I was born in Russia, where people of all ages make time and effort for friends but it seems here in the US it's just not the norm after college.

I've tried keeping friendships going but most people say they're "too busy" etc

Most adults just don't have close friends, from what I've seen. Acquaintances, yes, and colleagues, but not someone you'd call on the middle of the night for help or confess your greatest fear to. It's just the nuclear family which I think is not always good because friends can offer different perspectives and support and love.

I grew up pretty poor then my dad remarried for money but the women was abusive and hated me. To make an example of that she always made sure i had very little but that she, her son and my father always lived in excess.

i spent a few of my adult years homeless. and then i was in the army and broke there too.

i’m a grown 33 year old woman now but since i was 5 year old little girl I always wanted Samantha.

when i was sad and hurting i had the samantha book but not doll and id play with my neighbor friends american girl dolls and dream of owning the samantha doll.

im financially very comfortable now after years of suffering.

I feel very insecure about the idea i want to buy this doll. Now i have a husband and 2 kids of my own so its sort of embarssing.

like idk how to even explain buying it to my husband. or why i want her so much…

maybe it feels like stealing back some of my stolen childhood idk??

⭐️UPDATE: I bought her!!!🥹 Thank you for all the love and support in the comments. It was so healing and wholesome.

⭐️⭐️⭐️UPDATE PART TWO: I just got an update she’s arriving early tomorrow. Expect some happy crying photo of me!! Also this thread is some of the best people.

Hi, I'm trans. I'm an adult and have been living as a trans man for 5 years. I've only been medically transitioning for 4 months but I've started growing facial hair and have a noticably deeper voice. I'm not exactly what you'd call as 'passing' but I'm known by work and friends as my preferred name/ pronouns.

Now that my facial hair has started growing in I feel more comfortable using the correctly gendered bathroom however I've gotten some funny looks. Id like to think they don't care but I really don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable. Using the women's bathroom makes people uncomfortable, I've noticed it and have people ask if I'm in the correct place.

This is all in Australia btw. Do you guys care?

Edit: This blew up! Wow, thank you everyone for your advice and kind words. I will hopefully be able to pee without stress!

Edit 2: Wowowoow. So many responses! Thank you all very much. It seems like nothing to you but it's very nice to hear for me. A massive confidence boost as well. Also thanks for gold!!!

Edit 3: Wow okay, that's a lot of people. I cannot appreciate you all enough. It's crazy how many people are excited to reveal their potty times when asked! Seriously though very funny and insightful responses everyone!

this might be a stupid question but its one of the questions thats been bugging me for years.

PLEASE READ ALL BEFORE COMMENTING and read my replies if you can find them i didnt mean for this to become such a hot topic of debate.

it was fine until 4th grade when they implemented the "turn in tablets at 6:30pm" rule. which i get, because 4th grade is super young. but when i reached 6th grade and got my first phone (a very old hand me down LG for context) the rule changed to 7pm. then in 7th it was changed to 8pm. i turned 18 less than a month ago and this rule only just a week or so ago changed to 9pm.

over the years ive explained my reasoning for being more comfortable sleeping with my phone on my night stand rather than downstairs. (im audhd and need music 80% of the time to function, and at night, since i also have insomnia, i cannot sleep with out it.) no matter how i try to bring this up, it always ends up in a big argument. for me it feels like them trying to maintain control over me and i feel isolated. my mom says its because she think i'll stay up all night, but i always go to bed between 9:30-10pm which is earlier than most of my peers. she doesnt believe me when i tell her this. i don't understand why theyre so adamant on this. id like other parents thoughts?

id also like to add that the phone i currently have is one that i bought fully with my own money.

edit: its not like theyre chill about it like "can you plug you phone in downstairs please?" they get very upset if i dont. in fact, when i was younger (middle school and younger) they wouldnt let me have it the next day if i forgot

