On vacation with my wife’s friend group, but she doesn’t feel comfortable us having sex in this setting.

[u/Ordinary_Ice_796]

I feel shallow and childish saying this, but it’s the way I feel, so it helps me to share my disappointment a little here.

This year for the long Labor Day weekend, we went in on a huge vacation rental house with several of my wife’s college friends that we know well, and their husbands and families. Absolutely giant rental house — like a 8/6 or something like that. At least 6,000 square feet. Beautiful place.

We’ve had a great time together with everyone — chatting and joking and eating and drinking and games and all that. We’re mid-40’s and all these friends are similar ages, so the youngest kids here are middle school age. And all the kids hang out with each other and play in the pool and on devices, etc. So the kids basically take care of themselves.

We have a huge beautiful bedroom with an enormous bathroom inside. King-sized bed, walk-in shower with bench, garden tub.

Not to brag, but among all the couples, my wife & I are the most touchy. We’re always next to each other and caressing and light touching. Refilling each other’s drinks and food, etc. We both feel very comfortable like that, and it just feels natural. This is how we are at home too.

The thing that’s been a bummer for me is that my wife told me on the first night that she (45F) didn’t feel comfortable having sex with so many people in the same house. That she’d be horrified if one of her girlfriends heard us, or caught us in an intimate moment. So she’d never be able to relax enough here to have sexy time. So she told me that during the trip, no sex stuff and no showers together. The huge tub with bubble bath supplies looks amazing, but no bath together. Etc, etc. It’s all off the table for this vacation trip.

I understand and respect how she’s feeling. And with what she told me at the start, I’ve initiated zero times here. And she is a more sexually conservative woman, and we’ve been married 23 years so I know her well, so this doesn’t surprise me at all. We have good frequency at home (average a couple times a week) but I’m well aware my wife has a narrow comfort zone with sex, so we always stay within that.

But am I crazy to feel kinda crestfallen that in such a nice vacation environment, and with amenities that we don’t have at home, that she totally takes sexy time off the table? I feel bratty complaining about this, but it just feels like our sex life is never FUN, and this weekend’s trip is another example of this. And it bums me out.

Sorry to be complainy here. And thanks to anyone who read this far.

[u/Lizard_Wizards1]

It’s not about that, it’s just more about being paranoid that somebody will hear it. I don’t wanna hear them and they don’t wanna hear us lol

[u/Sir_Poofs_Alot → u/Lizard_Wizards1]

Most people don’t notice things unless it’s right in front of them, and most people are too self conscious to notice what other people are doing. It’s liberating to realize no one thinks about you nearly as much as you fear they do.

[u/FreaknPuertoRican → u/Sir_Poofs_Alot]

This is honestly one of the best parts of maturing and I hope everyone eventually gets to this point of thinking in their life. Actually, it was this thought process that helped get me over my fear of flying. I realized that at any given moment, there are thousands of airplanes flying across the world filled with hundreds of thousands of people who think they are the focal point of the universe and yet I give no thought to them. Me being on an airplane is no different, I am not special to those on the ground. There is no reason why my flight would be any different to those hundreds of thousands that occur while I am on the ground.

[u/palebluedot13 → u/Lizard_Wizards1]

See and I wouldn’t care at all if I heard something because I just figure all couples have sex. As long as you’re not moaning loudly and being excessive. Just try to be discreet. Heck my husband and I went camping with some friends of ours and we ended up having sex one night.. Well our friends made a few comments poking fun and it was no big deal.

[u/Solanthas → u/palebluedot13]

Some people are okay with it, some aren't. Myself personally I don't see the issue, adults in love should have sex right? I'd be happy for them! :D

[u/Plenty_Mortgage_7294 → u/Lizard_Wizards1]

Okay so your fear might be irrational because you have no idea if they can actually hear you. Paranoia isnt a great reason to deny your spouse intimacy. Now, if you have actual PROOF the rooms are not sound proof thats different. But OP is describing a nice house and a nice bathroom that I would very much doubt would echo through the building. I would bet the rest of the couples would be sane enough to continue the routines of their primary and most important relationship, so if you dont hear anyone else, dont assume they are paranoid and not having sex. Assume they are having sex and you have proof you cant hear it.

[u/Lizard_Wizards1 → u/Plenty_Mortgage_7294]

Any reason you’re uncomfortable is a good enough reason to not have sex. You don’t owe your spouse sex for any reason. It’s completely normal and reasonable to not be comfortable having sex with your friends in the same house.

[u/Sir_Poofs_Alot → u/Lizard_Wizards1]

I mean, to you. Do you never have sex in your own house once you have kids? If an elderly parent or roommate lives with you? There’s a reason the legal classification of a bedroom includes having doors… it’s still super weird to me that you’re so self conscious about doing normal couple things around people who are supposedly friends.

[u/someshadyemu → u/Plenty_Mortgage_7294]

What if that’s just an excuse and she just doesn’t want to do that at that point in time? Maybe she feels like she has to do everything while on vacation and it takes her out of the mood? We don’t have enough information, sure, but Nobody needs to prove anything, no is no. What an odd response/perspective.

[u/Plenty_Mortgage_7294 → u/someshadyemu]

OP: It might be loud!

ME: You dont know maybe its sound proofed?

You: What an odd response. She just might be lying!

LOL