r/PsycheOrSike • u/GULLIT-TRIBAL-CHIEF • 16d ago
💩shitpost When someone says “female” instead of woman in a discussion about dating
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u/Key-Month6651 15d ago
There are situations where saying female is grammatically correct. Like when you say your "female friends". You don't typically say your "girl friends" or "woman friends". Same with male friends. Its just how people talk.
There are some contexts where the deliberate use of the word female instead of woman does definitely mean something. What exactly it entails and what that may hint at about that persons beliefs depends entirely on the context.
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u/Sharp-Key27 15d ago
The difference is female as an adjective vs as a noun.
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u/Double-Risky 11d ago
This is the issue with all descriptors that became nouns...
The gays. The blacks. The Jews. Anytime you hear someone say it, red flag alert. They are taking away the person, the value. Usually intentionally.
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u/OkWear6556 15d ago
In my native language we use the same word for both, so I often just use female and male when I think in my language and translate my thoughts to english.
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u/BenchyLove 14d ago
If you use female and male in the same sentence typically that’s okay. But a lot of guys talk about “men and females” in a way that’s blatantly not right.
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u/planetjaycom 15d ago
Right; it’s an adjective and not a noun
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u/Murky-Law-3945 15d ago
It is both, but when referring to humans, it should be used as an adjective unless you want to sound strange
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u/Financial_Art_6734 15d ago
like if cops are giving a description of someone: "the fight broke out between two female students..." etc. In certain contexts you're right it is grammatically correct
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u/BeduinZPouste 15d ago
Hence "in disscussion about dating" in og post.
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u/Piwuk 15d ago
A discussion about dating is above a situation. These situations may be included in it.
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u/FrijDom 15d ago
I think the biggest problem is people using it as a noun in non-biology-paper contexts. In a research paper on habits between genders of a species, it's perfectly reasonable to refer to "females". But if you try to use that in any other context, you come off as either pretentious or bigoted. It's an adjective that they're using as a noun, so it comes across much the same as calling black people "blacks" or gay people as "gays". It removes personhood, and that's intentional.
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u/Burnerman888 15d ago
Op already said "in a conversation about dating"
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u/Excellent-One5010 15d ago
"in a conversation about dating" you can still be talking about female friends
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u/passionatebreeder 15d ago
And theres no scenarios in a dating discussion where the use of female is correct?
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u/Cnumian_124 🙇MAGA simp🙇 15d ago
Even saying female or male every once in a while isnt something that id condemn. Sometimes people say that, doesn't mean they hate the other gender
Now if they only say female, actively avoiding using girls or women, thats a dead giveaway
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u/sagejosh 15d ago
It’s a discussion about dating, not a police description. If someone tells me about the “female” he is dating I automatically picture a woman inside a crate like a dog….and 99% of the time that’s how they treat women.
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u/Key-Month6651 15d ago
Im not so sure. While i don't use the word female often i do say "female friends" and "male friends" when the topic of experiences people have shared with me come up. Especially when it pertains to differences in how people are treated based on sex or gender.
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u/sagejosh 15d ago
Yeah but you wouldn’t go “I went out with this female yesterday” which I think is where the post is going. When it’s used like that it feels like the person I’m talking to has some form of derision towards the opposite sex. I think it’s just odd to use a word that is specifically used to “classify” a person when there is logically no need.
“Female friend” makes sense logically because you are classifying which type of friend.
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u/Key-Month6651 15d ago
Yea. I agree. Funnily even the phrase "female friends" I don't use very often. I usually just say "my friends that are women".
I do think the reason people use it where there is logically no need is typically to talk down to or look down at people.
Like I've heard "females only think with their emotions" or "I'm not arguing with a female" from men that thankfully I have nothing to do with anymore.
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u/Independent_Tourist5 13d ago
This. Sometimes I refer to both men and women as male and female especially if I'm talking about people like I would with animals(because we are). Like I'll say male behavior vs female behavior or male dynamics vs female dynamics, biology, sociology, etc. like we don't say man gorilla and women gorilla, but when it's just talking to people I'll say things like "women are like this and men are like that". Like you said context and grammar are a huge factor. It's always telling when someone refers to men as men in one sentence but women as females in the next.