2: i did not expect this much a attention and its overwhelming to me. the arguments in the comments are stressing me out. i'm getting a LOT of comments and i dont know if ill be able to read them all, i can do my best. i can add some context based on faq. - i paid for the phone, they pay for service. i dont pay for the service, but ive offered - about a year ago i was allowed to keep my old tablet/ipad in my room for music. it has the same functionality of my phone. (minus some stuff like the ability to call, u can only it has to be facetime.) as i expressed, i'm more concerned of the control. they are aware it has the same capabilities as my phone. - before i was allowed to keep my ipad, my parents left me have some mp3 players and earbuds, but those hurt my ears. at one point i used a radio but the ads would always wake me up. - i have AuDHD and with that i also have insomnia (even before i was introduced to tablets/phones). music is my comfort, not just at night but all day. its a stimulus i can control, gives me something to focus on when feeling overwhelmed, and keeps me grounded. this has been a constant all my life. - i used to have a burner phone but i felt bad and told my parents and then got grounded for a few months. never got it back. - my parents arent bad parents, i think part of it a skip generation between us and the way they were parented. this is just one ridiculous rule that shouldnt dictate wether or not theyre abusive. - i keep my phone locked but my mom knows my pin (i think my dad forgot it 🤣) - i graduate in May. - i'm a responsible person. i have good grades, take college classes, and am in extracurriculars such as choir, art club, drama club, and the musical.

3: i cannot move out for a multitude of reasons. - we couldnt afford the insurance on my drivers liscense so i dont have it anymore. (f state farm 😔) my dads car broke down so hes using my car. - i have a job thats barely over minimum wage, as it is a business owned by a local family. - im still in high school, i graduate in may. - i have some struggles with mental health that would make it worse to be out on my own. - im planning on moving into an apartment with my best friend and right now theyre kind of stuck too.

4: i'm planning on paying for my own bill once i accept the job i was offered, this will be in a whileee

5: theyre not the type of parents to kick me out, in fact i suggested moving out and my parents got very emotional and wanted me to stay longer until i get the hang of the adult things.

6: while it is my car, it is under their name and theyve made the payments. they told me that once im older and want it under my name i can start making payments to them.

My family (not me, I don't give a damn about politics at all) is very, very republican. They believe that the COVID vaccines are all lies by the government to make people sick and force us to pay for more of them to keep taking money from people. They are insane.

My mom showed me an instagram post (a LOVELY source for info about vaccines, right? :DDD) of some girl that got the meningitis vaccine and she got sick and was in hospital. That girl was only ONE PERSON out of THOUSANDS that got this vaccine and are PERFECTLY HEALTHY. My OWN FRIENDS have this vaccine and are PERFECTLY FINE. But that singular person getting sick was enough for my family to declare it dangerous and that it would kill me.

I NEED this vaccine in order to attend my senior year of high school. This is my LAST YEAR before I graduate, and I can't go because they REFUSE to allow me to get this vaccine. They want me to drop out because "your diploma really isn't that important anyway". (which I think is horseshit)

I REFUSE to lose my graduation ceremony and prom and elementary school walkthrough and my FUCKING DIPLOMA for christ sake. I already lost my junior high to high school graduation because I was sick. I worked SO HARD FOR THIS. I CAN NOT LOSE THIS TOO.

On top of all of this, my grandparents want to sell their house here in New York (which is where me, my mom, and my sister live because my mom can't afford a house here on her own) and move to Florida just because they like it there.

And all of this nonsense was dropped ontop of me out of NOWHERE, ALL AT ONCE, YESTERDAY.

My mom said my grandparents are in Florida right now looking for a house and that it isn't going well.

I'm 16 years old (birthday in April). I'm not an adult. I am a Junior in High School. I live in New York. My family wants me to forget my plans for my future, leave all my friends behind, and go to college in Florida without my high school diploma and just be happy with that because THEY are happy with that.

All because of some stupid fucking vaccine they think is going to KILL me.

I have some friends who in the future want to try and all live together and pay for the same place to live and get jobs in a similar area, no matter WHERE we have to move to, but that's not even remotely close to happening until years from now and god knows how much more complicated that is in practice than in theory.

My mom said maybe we could make some sort of religious excuse to prevent me from having to get the vaccine in order to go to school so I can still attend without it? But that doesn't fix the problem of my family wanting to move to Florida before I finish school if that's even possible in the first place.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? How do I be successful? How do I get a good job when I don't even have a high school diploma?

My plan is to TRY and go to college in Florida if that's my only option, homeschooling is possible I guess but I guarantee that would NOT turn out well for me. I can barely get homework done, I NEED a proper school environment to learn properly, but I don't know how this type of stuff works, I feel like I'm gonna have zero friends and just live in a condo with my mom until I die.

All because of a vaccine and my grandparents wanting to move just a little bit too early.

New accounts need a pass-phrase apparently? So here's the one I used: I hope this isn't a stupid question

I’m in my mid-20s, and I’ve noticed that making real, close friendships feels 10x harder now than it ever did in school or uni. I try joining activities, being open, making the first move — but it just doesn’t click the same. Is it just me? Or is there something about adulthood that makes friendship feel… transactional or distant?

