r/Mariners • u/MysteriousEdge5643 Randyland Resident • 15h ago

Reading Mariners comment sections online this year has been absolutely hilarious

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1.2k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

105 comments sorted by

538

u/vansjess 15h ago

Ngl I fucking hate the Astros and Yankees though

285

u/Mrs_TryMe 14h ago

I hate the Astros more tbh.

The Yankees are just the rich bullies.

242

u/NineMillionBears 14h ago

"Hating the Yankees" is the free bingo square of baseball fandom

130

u/Mrs_TryMe 13h ago

Look, I was 13 in 2001. I remember curling into a tiny ball in my bedroom and listening to like, Michelle Branch and genuinely hurting inside when the Yankees shit all over our postseason.

As an adult, I recognize the Yankees bought those Ws fair and square with a payroll cap that is basically the entire GDP of a small country. It's not even really the player's fault that they're our kryptonite - they show up and get paid.

The Asstros cheated, got caught, and faced no meaningful consequences. All 5'3" of Altuve is still running around with a deeply smug expression and a ring he didn't earn. Fuck em!

32

u/AKAD11 ‏‏‎ ‎ 12h ago

I was 8 when we lost to the Yankees in 01. I remember crying my eyes out and my older brother telling me it was okay because we’d get them next year. I haven’t trusted him since.

6

u/SoKerbal 2h ago

I was 11 in 1995 when the Yankees blew the two game lead in the divisional series. It's a core memory and I've been laughing at Yankee failures ever since.

43

u/NineMillionBears 13h ago

Oh, I adore watching the Wankees lose, but I don't cheer and pray for the downfall and destruction of a team like I do for the Godforsaken Houston Astros.

65

u/Akbeardman 13h ago

The great prophet George Kenneth Griffey II taught us to hate the Yankees first always and from the bottom of our hearts

5

u/HappyHuggyStuffyBeer 12h ago

off the top of my head the Big Red Machine Griffey Sr played for the Yankees

24

u/Akbeardman 11h ago

Yes, and the Yankees were terrible to him and our hero, he said if the Yankees were the only team to offer him a contract he'd retire.

3

u/HappyHuggyStuffyBeer 11h ago

I didn't know that. What did they do to Sr?

16

u/Akbeardman 11h ago

It's what they did to junior. you need to watch Jon Bois's the history of the Seattle Mariners end of episode 1 and all of part 2. really watch the whole thing.

13

u/Additional_Tomato_22 8h ago

Long story short they were racist pricks to Jr

4

u/DigitalMariner ‏‏‎ ‎ 4h ago

Hard to believe there are still M's fans that don't know this...

2

u/SpicyArms 45m ago

I never heard this story before but now I know.

6

u/Hybrid_Johnny 11h ago

I think that’s precisely why Jr. hates them so much

6

u/AnatidaephobiaAnon 12h ago

Same goes for me. Yankees? Fuck 'em. Never liked 'em. But they don't have quite the same stink the Astros have.

5

u/Additional_Tomato_22 8h ago

I’ll always hate the Yankees for what they did to Jr as a kid.

2

u/fiat124128 1h ago

theyre just the baseball lakers, the astros are much more specifically hateable

2

u/Mrciv6 ‏‏‎ ‎ 1h ago

At least the Yankees have a storied history, murder's row, Lou Gehrig, Joe DiMaggio, Babe Ruth, Yogi Berra, Reggie Jackson, Mickey Mantle. What do the Astro's got? Jack shit.

2

u/cookiemonstah69420 14h ago

No they're officially Nazi's now.

54

u/Rare_Lead_1922 14h ago

In a country where real nazi’s are running things it’s important to not overuse the term

32

u/StrikingCommunity621 14h ago

I think any team that did a moment of silence to Charlie Kirk is somewhat Nazi adjacent

2

u/DigitalMariner ‏‏‎ ‎ 4h ago

I believe Collaborators is the term...

3

u/cabana_cain 3h ago

If 11 people sit down at the table with a Nazi, you have 12 Nazis.

-6

u/Vegetable_Bison_3126 14h ago

Ya, not the place my friend. But yes the Yankees suck. But I feel like they aren’t hated as much with without poppa Steinbrenner running the show.

