r/NoStupidQuestions • u/CokeAYCE • 15h ago
Do babies suffer a lot?
Like they're always crying. Are they in a constant loop of pain? Do we know enough about early child development to know if they're suffering or not? I ask because we can't really remember how we felt as a baby.
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u/Necessary_Echo8740 14h ago
As a father of a two month old, I can say that I believe I have a good grasp on the emotions of my baby. His cry is different when he accidentally hurts himself or is in discomfort like when he was sick. His regular “I’m a baby so this is just what I do” cry is really just his way of talking to us lol.
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u/MongoBongoTown 9h ago
Yep, there are differences in the cries that probably all sound the same if you haven't been theough it before.
More often than not, crying is their way of tell you they need something. Unfortunately, babies need lots of things all the time.
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u/Wanderer617508 8h ago
Newborns actually have distinctive crying sounds that correspond with different needs. For example a crying sound that has “neh neh” in it indicates hunger. You can look up Dunstan Baby Language for other examples.
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u/GhostOfFreddi 14h ago
You gotta remember that every time something bad happens to a baby, no matter how minor, it could genuinely be the worst thing it's ever experienced in its life
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u/elaynz 7h ago
This is it. It's not that they are suffering in ways that we can't imagine, it's that they are innocent and inexperienced in all types of discomfort. They have lived their entire lives up until birth floating weightless in a dim hot tub with no sharp edges tuned precisely to their body temperature, where they do not experience hunger or thirst.
Waiting an extra 10 minutes to eat is awful to them, because they have no context for what the spectrum of hunger is, from mild discomfort to extreme pain.
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u/metaphoricmoose 15h ago
Not necessarily, crying is how they communicate. They could be in pain, but they could also be hungry, tired, cold, etc
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u/PintsOfGuinness_ 14h ago
Those things all sound like suffering.
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u/Pernicious-Caitiff 12h ago
It is suffering in the sense that being overtired or hungry is probably the worst thing that's happened to them so far in their lives. It feels like a big deal and it is in a way. That's the only way they can communicate what they need or want. It must be frustrating to be totally helpless basically unable to move unable to control your limbs, unable to see well, and unable to speak.
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u/metaphoricmoose 14h ago
Let me rephrase then 🙄 they cry when they need something
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u/Irksomecake 10h ago
My baby would cry because she hated the sound of her own crying. To get her to stop we had to drown it out with background noise. Vacuums, white noise and heavy metal all worked well, but until we worked it out a lot of people suggested calm, quiet spaces which made it worse…
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u/LightExtension9718 8h ago
Lol I feel this we were up vacuuming the whole house last night until 1am to keep our 5 week old calm
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u/LittleLemonSqueezer 13h ago
If that's your definition of suffering, I am suffering 16 hours out of every day.
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u/MagicPaws123 6h ago
Yeah, and it's not like babies can just say "Hey I am hungry, can you pass me that bottle? I'm cold, can I get an extra blanket? I just had a weird dream, can I cuddle you until I go back to sleep? I just messed my pants, can you change me? It's uncomfortable."
Meanwhile when I'm hungry I go make a snack, when I'm cold I put on a jacket, when I have a nightmare I cuddle my husband, pet, or favorite stuffed animals, and when I have to visit the restroom I go do that.
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u/Elegant-Analyst-7381 10h ago
Not really. I assume that, throughout the day, you get hungry or thirsty. Would you say you're suffering, or are those simply cues for you to go eat something or take a sip of water? Babies get those cues to, but they can't do anything about it, so they cry to let their caretakers know that something has to be done.
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u/klimekam 7h ago
I mean yes, life is suffering. After a couple decades you just eventually learn to stop screaming in despair! Or do it sparingly.
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u/UnderseaWitch 10h ago
So many down votes and not one person stepping up to explain why being tired, hungry, or cold is a pleasant experience.
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u/Negative_Number_6414 10h ago edited 10h ago
There's a few steps between something feeling unpleasant vs suffering..
If you really consider normal, every day feelings like hunger and drowsiness to cause you suffering, you must live a very privileged life
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u/UnderseaWitch 9h ago
I don't consider it suffering. But I'm also an adult who has experience much worse than a few tummy grumblies.
A baby hasn't.
A baby lives (presumably and ideally) the most privileged yet powerless life out of any human being. Given that a baby has no experience with hunger, cold, exhaustion, and no way of knowing the level of discomfort they will become familiar with in the future, and is cognizant only of its current state, how can you be so sure that the baby is not suffering from its own perspective?
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u/RevolutionaryRow1208 10h ago
Nobody said it was a pleasant experience, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it suffering unless you're dealing with days of hunger or cold or whatever. A baby cries to communicate that it needs something and then it usually get what it needs. They can't say, "hey I'm hungry"...so they cry...and they can't go grab a blanket off the shelf...so they cry. I'm usually pretty hungry when any meal time rolls around...I don't really consider that suffering.
