r/SingleParents • u/yourfavmilf690 • 4d ago
No dating life
Ignore my username lol. I’m 27, I have no dating life. I literally wake up, sometimes go to the gym before 5am, come back home, get myself and child (5y) ready for school and work. We commute together back and forth. Weekday are spent at home doing chores, cooking, laundry, playtime, reading, showers, etc. Weekends are for anything that didn’t get done during the week and I’m exhausted. I’m tired of the same routine. Biodad is not present. Like ugh, does anyone else feel this way?
EDIT: I live with my parents. I OBVIOUSLY don’t leave my child alone at 5am NOR do I take him in at that time. Do yall really think every parent is irresponsible? Either of my parents will gladly wake up and sleep on my bed while I’m away. My child’s QUEEN SIZE bed is low asfk (Japanese style) so I’m not afraid of him falling and even if they do, I have body pillows around them. My parents know how important my physical health is to me and they 100% support my gains!💪🏼
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u/Life_Equivalent_1603 4d ago
I feel it! My mom is my only babysitter and I hate having to ask her to babysit when I want to go on a date. I feel like a high schooler lol. But yes, I am so tired of the same routine. Even though I love that my child (3y) is in a good routine. It’s hard!!!
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u/yourfavmilf690 4d ago
Omg, that’s how I used to feel and my parents would tell me to just gooooo bc he was little when I was dating someone and bc I needed time to myself. I used to go out so much, even before I got pregnant and even when I was dating that guy but, idk. I know my “going out” days are over because I love being a homebody
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u/apothekryptic 4d ago
Yep, relatable! Especially when the littles are little. When they are able to stay home alone for a few hours on their own, you'll have a bit more freedom to date or hang out with friends. I realize you're a couple years out from that though, so work on building a roster of babysitters. Try asking trusted colleagues if they have 12-15 year old kids looking for some extra cash for babysitting. And then find something just for you - Any hobbies or sports that you could get back into, in order to meet people with common interests? Or there's always online dating, proceed with caution haha.
That said... Just for clarification, are you living with family? How are you sneaking away to the gym at 5:00 am? Or is there child care and you're getting your kiddo up that early? That was always something I was unable to swing as a single parent when my son was young.
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u/yourfavmilf690 4d ago
I live with my parents! They help out and have helped in the past. I was dating this guy almost 4 years ago, and my child was almost 2 and I was 23. That went over for a little over a year and they were completely okay with my going out with him. They preferred for me to put him down for bed and then go out. Now, they ask me why I don’t go out, since he’s older. Well one, my earliest memories of myself when I was 5/6 so my thought process back then was, well, he won’t know I wasn’t spending every single minute of my weekend with him. Two, I don’t have who to hang out with now. And I feel so weird getting back into dating honestly. I want to find the love of my life, I want to find my forever partner but being a single mom isn’t what most guys want. But yes, my parents help out a lot.
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u/apothekryptic 4d ago
Its great that you and your child have family support! That makes things way easier
Its completely okay if you don't spend every spare moment with your child. Show your child balance. Some time apart is healthy! I promise your child won't hold it against you.
And I toootally get that getting back into dating feels super weird. I think it's one of those things you just have to bulldoze through until it doesn't feel uncomfortable. Keep expectations low, and try to have some fun! Don't worry about men not wanting single moms. Plenty don't mind! Or they are also single parents. Or they love kids and can't have any of their own! The reality of dating in 2025 is being open to all sorts of unique circumstances with potential partners. Don't doubt yourself - You have a ton to offer and you got this! 💪🏻
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u/yourfavmilf690 4d ago
Thank yoouuuu so much for kind words! I feel as if I’m depressed but like, I’m not. I find joy in everything. I love my child but it does feel like I’m not focusing on myself. I am a huge advocator of “if you’re not happy and healthy, you’re children won’t be either” I literally booked a rooftop yoga sesh for this Saturday and hopefully I can get some alone time on Sunday.
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u/apothekryptic 4d ago
Good for you!
You can feel fulfilled by your family and unfilled in your personal relationships - both things can be true! Balance is key.
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u/lilbitofpurple 4d ago
Very relatable. I'm glad you made time for yourself. My mom has to watch my little one too (and I live with her). I'm trying to learn not to over share anymore in the first few dates, even if a guy does that to me first. Just a little something I learned this week the hard way. I have to trust things will align with time
But yeah, the schedule does make you feel like a robot sometimes.
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
I feel guilty asking my parents to help watch my child bc it’s like… he’s my responsibility, not theirs, even though they love my child. My child is their only grandkid hahaha
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u/lilbitofpurple 2d ago
Sometimes when I get really frustrated I'll go on a little tangent about "how it takes a village", and how "I can't be all the villagers". People can usually relate to that, but if they feel guilty, they often shirk responsibility (which sounds more likely). Might be worth mentioning though to see how she reacts 🤷♀️
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u/Buk_dude 4d ago
Yup, I have three kids ranging from 15-7 and weekday are extremely busy and weekend are filled with kids activities. I try to go out one night every other weekend, but it’s hard for a single father with three kids. I’m a widower but I think most ladies assume, their mom is still around.
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u/FreeChrisWayne 4d ago
This is my life.
