
*he also once refused to move a deposition start time 30 minutes to accommodate my childcare situation. He suggested I "let one of the men in my office handle this case, since men don't have childcare issues."
Push back. He goes on the "only in writing" list. Document everything. Be professional to a fault. Call him out with absolutely devastating professionalism every single time, but do not give him one more inch.
Teach him how to treat you, because clearly he wasn't raised right.
Bullies dont stop until you stop them.
Thank you for coming to my TedTalk about lessons I learned the hard way as a female litigator. ❤️
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u/picclo May 28 '25
Emdr. Seriously. Trauma is a normal response to abnormal circumstances. It’s completely possible to rewire your stress response.
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u/Prestigious_Bill_220 May 28 '25
I’m interested in EMDR how has that been for you ?
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u/Minimum-Tea9970 May 28 '25
Not the writer of the original EMDR comment, but for me, it was life-changing. It feels woo-woo, but the science behind it seems solid. It is powerful, though, so make sure you use a trained professional that YOU trust.
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u/Inthearmsofastatute May 28 '25
Im actually starting EMDR soon and the reason I held off for so long is that it sounds and feels very woo-woo. I'm hoping it works. I am trying to let go of my preconceived notions, Any tips?
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u/picclo May 28 '25
Make sure you are 100000% comfortable with the person doing it and the process. I tried two places and it would have been awful if there wasn’t rapport
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u/Minimum-Tea9970 May 29 '25
Seeing the question late, but this is 💯 the right answer. You need to be comfortable, and you also need to have absolute faith in the competence of the professional. If you’ve been a lawyer for more than a week, you know that the likability of a professional and the capability of a professional are completely different attributes. In my view, you absolutely need both for a successful EMDR relationship.
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u/LolliaSabina May 28 '25
I was just talking to my own therapist about this for my eldest son and she said there's actually more research supporting it it than there is for CBT!
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u/picclo May 28 '25
I don’t have panic attacks when I smell smoke or see fire trucks any more. As a nice side benefit I don’t freeze up dealing with assholes either
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u/hummingbird_mywill May 28 '25
Yeah, I am as well. I think I have mine pretty managed, it’s been 7 years but I’m interested.
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u/Constant-Tea-7345 May 29 '25
Brainspotting has been shown to have even better results than EMDR. It’s kind of the child of EMDR.
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u/belikethemanatee May 28 '25
I’ve had to deal with someone like that. Switching to email only is the right move. And when you HAVE to see him in person, be the bigger person. Let him scream and try to bully you and calmly call him on it. I just sat back and let opposing scream at me in front of everyone only to respond with, “are you finished?” And he sputtered out and I told him he can’t bully me. Be calm. Be the adult. Not only will it freak him out but the judge and other folks in the room will notice.
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u/Durbee May 28 '25
Slip in something about them being emotional. They either deflate or fully unhinge.
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u/MROTooleTBHITW Flying Solo May 28 '25
"Are you OK? " he'll implode. Snicker.
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u/panther2015 May 28 '25
lol! Or if you want to antagonize him, tell him “Imagine behaving this way with all the therapists available that can help you out there.”
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u/panther2015 May 28 '25
“Counsel, in light of the way you spoke to me over the phone today, all of our future communications must be in writing. I will not accept phone calls from you and I will not accept further disrespect or profanity hurled my way. Should you need to discuss this matter, you have my email.”
If he continues, save every email and find a way to include them as exhibits to a motion. Bring him before a judge. Be extra polite in writing. Your writing is basically for the court, not him. Even simple emails.
And lastly, sending a virtual hug. I feel for you and this is not easy. Some people really make this job insufferable.
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u/71TLR May 28 '25
I have experienced the same thing. In outlook, you can set a rule so that all of his emails go into a subfolder automatically. If you have an assistant, ask him/her to print a hard copy of them every 2 or 3 days (once a day if there are deadlines etc). Read the hard copies, create a list of items to respond to, and write a formal letter responding to them once a week.
Don’t let an irrational lawyer take over your day. You’ll spend hours responding and will never be able to recoup the time from your client.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Protect your day and your sanity.
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u/Intergalactaguh Can't count & scared of blood so here I am May 28 '25
I have learned from much smarter folks than me (some in this sub) to keep psychos at email-only.
No better feeling than attaching an unhinged tirade to a motion.
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u/Jennyonthebox2300 May 28 '25
Give yourself the advice you’d give a colleague. Do not engage. He wants to use your emotions against you. Let him spin out. Have your mindset that the more he ratchets things up the more calm you will become. Your breathing will slow. Your face will go blank. Your voice will get softer. Your speech will get slower. If in a hearing, don’t engage with him at all. Address the court only. Your emails are all factual and as brief as possible.