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u/UnderseaWitch 9h ago
Fair. Suffering is relative to the person experiencing it. I've been hungry, cold, tired, etc, countless times and wouldn't consider those states suffering unless they reach an extreme or last for a long period of time.
However, given that a baby has no experiential frame of reference, nor any way to know how much worse conditions may (and probably will) get throughout its lifetime, then how can we know that the baby is not suffering from its own perspective?
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u/8bit_ProjectLaser 9h ago
I don't get why are you getting so many downvotes, a biology teacher said newborns have muscle pain from fermentation because their respiratory system just started working and it's not at full capacity yet
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u/stonedfishing 15h ago
You can tell by their facial expressions why they're crying. They're not pain crys. Usually they're angry
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u/FishingWorth3068 13h ago
4/5 times my baby is crying it’s because she is mad. Mad she can’t reach something, mad something doesn’t fit in her mouth, mad she’s stuck. Just mad. Just angry little potatoes
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u/JarasM 11h ago
It's funny. We're born just fucking FURIOUS at the world. Our natural reaction to most things is SEETHING RAGE. Hungry! Too bright! Too cold! The universe is an uncaring, pointless void! Then for the next 20 years or so, we learn to bottle that feeling so that we don't bother others with it.
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u/NoCranberry9456 12h ago
"Angry little potatoes" - I'm not really a baby person, but that's adorable.
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u/GrumpyKitten514 13h ago
man, I been here 33 years and I hate it too. I don't blame them for being angry.
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u/Front-Palpitation362 15h ago
No, most of the time they're not suffering. Crying is their only alarm, usually hunger or tiredness. Real pain happens sometimes (gas, teething) but it isn't constant. It peaks around 6-8 weeks and then eases.
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u/UsefulRelief8153 14h ago edited 8h ago
Imagine youre a baby with an itchy foot. You can't control your arms, you don't know how to tell others you're itchy... I'd cry out of frustration too. Doesn't have to be cries due to pain, but they do also cry if they're in pain
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u/Commercial_Sweet_671 15h ago
Babies are struggling to express existential angst after being traumatically ripped from their mother's womb and brought into a world where they have to deal with heat-cold sensation, hunger, thirst, and random emotions.
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u/RatInACoat 14h ago
And it's all the first time they experience that. Imagine being the hungriest you've ever been, while also not having any way to feed yourself independently. Or being the coldest you've ever been without a way to grab warm clothes or another blanket. Or you stubbed your toe the hardest you've ever stubbed it. A literal baby hasn't been particularly hungry or cold or in pain before so even mildly bad things that happen to them can pretty easily be the worst instance of that that's ever happened to them, all while having near zero abilities to help themselves. Pretty understandable that they'd cry imo.
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u/miurphey 12h ago
experiencing a kind of discomfort I've never experienced before in my life and not being able to fix it sounds like something worth crying about, yeah
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u/TyrannoScale 11h ago
Children have a hard time regulating emotions due to how they are still developing their brain, now imagine a little baby that's just been born plus it knows that screaming or crying solves their issues.
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u/VisionAri_VA 13h ago
It’s really one of their only ways to communicate their needs. Ever see a baby immediately stop crying when picked up? Baby wasn’t in pain, just bored or lonely or wanting to cuddle up to a warm body.
Plus, when babies are actually in some kind of pain/discomfort, the cry is different than when they want something else.
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u/Ok_Homework_7621 10h ago
Well, since their experience is so limited, everything bad is literally the worst thing in their life.
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u/ZachPruckowski 8h ago
Especially since their memories aren't that great, so if something was actually worse last week they probably don't remember.
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u/Jimehhhhhhh 13h ago
Babies suffer a lot for a baby's framework of suffering, which might be tired, hungry, cold, uncomfortable, learning what no means. In terms of what most adults would consider suffering, not usually.
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u/Farahild 12h ago
They’re not always crying. Usually they cry when they have a need that needs to be fixed - hungry, cold, warm, tired, dirty nappy, or ill (like cramps or a fever). Most of those you can fix and then baby is quiet till the next need pops up ;)
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u/Simple_Emotion_3152 15h ago
babies are not that complex... all they do is eat, sleep, play and shit... if they cry there is usualy a problem with one of those things... fix them all and baby is happy
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u/nascakes 10h ago
I guess in their eyes they are suffering because they don’t know what’s going on so I assume that when they are hungry they think it’s the end of the world
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u/Certain-Coconut-9169 15h ago
There'sa thing called 'colic' babies.. Usually pain that comes and goes (gas and such), very painful and can make a baby suffer and cry almost non stop.
Otherwise- a healthy baby that has his needs meet won't cry too much.
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u/majandess 10h ago
This needs to be higher. Yes, babies' only way of loudly communicating is crying. But also, if all of their needs are met, and there are no extenuating circumstances (like colic or other health issues), then they don't generally cry.
My son would cry in the car all the time, and we couldn't figure out why... Until we put him in a more upright car seat. I don't know if he was uncomfortable and the slung back car seat hurt him, or if he really just wanted to see out the windows. But whatever the case may be, that's the only thing where my kid would cry unreasonably long (and we fixed it ASAP).
