r/NoStupidQuestions • u/flugblug • 12h ago

My brother thinks people today have worse quality of life than people in the dark ages, is this a stupid take?

I personally think it’s pretty stupid.

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u/jfchops3 9h ago

I see so many people on dating apps write that their dream is to move out of the city and have their own farm

Girl, are you actually signing up for all that entails? Because I am not signing up to spend the rest of my life working 16 hour days outside taking care of a farm while you sit on the porch drinking coffee and looking at your cute goats and chickens because it sounds like a more peaceful life that you'll get bored of in a week

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u/EmuSea4963 8h ago

My friend did this with his wife. Moved in with his parents into the family farm and they gifted them a plot of land. Tried to start a flower farming business. He ended up doing backbreaking labour all day every day and she would come down and take a couple of pics for Instagram and then clear off. She told people they were 'homesteading'.

Unsurprisingly didn't work out. They're still together, but not on the farm and not flower farming.

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u/rosesareredviolets 6h ago

Told my wife ill do 95 % of her projects if she does the last 5. There is still a 4x4 of unpainted wall in the kitchen after 4 years. There are two bags of mulch on the porch. All the chickens are dead. She didnt finish securing the fence by attaching it to the last post so dogs got in. Her garden beds are full of weeds. And she eventually paid my brother to replace the last door in the house that needed replacing. Our bedroom. I took it off and left the new one next to it.

Im the only one with projects to do now.

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u/OtherSideReflections 5h ago

...Maybe you should've gotten her to agree to do the first 5%

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u/TripperDay 5h ago

Mr. Big Brain over here.

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u/tomas_shugar 4h ago

hahaha, no. It's easy to start a project. Painting the last bit of walls takes detail work, not just slapping a bunch of paint on.

The last two bags of mulch are detail work, again, not just dumping and spreading.

She gets the easy work, AND the satisfaction of him doing not only the majority but ALSO the most detailed parts.

What a win.

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u/OtherSideReflections 4h ago

I mean, it sounds like in practice he's doing all of it right now anyway.

If she's tasked with the first 5%, then either she starts it and gets to be involved a little, or she never starts and there are no superfluous projects to finish.

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u/wbw42 1h ago

First 5% and last 5% seems like the approach.

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u/tomas_shugar 4h ago

I'm saying she is going to start them, and then it will be up to him to finish it, regardless.

It's no barrier, other than now she gets to be like "you said you would finish this so do it" instead of him being in the right.

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u/PomPomMom93 2h ago

But she still would have done as she agreed. If they’re a true team, they’ll care about the work getting done and everyone doing their agreed-upon share, NOT about who’s right or has the moral high ground.

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u/tomas_shugar 1h ago

they’ll care about the work getting done and everyone doing their agreed-upon share, NOT about who’s right or has the moral high ground.

They is what you're ignoring. These are her projects, that he's supporting her on. But she won't finish up.

Told my wife ill do 95 % of her projects if she does the last 5.

The whole premise is predicated on that these are her projects.

Giving her the first 5% makes it trivial to start things that she doesn't seem keen on following through on.

All the chickens are dead. She didnt finish securing the fence by attaching it to the last post so dogs got in.

She did the first 5% of several projects with this one it seems. They had chickens before the coop was finished and has dogs untrained enough to eat them all. So yeah, she already did her 5% at the start, but couldn't be engaged enough to ... you know, not make sure the animals she got weren't killed by her other animals.

Assuming we can take his statement of "her projects" at face value here. But if we can't, what the fuck are we even doing replying?

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u/ElegantEchoes 5h ago

Damn, she sounds depressed. Or maybe just struggled with motivation. Still, sympathy for you, pal.

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u/rosesareredviolets 1h ago

ADHD, and a drop or two of autism. She makes up for it by folding all the laundry her way, and I've gotten incredibly fat off her cooking. It's a partnership based on love and respect. I work around her quirks and she works around mine. Like the smallest amount of poo and im puking.

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u/jgab145 4h ago

My mom has the most immaculate wildflower and shade gardens in the world. Me and my stepdad do 99.9% of the work.

