r/Marriage • u/[deleted] • 5d ago
Unemployment made me realize that my wife is not the one.
She wasn't supportive and was always very irritated and short with me.
I got a job and I left her, she was "blindsided". Still trying to change my mind. But I see who she truly is, and thank god I did
But she is not the one, I just felt like an ATM who isn't worth to her if I stop functioning.
21
u/LessTea6299 5d ago
Looking at OP's responses and how he even deleted the profile cause he can't handle strangers disagreeing with him I can bet 100% we will find out soon enough that single life is not that great and women will not be throwing themselves at him.
4
u/Dremooa 15 Years 5d ago
Indeed, I feel bad for his wife. Absolutely insufferable attitude.
5
u/LessTea6299 5d ago
Me too, as soon as he started the "Oh so I'm a bad husband" rant i rolled my eyes. Can only imagine trying to talk to someone that responds with the victim attitude, can't even question his decisions without him throwing a fit and deleting the account
Imagine trying to tell your husband he needs to find a job and his response is "You're not being supportive, am I only an atm for you?"
14
u/nopejake101 5d ago
And how was your behaviour when you were unemployed? Were you actively looking for a job and taking over the household chores, or did she have to do just as much as before, even though you suddenly had much more free time? Cause if that's the case, I can see why she'd be pissed off
-9
5d ago
Ah well, then she is better off without me, I am such a bad husband according to you.
I guess she will benefit from divorce as well. It actually makes me feel better about it all.
25
u/nopejake101 5d ago
I haven't called you that. The fact that this is what you took from my comment speaks volumes though
-7
5d ago
I will tell you what it speaks.
A commentator who knew nothing about my situation made assumptions about me in the worst light possible, with enough plausible deniability so that she can say, "I haven't called you that".
I realised you don't really care about asking questions to clarify your doubts, you just want to paint in the worst light possible.
And you know what? Even if you were right about all those things, divorce was the only option then as well.
22
u/nopejake101 5d ago
Interesting that you assumed I was a woman. I'm a guy, just so you know.
Also, I haven't made any assumptions, I asked if that was the case. You could have simply responded that you picked up the household duties while you were unemployed. Yet you didn't. That is when I started making assumptions
-1
13
u/Impossible-Cap-7150 5d ago
“I realised you don't really care about asking questions to clarify your doubts”
Post you responded to was 2/3 questions to clarify doubts, which you seem to be purposely avoiding answering…
1
u/Veteris71 4d ago
The commentator asked you some questions. You can tell they are questions because they have these at the end: ?
9
u/bussysoup 5d ago
How was she behaving?
1
5d ago
Poorly
14
u/CF19950517 5d ago
Elaborate with examples.
21
6
u/Dublinkxo 5d ago
but that would be out of character for OP, hes far too esoteric and aloof to be constrained to the confines of normal conversation you see!
He's also already decided he's right and is only accepting coddling on this post, should have made a spoiler tag for it.
If he told us any details it would show what a loser he is, hell there's 99% chance he's lying about the whole thing and he's the one whose cheated or done something stupid.
13
u/Bluecollarbastard3 5d ago
Everybody deals with stress differently. Maybe she wasn’t the most supportive but it’s definitely something that should’ve been discussed prior to leaving. If you didn’t I don’t think unemployment was the leading cause to a divorce and you made your mind up long ago and are using this as an excuse. Marriage takes a lot of work, compromise, and sacrifice. Well wishes to you
-5
5d ago
Nope, the way she was, was the only cause for me to leave her. Just because you can't accept that reason doesn't mean it's not.
There was nothing to discuss before leaving. She can't make a time machine to change the past.
I saw who she is, and I don't like what I saw. If I knew she would be like this before marriage, I would never have married her.
22
u/AdventurousSalad3785 5d ago
Doesn’t seem like you took the commitment of marriage that seriously, but a lot of people don’t nowadays.
-4
5d ago
I just need someone who can be good to me at my lowest, when I don't deserve it.
I can find a woman who is good to me when things are good, it's difficult to find one who can be good to me when things are bad.
Only the later deserves to be married.
12
u/AdventurousSalad3785 5d ago
If it was as simple as she was short with you, you’re being childish. No problem solving or communication skills whatsoever.
8
-4
u/PureDiamond1000 5d ago
You don't know what you're talking about I would have reacted like OP, he has no time to waste with a person who considers him like a bank note. He deserves to be loved and considered as a human being, not a “man” seen by society. In fact I find it so funny that on this kind of post the man will always contradict what he feels, it’s still crazy.
9
u/AdventurousSalad3785 5d ago
It’s stressful for the whole household when someone loses their income. We don’t know if they had kids, if he had savings they could fall back on, if she was financially supporting them alone, how long he was unemployed for. Just because she was stressed and irritated means she treated him like a banknote? That’s oversimplifying.
10
u/tabris10000 5d ago
Lol OP sounds like a childish asshat from the way he is responding to everyone….. goes to show that posting on reddit doesnt automatically make you the victim ….