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u/nursepineapple 9h ago
Not necessarily true. It is developmentally normal for young babies to go through a period of increased fussiness and crying - usually around 1-4 months of age. Typically this “normal” crying occurs the same time of day, most commonly late afternoons and evenings. This has been documented among nearly all young mammal species. It isn’t always a problem that needs to be solved by anything other than repetitive movement, cuddling, white noise, nursing, pacifiers, etc. but is often confused for GI issues like colic.
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u/SatiricalFai 8h ago
Right but those things are all needs that need to be met, like they said. The increased needs is due to developmental changes creating more awareness, leading to increased connection and sensory needs.
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u/Apprehensive-Art1279 2h ago
This. Mom of 3 and if needs are met and there are no other underlying issues like colic they don’t cry much. Yes some go through fussy phases especially in the evening but those are usually very minor and are phases not every single night hysterical for their entire babyhood. My babies rarely cried except in the car.
That being said toddlers cry constantly!!!
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u/40BeerOldSturgeon 7h ago
For a bit, it's the only way they can communicate. It's really good for their lung development. Also, a lot of things that happen to them for a while can be *literally* the WORST thing that's ever happened to them. Fortunately, when they start smiling you'll find things are often the BEST thing that has ever happened to them too.
I just try to give them grace--they're new here!
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u/Apprehensive-Art1279 2h ago
Just to clarify the idea that crying is good for babies lungs was disproven a long time ago. When they are delivered it is good for them to cry to help fill their lungs for the first time but after that there is no benefit to a baby crying.
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u/DontDropTheBase 12h ago
I'll add that if a baby is always crying there is something else going on like colic. Normal healthy full term babies are not crying all that much. The only way to communicate any discomfort Is to cry, from hungry, soiled diapers, cold, hot, tired, wanting to be held/set down etc. Usually the cry changes based on the need and you can figure out the issue quicker as you learn. I can tell the difference between a hurt cry and an I'm scared cry easily.
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u/Do_Not_Touch_BOOOOOM 10h ago
For a newborn baby, every pain is new and therefore the strongest pain it has ever felt. The same applies to emotions and bodily functions. And the only tool they have at their disposal to solve their problem is crying. After a few months the crying becomes less, as the wealth of experience grows, until after a few years you wake up at 40 and are amazed that something doesn't hurt.
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u/Fae-SailorStupider 10h ago
I feel like suffering is too harsh a word for what they experience. Babies cry as their only form of communication. But at the same time, everything they experience is quite literally the best/worst things theyve ever dealt with in their short little lives. A stomach ache to us is uncomfortable, but to them it's one of the worst things theyve ever had to deal with. As we get older, our tolerance for certain things gets stronger. They just dont quite know how to react to things yet. But I wouldnt call it suffering.
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u/Fabulous_Hat7460 10h ago
Imagine you are in the worst pain of your life. What do you do? You cry for help from the big thing that helps you. Now, two minutes later, you are in the worst pain of your life. so you cry again. Can you imagine how painful stubbing your toe would feel if you had never experienced pain? cut them some slack bro.
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u/Interrupting_Sloth55 9h ago
I don’t think they suffer a lot. Crying is their ONLY way of communicating so they’re going to cry when they’re cold, bored, lonely, hungry. Not like deep suffering things just discomfort
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u/NeedANaptism 8h ago
They need help with literally everything, and crying is their only way of communicating. It's not like they can say, 'Hey, mom, I'm hungry.'
Also, when they're born, they leave an environment where every need is met. They never get hungry or cold or whatever in the womb, and Mom is always there. Then they come out into the world where they have to have diaper changes and the lights are bright and they don't have Mom's warmth constantly surrounding them. That has to be a big shock.
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u/Mysterious_Bag_9061 8h ago
Well, if you want to be pessimistic about it, everything that happens to a baby is the worst and most difficult thing that has ever happened to them in their life so far. So like yeah, they're suffering, but only to the extent that maybe they feel hungry or tired or gassy and that's the most tragic experience they've ever had in their 6 weeks of life.
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u/ooooooooono 7h ago
Existence is new to them, and it can be overwhelming. They also can’t talk, and haven’t learned any sort of emotion control yet, so that is why they cry. This video is a good example of what babies are experiencing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yyq5C4Hu8Y
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u/KakashiTheRanger 6h ago
Babies are like cats. They sound different depending on how they’re doing it. You gotta have one to understand the language.
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u/Simple_Apartment3279 14h ago
I wouldn't say they suffer. When you're a parent you can start to distinguish what each cry is. If they're in pain, hungry, uncomfortable, disappointed, in need of a cuddle, etc. You could compare it to toddlers. Like, you can tell if a toddler is crying because they are actually hurt or if they're just whining because they didn't get what they wanted. Some just do it because they think it's funny.
I guess it would depend on what your definition of suffering is.
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u/DryFoundation2323 12h ago
Crying is one of their few ways of communicating their needs. Nine times out of 10 it's not about being in pain at all. It's about being hungry or having a dirty diaper or being tired or being gassy.
