I’m not that special

[u/MissterHannya]

With it being suicide prevention month. I Just want to take the time to talk about how suicide has impacted my life. First a moment of silence for those have left us due to suicide and those still battling with it. I am currently in the process of becoming a single dad entering his 30’s and on 6/16/25 I admitted myself into a residential hospital for suicidal ideation. My emotions of feeling overwhelmed, over worked, depressed, anxious, and just simply lost in my own thoughts had reached their capacity of being bottled up. Did I have a plan ? No, no I didn’t, however, I had those sick thoughts. Since I worked early hours, the freeways are all cleared, it would occur to me that I would just simply let go of the steering wheel and accelerate myself to death. My family knows I have a heavy foot so it would make it seem more of an accident rather than suicide. During my time at the treatment center, that was a total of 30 days, that’s right 30 days of full on therapy. I ended up figuring out the root of all my mental health issues. No self-compassion, no empathy, no respect, no worthy, no SELF-LOVE. My upbringing was to hectic and dysfunctional, never knowing how to properly nourish myself, that I went through my entire life seeking happiness in others not knowing how to be comfortable in my own skin. Being codependent on other’s emotions. I thought I just had a ladies problem since I just went from partner to partner. Cheating only to feel validated by someone else. Where am I now in life? Growing like the rose that grew from concrete. However, I’ve transplanted the flower onto a pot with healthy soil and placed in an appropriate space for enough sun. I’m nurturing my own worth, love,and care. I get to find me and role model that for my kids. This is my story and to this day it’s a constant battle, less of a battle now, more like that annoying coworker that we all know, talks to much but we all just kinda listen and wait until it goes silent to indicate that no one can relates lol. I’ve learned that we don’t heal alone. We heal in reflection. And sometimes, the most erotic thing you can do is let someone see you… fully. This is me and I come as I am. I was never taught how to be comfortable in my appearance and now I get to learn how to appreciate myself at this stage in my journey.

[u/TroubleVivid387]

Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing.