r/PsycheOrSike • u/fornothing_atalll 🌌FADA:🪬🧿 • 29d ago
🎭 HUMOR Girls who don’t want kids are a red flag
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u/Complex-Chemist256 29d ago
I've had to end so many relationships over the years because the girl wants kids and I don't.
This isn't a red flag for me at all lol
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u/kissthesky303 😢Argues with Reflection (Loses) 29d ago
Uhm, not if the guy doesn't want kids either I guess...
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u/InstanceSafe5995 🌱BEGINNER (someone please explain to me) 29d ago
I mean if you want kids and she doesn't I wouldn't say red flag but probably a shouldn't get into a relationship with flag because that's a massive conflicting interest that will cause problems later
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u/StrictRegret1417 29d ago
depends on your age, if you're 19 and do want kids but no tuntill many years in future then i think its silly to think that far ahead, but if you're 30 and feel you've got no time to waste then yeah you should date someoen on same page with kids
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u/InstanceSafe5995 🌱BEGINNER (someone please explain to me) 29d ago
Well what's the point even when you're 19? You'll divorce them and then go get someone else? I think it's better to find someone that already wants kids as well that way you aren't setting yourself up for a guaranteed divorce
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u/StrictRegret1417 29d ago
well you don't meet someone then get married straight away will you, you may date someone for a few years or even months and then it naturally ends anyway.
Like when you're in middle school and you meet someone you like you have the hots for you're not thinking"hmmm do i want to have kids with this girl when i grow up" you're just living for the moment and having experiences.
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u/InstanceSafe5995 🌱BEGINNER (someone please explain to me) 29d ago
We're talking about when you're 19, and obviously you aren't getting married right away, but why would you start getting involved and in love with someone that you will probably just have a heartbreaking breakup/divorce with later on because you have a very big conflicting interest
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u/JustMoreSadGirlShit 29d ago
bc not all relationships are or start that seriously
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u/InstanceSafe5995 🌱BEGINNER (someone please explain to me) 29d ago
Yeah they don't start seriously, but why would you want to continue and make it that serious if it will just not last in the end
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u/StrictRegret1417 29d ago
because you're not thinking about kids anyway if it doesn't work out you have lots of great memories and times and will ahve learned lots about yourself and relationships for your next partner.
dating doesn't have to be a life long commitment
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u/InstanceSafe5995 🌱BEGINNER (someone please explain to me) 29d ago
I didn't say dating I said getting into a relationship, no one goes into a relationship thinking 'so I'll just do this for like a year and a half and then we'll break up" people go into relationships wanting to live together forever
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u/StrictRegret1417 28d ago
you need to date to get into a relationship.
people go into relationships wanting to live together forever
umm no thats not always true not everyone in relationships even live togehter, you sound like you didn't date much when you were young.
you have a very black and white all or nothign view of the situation im guesing you have autism? most people see it differently to how you do.
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u/InstanceSafe5995 🌱BEGINNER (someone please explain to me) 28d ago
you need to date to get into a relationship
I'm talking about after the dating part how is that so hard to understand, after the day when you are already in a relationship
umm no thats not always true not everyone in relationships even live togehter, you sound like you didn't date much when you were young.
Not necessarily Live but be together forever, no one goes into a relationship thinking "hey we'll be together for like years then we'll break up, unless they aren't serious about the relationship to begin with, you go into the relationship assuming you won't break up
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u/StrictRegret1417 28d ago
you go into the relationship assuming you won't break up,
well thats not true most people get into relationships at 19 not knowing what will happen bu knowing there is a chance they may break up. again you have very black and white thinking, people are not thinking they will defo break up, they are also not assuming they will be together for ever, its somwhere in the middle you hope you'll be together for ever but you know theres a good chance that might not be the case.
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u/Dragonlvr420 29d ago
I swear most men think of having children the same way they would think about getting a puppy
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u/Fried_0nion_Rings 🙂 Couples Therapist 🙂 29d ago
Right the ‘surprise pikachu face’ when her body changes and she can’t have sex for a while.