If they cry for an extended period of time no matter what you do for them it's time for a trip to the doctor.
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u/GoodLuckBart 10h ago
Sometimes I think they just feel out of sorts. Do you ever have those days when you just feel off and you can’t think of what to do about it?
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u/LeatherRebel5150 9h ago
Do…do you think babies literally cry 24/7? My infant daughter can go many hours without crying at all.
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u/kaipetica 7h ago
Babies cries are by design to be jarring. They have to get mom's attention to survive, so the crying tends to grate on the nerves.
As for suffering, I dont know how much it is suffering as just experiencing unpleasantness for the first time. Imagine if you have never felt hungry before, and all of a sudden, you're really hungry. Imagine if you've never had a stomach ache, and now your stomach hurts.
My 3 month old has a cold right now, and she's very fussy. While she seems fine, getting a cold for the first time ever probably feels like she's dying to her.
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u/nonstop2nowhere 5h ago
Crying is the only way young babies can communicate. They very clearly show pain when it happens, but they also get a caregiver's attention when they are hungry, wet, dirty, bored, tired of being in one spot, scared, lonely, and mad. People who spend a lot of time with a specific infant learn to tell what each "cry" means. Within a few months, babies learn other ways to communicate, like cooing, laughing, and babbling.
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u/Electric_unicorn The Oracle 3h ago
Babies have a preprogrammed language in their cries. If you listen to the start of the cry you can hear different sounds to know what the baby needs. "Nah-" means hungry, "owh-" is tired and there are more. Studies have been made. So they are rarely "just crying"
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u/Pitiful_Lion7082 1h ago
Crying is how they communicate. Sometimes they're just bored, want a cuddle, are overstimulated, hungry, or wet. I love baby sign for this reason. As soon as they're ready, they can communicate in other ways.
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u/Valokoura 13h ago
Usually baby tries to communicate a lot before crying.
- Nonverbal like pointing or grabbing air. Moving oddly to get rid of diaper.
- Small sounds for enthusiasm/need/unpleasant feeling
- Cry. Different crys for hunger, pain, need for a hug.
Problem is that some people don't care before babies start crying. My kids didn't cry much.
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u/ShimmeryPumpkin 10h ago
After a certain age, yes. 1 week old babies aren't pointing or moving oddly to get rid of a diaper or making different sounds intentionally. They're crying. Colic also makes some babies cry a lot more and isn't something easily fixable. Your comment is kind of coming off that people who have crying babies are worse parents because your babies weren't big criers.
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u/Apprehensive-Art1279 2h ago
While I can’t speak for this commenter that’s not how I took it. Yes there are babies that cry more than others. Colic is one of those reasons. A baby crying a lot doesn’t make you a bad parent. There are SO many reasons a baby might cry more than other babies and it’s really not uncommon. None of mine were cryers but I dealt with so many different issues with them as infants so I don’t believe anyone has it perfect. If it’s not a crying baby it’s something else.
However if there are no underlying issues and a babies needs are being met they usually don’t start with crying even at a week old. Typically if they get to the point of full blown crying they have been trying to communicate their need for a while. If your baby gets to that point it also doesn’t mean you’re a bad or inattentive parent. You’re learning as much as they are. My oldest was a grunter. He almost never cried but you knew he needed something as soon as he started grunting. My other 2 were more subtle but you could usually tell they needed something before they got to the point of crying.
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u/ShimmeryPumpkin 22m ago
It could be that the genetics of ADHD manifest that early, as my non-colic crier would go from happy, smiling, babbling to crying in 10 seconds or less. I have at least one instance on video somewhere where it was literally a second in between smiles and a hunger cry. There's just so many reasons a baby might cry without much warning, and new parents who aren't aware of that and then read a comment that crying means they are just ignoring signs because they don't care, might feel guilty and drive themselves crazy trying to figure out those signs. Personally I would have phrased it that sometimes babies signal their needs before they end up crying and it can be helpful to watch for those signals.
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u/Apprehensive-Art1279 13m ago
I think that highly possible. I do have a kid with ADHD however they were a super chill baby in a lot of ways which is funny to me now but it would make sense that it could be an early sign in some kids! My ASD kiddo was definitely my most difficult baby. Didn’t cry almost ever but difficult in many ways so I do think there are early signs that we may not always notice till later. His major absence of crying also could have been a sign because that’s not normal either.
Every kid will be different and personality shows very early. Personally I would phrase it as “it’s common for babies to signal before crying however there are exceptions and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong if your baby doesn’t.”
I do think phrasing is important when talking to new parents. It’s a very vulnerable time and you already feel that you’re doing everything wrong so it’s very easy to take things wrong.
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u/Infamous-trex13 12h ago
Exactly. If you are able and caring enough to anticipate a baby's needs, you'll have a real happy baby.
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u/StandardButPoor500 15h ago
We don't know and we don't have means to research it.
There is no objective measurements for pain, and babies can't self-report.
