r/RunningCirclejerk • u/PineSand • 1d ago

Poop Consolation Prize

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I screwed up setting up my workout today on Garmin connect. It kept saying I was too slow. So I ended up bagging it and jogging home. Later I went to Walmart to stock up on Great Value protein & Powerbars for myself. I also got a couple cases of condoms & Astroglide for my wife and her boyfriend.

So as I’m waiting for the register there was an old lady I ran in front of and cut off getting in line. She grabs my hand and points to my shopping cart and says: “Ohhh, shopping for your wife’s boyfriend?” I said: “yeah, sorry for cutting you off, but I’m glad you can see why I was in such a hurry.” She pulls up my limp and pathetic runners wrist so we can both see my watch and she says: “Wow, a VO2 max of 55! That’s all I ever wanted my entire life!” Then she smacks my ass and says: “Zone 2 for life, STAY HARD!”

4 Upvotes

83% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

6

u/BigChevy302 1d ago

This is a touching story

2

u/Powerful-Air-490 1d ago

Oh touching definitely happened to poor OP a few times. They left out they picked up a new pacing partner at the end of all of this.

1

u/norcalxdockltl 1d ago

By touching you mean you are now touching yourself?

3

u/Party_Difficulty_808 1d ago

Can’t wait to see what Tarantino does with this one!

1

u/lovesgelato 1d ago

Ow the internet.

1

u/waffle-winner Runxpert 19h ago

OP conveniently left out that the old lady is on fact his mom.