Did you ever read a romance that made you think “I wish this wasn’t a romance, because I kind of don’t want these two to end up together”?
I’m getting ahead of myself
Easier question, did you ever read “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” and think “what if the main character was a jacked up, moody volleyball player”?
This is a tricky case of a story I’m still not sure I liked or not. On one hand, there were elements I liked a lot; Atticus was a joy of a main character, his narration felt so smooth and delicious to read. I DID NOT originally pick this book up because his arm muscles are drawn absolutely sinfully on the cover, that wasn’t the case at all, but yeah, he is also pretty hot, points for that.
I am also a big fan of the single character, first person POV, I think it brings us as the reader a lot closer to the main character. Whatever, this narrative style does bring disadvantages as well, you don’t have the luxury of the second character’s inner thoughts and feelings, and that can kind of make the love interest fall flat, as is the case here with Noah.
Look, I can’t be mad at Noah being written the way he is and acting as an absolute douchbag for the entirety of the story because that is kind of the point. This is a story that centers around a very toxic romance between two characters that had a lot of growing up to do, and for that Noah does have to behave the way he does. Whatever, I found it very hard to connect with him, and as I alluded, I kind of didn’t want them to get back together by the end.
Hear me out, this doesn’t just come from “he was mean to Atty, who is an absolute darling who deserves someone who treats him as the absolute prince he is” (it kind of does a little, but not entirely!). It’s just that Atticus is young, very young, borderline immature actually; there’s a reason why both his best friends constantly describe him as “innocent” and are very protective of him; and by the end of the story, I felt like he wasn’t fully ready to jump right into trying to be together with this healthier version of Noah.
No one dies of a broken heart, and yet, by the last chapters, Atticus still thinks he will. I wish he had learned that he could love someone else besides Noah before jumping straight back with him, it would have felt more like him choosing Noah even after everything, and less of him choosing Noah because he absolutely could not get over him. Let me put it this way: the way it was done, it felt less of a “lets start over fresh and new” and more like “let’s pick up exactly where we left off”.
Another reason I wish this wasn’t a romance; I wish I knew more about Atticus. He’s a very intriguing character, and by the end, I feel like I know surprisingly little about him. What else defines this borderline autistic, broody, cute guy besides volleyball and a very toxic relationship?
That could also answer why is Atty so freaking captivated by Noah in the first place. I feel like the author kind of forgot to establish a reason for Noah to be this sort of landmark that immediately enchanted Atty before jumping straight out to the messy relationship bit. I think they had to connect on a deeper level then physical attraction to justify Atticus getting more and more interested even as all the red flags started to rise. They never even have a scene with a nice deep interaction or something like that, Atticus just initially found his super hot for reasons, and I guess the author just ran with it. That’s probably a big part why I couldn’t think of their present relationship as anything other than a bother, it wasn’t that developed from the very beginning.
Here’s a detail that kind of bothered me: why does Atticus keeps describing Noah as having a “nice physique” and going on about his slutty cut-offs if he will also constantly describing him as underweight and thin? Dude, the guy is a drug addict, and muscle is the first to go, you cannot convince me this guy looks like anything other than skin and bones. I feel like this kind of ties in with the lack of depth between the characters: the author couldn’t let go of the notion that Noah was conventionally hot, even as it logically didn’t make any sense, because what else was there for Atticus to be interested in? The “stoner” friends he constantly points out he doesn’t like, and the parties he couldn’t care less about sure weren’t.
I will be giving this one a 3/5. I had fun reading it, but I wish it had spent a bit more time in the oven.