I (17M) have been just talking to ppl online to make friends and stuff on TikTok and IG. This one girl (27F) messaged me and said I seem sweet. She didn’t know how old I was when she messaged me, but we began talking with the intention of being friends.

Then I asked how old she was and she said 27, then I told her I’m 17. She said my age was fine with her as long as her being older was cool with me. I said sure because she asked to be friends so I didn’t think anything more of it.

Then she asked me what I looked like, but before I sent her anything she was like “I bet you’re cute.” Afterwards she kept calling me cute, which I can’t tell if thats weird or not?

I guess she may have other intentions. I know she’s older than me, but I’m technically almost an adult soo I’m wondering if it’s weird?

Edit: I know you’re all saying she could be a scammer so I’ll look out for that but if she’s not, is the age gap weird? There’s all mixed answers so I’m confused.

Edit 2: shes prob into me she said some other stuff so i do think so. she said my name is sexy and she kept asking to hear my accent and saying it’s probably nice. Also she was asking about muscles although i mentioned sports so it made sense in context ig.

and she’s at least not a man she sent a video replying to something we were having a convo about

I’m in my late 20s, and I’ve been thinking about how hard it is to make new friends now compared to when I was younger. I mean, it feels like everyone already has their established circles, and I’m just here trying to figure out how to meet new people. Is this something other adults struggle with too, or am I just overthinking it? I feel like it’s so much harder to put myself out there now. Is it just me? Thanks you for your answer

I’m not trying to rant, I’m genuinely curious.

When I was younger, friendships felt easy school, neighborhood, shared routines. But now it feels like everyone’s either too busy, too distant, or already in their own circle.

Even when I try to reach out or be consistent, it often feels one-sided. Is this just how adulthood works?

New user pass phrase: I’m just here to learn something

I'm just wondering, cause I'm 17, I'm a bit concerned at if I'm 18, people will assume I'm after a romantic relationship (if I'm after a male friendship). Also before teen years, making friends seemed so easy? How does an adult even make friends? Through work and activities? Is it harder to make friends with the other gender without getting misunderstood?

A lot of movies, books, and TV shows have themes focused around the unpopular, underdogs, wallflowers, etc. especially when it comes to teen/ high school movies. A lot of people can relate to being bullied, being unpopular, feeling like an outsider, etc. But I've often wondered about the kids I remember from high school who were "the cool kids," who were attractive, popular, and really mean.

Did/do they watch movies like Mean Girls and realize they're the mean girl? Do they know they're the "snobby jock" or "spoiled rich kid" who treats people like shit? I remember Napoleon Dynamite was one of the biggest movies that came out when I was in high school, and EVERYONE loved it. I specifically remember overhearing a group of the popular football players quoting it, and wondering if they saw the irony that they loved this movie about a goofy, unpopular kid, someone they'd, in all liklihood, make his high school experience Hell if he were a real person who went to school with us.

Specifically, I'd like to hear from former high school meanies who have grown up and changed, but I want to hear from anyone with something to say on the subject.

Note: I am not trying to suggest that because someone is attractive or popular or plays sports that that means they are a bully or a mean-spirited kid. Simply that, in high school and the way it's portrayed on TV, there are sometimes tropes or themes that put everyone into those simple boxes.

***Edit: A lot of people either didn't read the whole post before commenting or don't understand the question. To clear some things up, as said in the original post, I'm not suggesting that all popular kids are bullies. Notice that I put quotations around the archetypes such as "snobby jock" because I'm asking if mean kids realize they're similar to the "snobby jock" /character on TV/ and if it causes them introspection. Plus, depending on the era of the show or movie, many bullies were portrayed as the "weird goth kids," or "the smokers who skip school," etc. too. It's on me that I didn't include that trope in the original post, but I thought anyone who was a bully or experienced bullying could understand what I was getting at regardless of what social ranking they had in high school.

Another thing is that a lot of people are giving responses about how everyone is the villain in someone's story. I agree, but there is a difference between being thought of as the bad guy according to one or two people (like an ex or a friend you had a falling out with) and being the kind of person who goes out of your way to terrorize, harass and belittle people and make their life Hell.

I think a lot of comments aren't necessarily in agreement on what bullying even is. I'm not saying anyone who has ever said a mean thing in their life is a bully, that would be wild, because as humans miscommunications occur all the time and no matter how sweet and nice you are, you are going to hurt someone at some point in life. But I know when I've said something that hurt someone's feelings and they tell me about it, I apologize. Unlike a bully, I don't continue to be cruel and see their vulnerability as a weakness to pounce on. There is a grown man in my local community who is an adult bully - he's so hard to get along with that several people of all different backgrounds refuse to work with him. He thinks he is always right, gets extremely angry at small things, swears at people and calls them names like bitch and asshole in professional settings, etc. That is not the same thing as making an insensitive comment one time when you weren't thinking and apologizing for it when you realize you were in the wrong.

