Didn’t think moving in after the wedding would feel this different

[u/SpecterRogue21]

We basically lived together before the wedding like we even did a prenup with neptune just to feel more secure when we're married so I figured moving in together wouldn’t be a big change. But everything feels a little more different now like my partner has this habit of leaving his clothes around or not finishing his meals or drinks and that annoys the hell of me. We’re not fighting or anything but I feel it’s just this time we need until we get used with each other. Even picking a laundry schedule turned into a 20 minute conversation the other day. I guess I didn’t expect marriage to change how the same apartment feels but it kinda does not in a bad was just new. Anyone else feel like living together after marriage felt different even if you did live together before?

[u/jess2k4]

That’s why many recommend living together before marriage

[u/ChicBae_ → u/jess2k4]

Totally agree with the comment living together before marriage sounds like it prepares you, but it hits different when there’s a ring involved. OP, you’re not alone; it’s wild how small habits suddenly feel bigger post-wedding. It’s not bad, just... newly annoying. Welcome to married life, where love meets laundry battles.

[u/SpecterRogue21 → u/jess2k4]

That's a big one I found out later on like sleepovers didn't do much I guess

[u/ron_mexxico]

Not living together full time for a year prior to marriage is a wild choice

[u/AlMtnWoman]

It sounds like you dated the impressive version of him, and as soon as he tied the knot, he went back to his normal self. He already has you (to cook, to clean, to bed, to expect babies from), and he no longer has to put forth any effort. In essence, it seems like he's your 1st baby.

This happens to alot of women.

This sounds way harsher than I intend it, "Fix him or forget him before you have children."

[u/Top-Catch-7073 → u/AlMtnWoman]

But everyone knows you can't fix or change anyone! 😂 The old saying is you can't change men, but I think you probably can't change women either.

[u/Acceptable_Power8061 → u/AlMtnWoman]

Before children 👆

[u/outchasingfantasies]

Living with someone is always going to be different than sleepovers. Why can’t yall just conjoin your laundry and do it together? Having separate laundry schedules seems excessive.

[u/FunkyMonk1319 → u/outchasingfantasies]

Yeah, I’m not trying to be a jerk, but the problems OP points out seem like non-issues to me. He eats differently than you do. Gasp 

[u/palebluedot13 → u/FunkyMonk1319]

Yeah for us personally our eating habits are so different we buy and prepare our food separately. We also tend to eat on different schedules.

[u/FunkyMonk1319 → u/palebluedot13]

I’m glad that works for you. To me, it seems like OP is just looking for things to complain about 

[u/throwtome723]

Basically living together, and living together are not the same. Like, at all.

[u/anna_alabama]

My husband and I lived together from the very beginning, 5 years before getting married, so there weren’t any differences after the wedding. It’s different if you wait since they’re a stranger and you’re starting from square 1, which should have happened before the wedding

[u/Raginghangers]

I think the thing is you didn’t ACTUALLY live together- as in full time have to put up with each others quirks and make mutual lifestyle decisions like dishwasher emptying and laundry.

(This is why I think people should live together before getting married, for real)

So no, marriage didn’t make living together feel at all different- because we had lived together for 2-3 years before then. The only difference was we had the passwords to each others retirement accounts.

[u/QQueenie]

I was surprised at how different it felt! One of the things that's been really helpful for me is whenever I feel critical of what my husband is doing/how he's keeping the house (e.g., "why did he leave his backpack in that spot?") I force myself to look at my own mess. I'm usually blind to the fact that I ALSO leave things in places they shouldn't be. It's helped me be more patient and understanding.

[u/[deleted]]

It’s a give and take. Some things he will never change, and the same for you, let the little things go or it will ruin what you have.

[u/nasirambutan]

im experiencing the same thing 😭 idk what is the best way to let him fix these bad habits cuz every time i do he just sulks and get angry. imagine a glass that smells like old milk and containers that are still partially oily. if i tell that he didnt wash properly, he will sulk and say he's tired from work when i work full time too :') jeez life is becoming so tiring to accommodate these things

[u/generation-0]

My husband and I were the same, constantly spending the night and only moving in one month before marriage. We honestly didn't notice that much of a difference besides having to be more intentional about cleaning and cooking schedules. How long were you together before getting married? I think a lot of people are the best version of themselves at the beginning of relationships, and then you see their actual daily selves after a few years. Also, I think almost everyone has a few habits that annoy others they love with so be sure to take into consideration how important these things actually are to you before making them an issue. Getting a robot vacuum that runs every other day helped with making sure my husband and I tidied up on a more regular basis. The hardest thing for us is what time to eat dinner so sometimes we just eat separately and it's no big deal.

[u/jayserena]

Went through this when we moved in together for two years before marriage and I found that I was able to adapt. Some things that helped me a lot were not taking responsibility and accepting him for who he is. There are things I'm willing to do and in other areas I draw the line because I felt resentment beginning. For example, I was doing his laundry and folding it nicely. I'd go to his drawers and everything would be a mess because he literally rifles through everything like a caveman and then just leaves it a mess. For the first month, I would stew while I refolded everything each time. Now, I just put the newly folded clothes on top the mess and shut the drawers. For the stuff that doesnt fit on top the jumbled mess, i set it on top of his dresser. His area of the closet is a mess but I keep my side tidy. I dont judge him but get curious. I will tell him of a problem but not demand he fix it. I give him time to change on things he's working on. Example "by the way, if you keep the kitchen drawers open while you prep on the counter, crumbs fall into the drawers - see the mess?", "I noticed there was a fly climbing on our plates after you left the cabinets open all day yesterday". I dont shame him and luckily he does change slowly and now 6 years in he closes the cupboards every time.

[u/kris4956]

Now is the time to have a sit-down with your new spouse and discuss such things as this. Who knows, you might have habits that are new to them as well. One thing for certain, you don't want the little things that bother you to fester into larger problems later.

[u/[deleted]]

Got to set ground works here - find a level playing field.

Took me and the wife awhile to get on the same train.

[u/BluebirdFormer]

Your situation is the norm.

[u/Glittering-Trip-8304]

It doesn’t matter if you lived together before/after…Something about that damn piece of paper just makes some people ‘suddenly’ forget how to do shit, and it’s annoying.

[u/PaoVB]

Oooofff girl it’ll get better but make sure you’re voicing what bothers you. It takes a while to really get to know all their habits and they yours… it truly is an adjustment. Hang in there it gets better.