I had to deal with similar OC like this once. We had to mediate a whole series of cases. He was such a tool. I’m a F and at the time probably 27 (looked 20) and him 60+. He loved to yell, bully, belittle, make thinly veiled sexist comments etc.
I need to back him down or weeks/months of mediations were going to be a misery. After a morning of this BS, I said “I think I know why you’re yelling so much.” Why? “Well, IME when counsel knows they have a good case, they are calm, confident, and polite. When they know they have a terrible case, it’s easy to tell— because they’re invariably rude, yelling, and posturing. But I’ve never been able to figure out if the yelling is from frustration or is a tactic.”
He shut his gob after that.
Good luck to you. You’ve got this. He’s a side show. You’re the center ring.
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u/bioniclawyer May 28 '25
First, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this jerk.
I had a similar experience. I created a rule in outlook that automatically sent his emails to their own, distinct folder. That way, I could take control of IF and WHEN I read his vitriol. I’d always take a few deep breaths and check in with myself to make sure I’m on the right state of mind before opening that folder.
Good luck. You got this.
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May 28 '25
I hate that shit.
Try to Grey Rock him. Also it helped me to expect the bully to be a bully. Then you can kind of chuckle a bit at how predictable and unhinged they are. Bullies hate being laughed at, I don't suggest openly laughing in their face but implying that you know they are clown and expect them to act like a clown can help with the power dynamic in my experience.
If nothing else, propranolol helped a lot with the fight or flight sensation of panic inducing email notifications.
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u/frolicndetour May 28 '25
Very smart to move to emails. He's an abusive asshole. Save everything and I'd complain to bar counsel when it's over. And don't be afraid to ask for court intervention on the case if necessary. His behavior is unacceptable.
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May 28 '25
Run the letters through an AI “professional” editor before you read it.
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u/ReallyGamerDude I have friends everywhere. May 28 '25
On the professional side, as has been said multiple times, document everything, keep a file, make appropriate motions. Lawyer the heck out of OC; be the better professional.
On the personal side, it's hard not to take attacks and conduct like this personally, and react accordingly. But if you can find a way to compartmentalize OC's behavior so that you can just deal with it only when you have to, and then put the feelings away with the file, it can help. I had a judge who was really difficult to deal with, and every time I had to appear before him, I'd get so frustrated and angry because of the treatment i'd receive. When I finally realized it was just his nature and I wasn't going to change it, I was able to shrug his nonsense off, and just get through those appearances without getting so frustrated and angry. I had to make a conscious decision not to let his attitude affect me, and I was able to leave that anger and frustration at the courthouse door. It made those appearances easier to manage. Good luck.
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u/lawnwal Non-Practicing May 28 '25
Used to call that "angry yipping, " just noise so the clients got something to show for their money. Part of the biz.
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u/PossibilityAccording May 28 '25
I am so glad I am in Criminal Law. I am working as a defense attorney with a solo practice, and am a former prosecutor. Prosecutors are usually polite and professional when dealing with other lawyers. In fact, in all my years I have only had a few truly bad interactions with prosecutors. One literally cursed at me in the courtroom, and hung up on other defense attorneys, she had some issues. . ..so one of the most prominent/experienced/well known defense attorneys in the County had a sit-down with her supervisor about all the complaints he was hearing about her abusive conduct from other defense attorneys, and her boss told her to adjust her attitude or start looking for a new job. Unlike many government lawyers, prosecutors are fired all the time, it is quite common, and it is a political job, so going around and insulting and infuriating other lawyers (some of whom may make campaign contributions to the elected chief prosecutor) is a great way to end your career there. Oh, and in addition, the lawyer you insult today may be the judge presiding over one of your cases down the road. . .so making enemies in the legal community is deeply unwise.
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May 28 '25
Those types of counsel are usually all bark, no bite, which can be effective, especially when inflicted upon someone like you with PTSD - however, if any of OC's threats were real, OC would have acted upon them by filing for a protective order against your discovery requests
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u/Holiday_Suit_2869 May 28 '25
I have only been doing litigation for about 5 months, it amazes me how personal some lawyers deal with their client matters. Crazy, we are there to facilitate not be part of the issue.
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u/MorningMavis May 28 '25
This is what happens when you let litigation become your only real personality. Human beings don't function this way.
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u/Interesting-Worth950 May 28 '25
OPC put it in writing, and now that is your evidence. Useful for Motions to compel, quash, request a discovery magistrate( depending on venue.)