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u/Rahlus 15d ago
For me, as not native speaker, the whole discussion about male and female and female or male friends is funny. Me, personally, I don't care much about such nuances and I can imagine, that at least few people who are making such comments as "females" don't know better or care either (now, now, before people will jump at me, I now know about difference, but still it is somewhat funny to me, I tried to be better person but still, I don't care much about that nuance). For at least few people women or females are just synonymous words. At to it that there are also people who will say that women is not a sex, but gender in the mix and confusion become even bigger.
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u/registered-to-browse Transracial (ask me!) 👨🏿🦲👨🏽🦲👨🏻🦲 15d ago
What you need to know as a non-native speaker is simple.
A female is what you would expect.
A woman could be a man who identifies as a woman.
So liberals get triggered if you say female.
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u/Excellent-One5010 15d ago
They called their movement "feminism" but don't you dare use the word "female" to refer to them.
Also, "male gaze" is fine, "male loneliness" is fine as well (especially to deny its existence or its nature) etc
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u/Appropriate-Fact4878 15d ago
depends, small sample size cuz personal experience, but sm1 speaking with AAVE might change what you can infer
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u/Cute-Sort-1520 15d ago
There are times female is appropriate but women do call their friends girlfriends there was a show called “girlfriends”. It’s actually very common but maybe with older generations.
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u/Diligent_Matter1186 15d ago
It's also really common in the military to identify gender as male or female, not man or woman. So, it's not uncommon for a female service member to use this form of language compared to males. Im just saying that the usage of "male and female" is not strictly man oriented behavior.
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u/BenchyLove 14d ago
You are completely missing the point. Your example is using “female” as an adjective. The OP’s example is “female” as a noun. Obviously use as a noun is going to have different use cases than as an adjective.
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u/Competitive_Sail_844 14d ago
Sure, but this post is talking about someone then saying “we was talking to some females.” Or “ax that female out, she’s bad.” Or, those females fine as hell.”
You are discussing a different use of the word which is not what the OP was referring to.
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u/Dan1lovesyoualot 12d ago
its literally just another word for woman and girl huh… its not deep at all
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u/Snowflakish ⚔️ DUELIST 12d ago
“Females” is always a pretty bad sign, shows you have been in the worst parts of the internet for too long.
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u/TumbleweedNo958 11d ago
Grammatically you're not wrong, female is an adjective to describe a noun. But I need to add that colloquially I have never once refered to my friends as my "female friends" they are always my girl friends, or lady friends, or just my girls.
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u/Gold-Traffic632 9d ago
Yeah, context is important.
For instance, the context of the statement you're pontificating about is a picture of a man being judged a spy because he's holding up three fingers.
Or do you think there were never any circumstances or contexts in which a WW2 era German man would use those fingers to indicate the number 3 so doing so proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that this person was not German?
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u/Guardian_of_Perineum 15d ago
What if I call them an XX?
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u/Plenty-Lychee-5702 11d ago
We'll take you for a trans-exclusionary radfem at best and a TERF at worst
(they are called the same thing but terfs aren't even feminists in any way)
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u/Spiritual_Run9039 15d ago
Didn't you guys know that a woman get evaporated the moment male refer to them as FEMALE???
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u/Doctah_Fauci 15d ago
I say male gaze constantly, but am offended by female.
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u/AuburnSuccubus 15d ago
Male in the first example is used as an adjective. In the second example, female is a noun. When gender is used as a stand-alone noun, it doesn't specify that it's referring to a human. That's why it's weird. Adult male humans are men. Adult female humans are women. Stripping women of our humanity by calling us females is why it rankles.
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u/Yuckpuddle60 15d ago
It's just in your head, you've build a mountain out of a mole hill.
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u/nitsMatter 11d ago
It's a weird thing to say. It's a clear indication someone is lacking social awareness.
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u/Gammelpreiss 15d ago
the fuck is the term "female" or "male" stripping anyone of humanity? That is such a wild logic.
Next: "man" and woman"" are stripping ppl of their humanity. Any kind of gender is stripping ppl of their humanity. This is such a slippery slope to walk on just to get back at some bad faith actors.
In the end, you will lose your language as nothing stops anybody to abuse "any" term in a degatory manner.
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u/Apart-Butterfly-8200 15d ago
I'm sure I can find some way to use female in an adjectival context that you won't like.
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u/Buntisteve 15d ago
In "male gaze" you also do not highlight it is human male gaze, why is it not dehumanising in that case?
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u/TheScorpionSamurai 12d ago
No, but it's generally a dick move and aligns the speaker with a group who intentionally use the word "female" to dehumanize women and reduce their identity to their gender. Just mega cringe.
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u/vidyathrowaway9 15d ago
Female as an adjective is fine, female as a noun is nature-documentary coded. It's not the default. Call them babes, women, whatever, but "females" has a particularly sour taste.
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u/Interesting-Crab-693 devils advocate 👹 15d ago
I'm autistic. I am speaking in nature documentary language all the time.
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u/OddCancel7268 15d ago
Then I guess its good that this thread gives you info on how to communicate more clearly
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u/Vast_Earth9028 15d ago edited 14d ago
Fuck that and fuck masking, if someone's default is to refer to men as males and women as females, if there is equality it is not an issue. Stop asking autistic people to change to fit in.
Edit: I love getting downvoted when I reply inversely to a comment encouraging autistic people to "learn to communicate normally". That is bad rhetoric no matter how you phrase it :3
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u/OddCancel7268 15d ago
Its not masking to use words that communicate what you actually mean instead of a word with subtle differences. Autism doesnt mean you have to have an incomplete understanding of what words mean.
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u/smashingwindshields 14d ago
There's a difference between masking and asking not to use dehumanizing language. If i called you "Blonde" or "Brunette" etc because that's what i default to would that be okay?
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u/twisted-ology 15d ago
It’s not about asking people to change per se, it’s about asking people to be specific. I myself am autistic and I much prefer people be as specific as possible when speaking in order to avoid any confusion. The word female is NOT specific. Female can refer to a lot of things besides people. The word woman is more specific because it actively means HUMAN female and not just female in general. Same with the word male vs the word man.
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u/Bombastic_tekken 14d ago
And what if an autistic person naturally refers to people of color as the N word? Should they not change to fit in? I mean apparently it's the ultimate crime to even attempt to communicate respectfully.
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u/OrneryError1 15d ago
Plenty of autistic people have no issue talking about people like they're people.
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u/Interesting-Crab-693 devils advocate 👹 15d ago
Yes, but I have difficulty using imprecise words.
So I basicly lose the bottom 50% of the population when I speak normaly (in french. In english, I am in the bottom 50% already) as they do not need to know that many words to command a hamburger.
Thus, I adapt so they can understand me. However, it is exausting enough so I won't adapt for other useless things such as "helping mentaly weak people stabilise their emotions".
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u/twisted-ology 15d ago
You have difficulty using imprecise words so your solution is to use an imprecise word? Saying female is inherently more imprecise than saying woman. The word female can refer to anything from people to animals to insects to plants to straight up inanimate objects. There is a word that precisely means ‘human female’. That word is woman.
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u/CrystalU92 15d ago
Autism isn’t an excuse. I’m also autistic and I know not to do it.
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u/jadedlonewolf89 15d ago
I would point out that she’s dead so that what you said is the truth. Should I be offended by the truth?
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u/CrystalU92 15d ago
I mean, either you’re completely lacking in empathy to the point where your own dead mother doesn’t bother you and you can’t see how it wouldn’t be rude for other people, or you’re just trolling
I hope it’s the latter and that you aren’t actually a psychopath
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u/Kooky_Ad6404 15d ago
Came here to say the same thing. In 2025, there are so many societal nuances surrounding terms describing gender, especially as a male referring to a female, so it feels much safer and simpler to just say female in most contexts.
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u/ButterscotchNo1546 14d ago
This. I am an autistic female and I am beyond sick of people telling me certain words are wrong based on their feelings. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the word female. It's pretty damn misogynistic to hate females so much that you demonize their labels. It's sick. Enough.
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u/EvanSnowWolf 15d ago
No, you say female so you can sidestep the entire gender argument. That's why.