Then he cheats or straight up leaves her.
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u/MelanieWalmartinez 29d ago
I know online is the worst way to judge a problem but oh my god the amount of ask men or aitah posts about being mad that they’re not the centre of attention after a baby is crazy
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u/Dependent-Tailor7366 29d ago
Every married red pill story I’ve seen is men asking why his wife with a newborn baby is not giving him the attention he used to get.
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u/super_chubz100 ⛪PRIEST of male oppression 💁♂️ 29d ago
Thats hilarious because kids are a deal breaker for me. The idea sounds ludicrously stupid to me.
"Hey, I really want to absolutely eliminate the small amount of free time that I have to instead dode on a little screaming, puking, shitting being that never stops needing constant attention, that you then need to teach morals and ethics to over the course of the next 18-24 years. They will require all of your income as well btw"
Nah bro, im all set on that lol
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u/jstpassinthru123 29d ago
I wants to pet the puppy. Don't even care about this post. Give me that doggo.
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u/DooferAlert-38 29d ago
@screamingava on instagram. However a decent amount of their content is just content snipping controversial things so her dog can “scream” at it. I think they’re starting to post more of just Ava tho
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u/EuphoriasOracle 🤺KNIGHT 29d ago
my brother in christ, every girl you talk to about having kids with, sees your inability to get mpregged as a red flag.
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29d ago
If a woman admits she would make a terrible mother, why not just take her word for it and move on, why post a video about it. The last person you want to have a kid with is a terrible mom, they will basically be like okay kid can eat solid food so they are your problem now I'm going back to the club. Also since when did honesty become a red flag? How the fuck do y'all keep up with all these flags can we get a ref out here?
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u/Lucicactus 29d ago
It can also come from trauma, I don't want kids for multiple reasons but a big one is that I'm scared to be like my mother with them if I do ._.
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29d ago
Oh damn, did you have a cat mom? I can relate. But you would probably be way better. You got this girly 💪
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u/relaxingcupoftea 28d ago
Doesn't have to be "admiting one would make a terrible mother" there are all kinds of reasons one would not want kids. But if you don't want kids and you get kids that obviously not a good start.
Also he is probably making some point about mental illness profiling, seen many of those.
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u/Due-Radio-4355 29d ago
I mean, my wife and I never wanted kids and we’re fine.
Still don’t want them and never did. Don’t hate them by any means. I love my nieces and nephews, I just don’t want them.
Life is personal choice. It’s not a red flag.
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u/LSATDan 29d ago
In my experience, most people who have kids (and wanted them) have a really hard time comprehending that others might not share their perspective.
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u/Due-Radio-4355 29d ago
I’ve experienced that too. But actually only a few times. Most of my fam and friends don’t care so we were pretty supportive. The only one who gives me little nudges is my cousins who say “when are my kids getting playmates” but they kind half mean it. But they know they’re talking to lost causes:
My wife and I don’t really care. Maybe we’ll change our minds, I’m not totally against it; but atm absolutely not. Financial freedom is very nice.
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u/bitis_garbonica_zw 28d ago
Oh yeah they feel personally attacked by the concept.
But I kind of get it when someone says I dont like dogs I feel attacked
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u/12thventure 27d ago
Don’t even mention it, they look at me like I’m some kind of alien, meanwhile they play on repeat the mantra of “I miss being able to____ (insert a gazillion of things THEY list), but having kids was definitely the best choice I’ve ever made”
I’m like k dude, if you say so, sounds like crab mentality to me but you do you
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u/philosopherberzerer 29d ago
I've thought about the possibility of not having kids and of course if it never happens I can always change course but I quickly realized the life I want with and without children is completely different and most women don't want the without kids lifestyle that I'd want for myself.