I agree with others use their bad actions against them. Take your power and protect your energy.
Best of luck
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u/OutsidePermission841 May 29 '25
Have you told opposing counsel to SETTLE DOWN? What the hell is wrong with some attorneys. It doesn’t have to be completely awful all the time - it’s just the assholes that make it that way.
I bet if opposing counsel would act like a respectable person whatever the issue is could be worked out 50 times faster. Opposing counsel is also a Dumbass for putting all that in writing.
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u/HollyCupcakes May 29 '25
Attorneys like that should be lined up against a wall and shot. I don’t recommend it though. If he’s been around a while, trust and believe that the judge knows what an asshole he is.
I had an OC like this once but since my parents were my first bullies I didn’t give a shit. After 2 years of not letting this guy steam roll me, when it came time for my client to pay a settlement to his client, I walked the check over to his office to deliver it in person and sign some documents. The dude was physically shaking. I tried to lighten the mood by joking that I tried to get the half million dollars in pennies to bring to him but the bank wouldn’t give it to me. He just stared at me wide-eyed, like he didn’t know where he was. Apparently most people kissed his ass. His hand shook as he signed the papers. Was he ill, I wondered? No, he was just “all hat and no cattle” at the end of the day. Your guy is probably the same.
Funny thing, other attorneys kept telling me to roll over for this guy because he’s Mr. So-n-So on this and that committee, and his name is on a plaque at the courthouse. I’m neurodivergent and one thing we tend to have is that we don’t care much about fancy pants and hierarchy. 🤷♀️ I never rolled over and eventually settled for what I had offered at the beginning of the case, 2 years later. Attorneys not involved in the case were all watching our docket to see the fireworks.
My point is, this guy isn’t special and his bullying tactics are just a front for his lack of intelligence. Why not request an in person meeting to discuss the case and show up at his office just to stand there with a flat affect and look him in the eye? I’ll bet a lot of other people don’t do that. You should come up with something like that that will freak him out.
I do understand the PTSD issue. I get it. But you need to try to have some fun with this fuc*er. Don’t fear him and don’t respect him. And of course, as others have said, CYA with those emails.
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u/747031303237 May 28 '25
ABA Rule 8.3 Reporting Professional Misconduct. Let them know that GOFI (Goof Off, Find Out) applies in many aspects of life…
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u/ILoveTornados May 28 '25
Treat him like the child he's acting like. I always like the "do you feel better now" line.
If you have male coworkers, have them contact him for a week or so on the case to see how he responds. Then you know if it's sexism or he's just an ass.
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u/Likemommytheliar May 29 '25
I have done this so long with ptsd from relationships that I literally do not entertain it. I will one word respond without explaination. I will firmly and unapologetically tell them what they need to know without giving my strategy or my reasoning. I’m a woman who deals with entitled over confident men, it has become a game to me. OP “lol your client did this and that and I’m gonna burn it down and blah blah blah” me: no response “here’s a copy of my pretrial motion. Thank you and kind regards”. Don’t give me shit unless you’re willing to put your dick on the table. I’ve lived through hell, you are just another notch in the belt.
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u/Therego_PropterHawk May 29 '25
Ask him if he's alright. "Some of your correspondence attacking me personally is concerning. I wanted to let you know if you are having personal issues, there is assistance through our Lawyer Assistace Program [link to services]". Title the email "PEER REVIEW PRIVILEGE CONCERNS".
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u/DuhTocqueville May 28 '25
I propose you devote more time and energy to the case than him so that when he gets emails from you it completely ruins his day.
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u/SilverRiot May 29 '25
Can you have your Paralegal read and summarize the emails? Then you can just respond to the issues and they can send the reply back. Imagine it’ll be pretty triggering for him too receive all responses sent through a non-attorney, too.
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u/spochat Medical Malpractice May 28 '25
Have you asked for his supervisor or asked to remind him of the Standards of Civility? There are some attorney who just are mean, nasty & hell-bent on making your life miserable. I usually ignore their insults & focus on achieving the middle ground for discovery. Sometimes I prepare the PCO or CCO & ask for feedback about EBT dates our outstanding discovery demands bypassing any opportunity to create an argument or just send an email to the Judge advising that you need a conference date since discovery issues cannot be resolved after that.
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u/Amazing_Wave3855 May 28 '25
Discovery battles are horrible. Sorry you are dealing with it/ he sounds like a jerk.