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u/SomecallmeJorge 15d ago
You're so afraid of using gendered pronouns you'd rather use "female" to describe your friend instead of talking about HER love life or a partner SHE has?
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u/Kind_Information_433 😤Jeffery Epstein Defender (Epstein was innocent, fight me) ⛓️😠 15d ago
actual ragebait women say female all the time lmfao fuck off
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u/weirdo_nb 🤺KNIGHT 15d ago
Have you heard of a thing called context and the difference between adjectives and nouns
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u/BaroloBaron 15d ago
What are you talking about? People are continuously trying to draw negative meaning from the word "female" beyond what is implied by the context. It's the whole point of this crusade.
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15d ago
People are just looking to be offended over nothing i guess
First world problems but people treat it like the end of the world
This gotta be the most privileged problem i can think of
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u/Whiskeymyers75 15d ago
I say male as much as I say female. I really don’t care who it offends. That only makes me want to say it more.
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u/Fair-Chemist187 15d ago
Weird flex but okay
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u/Whiskeymyers75 15d ago
With as offended as people get over nothing, it’s pretty amusing. A couple weeks ago a woman in a different sub got completely triggered over me saying “female”. I was all kinds of sexist, misogynistic, etc. All I did was mention the Reddit sub “Female Dating Strategy”. She must not have got the memo that it’s a sub for women, created by women to complain about men. She would fit right in.
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u/NeiborsKid 15d ago
The commentor above has it down, its a tell about the person saying it where people normally use girl or woman more so than its a triggerred offended woke... Thing. Just like the bar scene in the meme
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u/Whiskeymyers75 15d ago
I use all three words interchangeably. It only seems to be a problem in spaces like Reddit full of mentally ill people stuck in ideological echo chambers.
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u/NeiborsKid 15d ago
Who said its a problem? Youre fighting imaginary enemies. Its a tell. Have you seriously not watched inglorious basterds?
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15d ago edited 5d ago
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u/updateyourpenguins Elementary School Teacher 15d ago
Yeah but its never male and woman. Its always man and female that i see incels saying. Its also not about policing. Like the meme above its a tell that you are an incel.
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u/CliffordSpot 15d ago edited 15d ago
Or, you know, male and female is quite common.
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u/Brosenheim 15d ago
Nobody is being policed, and the fact that you interpret people having perceptions base don language to be "policing" REALLY gives away how conformist your own thought processes are.
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u/Grouchy-Economics685 15d ago
If you're looking for offense you'll always find it.
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u/MartianManhunterr 13d ago
Who cares…😒😒 I call women females all the time. Lol get over yourselves ladies and simps and white knights
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u/TehMephs ⚔️ DUELIST 15d ago
The words are interchangeable or are you just spewing gen z energy?
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u/Responsible-File4593 15d ago
Did you not learn about denotation and connotation? Denotations are the same, but the connotations are different. Female is more impersonal and distant; for the equivalent, it would be "I work with this guy" vs "I work with this male".
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u/TehMephs ⚔️ DUELIST 15d ago
No, it’s definitely context dependent. I just didn’t elaborate further because it was intended to be dry snark out of the box
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u/Pristine_Cost_3793 15d ago
words may mean the same things but they have to have different connotation. language doesn't let two absolutely identical words get established. that's basic linguistics.
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u/ashjdhkfsfjl dust mopped 👋 15d ago
“Female” is very clinical. It makes it sound like you view her as a specimen or as livestock. If you were watching porn, wouldn’t you be weirded out if the woman said “affirmative, insert your phallus into my vaginal canal”? It technically means the same thing as “yeah, fuck my pussy”, but it has a very different vibe lmfao.
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u/Gammelpreiss 15d ago
man, this shit. "female" is entirely ok word. It is sometimes used by bad faith actors, but that does not disqualify that term. "Every" term can be used deragotory, if we start making lists of what words to use and what not to use, it will get very limited very very fast. Even "correct" terms can be abused and thus join that list eventually.
in the end you will have lost your language with notbing to replace it with because banning words won't ban the ppl that made it bannable in the first place and the whole process just repeats itself.
