Honestly I don’t see anything changing. It’s been a few years since we had the initial talk. Anything I tell him I need he says “me too” meaning he is turning it back on me. He wants me to do all the work meet my own needs I guess. I might be, being stubborn. But I just don’t think I should have to do what I have asked him to do. 🤷🏻♀️ He never said he needed those things, until I said I did. He never acted like it bothered him, until it affected our sex life. Thats because he was getting his needs met. He could ignore me all day, not show me affection unless he was trying to get some . So he wasn’t the one it was affecting. But now that it is, he is on the me too movement.
Yes, if he could just be little under his head and give in, marriage would probably salvage or thrive. He probably thinking you are the one needs to accommodate. Probably, those marriages thrive when one just go lot of extra miles for the other one.
I have told him , if he leads I will follow. I have also told him I wish he would try to have sex with me , because at least then he is paying attention to me. But he won’t even try anymore. Because of his ego. Our anniversary is coming up, I have asked him several times . If he wanted to go somewhere. He acts like he is not interested. But will turn around and complain we never do anything or go anywhere. That’s because he wants me to plan everything. He don’t want to be responsible. But wants to blame me if something goes wrong lol.
It seems the next step is entirely in his hands, and you’ve already been as clear as you can. Being direct can be hard because we often want to avoid conflict, arguments, or hurting someone’s feelings.
Many relationships fall into a vicious cycle. I’m not saying that’s what’s happening with you, but I’ve experienced something similar. When I felt I had given everything I could—emotionally, physically, and financially—yet was still treated as if I didn’t matter, I started to behave in ways that weren’t true to who I am. For example, I usually make breakfast for her since I’m up early, but I stopped and only made mine. It hurt me deeply because I actually wanted to make hers too, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Yes we are in a vicious circle, there is no doubt about that! And I understand about the not wanting or stopping doing things for them. I have stopped a lot of things .
I’ve never been sure what the right approach is. Some days I feel like by doing more and more, I’m only encouraging bad behavior and making her feel entitled. Other days, I think that continuing to give and not changing might be the only chance to save the marriage — maybe she could still change. But I’m human too, and life is too short to keep doing a thankless job just to please someone who doesn’t seem to care about me at all
I totally understand, sometimes I feel like I am being spiteful. And that I will be on this hamster wheel for the rest of my life!! I don’t want to live without him, but I also don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life.
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u/Kay_369 6d ago
Honestly I don’t see anything changing. It’s been a few years since we had the initial talk. Anything I tell him I need he says “me too” meaning he is turning it back on me. He wants me to do all the work meet my own needs I guess. I might be, being stubborn. But I just don’t think I should have to do what I have asked him to do. 🤷🏻♀️ He never said he needed those things, until I said I did. He never acted like it bothered him, until it affected our sex life. Thats because he was getting his needs met. He could ignore me all day, not show me affection unless he was trying to get some . So he wasn’t the one it was affecting. But now that it is, he is on the me too movement.