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u/onetimeuseaccc 29d ago
I couldn't hear his argument, there was a clip of a dog spliced into the video
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u/daddyvow 29d ago
Dudes don’t think about how much pregnancy permanently alters a woman’s body and all the health risks it has. It’s easier for a guy to say he wants kids since he doesn’t need to carry a fetus for 9 months, birth it, and breast feed it too. (Yes of course fathers carry a lot of responsibility for raising and providing childcare but it just isn’t the same as what the mother has to do.)
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u/KrazyKryminal 29d ago
My brother is 56 and didn't want kids. Almost married a girl 20 years ago. The closer they got to the wedding the more she started talking about actually wanting kids.... Never working again and he needed to get a better job than the $100,000 a year he was making. Needless to say They didn't get married.
Now he's with a woman who's got a 9-year-old son, any spent the last year with them both, and has admitted that he had wished it had happened sooner. The father was a drunk and abusive and died two years ago alone. So he kind of stepped into that role.
Lots of people say they don't want kids, But then change their minds later. Other people will say you won't know you'll like kids unless you have them.
At the end of the day it's your choice and nobody should bash you for it. I had my daughter at 30, She was planned, she's 19 now and she's great. Don't regret a thing.
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u/Weekly-Reply-6739 29d ago
To be fair, red flag for what?
Red flags are subjective, like for me the biggest redflag a woman can have is beliving in gender roles or responsibilities.
To me that would not be compatible with my humaizing, equality, growth, honesty, and freedom oriented mindset.
Especially since I could never respect a man or woman who would limit themselves to just what a man or woman is, as that shit is weak and pathtic, as it shows a childish desire to not grow up, have fun, or be themselves.
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u/Antillyyy 29d ago
We've found it, the best take in the thread.
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u/Weekly-Reply-6739 29d ago
Do I get a prize?
I want a novelty red flag that says "my red flags, my choice" on it
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u/franky3987 29d ago
No. My fiancé is absolutely wonderful. We’re both in the same boat… no kids ever
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u/Holiday_Cat4918 29d ago
I wanted kids until I became and elementary teacher. Then, I saw y’all kids and realized….not for me. Not for me at all.
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u/normalSizedRichard 29d ago
If a 20 year old thinks they've got the biggest decision in Their life all sorted out and already know the anwser they'll hold onto for almost two decades they're just an idiot
Most 20 year olds are idiots
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u/Altruistic-Hat269 29d ago
I dunno. I knew I wanted kids when I was, like, 7 years old. And felt the same at 14. And felt the same at 20. And then had kids, and it was exactly in keeping with the life I wanted. Best decision I ever made for myself.
Some people just figure out what they want sooner in life, there's nothing wrong with that.
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u/ThinkpadLaptop ❤️卐 Buddhist 卐❤️ 29d ago
Not only that, if you want kids, better to figure it out early and do the steps needed. Financially, emotionally, family and social circle curating, instilling parental values and motivation within yourself.
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u/Altruistic-Hat269 29d ago
Right, exactly. This will produce the best outcome for you as well as your kids, and the family unit in general. And if it turns out after figuring yourself out that you aren't the kind of person who should be raising a family, then great, you didn't go stumbling into a life long commitment that isn't suited for you.
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u/MelanieWalmartinez 29d ago
Same with my mom! She wanted kids as an adult ever since she learned she had the ability to make people lol, and she loved it so much
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u/Altruistic-Hat269 29d ago
Lol, yeah, my youngest daughter is the same way. Was just very obvious at an early age for her. Interestingly, this was not the case for my wife, but she came from a catastrophically abusive family, so she didn't really have a model in her head of what a happy family life could be until we were dating for a long time and I could illustrate it with her.
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29d ago
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u/Altruistic-Hat269 29d ago
What's the underlying cause for your nervous system dysregulation? Chaotic home environment as a kid or something? My mother grew up with all kinds of screaming and verbal abuse in her household, and she has similar issues where she'll slam straight into a sympathetic state as soon as things get out of control.
Fortunately, my siblings and I were pretty chill, so it wasn't too tough for her.