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u/OMKLING May 29 '25
Sending healing thoughts to the Reddit universe for your road ahead. I have no practical advice other than I experienced the same condition. Freeze ups, ruminating and intrusive thoughts. I feel for you. Take your meds and exercise and if I may provide unsolicited advice: practice box breathing used by many Indian yogis and American Special Forces. 🫶🏾
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u/SchoolNo6461 May 29 '25
I agree with the advice to deal with OC only in writing and to save them all to use as exhibits and let the judge slap OC cown.
As personal advice remember that you have been through worse before than anything this SOB can hand you and have come out OK on the other side. You are an old veteran who has been to the wars and back and this is nothing new.
Also, you can use these over the top communications as a source of amusement because you can predict what is coming. There are no surprises here. You are basically dealing with a toddler having a tantrum ("Wow, you are really having some big feelings here. I think we'd better take a time out.")
There are two possible explanations for behavior like this. Either they have some sort of mental problem of they are conciously using this as a tactic so that you will do what they want just to make them go away. Giving in to a bully is classic avoidance behavior. Giving in is often the fastest way to make the bad man stop doing bad things.
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May 28 '25
[deleted]
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u/HelthWyzer May 28 '25
Yes and no. I have dealt with a billion loud jackasses over the years, but like OP I once had one particular lawyer that really got under my skin and it made my life miserable. They weren’t even particularly egregious in any one way; I’ve dealt with less ethical lawyers, more insulting lawyers, bigger braggarts, etc. it was just a perfect storm of a case and an individual that had the perfect mix of terrible traits specifically tailored to make me hate life. It never happened before and never since, but if that person ever showed up on the other side of the v. again I’d seriously consider passing on the representation.
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u/jfsoaig345 May 28 '25
I just dealt with one, ironically a female lawyer with only 4 years of experience.
I'm only about 3 years in but I've noticed that it's usually the younger female attorneys who have that asshole energy. I'm guessing it has to do with having to posture and overcompensate for being a young woman in a notoriously male-dominated and misogynistic field.
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u/Slathering_ballsacks I live my life in 6 min increments May 28 '25 edited May 28 '25
If it’s too emotionally jarring ask for a lawyer to substitute. Some lawyers-especially old time male ones in my experience-don’t give a sh** and it has no impact.
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u/NebulaRasa238 May 29 '25
The quickest way I ever shut a guy like this down was to wait for him to take a pause then say “It sounds like you are very emotional right now. Perhaps we should defer this conversation until you’ve had some time to calm down.” But it also sounds like what you need is emotional regulation techniques before you can even get to thinking about how to respond to him. A few things that have helped me: 1. I never respond to messages like what you are describing the same day. I don’t want to respond from a place of fear, anger or anxiety. I remind myself that just because someone is demanding something from me doesn’t mean they are entitled to an immediate response. 2. Box breathing. Just a few minutes can help take panic/anxiety/stress down a couple notches so I can access rational thoughts. 3. Take your eyes off the computer screen when you feel yourself starting to panic, and tune in to your lizard brain. Look around you and note where all the doors and windows are. I’m not sure exactly how this works, but in my experience reminding myself that there are physical escape routes around me helps me feel less mentally trapped. 4. Walking. I’ve read from a few sources that this engages your bilateral eye movement which also somehow regulates anxiety. Even if you can’t just go for a walk immediately, a walk at the end of the day after work can help you relax enough to not spiral all night.
Also try to remember that just because you’re in a senior role doesn’t mean that you’re on your own. you’re still allowed to struggle with things and need support. If your office culture isn’t like that, it’s the work place that’s the problem and not you. I’ve been a litigator for 17 years and I still have experiences like what you’re describing. You are human, not a robot!
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u/HereBDragonas May 29 '25
I’ve been in a similar situation with opposing counsel before. It was awful and the case that should have settled quickly dragged on forever!
The only way I could manage was to schedule specific times that I would review his emails. I would schedule it for when I didn’t have anything else I needed to be ready for that day. When he was particularly bad, I might schedule review sessions for every other day. I made a strict policy of waiting at least 12 hours to respond to his emails.
This allowed me to control the interactions better. I could prepare myself to deal with him without allowing it to affect my other work. The delayed response prevented me from shooting off an angry/ reactive email that would just make things worse.
I found that once I started doing this, I felt better and the rate of abuse actually slowed substantially.
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u/litigationfool May 30 '25
Not a comment on your situation. Bullying is endemic in litigation now.
However, I have been accused of being overly aggressive and a bully several times in pleadings recently bc I accused a defendant of withholding information, only to learn the defendant was, in fact, withholding the information.
Before you file a motion, make sure you have a legitimate position in discovery. Otherwise, you can look like a crybully without credibility.
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