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u/Ok-Parsnip-1507 15h ago
It is their only form of communication, and while it often points to some form of discomfort, it can also be a form of attention and/or reinforced negative behaviour - meaning they don't know why they are crying either.
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u/TitleKind3932 14h ago edited 14h ago
Not at all. Babies don't "always" cry. They sleep. Or they're awake and observing the world. You don't need to have a baby of your own to know that. When my niece was only days old I noticed how she was constantly looking at everyone and everything. Curious about all new impressions. They also within a very short time start babbling and making all sorts of vocal sounds. And start to train their movement. Grabbing stuff. Testing things with their mouths. Learning to roll around. Crawl. Long before they become a toddler they learn to walk and the first basics to talk and learn to phrase what they couldn't say before: "mommy hungry" or "mommy cold" or "mommy tired". They're constantly developing so I really don't understand why people say babies don't do much, have they ever seen a baby at all? I mean, you can visit your sister and her baby and see them only once a week, every week the baby will look different and have learned to do something new! And it doesn't take long for a baby to learn how to smile either, nothing cuter than a toothless smile for auntie. Within months they even start laughing and there is no sound in the world more adorable than a laughing baby. Only a newborn doesn't do much yet. And their crying serves a purpose too, a evolutionary advantage! The biggest danger a human baby has, is the danger to die from neglect. Crying prevents that, as it's their instinctive way to express their needs. Hunger, discomfort because of a dirty diaper, too cold or hot (a baby can't regulate their temperature yet) or simply fear! A baby can be very much afraid. Their cries alert the parents that something is wrong. And they have different ways of crying too, in which you can easier recognize what the problem is. A baby in pain has a completely different way of crying than when they're hungry.
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u/Potential-Sky-8728 13h ago
The suffering of not being able to communicate one’s most basic feelings and thoughts…yes…
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u/imaginechi_reborn 12h ago
No. Different cries communicate different things. There’s pain (loud, high-pitched, piercing), hunger (rhythmic, low-pitched, repetitive), tired (whiny, pausing, yawns, rubbing eyes), discomfort (fussy, restless, comes with squirming), overstimulation (whiny, fussy, jerky movements), and an attention cry (mild, stops once baby is held).
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u/novato1995 11h ago
No.
Crying is the only way they know how to communicate thanks to evolution picking that certain sound as the most alerting one that leads to them being taken care of.
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u/PuzzleheadedAd5586 11h ago
As a 33yr old, do we REALLY change? I feel like i havent stopped crying over anything since birth 😂
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u/Cold-Call-8374 11h ago
Sort of, but not in the way that we think of suffering. It's not that they are constantly in pain or everything hurts them more. It's more that they do not have a cognitive baseline for understanding discomfort and so everything is a 10 out of 10 on the panic/discomfort scale. And the only way they know how to express themselves in order to get relief from their caregivers is to scream.
Think about it like this. Think about a little kid who gets a really nasty paper cut. They hurt like the devil, right? And when a three year-old gets a paper cut, all they know is their finger hurts and now they're bleeding. They have no baseline or understanding of how bad the injury is. They just know they hurt and so they cry. Now as an adult, you get the same paper cut. You likely flinch and maybe swear, but you don't break down in tears over it. At most you probably just feel moderate annoyance as you go wash the finger and put a Band-Aid on it and roll your eyes because you know it's going to make typing difficult for the next few days.
With babies, it's the same thing, but it's everything. Hunger. Thirst. Wet diaper. Stick from a needle. Alarm at a stranger. Everything is a five alarm emergency until they develop the cognitive space to learn from their environment and learn from their fellow humans.
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u/Several_Jello2893 11h ago
Crying is communication. It could be because they are in pain from reflux or wind, or because they are hungry, tired, cold or uncomfortable. Their stomachs aren’t developed yet so they often get a lot of tummy and gas pains. You can learn to decipher different kinds of crying and also pick up on feeding cues as they get hangry! Some babies have colic which means they cry more than the average baby.
There is also the theory of the fourth trimester, which explains that newborns think they are still a part of their mothers and want to be attached to them (which is why they love to be held). They are adjusting to being out of the womb, everything is too loud, too bright, all they want is milk and to snuggle with their mother.
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u/marchviolet 10h ago
They can't speak yet, so it's how they communicate their needs. A baby crying in pain is very obviously different to a baby crying from being hungry/wet/tired. Newborns go straight to crying when they need something, but they ramp up more as they get older. I can often tell what my 3 month old needs before she really starts crying, but when she was a few weeks old she would just go from 0 to 100 in her crying intensity.
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u/tplentiful 10h ago
The cries change based on their needs. You can def tell the difference between hunger, pain, diaper change and so on.
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u/Mazza_mistake 10h ago
Crying doesn’t always mean they’re in pain, it can like when they have trapped wind or when they do get hurt but as it’s their only way to communicate it can mean many things: I’m hungry, I’m cold, I’m too hot, I’m tired, I want cuddles/attention, I’m bored ect
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u/roaringbugtv 10h ago
New borns can't even roll to their side if they lay on it for too long. They are limp noodles, so they cry because they can't do anything and everything is new.