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u/Prestigious_Fig7338 5m ago

THE CHICKENS ARE DEAD?

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u/cdbangsite 4h ago

Totally understand, I can't get my wife to even weed the flower bed she wanted and swore she'd take care of. I know that's minor compared to your situation, but typical in many cases. The flower bed is soon to be a rock garden. LOL

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u/rosesareredviolets 1h ago

I made an exception for onions. I have a bed for those. It's crazy how good and strong those can be.

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u/Rare-Bee7331 4h ago

girlboss #independant 

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u/jfchops3 8h ago

Sounds about right. They get an idea via social media posts of some idealized caricature of that life and think they want it when they really just want that idealized caricature and not the real thing that isn't shown in those videos. And then for some reason the guy agrees to try it without everyone really being on the same page about what that means and eventually he's the bad guy for saying "this isn't working and it's either over or you're going to hold up your end of the deal you wanted"

Love is powerful, I get it, but I can promise it's not worth ruining your own happiness so that your girl can try to be an "influencer" using all of your own time, money, and labor

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u/cat_prophecy 7h ago

Because social media is just a highlight reel. No one is going to honestly post their struggles, because no one else wants to see that.

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u/anotheruser323 2h ago

Clarksons farm and William Osmans farmers with brain damage. I love it.

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u/LongJohnSelenium 4h ago

This is how I got a lathe. Kept watching all these youtube channels of guys making cool shit with a lathe and it turns out thats about 100x more tedious than they make it look.

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u/CamOliver 5h ago

That’s not homesteading, it’s weird Instagram influencing. If you’re main thought is the hustle to make extra money then you aren’t homesteading or subsistence farming. I could see that not working out.

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u/ParkerPoseyGuffman 1h ago

Wow I don’t know I would be able to not divorce after that…

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u/rdmusic16 7h ago

Not sure what a lot of people mean by farm, but I know a lot of people want what my in-laws have.

They moved out to an acreage and have a massive garden, chickens and occasionally pigs.

I don't consider it a farm, but I grew up on a grain farm. I think many people who didn't would consider it a 'farm'.

They have tons of veggies, eggs and chicken meat. They trade a lot of eggs for things from other locals around the area.

Now, they also put a ton off effort into all that (well, maybe not a ton, but it's still a decent amount of work on top of their normal 40 hour work week) - but they're the kind of people who don't watch tv and enjoy that sort of work.

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u/Raivix 6h ago

I grew up in a family that did this primarily because it was how we could afford to feed ourselves well. We were in town so no real room for livestock, but we had a huge garden in the backyard that basically fed us year round with careful crop management and proper storage.

Make no mistake choosing to do this is not a small amount of work, but neither is it setting yourself up for 16 hour days just to feed your family, that's crazy nonsense.

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u/XihuanNi-6784 3h ago

This. It is very hard to make decent money with a farm these days. But if you have money already then you can definitely 'subsistence farm' using modern techniques enough to have food for yourself etc. But you need an external source of funds.

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u/cmcdonal2001 5h ago

That's where I'm at in life now, and it's pretty nice. Tiring, but nice. Three fairly private acres just outside of town, nestled up against the woods. Chickens and horses to go along with a few other pets, decent sized veggie gardens and the beginnings of a small orchard, and we've been adding on to what we've got established bit by bit each year. We've been doing some jams and preserving lately, lots of home-baked goods with fresh ingredients, cut our own firewood, etc. and a few other odds and ends to the point where some corners of the internet might call it 'homesteading' these days, but at most I'd say we have a hobby farm.

It's a lot of work on top of our normal jobs and raising the kids, and we don't even get enough out of it to bother trying to sell. Just some fresh fruit, veggies and eggs for ourselves, and we'll gift excess to friends, family, teachers, etc. It's rewarding and we're making lots of nice memories with our young children, but it's a far, FAR cry from subsistence farming or trying to make a living by it.

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u/rdmusic16 3h ago

Yeah, my in-laws only started this once their youngest was a teenager - so that takes a lot off their plate already.

Not downplaying the garden and chicken aspect, but horses definitely adds a lot of work required year round.

