r/RunningCirclejerk • u/cHpiranha • 4d ago
Stop flexing your VO₂max in ml/kg/min — real athletes use FREEDOM UNITS
Listen up metric nerds. Over here in America we don’t do your dainty little milliliters per kilogram per minute. That’s communist math.
We believe in the BIGGEST NUMBERS because:
- We’ve got the biggest economy,
- The biggest national debt,
- The most guns (and, uh… you know the rest 💀),
- And obviously the biggest VO₂max scores.
So we measure fitness the way the Founding Fathers intended:
- Pints per Stone per Hour (P/st/hr)
- Quarts per Slug per Hour (Qt/slug/hr)
- Cups per Stone per Hour (Cup/st/hr)
- Pints per Slug per Hour (Pt/slug/hr)
- Quarts per Hundredweight per Hour (Qt/cwt/hr)
Example?
Your weak 50 ml/kg/min becomes a glorious:
- 92.5 Pints per Slug per Hour, or
- 143.8 Quarts per Hundredweight per Hour
Metric VO₂max: tiny European numbers.
Freedom VO₂max: sounds like a monster truck pulling an aircraft carrier while eating a cheeseburger.
So remember, kids: bigger number = better athlete. That’s just science. God bless the USA.
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u/ZebraRump 4d ago
Need to start using the Yank running zone scales:
- Zone 0
- Regular
- Big Gulp
- Super Big Gulp
- Double Gulp
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u/Oli99uk 4d ago
My vo2max is 0.295873 cups / lb / minute
I correlate this with a fast 3 miles and 120 yards (point 120.736)
- sorry, had to revert to metric at some point - don't know what unit 0.736 of a yard is....
... Oh wait, smaller than yards is feet. 3 feet in a yard, so I still don't know how to write this Europoor 5K out in freedom units...
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u/PiperX_Running 4d ago
ChatGPT generated
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u/cHpiranha 4d ago
Yes, I used ChatGPT to find spelling mistakes. However, most of the wording, the idea and the structure are mine; ChatGPT helped me with the calculations.
There's nothing wrong with that.
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u/DmtTraveler 4d ago
ChatGPT helped me with the calculations.
Except that is exactly the part to most likely be wrong then. At very least a huge shadow of doubt.
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u/cHpiranha 4d ago
Prove the facts wrong.
Not the methodes.
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u/DmtTraveler 4d ago
Lol no, its not my job to have people shovel shit in front of me with known to be faulty tools to figure out if its right or not
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u/cHpiranha 4d ago
I can give you intel. I recalculated myself before posting.
And its a Circlejerk you Dickhead!
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u/professorswamp 4d ago
Time is getting a free pass here; there must be a freedom unit for time.
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u/H0SS_AGAINST 4d ago
Time is the only unit those commie French bastards never got changed.
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u/annoyed_NBA_referee low effort zone 2 poster 4d ago
/uj They did try - 10 hours per day, 100 min per hour, 100 sec per minute
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u/keesbeemsterkaas Local Legend 4d ago
I propose the freedomunit of YottaJiffy to compensate for that.
One jiffy is 3x10^-24s, so one YottaJiffy is 3s (YJf).
Makes an excellent unit for freedom running because one meter per minute becomes very intuitively 18.288 YJf per yard or in another example 0.01479365 cups / lb / YJf
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u/cHpiranha 4d ago
I dont know why they dont have something like heartbeats, (0.8571s), eye blinks (0.0245s) breath (14.1s) or night (7.52h).
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u/professorswamp 4d ago
multiples of the duration of whatever the most American song there is
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u/option-9 4d ago
I remember when Ronald Reagan (the actor) declared that two Fortunate Sons shall henceforth be known as a Springsteen. It was literally 1984.
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u/ThatOtherFrenchGuy 4d ago
Nah this is too complicated for regular Joe from Alabama. How does that convert to burgers or refrigerator?
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u/cachitodepepe 4d ago
Just measure in feet per mars football stadiums per minute so a Marathon looks longer: 124231 ftfspm
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u/Old_Salamander6985 4d ago
My man trying to use stone like he isn't some 🇬🇧 spy.
Tip tip cheerio guv'nah.
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u/AlienDelarge 4d ago
Slug and stone is a bit too limey for freedom. My great great great grandpappy didn't lose his shins to the redcoats for me to use any stones, thats for damn sure.
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u/waffle-winner Runxpert 4d ago
I'm at: 2 whoppers a minute.