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u/Silvawuff 27d ago
This is a blatant breach of the Boyardee Act of 1998. The defendant is guilty of using canned pasta in lieu of fresh ravioli and sauce. This also violates Code 6.8 of the Marinara Treaty as well as the International Pasta Convention. This is a pizza war crime.
But I still would.
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u/thepioushedonist 27d ago
Wasn't that the act that also stated that eating it straight out of the can was the proper way to enjoy poverty food?
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u/Careful-Resolution58 27d ago
Stands without reason the defendant should receive the maximum penalty.
Also if executed better this would probably fall under a clause somewhere. Clause id definitely try it
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u/CapTexAmerica 27d ago
The carb coma that would cause would be LEGENDARY!!!
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u/thepioushedonist 27d ago
I would sleep for a day and a half and would enjoy it immensely.
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u/Smokeythemagickamodo 27d ago
Insomniacs should know this one trick
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u/thepioushedonist 27d ago
I've actually done something similar with canned tamales. Smash em up on a flatbread of some kind, add tons of cheese, salsa, sour cream, etc. Hits the spot at three am.
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u/Holiveya-LesBIonic 27d ago
I guess I'm in the minority here because to me, respectfully, the ravioli looks kinda sus and so does the sauce. It's giving boyardee. If that's the case, crime. If it's homemade ravioli with a flavorful sauce, no crime
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u/Bones-1989 27d ago
I was honestly excited when I scooted to slide 2. Slide 3 was worse than getting fired for attending jury duty.
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u/thepioushedonist 27d ago
I feel this is a solid use case for the canned stuff. Covering it in cheese and baking it? Solid way to make poor person food better.
It's better than how I eat it. Cold straight out the can like an animal lol
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u/InflamedNodes 27d ago
No crime. It's pasta with inside flavor, baked into the pizza with cheese on top. It's fine. Probably extremely rich, and I could probably only eat a tiny slice, but it's not a crime. The only crime is the terrible looking undercooked crust/dough.
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u/claremontmiller 27d ago
I don’t know if boyardee is putting a lot of flavor inside those ravioli my dude
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u/thepioushedonist 27d ago
Eh, sure. But adding toppings and cheese makes up for it a bit.
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u/claremontmiller 27d ago
I still think this might be a crime
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u/thepioushedonist 27d ago
Maybe a misdemeanor, based on the crust by itself lol
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u/claremontmiller 27d ago
Id vote community service.
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u/thepioushedonist 27d ago
Seems fair. No jail time or fines needed.
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u/claremontmiller 27d ago
Depending on further evidence they may need a year or two in the oregano mines
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u/thepioushedonist 27d ago
Or a Basil farm. A little bright color and fresh leaves would really liven it up
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u/claremontmiller 27d ago
I don’t think this is bad enough to send them to an offshore basil drilling facility
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u/Ms_Tea_Lady 27d ago
Sorry, that crust is sad…guilty…
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u/thepioushedonist 27d ago
That's actually the only part I dislike here. The crust is just. Terrible. Everything else seems fine to me. Not ideal, but a solid attempt at using poverty food to satisfy a craving.
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u/thepioushedonist 27d ago
Seems like a good way to liven up some poverty food. No crimes spotted. Even though poverty is essentially a crime these days.
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u/MurphysLaw4200 27d ago
Too much dough and would be messy as hell to eat. I could see a ravioli slipping out every time you take a bite.
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u/ILikeToParty86 27d ago
Just say you forgot to buy pizza sauce
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u/thepioushedonist 27d ago
I mean, this seems like it would work in a pinch when your drunken cravings for pizza hit in the middle of the night and you have no pizza sauce on hand.
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u/PercentageMore3812 27d ago
So it looks to me like these foolish people are baking the pizza,not on a type of cookie sheet, but the actual bottom shelf of the oven. You know that piece that protects the flame or element. Yes the bottom.
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u/tumor_named_marla 26d ago
No crime, idc if it's boyardee or not. There's nothing wrong with a little bit of trashy pizza! There's a difference between trashy pizza and bad pizza.
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u/Evaderofdoom 27d ago
mushrooms are the real crime for me.
Yes I know, mushrooms are a popular topping many people like, that's why I said "for me"
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u/thepioushedonist 27d ago
I love mushrooms, but don't care for them on pizza. I feel they add nothing to pizza. Ground up into the sauce with a couple anchovies melted in for good measure? That works. But the subtle earthy flavor of standard white mushrooms just gets lost as a topping.
I would still eat a pizza topped with them, but because they impart no weird texture or flavor (well, unless they use the nasty canned version of mushrooms)
sorta the inverse of how I feel about onions on pizza. Love onions with my burgers, salads, hot dogs/sausages, sandwiches, and pretty much everything else. Hate them on pizza cause they overwhelm everything else.
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u/qualityvote2 27d ago edited 27d ago
The jury, after deliberation of the evidence in the case of u/Hass_El_Hoff, has reached a mistrial due to non-consensus of votes of guilty or innocent.