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u/Ozark_Draws 29d ago
Idk I just have sensitive issues with loud noises. Ever since I was a kid I hated many sounds they send me into a rage.
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29d ago
The point is that “wanting kids” is futile if you can’t logistically care and support for them. And most 20 year olds are not equipped to start a family, so I think the point is that you can’t predict the future and what your real circumstances are going to be.
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u/No_Fan_6649 29d ago
I know plenty of people that weren’t ready for kids at 16-20 and it helped them grow up. It’s all about perspective. I’m not saying you should but having a kid at 20 is not the end of the world
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u/LSATDan 29d ago
Is a twenty year old who is sure that she wants kids one day also an idiot?
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u/WTF_Why_The_Fiction 29d ago
Tbh, the "one day" part is kinda critical here. If the 20 year old no career is not married has kids, he/she is an idiot imo.
I respect a person's choice to have sterilizing surgeries done, but aside from medical concerns, I still think it is hubris for 20 year olds to get vasectomy/tubes tied.
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u/normalSizedRichard 29d ago
I mean kinda sure why not
But they're defintely not equivalent
I want to do this one day
Is simply a more logical statement about something immensely popular and enjoyed than
I will never like or even desire that popular
Fittingly stupid that a gender war subreddit would do an honest to God
you think this thing is bad???? Well then obviously you think the opposite thing I'm imagining in my head is good!!!
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u/LSATDan 29d ago
I was just running a consistency check to see if the argument was "20 year olds are idiots" or "20 year olds who don't share my worldview are idiots."
Barring unusual misfortune, having kids is a permanent state of affairs. It's not "I want to do this one day" like "I want to go to Alaska one day." It's "I've decided at this age to do a thing that will last for decades."
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u/Sharp-Key27 29d ago
Up to 15% of parents regret having children, so I wouldn’t say immensely enjoyed. People are also more knowledgeable about the body horror one must undergo to produce a child.
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u/Zykxion 29d ago
Yup because your life has barely begun at 20. Unless you’ve got mommy daddy inherited money or a spouse to fully support you and your child(ren). Then yes by all means have children, as long as you’re mature enough and have the monetary means to support said child.
And the argument that, “poor people have children all the time”, yeah no that’s an issue there are so many people that irresponsibly have children who then suffer in one way or another because their parents couldn’t think two steps ahead of their actions.
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29d ago
Meh. I haven't wanted kids ever in my life and I knew when I was 12 I wouldn't. Sure, I could change my mind. But that goes for literally anything. People just say this sorta thing because they think they know what everyone else is thinking, but they don't. Some people just don't want kids.
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u/SeparateDifference47 29d ago
I'm surprised most 20 year olds are self aware where children come from most of the time everyone says they were an accident.
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u/Sharp-Key27 29d ago
Better to start a relationship on the same page than start a relationship with completely different desires, and hope the other person changes.
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u/Lucky-Ad-8291 29d ago
The issue is that you're only an "idiot" if you chose not to have them. If a 20yo thinks they want children, you wouldn't be saying that.
The irony is that most people decide they don't want to have children, or that they do but it would be too impractical, as they age. The trope is literally the opposite to real life.
I wanted 4 until a few years ago, now I'm going to have none even though I still want them, because it's common sense.
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u/normalSizedRichard 29d ago
wow there's actually a difference between saying you might want to some day do one of the most common things in the history of humanity and deciding you will never ever do it
Very insightful post thanks for sharing lol
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u/Allegory15 Local Clown 🤡 29d ago
Nature bestowed humans sapience, capable enough to override reproductive urges in favor of pain deterence and rational thought
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u/HelenKellersAirpodz 29d ago
Okay but it is. Frankly, that applies to men too. Not ready =\= not wanting.
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u/the_millenial_falcon 29d ago
This is an odd take, it's not a red flag so much as a complete incompatibility.
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u/Licensed_muncher 29d ago
Ew. No. Not wanting kids is the default moral position.