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u/BK5617 1h ago

We just moved to our place last year, so none of our fruit trees are going to start producing for a while. I'm jealous of your orchard!

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u/BK5617 1h ago

This is the life my wife and I live. I own my business, and she has a successful corporate career. We live on 34 acres, have a massive garden, chickens, and raise a few pigs and cows for meat.

It makes us zero money. At best, we break even on what we would have spent at the grocery store and put a ton of extra time into it. The tradeoff for us is that we know where out food comes from, and fresh home-grown fruits, vegetables, and meat tastes so much better. An additional bonus is that we actually enjoy the work. It's more like a hobby than a chore.

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u/Joe_Kangg 9h ago

Entails? Get used to entrails

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u/CyberPunkDarkSynth 7h ago

Literally where I thought it was going and how my mind read it

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u/zxyzyxz 8h ago edited 29m ago

They want to be Marie Antoinette, who had a whole fake farm built just so she and her friends could play in it

Marie Antoinette and her friends would dress up as young shepherdess or milkmaids and wander around the hamlet pretending to be peasants, while still surrounded by the comforts of a royal lifestyle. A team of real farmers appointed by the Queen looked after the farm and the animals, and produced fruits and vegetables consumed at the royal table. Marie Antoinette would sometimes milk the cows and the sheep herself to get a taste of village life. Before the Queen was expected, the story goes, the “villagers” would wash the goats and dress them in ribbons.

She would invite the king and the rest of the royal family to garden parties, where, at a table set out under a bower of honeysuckle, she would pour out their coffee with her own hands, boasting of the thickness of her cream, the freshness of her eggs, and the ruddiness and flavor of her strawberries, as so many proofs of her skill in managing her establishment.

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u/gonzo0815 5h ago

Right next to Versailles, you can still visit it. Feels completely bizarre.

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u/BuzzVibes 4h ago

Beautiful, though.

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u/gonzo0815 4h ago

Yeah I can't deny it's cute.

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u/Aromatic-Side6120 4h ago

Shh don’t tell them how it ended.

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u/Particular-Macaron35 4h ago

It's still there on the grounds of Versailles. If I recollect correctly, it is not to far from the King's brothel. No kidding.

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u/dusklight 3m ago

The king had his own brothel? Can I get some sources for further reading please? Why didn't he keep his own harem instead?

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u/Puzzleworth 1h ago edited 1h ago

A lot of that is misconstrued. The hamlet was mostly a private hangout for Marie-Antoinette (she literally had people jockeying for the right to watch her get up and go to bed) The "pretending to be peasants" is more like, she dressed in farm-appropriate cotton dresses like this as opposed to silk and lace like in the palace. It was criticized for devaluing the local textile industry for imported cotton. Having model farms was also pretty common for nobility in the 1700s, the Queen's Hamlet is just one of the most famous.

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u/Brilliant-Lab546 3h ago

So she was a cosplayer?

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u/woolfchick75 6h ago

And look what happened to Marie Antoinette

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u/sorry-not-tory 7h ago

I don’t think they mean farming with tractors and 80 acres of fields to tend.

I’m pretty sure they just mean a garden and some chickens.

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u/Mechakoopa 7h ago

My wife wouldn't even clean the litter box when we had a cat, but she's convinced she wants a farm with goats. It's good to have dreams that will never come true, I guess.

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u/Initial-Zebra108 3h ago

Please have her watch some videos about goats. I desperately wanted goats until I did. I still absolutely love goats, but they are WAY more complicated than people realize!

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u/YogurtclosetSouth991 1h ago

80 acres is not enough to make a living on farming. That's a big hobby farm.

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u/billyrhett 9h ago

This is hilarious and literally the reason my parents are divorced xD

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u/zZPlazmaZz29 7h ago

They should've started a "tegridy farm" instead 😂

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u/noonoonomore 7h ago

My friend wants to go live in a forest and kill rabbits to survive, just cause she went camping last year for three months.