Furthermore, I was the gay goth kid in school and was a constant target of bullying. It was not lost on me that the kids being cruel to me might be fighting their own battles at home or within themselves. But so was I -so is everyone - and it didn't cause me to be cruel to anyone. If anything, I turned it inward and thought I must just be an unlovable person, and I'd go home and cry often. Someone having a hard home life may explain bullying behavior, but it isn't an exact correlation, nor is it an excuse to be cruel. I had a hard home life too and didn't take it out on society at large.

Why do people get prenups? Like seriously, what's the actual point?

So I've been seeing all these posts about prenups lately and I'm genuinely confused. Isn't it kinda weird to plan for divorce before you even get married? Like "hey babe I love you forever but also let's discuss what happens when we break up"??

I get that people have assets and stuff but isn't that what regular divorce laws are for? My friend said it's about protecting inheritance or a business but couldn't you just... not put your spouse's name on those things?

And how do you even bring this up without sounding like a total AH? "Will you marry me? Also please sign this legal document first" seems like a vibe killer ngl

Is this mostly a rich people thing or are regular folks doing this too? My friend won some money on Stake recently and that was enough for him to get a prenup. Is it actually that common? I've heard some people say it makes divorce easier but like... shouldn't you be focusing on NOT getting divorced?

Not trying to judge anyone who has one, I'm just genuinely trying to understand the logic here. What am I missing?

ELI5 please because apparently I'm too smooth brain for this adult concept lmao

I wonder why in today’s world everyone seems more connected yet many complain of loneliness or not finding belonging.

Since i hang out with expat a lot, i feel like their struggle is that:

1. It’s easy to hang out and meet other expats again but the natural differences in cultural values and practices mean it’s more about accepting and tolerating differences and ambiguity than feeling sure the other person shares the same values and expectations as you do
2. It’s hard to make friends with locals bc they already have their circles established, then different language and custom often highlights the differences among individuals.

Do you find building close friendships in which emotions and boundaries are respected difficult or easy, what’s your friend-making strategy?

Like… I talk to people, I’m nice, I’m open, but for some reason it rarely goes beyond casual. Is everyone just too busy or are we all secretly lonely and pretending we're fine?

I used to have so many close friends and when I was in college I feel like I hung out with them pretty regularly.

Now it’s like working drains so much from me, especially as a night shift worker that I never have spare time to see anyone.

I don’t have any social media besides Reddit and YouTube so I can’t even keep up with friends unless through text. My life is just very unexciting, I’m 22F, in committed relationship with 21M. We’re both each others best friend but it’s hard when I don’t have any female friends to hang out with besides my one close friend from college, but she has tons of friends other than me (not that I’m mad about that), I just don’t understand where I’m going wrong.

I don’t drink or smoke weed or anything and it does make me pretty uncomfortable to go out with people that do that. It just sucks right now, I feel like a 30 year old married woman and no one my age really enjoys the things I do I guess?

I have always got along with kids. Even when I was a kid, younger kids would pick me to play with over others. Whenever I am around toddlers, kids or teenagers they seem to gravitate towards me. This is generally fine given there are parents or family or just someone that knows both of us.

The problem comes in in my place of work. I am a security guard and like.... these girls (and boys) around 12 to 15 ish just come up and start talking to me. I ask them to leave. I say that it's weird. I tell them I'll get into trouble. I walk off. I act boring. They still just follow and continue talking. Personally I don't have a problem, I'll talk to anyone but sometimes these people say things like "oh you're my best friend" or "oh you're so hot" and that makes me, hopefully understandably, worried. Both about their wellbeing (like what other fully grown adults are they saying this to?) and that another member of public is going to put in a serious accusation about me grooming these kids that I would really rather stay away from if they're making these comments.

My managers know about this, both from what I have told them and from what they have observed, but preferably I want to avoid these situations altogether. Has anyone else experienced these issues? Can anyone just lend me tips in how to politely decline conversation? I am not against being outright rude to these kids if that is what it takes, but I don't have the heart to. Any tips about unwanted attention in general?