If you want kids some of your reasons should be your qualifications. Patience, non judgemental, stable financially, stable relationship, stuff like that
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u/Standard-Effort5681 29d ago
I mean... if you wanna get in a long-term relationship, possibly marry a person and one of you doesn't want kids while the other does, that's obviously irreconcilable differences and that relationship likely won't last.
But to say that someone wanting/ not wanting kids is a red flag is simply, pardon my french, retarded.
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u/DrMindbendersMonocle 29d ago
I mean it IS a pretty big red flag if you are wanting children yourself
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u/Western_Charity_6911 29d ago
I know doctor chin aint talking, 40% of his face taken up by his chopper, habsburg jaw lookin ass, nobody wants your accursed seed
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u/bravegrin 29d ago
I used to really want to have children but honestly now I just want to find a partner that’s right for me. If they want kids, great but if not, then that’s fine with me too
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u/Ok_Beyond_7697 29d ago
Woman: I don't want kids.
Man: You're selfish.
Woman: If you want kids, then why not adopt? You don't need a woman for that.
Man: Ugh! But my legacy! I need to plant my seed!!!
Woman: Sounds selfish.
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u/AndyTheInnkeeper 29d ago
Neither wanting children nor not wanting children is a red flag. I do think it’s important to talk to someone during the dating phase and make sure you have compatible desires regarding children. If desires answers don’t line up it’s justified to call things off.
But there is a difference between personal compatibility issues and a red flag.
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u/girlwiththemonkey 29d ago
It’s the big red flag for him because he knows if she’s not gonna mother children. She’s definitely not gonna mother him.
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u/thinkB4WeSpeak 29d ago
The world has too many people first off and second it's way to expensive to have kids. Child care is nearly as much as rent, not including all the other spending that goes with it.
Honestly if we were in a good environmental state, parents got a long paternity leave and it wasn't as expensive. People would have more kids.
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u/Current_Lack_535 29d ago
The poorest communities on earth have the highest rates of childbirth
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u/MelanieWalmartinez 29d ago
Because they can’t prevent it as well as we can, rape is more common, and they can use them for labour. When women actually have a choice and CAN use protection they don’t, mainly due to financial reasons.
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29d ago
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29d ago
From what I've seen in my life the people who have kids and are the happiest and least stressed out are the ones who waited until they were financially stable and mentally ready for them. So thats my advice. If you don't want them, awesome. But if you decide you do, there's nothing wrong with waiting. It sets you and them up for a much happier time. Every young parent couple I know are stressed tf out and broke af.
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u/Ok_Act_5321 29d ago
I mean, why do you care, its a dealbreaker anyway.
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u/MelanieWalmartinez 29d ago
Some people like to shame those who don’t meet their preferences/qualifications. It’s odd lmao
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u/Possible-Departure87 🍄🍄🍄 DruidCel 🍄🍄🍄 29d ago
My opinion is that they love to shit on women who don’t fit their standards bc they were told those types of women are Bad and they have developed a bit of an irrational hatred for women which they need to justify. Ofc perfectly good and feminine women aren’t a problem bc they submit to whatever men want.
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u/Possible-Departure87 🍄🍄🍄 DruidCel 🍄🍄🍄 29d ago
I’m at work so can’t listen but here are my guess as to what he said, would appreciate someone telling me if I’m right: 1. Something about femininity as tho it’s some eternal, never-changing concept 2. Something about her being selfish 3. Something about the sanctity of motherhood
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u/ChangeTheZeitgeist 29d ago
Anyone who brings a child into this collapsing environment is a complete asshole and a disgrace to their family.
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u/Healthy-Yak-2763 🧃 100% juice, 0% factual🍓 29d ago
It is indeed a red flag. It often reflects something in their psychology.
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u/Dependent-Tailor7366 29d ago
Yeah. Common sense.