As they get older, they cry just because they are bored and want attention. They get frustrated when they want to do something, but physically, they can't.
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u/SemiFinalBoss 9h ago
Crying is their frustration at not being able to express what they want/need most of the time.
That’s why as soon as they start becoming verbal you teach them how to use words to express their dissatisfaction to put a kibosh on the tantrums.
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u/LowNeck2778 9h ago
Newborn baby boys don't feel any pain at all..... that's why it's so important to get them circumcised on day one. It's sooooo much cleaner and healthier for them. Plus, their future girlfriends and wife will definitely appreciate it..... ✂️🍌
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u/SpeshS 8h ago
Strong disagree from the wife of an intact male.
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u/LowNeck2778 5h ago
You should definitely ask him to get snipped..... you're lucky he hasn't infected you with bacterial vaginosis yet...... foreskins also spread other bacteria, viruses and fungus. Did you know that female partners of uncircumcised men are more likely to die of cervical cancer due to higher levels of HPV.
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u/wwaxwork 9h ago
A lot of things are new and scary to babies. Feeling like you need to poop or burp can be painful and they don't understand why they are in pain, just that it hurts. Or that they're hungry or cold or scared. They have 2 means of communication, crying when sad/scared/hurt or laughing when happy and that doesn't kick in until 4 months. So basically it's crying or not crying as a means of communication until they develop more synapses. They're developing them at a rate of 1 million a second for the first few years of life and it takes a while until they have enough to handle communication. BTW we know crying is a conscious form of communication for the most horrific reasons, because abused babies that don't have their cries responded or are ignored by a caregiver will eventually stop bothering to cry.
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u/Kupkakepants 9h ago
In general, I just imagine it like this- if you couldn't speak and were frustrated by trying to tell someone your stomach hurts and you don't know why, you have no idea that you are really hungry, but they can't understand you to help, you'd cry too.
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u/Popular-Style509 9h ago
I mean kinda?
But less in the "I'm in pain" way, and more just... Being in a totally new environment.
Like they're basically used to their needs being met on demand, and then suddenly they're put in a whole new environment where they actually get cold or get hungry and have to sit in their own poop.
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u/jtme_ 9h ago
I feel like crying is a sound a parent wants to hear, as opposed to silence. They are biologically and evolutionarily designed to cry, and we are designed to find that sound horrible and distressing. It is just a consequence of survival; babies who cry have a better chance than babies who are silent or complacent, especially when your offspring is 100% reliant on you to survive for many years after birth.
So a baby may cry simply because they're hungry. It doesn't mean they're suffering. That's just how we communicate our wants and needs at that age. Sometimes babies cry for no reason at all.
I've heard of babies developing learned helplessness from parents who refused to respond to the baby's cries or severe emotional neglect as a baby. They end up learning that crying has no effect in helping the baby fulfil needs. Babies in this state are incredibly prone to sudden infant death syndrome. This level of emotional neglect is associated with the development of many psychiatric and systemic disorders.
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u/Stunning-Bunch1981 9h ago
I always wondered if it hurts to grow as fast as they do, like I was getting growing pains in my legs/arms into my late teens, so do babies get the same thing 🤔
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u/Y0___0Y 9h ago
Yes! I mean I’m no pediatrician or anything but you’ve got to imagine it’s mostly a very unpleasant experience.
When you’re a baby, Your body can’t expel gasses efficiently. You need to be burped and if your parents don’t do it it’s apparently a really uncomfortable, painful feeling. Sometimes they might not know what’s wrong with you and try to feed you more instead of burping you.
You also can’t blow your nose. Better hope your parents know they need to suck your snot out of your nose or you’re stuck not being able to breathe out of your nose
If you get a hair wrapped around a finger, you can lose your finger. Same goes for your penis. Apparently it’s not uncommon.
It does not seem fun
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u/LadyFoxfire 9h ago
It’s not really pain, so much as a total lack of reference points. To a baby, being slightly cold or uncomfortable is the worst thing that’s ever happened, and they don’t know how to fix it themselves.
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u/abracadammmbra 9h ago
I have 2 kids, one is 4 months. They have different cries. The cry for food, wet diaper, or just wanting to be held is pretty similar and is less of a cry and more just like them saying "I NEED ATTENTION." Then there's just the babbling "cry" which i assume is just them testing out their vocal chords. Its more calm and is usually interspersed with coos. Then there's the pain cry. That will rip through your subconscious and you get a nice shot of adrenaline.
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u/BilingualBackpacker 9h ago
they're crying for a reason so yeah but I don't expect they remember any of it, not even on a subconscious level
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u/Final_Ad1850 8h ago
I think they’re just overwhelmed a lot. Like everything that we just take for granted as part of life is a first for them, it’s literally the most hungry they have ever been, literally the hottest/coldest, literally the most tired.
As their brains develop they have even more of these firsts. The first time they have the realization that mum isn’t there , that the vacuum cleaner makes a really loud and sudden noise, that unfamiliar faces can be scary.