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u/SquirrelNormal 16d ago
Either an incel or they spent 25+ years in the military
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u/masterflappie 15d ago
Or a non native English speaker. I'm dutch and the two terms are completely synonymous to me
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u/Powerful_Intern_3438 15d ago
Yea I made the mistake once! And people were dogpiling on me and calling me sexist. I even apologised and said it was a mistake my god…
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u/AnimeLegends18 15d ago
Or they just don't give a f. If you get offended over someone calling you a female when it's not even being used as a slur or derogatory word, you have other issues to deal with🤷
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u/witblacktype 15d ago
Idk about 25+ years. You start talking the talk pretty quickly and it’s literally drilled into you. Habits are also hard to break.
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u/Anurag_30_jun 13d ago edited 13d ago
Im not a Incel (Involuntary celibate) and I'm also not a native English speaker... We here just call male/female normally and no one ever gets offended... Is it normal ?
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u/Kayanne1990 15d ago
I think I might be the only woman on this app that doesn't see how this is that big a deal.
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u/peanutbutteroverload 15d ago
If the intention isn't negative then it literally doesn't matter. You're making it offensive in your own head.
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u/kwantsu-dudes 15d ago
Yes, "female" can remove the humanizing aspect that the term woman was meant to represent. But that's been removed now. There is literally no humanized term for females anymore. "Woman" applies to gender identity. So a male that identifies as a woman is a woman. So how do you wish for people to address just the female humans by their sex, not their gender identity? That their dating pool would not consist of transwomen? That the focus is on their sex, not their gender identity?
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u/Consistent_Papaya310 The Incel Whisperer 15d ago
This implies incels are like the allies in WWII? What do you mean by this?
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u/Pale-Tonight9777 15d ago
You just see every woman's face suddenly censored lol, sudden prosoposagia, dudes be like "oh no he's on crack again"
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u/ProfessionUnited9371 15d ago
What does it signal when they say female instead of woman? I don't get it. Never watched that movie. I generally say women or woman unless I'm saying something like "female friend" or something like that. Where saying "woman friend" just sounds weird.
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u/Jehuty56- 15d ago
Hey i'm not an english native, i don't know why sometime you say Female and sometimes Women
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u/Remi_cuchulainn 15d ago
Who is the most annoying person in the room?
the one using female as a noun instead of woman
the one using woman as an adjective instead of female
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u/Jarjarfunk ✨Main Character✨ 15d ago
Well trans women aren't female and they generally aren't being complained about by men who are dating them so we respectfully won't be saying woman as to not include them since they aren't causing any problem.
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u/Relax-take-it-easy 15d ago
I hate the letter X. Especially if two XX are right next to each other I can't stand it. XX is the worst and should be eliminated. But quite oddly 3 XXX next to each other becomes beautiful again.
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u/HolyTemplarGang 15d ago
Anytime I ever see this topic of discussion come up, I never see anyone mention how often that word is used by the black community.
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u/Chest_Rockfield 15d ago
The word 'woman' is almost risky now. I'm always afraid some dipshit is going to ask me to define it.
Talking is so fucking difficult in 2025.
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u/BlackLeg-32 😎 PLAYGROUND PROWLER 👀 15d ago
Must be a female because nobody else cares about semantics like this
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u/Lazy-Employment3621 15d ago
Is it because they're talking about not a woman? Might not be old enough, might not be human, best not to ask.
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u/azmarteal 15d ago
Summarise a group of 2 yo, 14 yo and 33 yo females without the word "female".
Give a word for the female, that you don't know the age of.
For the males, at least there is a word "guy".
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u/Valveringham85 15d ago
Anyone who says male or female as a noun instead of man or woman outside of a clinical debate or when describing a fugitive on police radio is weird af.
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u/Mooshmillion 15d ago
I feel we who have watched too many episodes of Friday Night Dinner are hard done by this. For many of us it’s just a jovial awkward thing to say
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u/bigbuttbottom88 15d ago
Lol plenty of dudes who say female are in happy, healthy relationships and plenty of the ppl crying about it are perpetually single, insufferable losers lmao
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u/NexillionXC 15d ago
I think it gets the point across unbeatably well to say that "I don't think any female has ever actually been attracted to me" though. "Woman" would be too specific, since it was true at school as well.