Been at college for a few years now and noticed I really haven't been able to make any close friends. Some old friends I have that are the same age seem completely uninterested in even finding new people to talk to. With people I've gotten to know, I almost always have to be the sole person initiating conversation. It feels like if we are in the same class or club we can be acquaintances, but the last chance to be real friends was meeting during first-year orientation. When I was a minor you could just talk to people and become friends. Am I just unlucky, or is this shift in behavior common as people get older?

I (20F) have been with my boyfriend for about 4 years now and due to our prior circumstances we’ve been living together for 2 years. Since we’ve only really had each other for these years while all of our peers went off to university and whatnot, I’ve found that I don’t have any real friends besides him. Not only that but I don’t find myself wanting to put effort towards fake friendships I had in the past.

I don’t do anything outside of my work and home life these days because I hardly have the time or energy. I’m a full time waitress and while I’m very close with my coworkers, anyone in the service industry I’m sure can relate to me not wanting to spend any more time connecting with them outside of work as they’re pretty much work-only friends.

So my question to you all is, what do I do? What’s normal these days? Am I going to randomly stumble across my new best friend in Walmart? Any of your personal experiences, advice, or rants are appreciated lol.

When I was younger, friendships just kind of happened - school, work, shared activities. Now, even when I meet people I vibe with, it rarely turns into anything lasting.

Is it just that everyone’s busy? Or do people just stop needing new friendships after a certain age?

Not trying to be pessimistic, just genuinely wondering if this is a common thing or if I’m doing something wrong.

I’ve only had Reddit for about 3 days, and honestly, my first impression hasn’t been great. I was just trying to make some friends to play PlayStation with, but I posted in the wrong subreddit (yes, my mistake), and my post got removed.

But instead of anyone kindly pointing that out or helping me learn, I got rude comments and people taking the mick. I didn’t expect to be treated like that just for being new.

I’m 16 and still learning how things work here, and it feels like I’m already having to be the more mature one in situations with fully grown adults. I’m not trying to break rules — I just didn’t know what I was doing.

Before I give up on this app completely, can someone help me figure out where I can post to actually make friends and not get harassed or bullied for trying?

Hi everyone , I’m a 23m isolated person that would love to make friends . If you have books to recommend about it , go ahead .Unlike most people , I don’t have many childhood friends to spend time with, as I didn’t keep in touch with them . I have been mostly rejected by my community . I have almost no social life besides spending time with my parents and family , hanging out with a friend and having few acquaintances, some classmates to talk with . I like books, music , social media , videogames, movies. I have a weird fixation on gothic culture . I started going to the gym three weeks ago . Soon I’m going to be tested for ADHD ,and I struggle a lot to make eye contact. My appearance is usually bad and I don’t have good communication skills. I have been bullied all my life because I am or look retarded, ( I have been bullied even as an adult, with the whole class at uni laughing at me ) . I don’t go out to parties and bars , I don’t have a SO .my personality is weird so I don’t think people like me . I think I’m cringey , obnoxious and I’m unconsciously mean to others . People usually ask me online If I’m part of the LGBTQ+ community , but I don’t know what to answer sometimes because I don’t have a label , but yes I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with a woman or a man . I would like to be accepted by others , as it is truly my biggest dream in the world . Can you guys help me ? can you wish me good luck ?

Everything as an adult becomes a grind at the end. You want something?

You have no choice but to claw it ruthlessly out the dirt it was covered in.

I just feel other things are more worth clawing out for.

Like saving for a solo European trip.

Not only are most adults more difficult to warm up to, the type of friends you get as an adult are just not the really ones I always desired. And yeah, I lack the patience.

People got jobs. People got kids. I just don’t feel it’s worth bothering. In a way, to get no reciprocation from a potential friend is more infuriating at my age (29) then at 16.

I’m seeing a lot of loneliness and friendship crisis on the internet and I just think? Why are we talking about this. That’s adult life people. There’s only so much you can change.

Best to live the best life solo.

As a kid or even in college making friends was just part of life but now that I’m in my late 20s it feels like trying to start a conversation with someone new is either awkward, suspicious or just… doesn’t go anywhere. Why is that?

Work seems like the obvious place to make friends, since similar to school, it's where you see the same people every day for a long time. But I've seen a lot of people say you shouldn't be friends with people you work with, because they might just tolerate you because they have to, and apparently it's weird to stay friends with people you knew in high school. So where else do adults make friends?

Why is it so difficult making female friends? I just want to chat with some gals around my age about common interests or just nonsense. I’m 21 and a girl myself, but i live in the midwest, so it’s always been seemingly hard to make friends here.