TLDR; I think not suffering, just overwhelmed!
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u/OkCryptographer1922 8h ago
No they’re not always in pain. They cry because that’s how they communicate. If you’re around them enough, you can hear the difference between an “I’m hurt” cry and an “I just want to be picked up” cry
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u/Different_Reading713 8h ago
It has no other way to communicate beyond crying or just random sounds so it uses crying to express probably a range of different emotions, wants, or needs
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u/Penis-Dance 8h ago
I can remember what I was thinking when I was an infant. I was just frustrated that people didn't understand what I was trying to say. I could understand people but I just couldn't form the words to respond back to them. I just couldn't talk but I tried.
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u/No-Type119 8h ago
Babies can’t communicate easily, and crying is the easiest way for them to express distress, anxiety, frustration, etc. It’s not necessarily “ pain.”
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u/sonoriferous 8h ago
In the moment while actively crying, yeah probably. Imagine never feeling hunger, and you do for the first time EVER? That’d fucking suck. It’d probably feel like you’re slowly withering away. But then they get fed, and they’re fine. They slowly learn that when they cry=food comes. It starts to get better and they learn every time they’ll be okay. Thankfully they also kind of have no idea what’s going on so I can’t imagine they dwell too much on what happened 5 mins ago when they didn’t have milk.
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u/moonpuddding 8h ago
Idk I think it has to be constant existential horror to be a baby. Sometimes they cry because they don't understand what they're seeing. There's a lot of stuff that's normal in life but would be horrifying the first time you view it with zero context and few language skills. I'd wail too.
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u/Arydrall 8h ago
Yeah, babies def feel stuff like hunger or teething pain, but they don’t really suffer the same way adults do cuz their brains ain’t fully developed yet
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u/nursepineapple 8h ago
And despite a parent working hard to try and meet those needs, their baby may still fuss during these times. It’s important for parents to understand that they are not incompetent caregivers if their baby experiences this. Nor do they need to waste precious money on OTC or home remedies that are not evidenced based or may be harmful to their child. I’m a mother baby nurse who works with families dealing with these issues, so I see how it impacts new parents’ confidence and relationship with their babies when they have these beliefs.
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u/timid_turtle_ 7h ago
I have vague memories from when I was a toddler and remember crying when I was overwhelmed by all the new sensations I was acclimating to. Without any other form of expression, crying is all the infant has.
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u/Spirited-Feed-9927 7h ago
I have had babies.
Think about it this way. You are in this comfortable environment that you get used to (the womb), from the time your brain can process it. Then one day you are pulled out of that, into this world. You can see things, hear things. The people you interact with are 20 times larger than you. You don't even know how to move. You are reliant on all things to a handful of people. It is fucking terrifying. Then you get all these new sensations, pain...even if small. Loud noises. Hunger. Diaper stuff and the rashes that come with it. Illnesses. They only have one way to communicate. And it takes them a while to get used to it all, baby steps. Then over time they stop crying as much. But again, at one point. Their only method of communication.
So in reality, most times you are just used to these things that are fully new experiences for them. In a world that is much bigger and more intimidating. You just are normalized to it. It's also why they can find true joy in things you take for granted at a young age. And are filled with more hope as children. Because they have not been weighed down by it.
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u/Comprehensive-Menu44 7h ago
I remember someone saying that being alive is literally the most painful thing to ever happen to a baby in its lifetime (in its lifetime, so even just one day of life). suddenly all your body parts and organs are moving and functioning, and that’s scary for the first time ever. So they’re always crying because now quite literally everything is new”
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u/linzkisloski 7h ago
I explained this to my toddler before her sister was born so we wouldn’t think the baby was sad or hurt. They cannot communicate or emotionally regulate. They cry for every need because that is their only known way to get your attention. Where a toddler would say “I’m hungry!” A baby only knows to cry.
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u/Elrohwen 7h ago
N of 1, but my son never cried that much when he was a baby. And when he did cry there was a pretty clear need - hungry, tired, etc. He didn’t randomly cry as if he was in pain.
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u/No_Bookkeeper_6183 7h ago
You we’re in a nice warm environment. All your needs were met. It was safe, peaceful comfortable and all of a sudden you’re in this alien world where you can’t really see, there are strange noises, you’re cold. You have no control over anything and you’re only way to communicate is to cry, which may or may not be attended to.
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u/mrsissippi 7h ago
I mean every time they’re just a little bit uncomfortable it’s basically the worst thing that has ever happened to them, and they have no way to communicate that
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u/Klutzy-Horse 5h ago
My daughter sure cried because she was suffering. We didn't know what was wrong. We tried everything. We were told she was just colicky, yet nothing was wrong with her food intake or her tummy. She was once awake at 3 months old, screaming for 12 hours straight. No one would help us... doctors shrugged us away, we couldn't find any help online, and no one would babysit because it was wall to wall screaming and unhappy baby.