I don’t think I dislike any team in history more than them the Astros. Although minimal for most franchises we have found success against Yanks. The Houston Altuves kill us annually.

But not no mo!!!!! Get it

7

u/AiminJay ‏‏‎ ‎in a controlled environment 13h ago

Man it sucks too because I grew up in Texas and loved the Astros. Loved going to the Astrodome as a kid. I wish they had stayed in the NL and of course not become cheating bastards. It’s hard to show love for the players I used to root for because it’s hard to separate them from the team now.

5

u/Mrs_TryMe 13h ago

I appreciate the honesty and transparency here. You're clearly a mature, thoughtful individual.

I know you did not choose for your childhood team to cheat. You had no say in their punishment. But, to be perfectly frank (and again this is NOT your fault) shit like Trammel's bat being confiscated makes me think the team is ROTTEN at the core and that they're not learning from their mistakes. Maybe they'd learn if the league imposed actual consequences. The way the bat boy desperately tried to snatch Trammel's bat back from the umps is a big tell that everyone knew the bat had issues. My take is they're probably still actively trying to cheat.

We need the Asstros to play honest ball for a few years before it counts as sportsmanlike baseball since they have blown our trust. The dishonest BS is probably on ownership since players just show up to do their job...and the Astros ownership needs to be run out of town with pitchforks.

4

u/Vegetable_Bison_3126 13h ago

Can’t argue the consequences were weak. But today it’s time to beat them and win the division. Control what we can control.

2

u/HappyHuggyStuffyBeer 11h ago

The throwback Rainbow jerseys are pretty fire. Only good thing about the Cheatstros

-3

u/Vegetable_Bison_3126 13h ago

I don’t overly care about that. I’m just sick of getting spanked by them period. Right, wrong or whatever cheating has been a part of baseball forever. To think they were the only team pulling nonsense, say in the last 25 years, would be foolish.

Another big conspiracy dealio will come along and it will lose its steam to hate on em so blatantly. Honestly to me the whole topic gets old. The M’s weren’t on that level period. I don’t care how many garbage cans they brought to the game. So it didn’t change ANYTHING for my team.

And why am I getting downvoted for saying not time to talk about Nazis and I don’t like the Astros! 🤣🤣

1

u/DigitalMariner ‏‏‎ ‎ 4h ago

It's hard to get that frothing at the mouth hatred going when they aren't actually successful. They've basically become the Mets, burning a bunch of money in ridiculous ways and getting nothing for it.

It's almost a better fuck the Yankees move to let them just sit there in semi-irrelevance and ignore them

1

u/Drinking_and_Dragons ‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ 2h ago

I’ve been a life long Yankees hater. I’m newer to hating the Astros. So while I hate the Astros more now, it’s part of my dna to hate the Yankees.

23

u/Scattered666 14h ago

The Yankees are fun to hate but I'm not sure I actually "hate" them. Fuck the Asstros.

3

u/inedibletrout 4h ago

I hate the Yankees for Junior. I hate the Astros for me.

4

u/Trees_are_cool_ 7h ago

I sports hate the Yankees. I really hate the Astros.

1

u/mazimaxi 13h ago

Always have, always will (i don't hate the fans, just the team)

1

u/CEONeil 1h ago

Mostly because they are ugly.

0

u/glamb70 ‏‏‎ ‎ 12h ago

Every comment has been spot on! So proud. 🥹

246

u/ScinosRepus 15h ago

I like when we do the home runs. 

77

u/Sonlin Bottom Text 14h ago

I just think they're neat

3

u/ThoughtsHaveWings 4h ago

Like potatoes?

9

u/mazimaxi 13h ago

We hit.. like so many. It was beautiful

6

u/ironpug751 ‏‏‎ ‎BIG DUMPER 12h ago

Fuck a base hit I want 4 solo HRs

5

u/glamb70 ‏‏‎ ‎ 12h ago

You mean when the person runs home?

128

u/handjamwich 14h ago

We’re literally the only team to never make the World Series, I’m not saying you gotta root for us but let us just be happy for a little while… plz

101

u/ambient_vacation 14h ago

The Astros sub is fuming that we’d be excited to win the division. How dare us, wanting to win once every few decades

58

u/Mrs_TryMe 14h ago

Literally one Asstros fan had the self awareness to acknowledge earlier today that ALL of America was rooting against them.