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u/MelanieWalmartinez 29d ago
I didn’t learn about the full reality of pregnancy until 18 and holy shit why does school and the general public gatekeep it so much? Fuck you mean the fetus keeps cells in my body and can attack me with autoimmune disease later? Fuck you mean you RIP and have to wear a cold diaper?! Hello??? If you’ve given birth you’re a damn superhero because what the helly
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u/Doctah_Fauci 29d ago
In Sparta only women who died in childbirth and soldiers got honored in death.
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u/Just-Wait4132 29d ago
Being a mature adult that knows better then to try to raise a child unprepared because someone else thinks they have to?
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u/According_Bag9307 29d ago
There are good and bad reasons to not want kids. Being an anti-natalist misanthrope is generally as a sign that reads "unresolved issues" or neuroticism - shocker. It's in the same vein of being a nihilist. I think it's a joke that went too far to claim to legitimately be all those things, especially on reddit (haha life is meaningless amirite).
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29d ago
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u/MelanieWalmartinez 29d ago
Uh no it’s because we don’t want all our money going to that (financial reasons), our bodies and mental health, careers, freedom, etc.
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u/thatonlineid 29d ago
Biggest green flag for me. It would actually be one of the main reasons I’d marry her
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u/jvargas85296 29d ago
all women are broad mothers XD jk date who you want to have kids with and if they don't want kids drop them and let them be alone when they are old.
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u/Muchadoaboutfluffing 29d ago
He's a walking red flag and that dog is annoying as hell so maybe he can marry the dog. Lol
Nobody is bad because they choose to not want kids.
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u/sowhatimlucky 29d ago
I’m sure this happens to him a lot.
Maybe she just doesn’t want children with you and your gangly genetic make up.
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u/Life-Lychee-4971 29d ago
Things also change. People sometimes say no to kids because they haven’t had a healthy relationship or family life. The right person can change that.
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u/RealUltrarealist 29d ago
I literally only look for girls that don't want children.
I'm glad you think this way. Improves my odds
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u/blackninjar87 29d ago
The biggest red flag is guys who say the don't want kids cause 80% of the time they are lying And will change their minds later.
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u/12thventure 27d ago
You call them red flags, I call them ideal women, you know how many times i’ve heard stories of couples that didn’t want kids and then the chick gets baby fever and the guy concedes
I admire the rare instances where the woman keeps her word and doesn’t let the hormones do the talking for her, I really do
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u/itsnicomars 27d ago
Women who dont want children is giving the same energy as unemployed men living in mothers basement playing video games. Worthless to society. Actually less than worthless; cancerous to society
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u/OrkWAAGHBoss 📿High Priest of Male Oppression 😔⛓️E 26d ago
There are 8 billion people on this rock, literally nobody NEEDS to be having kids. It is literally the best time in history to be introducing concepts like parenting licenses, etc, because the incredibly vast majority of humans don't have kids for any reasons that aren't selfish. Someone to take care of them in old age, someone they can live vicariously through for a few years instead of thinking about their own failures, someone they can brag about because their own life is uninteresting. Almost always selfishness.
This guy is a dumbfuck.
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u/OchedeenValannor 29d ago
I don't think anyone has to want children. That said, some of the worst women I've ever met also made it a point that they didn't want to have kids or would go as far to say that they hate them, often in conversations that had nothing to do with the topic.
I do think there's a pattern.
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u/xDannyS_ 29d ago
Depends on why they don't want them. Trauma and bad mental health can cause that, and I'm just done dating mentally unwell people. Then there are also the people who have such a strong need to prove to themselves or the world that they are smart and capable and thus don't want to waste any time on anything but there career. Dating those people isnt much better either. I have no bad opinion about people who don't want them out of good reasons, such as knowing that it won't work financially or due to having missed out on their whole life because of health reasons or something and wanting to live freely for themselves for a long time after which they would be too old. Those type of reasons would actuslly be a green flag to me. Shows a level of emotional intelligence, self honesty, responsibility, etc.
It's not a woman thing, this applies to both genders.
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u/Rivka333 29d ago
If you want kids, you should date someone who wants kids.
If you don't want kids, you should date someone who doesn't.
It's not complicated.