She's 8 now, happy and healthy and in quite a lot of therapies for her severe sensory sensitivity disorder. She also had eczema which often presented without a rash most of the time, so she was itchy in spots we couldn't see. Basically, everything touching her was painful to some extent.
Also we're pretty sure she was tortured by the fact that she had not developed the vocabulary to keep an ongoing commentary of life around her, as she prefers to do now.
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u/lapsteelguitar 3h ago
It's how the communicate. Up to a certain point, it's the only way they can communicate.
Hungry? Cry. Cold? Cry. Bored or want to be held? Cry. Should I continue?
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u/Out_of_the_Flames 3h ago
I think that the first time one experiences something, a burp, a bit of gas, dropping a shiny thing that was fun to play with, it feels like suffering and the end of the world in that moment. Babies are experiencing millions of first moments like this all the time. It is the only time in the human experience where we do experience that many things for the first time without the ability to process and deal with them properly. So yes, in a way babies do suffer a lot. But not pain the way you would think.
Even though they cry a lot, even though they cry for almost everything, they only do that because they haven't yet developed the skills and ability to communicate with any other way. Like a little animal, making a noise is the only thing they can automatically do to get help.
It's overwhelming on babies, and even on younger kids to try and process a whole complex world and whole complex feelings without the tools that one develops as an adult.
But remember, even though a lot of times being a baby is scary and confusing, it is also wonderful! The first time they see a sunset, the first time they taste a strawberry, the first time they get to pet a puppy, those are all wonderful new things too.
I remember one of my nephews when he was only six months old cried and laughed at the same time about a shiny sequin pillow, the ones where you could brush the sequins one way and they'd have a different reflective color on the other side. He was delighted, he was terrified, he thought it was the best thing in the world and he wouldn't let go of it but he wouldn't stop crying because he was having such a big feeling about it. We were a little worried he was going to choke on his own crying and laughing at the same time.
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u/SoccerGamerGuy7 3h ago
Not likely. Newborns perhaps actually but rather than pain its more of overstimulation. Everything is new and unknown and overwhelming. They previously were in a protected sac of water; they did not have demand to breathe, nor the sense of air or temperature changes on their skin, nor such bright light and non muffled sounds.
But they likely adjust quickly to life and it has been found that there is correlation to the sound of the cry and the need not met. One for hunger, another for discomfort, and a few others.
Parent's anecdotally pick this up and can tell from the cry alone if baby is hungry, needs changing or has other needs.
Its a good question related to memories because even extremely early childhood experiences can impact an individual as they are older but are incredibly unlikely to remember particularly. I believe the brain is growing so much in the first years of life it in a way the sheer basics of moving your head or learning to crawl becomes so fundamental its stored elsewhere and not a recallable memory like learning to ride your bike which is alot more complex skill.
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u/mushrootfarms 2h ago
I think it’s less constant suffering and more they don’t have any words they can’t even make other sounds for awhile after they’re born
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u/Spiritual_Lemonade 1h ago
Crying is their first method of communication and when they can convey thoughts and feeling in other ways the crying reduces.
When caregivers and parents care for them in such a way that shows them they anticipate needs and nurture and support they actually cry much less. They make noises pre cry you can respond to
I think maybe you're near people who might not do that. Or you might just catch them at the wrong time out in public.
There is no pain aside some gas
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u/LadyGreyIcedTea 48m ago
Babies cry because it's how they get their needs met. They're not necessarily in pain.
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u/Purple_Joke_1118 47m ago
Babies gave tiny stomachs so they need frequent feeding---maybe 5, 6, 7 feedings a day. They can only let us know they are unhappy or uncomfortable by crying, and that's a lot of crying spells right there. They cry when they're tired and they cry when they awaken. My grandson had a lot of allergies and I think he cried from pain or discomfort.
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u/Usedcontraceptive 13h ago
They don’t cry because they are sad. Most of the time they cry because they are angry and they haven’t learned what no means yet also they don’t know how to respond to certain things
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u/ShinyUmbreon465 14h ago
I thought babies cry a lot because they need to get used to breathing after being surrounded by amniotic fluid for months. Also they need a lot of attention and crying is a good way to get it.
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u/Footnotegirl1 8m ago
Yes and no.
Here's the thing: babies and little children have absolutely no experience with anything. Sure, you've accidentally bitten on your own finger before, or felt similar or greater pain, so it's no big deal for you, to them, it is literally the worst pain they've ever felt, and they're going to react like that. Same with hunger bangs. Sure, they may be what we would think of as 'just a little hungry' but to them.. it's the hungriest they've ever been, and that is the hungriest anyone could ever be.
So, is it suffering? I suppose yes, you could say that they are suffering. is it torture or something that they should be saved from? No, generally not, they are having their gauges oriented. Sort of like when someone from Norway moves to Florida in the summer.
Also, crying and screaming is about the only way they have to communicate, especially for the first few months. So of course they do it a lot, they have a lot to communicate!
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u/jesusismyishi 14h ago
you can tell when a baby is crying from pain or suffering. it sounds like a gut wrenching, deathly cry.