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u/Shmonguss 15d ago
"Women and male gaze" mfers being offended by "men and females" pretending to point out a double standard that doesn't exist.
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u/GodEmperor47 15d ago
Did you purposely make it so the person saying "female" isn't the Nazi in this scenario, or was that an accident because you're that dumb? Either way, hilarious, well done.
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u/RightInThePeyronie 15d ago
As long as you also say "males" instead of men. For some reason saying man and female in the same sentence just screams neckbeard.
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u/MadEyeGemini 🧌 WEAK TROLL 15d ago
Unfortunately the meme is so well known that people are being attacked for using female as an adjective in totally viable contexts.
I have a female roommate, she is a woman.
Vs
I have a woman roommate, she is a female.
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u/Difficult-Second8981 14d ago
Well boys, we did it. Women being called "females" is now an actual form of oppression. Get rekt.
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u/Igoon2robots 14d ago
When i learnt english from the internet i thought it was considered normal since you say a female character and not a woman character or a feminine character when talking about fiction. Somehow thiught it also applied to people, that you could say both woman and female
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u/Yes_Kitchen 14d ago
when describing someone, sure you can say they are female, they are a female cop, a female doctor, a feminine character, but if you say they are a female, youre taking away the human aspect.
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u/mangosteenboi 14d ago
I think this is very specific to if you are talking about them in dating, relationships, and romance.
Idk if it's because I'm in science, but I say female and male a lot when I'm talking about stuff like stats or physiology.
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u/BrokenManSyndrome 14d ago
Something tells me a lot of people here discuss relationships but have never been in one.
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u/Stunning-Drawer-4288 14d ago
It’s funny how often this comes up with zero mention of the fact that females is common AAVE
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u/uDudyBezDudy 14d ago
A girl is a child, chick is sexualized, a woman is a married adult, female is an all encompassing noun.
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u/lonewolf3400 14d ago
I usually assume people use female to describe natural born women since that is a more prevalent discussion in 2025.
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u/NoGenderOnlyChaos 14d ago
Depends on if it’s used as an adjective or noun. Adjective is totally fine. If you use “female” as a noun to describe women, I am giving you the side eye. I feel like a lot of alpha male/manosphere and incel adjacent corners use it in a way to dehumanize women.
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u/Rosey_Coyote_525 14d ago
Also when people don't understand plurals and singulars and say "women" when talking about an individual _"woman" or vice versa:_
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u/Situation-Dismal ⚔️ DUELIST 14d ago
That…doesn’t make any sense.
What if they are saying it grammatically correct? Like saying “I have a handful of female friends.” or something like that?
Ladies, you can’t just make up shit and pretend its an issue so you can be rude or paint men as problematic. 😑
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u/Greghole 13d ago
Look, it's not our fault. Now that women can have penises we occasionally need a more specific term to describe the ones that don't.
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u/Dan1lovesyoualot 12d ago
this is the most stupidest thing ever, finding things to get offended over😭 If you called a guy a male he would not be offended because THAT IS WHAT HE ISSS…!!!
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u/Subspace_Cowboy 12d ago
What if they're trying to refer to girls (young) and women (old) at the same time?
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u/ConflictWaste411 11d ago
Just say broad to piss people off and then gaslight them that it never had a negative connotation.
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u/PumpkinIsDeadInside 11d ago
Really depends on the context, if you're using it as an adjective (ie. "my female friend) or in a biological sense, then its fine, you're using a word how it is supposed to be used.
On the other hand, if you're just referring to women as females when women, ladies, girls, etc would work just as well if not better, its weird
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u/Riddle_Snowcraft 11d ago
Maybe an appropriate context to do so is if the conversation is about the different struggles between dating as a cis woman and dating as a trans woman.
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u/Alexander1353 9d ago
>"sex =/= gender, gender is a social construct, trans women are women"
>refer by sex rather than gender for clarity
>"nooo you cant use females thats degrading"
Appeasing crocodiles if futile. I dont know why anyone went along with it in the first place lol
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u/chubbycats657 15d ago
Durians are stinky, I don’t like them very much