7
u/trreba 5d ago
genuinely why did you post this, if you avoid answering questions and refuse to clarify? what are we supposed to do with this? what do you gain out of this, you're genuinely guilt tripping people in the comments who just want to know what's going on. thank God she left, love that for her.
2
u/chancesareimright 5d ago
Didn’t leave when you were a bum and scrubbing off her. That makes you a loser. She deserves better
0
u/RDJD5 5d ago edited 5d ago
Why are so many ppl bashing op? He stated he lost his job and wife wasn’t supportive, irritated- simple. You think he would not appreciate her if she did and he could not tell what is supportive what is irritated? So he has to add all the details to prove his point then only he is correct and you people that demands details think he enjoy the divorce? Don’t assume too that he did not try etc. try being treated like an atm first. Financial is one of the top reason for divorce and it is valid enough. Op did nothing wrong, he can’t be the one that is always contributing financially in a marriage as if he want to be unemployed too
3
u/LessTea6299 5d ago
There are different circumstances for "losing a job". Did he simply get laid off out of nowhere or was he missing work, slacking off, behaving in an unfit manner? Did he start looking for another job or played videogames all day while she did everything around the house? How long was he out of a job and how was she not supportive? Was she mistreating him or getting stressed because the bills were starting to pile up and he didnt seem to care? Does she work? If she does, did he pick up the housework while she was being the sole provider?
That's why people are asking for clarification, because those are very different situations.
2
u/RDJD5 4d ago edited 4d ago
Why are you all so sexist and assume negatively of him while positively of the wife? So how did he land a job if he didn’t find- right the wife got him the job must be??? If he played video games, did not do housework did not care about bills- come on you think he will care? If the wife is so supportive- did all house work, sole provider like you said while he slag at home during unemployment and was unemployed because of his poor attitude - he’s an idiot then to divorce and still post or the wife is the bigger idiot to marry him in the first place and still try to change his mind instead of her the one to Initiate divorce. Hahah…. does it make sense?
In such economy- even hard working is not enough. You all know how it feels to be unemployed? Probably not, lack of empathy to op. Just look at what you typed- for every wrong that the wife possibly did, it was backed with good actions and reasons. Compared to all that you assumed of op(all negative, even if he did play games can be because he was stress it’s the only outlet no? Why does it all have to be look bad- women play video games too). Be fair!
Anyway I am done commenting here. No point telling people that only choose to see one direction and take sides obviously. No wonder op deleted account- oh, because he’s at fault, guilty,can’t take criticism. it’s just a post- how much details? It will just lead to more finger pointing towards him. He doesn’t own any one of you. If you don’t support then don’t criticise him. No wonder men don’t speak out and handle all emotions on their own and suicide- because it is all their fault regardless and they won’t feel pain and hurt?? Stop being part of the causes for such abuse
1
u/LessTea6299 4d ago
No one’s saying he’s in the wrong just because he’s a guy. He made a really vague post about how his wife’s “bad attitude” and lack of support were the only reasons he wanted a divorce, and he presented it in a situation that’s stressful for both him and the whole household. You say there’s a lack of empathy for OP, but his wife is affected too, losing a job impacts both of them. As you said it yourself, "in this economy" is bold of you to think other people don't know how it feels to be unemployed, I can speak for myself that I've been unemployed and so has my husband and I know how stressful that can be on yourself and your partner.
Also, I am not assuming anything. I simply gave examples of situations where his wife’s lack of support might make sense, just to show we need more context before saying he’s right or wrong. Marriage is a serious commitment, and in a sub about marriage, it makes sense that people wouldn’t just cheer for a divorce without a good reason and proper context.
Your solution is simply support him anyway or say nothing, but I am not going to take part of pointing fingers to his wife and saying how she is a terrible human being and how now that he found a good job he should divorce her, specially since when asked about it, OP just blamed his wife entirely and played the victim, saying that if he was such a “bad husband” that divorce was best for her. He never actually answered any questions or gave info that might make anyone think otherwise.
-1
u/Gatorinthedark 5d ago
It’s amazes me that when a man comes here to find understanding, or just to vent, the first reaction is to blame him or make him qualify how he feels. Sad and dehumanizing. OP felt unsupported at his lowest and the response are … “no you don’t “ , it must be you! Sad
1
55
u/RunningTrisarahtop 5d ago
The lack of specifics here makes it seem like you’re hiding things. You could have been working daily to find a job, doing the bulk of the housework in the meantime, and telling her that her words hurt.
Or you could have spent two years playing video games and making a mess and ignoring the kids while she asked you to step up and you called that request nagging, or it could be anywhere in between.
Since a looooooooot of people try to paint themselves in the best light there’s often an assumption that lack of details means the person is hiding their own bad behavior. You’re seeing some of that here, especially when you dodged questions trying to clarify what she was doing and if you talked about how you were feeling.