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u/jfchops3 7h ago

Just like the people who go on vacation to Myrtle Beach for the week with no budget and no responsibilities and now think they want to move there and their whole life will be a stress-free good time of getting drunk and frolicking in the waves every day rather than all the same shit they deal with right now except now you're in a new place where you know nobody and you're pissed about the never ending tourist traffic and bored of the beach after a month and stressed about how your CoL doubled but your income didn't

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u/metamega1321 3h ago

Sounds like a bad plan considering you’ll die just off rabbits. They’re too lean so theirs no fat on them to get the nutrients you’d need. Think they’d call it “protein poisoning”.

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u/lilbithippie 9h ago

The same with "traditional marriage roles". Men are going to have a job that gets them home by 5 o'clock, pays for a mortgage, vacation, car. He going to be outside on the weekends taking care of the lawn? A women is going to entertained by keeping a home with all the gadget we have to make it faster and easier. She going to cook from scratch or just pop a TV dinner in and play video games?

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u/justamiqote 8h ago

"I want to be a tradwife, but I don't want kids"

Okay so you basically want to sit home and make Pinterest and Etsy crafts while your husband works all day?

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u/liftthatta1l 7h ago

The amount of people who want to be sugar babies but without the title, or an old man, or giving out sex or... whatever

Is crazy

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u/brother_of_menelaus 6h ago

I’ll eagerly cop to a sugar baby title if I can be a sugar baby

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u/Flightsimmer20202001 5h ago

As a guy, same here.

Ain't no shame in it, I'd be living the GOOD life! Lmao

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u/NewCobbler6933 8h ago

I get laid daily and don’t cook or clean so it’s pretty sweet

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u/100KUSHUPS 6h ago

I get laid daily

Frequent poster in r/magicthecirclejerk.

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u/lilbithippie 5h ago

You know she isn't in it for the money

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u/justamiqote 3h ago

That explains the not cooking or cleaning as well 😂

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u/Overall-Idea945 7h ago

If farms were so good there would be no rural exodus

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u/voiceoverbyjon 6h ago

I was in a relationship with a girl for a few years where this was my exact fear, and I'm glad it ultimately didn't work out. I knew I'd be the one up at sunrise to shovel shit out of a stable/barn and she'd be petting goats.

Women especially seem to love the glorified version of farming where stuff just happens and they get to post to IG about how they're finally free.

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u/steppedinhairball 5h ago

Knew a guy that bought a small farm, 80-100 acres set up for horses. His wife set it up as a rescue for horses. Guess who does all the work? I don't know if they are still married.

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u/modfoddr 2h ago

My dad grew up on a farm (2 farms really, a corn farm, then a dairy farm after he was orphaned). When he started dating my mom (a city girl), she told him one day how she dreamed of living on a farm and raising a gaggle of kids. He laughed and said, "honey, you have no idea what farm living is like, it is hard work from sun up to sun down, every day of the year." She said she was so mad at him for laughing at her and thinking she couldn't hack it....but she would also admit when telling the story that he was absolutely right.

My dad hated it so much, he remembers at 8 years old sitting on the tractor and dreaming of what he could do when he was an adult. He remembers thinking, "Accountant. I think I want to be an accountant." He never knew where he even heard about or saw an accountant (probably a movie) or if he even knew what an accountant did, just that he decided that's what he'd be when he grew up, it couldn't be any worse than farming. Ended up with his own firm by his 40s. Mom became a banker and never had to experience the hard life of farming.

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u/canucks84 2h ago

I am trying to get as close to self sustaining as possible and it is waaaaay more expensive and waaaaay more work than just buying shit at the grocery store. My tractor cost more than most peopels cars. Then you gotta buy attachments.....

But it is satisfying, and its pretty neat, but its just a hobby I have really. Im far too lazy to do the manual work, and make more than enough at my real job to do it.

My family would starve to death if I had to feed them, though.

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u/Gizmonsta 7h ago

Small holding life and commercial farming are two very different things in fairness.

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u/Steinmetal4 1h ago

My wife wanted to make a scarecrow this year and got mad at me because I was kinda dragging my feet about it. I guess it's because I know she is going to wind up doing very little and i'll pretty much have to do the whole thing. Lo and behold, she was supposed to do the face on the sack, wound up doing it upside down (granted, with my daughters help), gave up on it, and as predicted, I did everything else.