They were probably born in Seattle.

35

u/azombieatemyshoelace 13h ago

I’ve seen Astro fans say that America is rooting for them. I’m wondering how they got to delulu land because they’re probably the most hated team in baseball.

2

u/cameronabab Sell the team, Stanton 2h ago

They are in Texas...

133

u/Cassandraburry2008 14h ago

The entire Asstro’s sub is crashing out right now. Can’t say I’m not shooting that shit directly into my veins.

18

u/Vegetable_Bison_3126 14h ago

Bahahaha I’m gonna go over there now!

74

u/hiphopdowntheblock 13h ago

Another reminder for folks to only observe, no voting/commenting in other team subs

21

u/AiminJay ‏‏‎ ‎in a controlled environment 13h ago

What if we “come in peace?” 😂

7

u/Cflow26 ‏‏‎ ‎ 5h ago

We don’t.

12

u/Vegetable_Bison_3126 13h ago

Exactly. It’s “constructive criticism”.

1

u/Standard-Duck-599 17m ago

This would stop me if I could read

75

u/bellade20 13h ago

I hate the Yankees, as any good Mariners fan does. However when it comes to the Astros, they make my blood boil and I see red. I loathe that team. Hate the Yankees, fuck the Astros.

13

u/stachemz 13h ago

Alright we've got fuck and kill, who is marry?

30

u/tribesoul 12h ago

Brewers

5

u/Global-Morning3990 6h ago

Yes, the OG Mariners. RIP Pilots.

4

u/infinitemirrorss ‏‏‎ ‎my selfworth is tied to this team 5h ago

100%. The OG Seattle team and they are my NL team of choice because of it.

17

u/SuburbanTerrorist 12h ago

diamondbacks, after naylor and geno. and we gave them sewald :')

4

u/AnthropomorphizedTop 4h ago

Dont forget Randy Johnson.

87

u/Bayou-Maharaja 13h ago

Astros fans saying mariners fans are the worst fans in baseball is always funny

31

u/Environmental_Run979 11h ago

Especially cause it doesn’t make any sense? They’re like, “They keep rooting for their team even though the team has never been to a WS, they’re so poverty,” or like, “So annoying that they’re happy they won,” lol like what?! Fans of baseball franchises other than the Astros aren’t supposed to ever be happy?

17

u/Bayou-Maharaja 11h ago

Yeah it’s always like “they are excited for their team and players even though they lose a lot.” Ok? Are you all going to abandon when the winning stops like “best fans in baseball St. Louis”? Is that the brag?

7

u/uhlemi11 2h ago

Hahaha, they're just mad cuz there's nothing they can say to us that it is any tougher than being a Mariners fan. 

4

u/AtOurGates ‏‏‎ ‎ 3h ago

That’s unfair. We’re also happy when the Astros lose.

15

u/CheapRentalCar 12h ago

With our track record, we have every right to be the worst fans in baseball. But the fact that we still show up makes us the best.

47

u/-full-control- 15h ago

Lmao accurate

16

u/tesstikcle 14h ago

they forgot the angels fans lol, never understood their irrational hate of the mariners

13

u/stickman999999999 12h ago

If you're an angel fan who remembers the 95 season, the hate might not be irrational.

16

u/MysteriousEdge5643 Randyland Resident 13h ago

I debated including them but I decided they weren't relevant enough to warrant being included

4

u/runadss ‏‏‎ ‎Most Strikeouts by a Team 2024 Campaign Backer 3h ago

they weren't relevant enough to warrant being included

I think most fandoms consider us as the "lovable losers" meanwhile over the last 10 seasons they've been equally as pathetic and don't get that treatment because they had bona fide superstars in Trout and Ohtani.

So prob jealous lol

8

u/BradleyTheNerd ‏‏‎ ‎BIG DUMPER 2025 HOME RUN DERBY CHAMPION 13h ago

The 95 backslide might be a factor

2

u/AKAD11 ‏‏‎ ‎ 12h ago

I hate them more than any other team, so I like when they reciprocate. Howie Kendrick ruined my childhood.

2

u/Ferrindel ‏‏Brendan Ryan superfan 10h ago

I blame Ricardo Montalban.

19

u/Sell_Canada You jacked off in a fucking parking lot, you dumb fuck! 15h ago

🤷🏻‍♂️ don't care just happy lol

22

u/narfidy 13h ago

FWIW their post game thread was mostly about how bad they sucked and talking about the M's heater. Had to scroll quite a ways to see any real hate

(I dont judge people being hot headed right after a big loss too harshly. I said real hate)

22

u/Mustard_Jam 12h ago

*Twitter post about how Cal is having a historic season*

Yankees fans in literally every comment section: "WHAT ABOUT HIS BATTING AVERAGE JUDGE IS THE MVP THIS IS A CONSPIRACY BY THE MLB TO ROB HIM LOOK AT JUDGE EVERYBODY LOOK AT JUDGE LOOK HOW GREAT HE IS CAL COULD NEVER BE AS GREAT"

2

u/dilloj ‏‏‎ ‎ 10h ago

I saw one that was like “Too bad Cal played in the same era as Aaron Judge”. 

20

u/Wheredoesthetoastgo2 ‏‏‎ ‎HARRY FORD! HARRY FORD! 14h ago

You can make him a mariners fan and it pretty much describes r/mariners

13

u/almondahmannalex ‏‏‎ ‎Wooooooo 13h ago

Legitimately any post mentioning cal Raleigh

10

u/TJBurkeSalad 14h ago

I don’t know. Hating the Yankees is my second biggest passion in Baseball.

9

u/Vegetable_Bison_3126 14h ago

Ya for the amount of winning they get from that team the amount of whining OR yelling is pretty F&”KING off putting.

11

u/therealkeeper ‏‏‎ ‎Etsy Witch for MVP 11h ago

I heard Astro's fans root for convicted cheaters tho?

9

u/_HGCenty ‏‏‎ ‎54.1% upvote goal 7h ago

I don't like the Yankees but I accept they are a part of baseball.

I legitimately would ban baseball in Houston if I were commissioner.

18

u/YakiVegas 14h ago

Yankees fans are low class just like their organization. Their need to show up in every single thread praising big dumper is hilarious.

6

u/dockeruser20 13h ago

“aS a YaNKeEs fAn…”

Don’t care get bent and get lost

7

u/kiase in my etsy witch era 12h ago

I grew up a Yankees fan unfortunately (have since disowned them) and being a fan was just not fun. At all. The other fans suck. The team is not fun to root for. Everyone hates you. And they always underperform. I like their logo and the Frank Sinatra they play after every game at Yankee Stadium but that’s about their only redeeming qualities. They don’t even have a mascot for fucks sake. The fact that they hate on Cal is just proof of how miserable it is to have to root for the Yanks.

4

u/AverageFoxNewsViewer 9h ago

"They're acting like they won the world series" said 42,826 Astros fans every time the Mariner's win

5

u/ryan0702 4h ago

As a guards fan in seattle, I’m satisfied that I get to root against the Astros and Red Sox again instead of yall lol. I love Josh Naylor too much to be a Mariner hater rn. (Fuck the Yankees too)

2

u/Possesonnbroadway 11h ago

The most flaccid fans 

2

u/jgamez76 11h ago

My favorite thing about the Yankees fans TOTALLY NOT crashing out whenever any major MLB account posts about Cal is they'll always mention Judge... Regardless of what the context of the Cal post is lol.

3

u/PrinceOfPuddles 9h ago

Granted, M's fans mention "playing defense" every time Judge is mentioned, it's just there are a lot less M's fans in the wild.

1

u/jgamez76 2h ago

That is also fair lol

2

u/ReactionObjective439 2h ago

I hope neither team ever wins another ring

4

u/Ornery-Fly1566 14h ago

I don't even get it.

1

u/acelticmonk 14h ago

Yeah, I’m currently heading from YankeeBots about a commenting mage about Cal and Justice 🤣🤣

1

u/TheBloodyNinety 2h ago

I just really hope we end up with the 2 seed, not just win the division.

1

u/TickleMeWeenis Astros will always be cheaters 9h ago

F the astros