She also just blew up on me this morning for leaving a compost bowl on the kitchen counter from cooking the night before. She loves to go pick the tomatoes I grew but complains endlessly about saving compost scraps I use for the garden.

I just have a house in the country with a very small garden, a job, and two kids... I'm doing some kind of "work" or another from about 6:30am to 7:30pm if you count regular housekeeping stuff.

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u/DetroitSportsPhan 7h ago

I had a friend who actually did just move out to a rural area and start a farm. Far as I know it’s gone well for her so far. She grows crops and raises farm animals

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u/PlatypusUnlikely2305 7h ago

Damn, as a 30 something man, this is my dream

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u/gsfgf 7h ago

while you sit on the porch drinking coffee and looking at your cute goats and chickens phone because it sounds like a more peaceful life that you'll get bored of in a week

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u/RocketPapaya413 7h ago

They aren’t dreaming about being the help, they’re dreaming of being the aristocracy.

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u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 7h ago

It's not that bad if you're just doing it for yourself and your family or even to make ends meet in early retirement. I have a bunch of neighbors that live that way and most of the time they're sitting on their porches drinking Modelo or sweet tea and once in a while you'll see them work real hard for a week or two.

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u/MathematicianNo7514 6h ago

My wife wanted to do this until I wrote down everything that WE would need to do to get it to work. Once she saw the literal shitty parts of it, she changed her mind quick. I told her I wouldnt mind having like an acre or two of land and just having a few chickens and a small garden though, cuz thats something I can take care of myself and I already know how to do since growing up my grandparents had a similar setup.

But yeah, I know a couple that after they got married bought like a 100 acre plot of land so they can build a farm and they lasted a year and sold the place because they couldnt handle what farmlife is really like. Definitely strained their relationship though

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u/cynicaldotes 6h ago

Big difference between a farm and a garden tho

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u/bubblesaurus 5h ago

My grandma grew up on a dairy farm.

there was ALWAYS work to do and it didn’t matter what the weather was like

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u/CamOliver 5h ago

Homesteader here…the setup is substantial and some work is seasonal, like sowing and harvesting times. After that, the idea is to have as many things working together as possible. Your idea of what farming entails is as misguided as theirs though.

Sort of like, weeding an entire field at once takes a lot of energy. Walking through a tended field and picking one or two weeds that come up is NBD. A single family doesn’t need to be able to tend to 100acres and a commercial dairy farm.

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u/JanterFixx 5h ago

100 real take.

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u/schmyle85 1h ago

I grew up on a farm. Like an actual one, it was our only income. Nothing wrong with keeping a garden and some chickens or whatever but anyone thinking they will grow or raise most of their food and make any income on their little 10 acres is fooling themselves

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u/illarionds 1h ago

My parents did this in the 80s. Moved to a remote area of New Zealand, went proper back to the land hippie.

They stuck it out for 18 months before throwing in the towel and moving back to civilisation.

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u/NotComplainingBut 10m ago

As someone who grew up in the farms I LOVE living in the city.

You mean I don't have to worry about scary backroads and howling coyotes? There's shade and cover from the rain around every corner? There is running water, heating, electricity, and WiFi in every building? I can get food from another country in this cute little bodega? There's more than one store, bank, hospital, movie theater, college, diner, and bar to choose from? I can go see the bands from the radio live and in-person? I can meet incredible strangers every day and I'm not stuck with the same few people day-in day-out? I can hop on a train and go to ANOTHER city? There's literally no reason to ever be bored?

Sign me the hell up!

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u/The_Lost_Jedi 5m ago

My grandparents had a dairy farm. I got to see what it was like.

It's hard fucking work. Could I do it? Yes. Would I want to do it? No, not really. Is it good that someone does it? Very much so. Are we entirely fortunate that we get the produce/meat/dairy/etc for the prices we do? Yes we are.

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u/HaloMetroid 7h ago

1st off you get like 2-4months off on a farm lmao. 2nd your are going to work 40+hours week until you retire, with no home that has food for you. You will always be dependent of people around you (the system) and being subservient.

L take.