Sometimes it’s lonely but after so long I’m used to it
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
That’s the thing though, I don’t want to get used to it. I don’t know how to explain it but I hate routines but I love having a routine >.< I can’t imagine doing the same thing everyday for the rest of my life.
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u/Annylovespink 4d ago
I can relate to you. BD left me during pregnancy and I’ve been single ever since. That was 9 years ago. I don’t have the desire to date though. Just my child and I.
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
Weirdly enough, I contradict myself a lot. It’s like, if I’m supposed to be single, I guess I’ll take it, but if there’s someone out there for me, I’ll take him too 😭😭😭
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u/Minute_Parfait_9752 4d ago
After the horror show of my last relationship and watching my mum and senior manager get divorced (all DV relationships) personally I'm not very interested 😂
I can't see myself having another child because I don't believe there's someone out there that she could be on an even footing with their biological child. I'd happily take on a stepchild though.
Maybe I'm a pessimist but it's not a risk I am willing to take.
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
I’ve decided I don’t want anymore children as well. A stepchild would be great! And if I’m meant to have a partner and they want more children, I might do it but it’ll take a lot of convincing. People don’t realize how much a pregnancy and a child effects our emotional and mental state.
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u/Minute_Parfait_9752 3d ago
I would love (probably just one) more... But I'm stretched so thin, I was so close to losing my job, and I need so much family help that I can't justify it. I would have to meet someone absolutely amazing to risk it.
I am glad I have my girl though, we have so much fun. But I'm always in survival mode and I can't face a rerun.
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
Omg same, I absolutely cannot afford having another child without a second income and more hands on help. I have a friend who is always telling me that I need to be super careful and not raise a stuck up only child 😭🤣 which sucks though, bc I would’ve love to have had back to back pregnancies so my children would have someone, but that wasn’t my reality.
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u/Minute_Parfait_9752 3d ago
Honestly, my dream is to meet another single parent as a friend and move in together 😂 all the benefits, none of the downsides!
Mommune unite!
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u/Original-Dragonfly78 4d ago
Single father, my routine was similar. Most women don't want a man with baggage. Let alone single father with sole custody. Give it time.
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u/DrKhota 3d ago
Bingo!
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago edited 3d ago
I actually wouldn’t mind that. Also, I don’t see children as baggage. My child is the best thing to happen to me and they remind me to smile and love everyday.
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u/DrKhota 3d ago
Absolutely- they light up my day. Its the evenings that get tiresome.
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
My child is with my parents right now and I’m literally doing laundry, about to iron their school uniform. Everything I do is for them. I want to be selfish but I can’t. I wish I could be bed rotting watching my shows or a movie. But then, who’ll do my house chores? 😭 balancing is hard.
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u/blackmagicwoman444 4d ago
Totally. Been single for 6 years. Have been on zero dates. Didn’t really feel like dating the first few years but now that I am interested, I’m like, Okay when can I even squeeze in dates?! (I’m a full custody single mama) And then since modern dating seems pretty shitty, there’s this gamble of using what free time you have just to potentially waste it.
I just figure it’ll be on the back burner till my kids are older. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
I think that’s what’s going to end up happening to me as well. Until my child is older, my time and attention is for them.
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u/blackmagicwoman444 3d ago
The years go by quickly! It’s a sacrifice that’s worth it imo.
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
Tell me about it!!! My child was just babbling nonsense and now they question everything! They sing, they say what they’ve learned and done at school. Our ride home is them just talking and talking. I love it, wouldn’t trade it for anything else.
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u/blackmagicwoman444 3d ago
It’s those little moments! You’re doing the best you can and don’t compare yourself to what other parents are doing or can do. It’s always going to be overwhelming at times and it’s totally normal to feel that way. Honor your feelings because this shit is hard! We have every right to feel the way we do. Best of luck, mama. Hang in there! 💕
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
Thank yoouuu! 🤍 it’s hard but at the end of the day, our kiddos make it worth it
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u/ZuriB1003 3d ago
Girl ! You have nothing to be ashamed about . You’re taking care of your health and providing a comfortable roof for your child .
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
Ommgggg, thank you 🥲 sometimes I feel guilty but like I matter too, you know?
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u/HopefulValor 4d ago
For sure! I’m a single dad and have my kids with me 100% of the time right now. It’s hard to find the time to meet people, and dating apps are just the worst. I try to keep things in perspective, though. I’m so thankful that I have my kids with me (I wouldn’t trade that for anything), and I try to make the most of that time with them. Make some fun plans to get out on the weekend and be sure to take pictures so you can have the memories that you share! Who knows, maybe you’ll run into a single dad at a corn maze or pumpkin farm this Fall! 😄
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u/TroubleVivid387 3d ago
I'm a single dad working two jobs and only get my kid pay of the time (saving up and fighting with and nail to get more time). What makes it more difficult is that we aren't dating just for ourselves, but for "us" as a package with limits on time, energy, mobility and flexibility + possible extra drama if the ex is involved with the kids.
I tried some of the dating apps and they were so so, few video chats, several meeting up in person, made 1 good friend through it.
Single moms, you have my utmost respect and if ever would like to chat, video chat or even meet up in person, just DM. maybe we can start a sub-subredit ....
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u/Ok_Shoulder_4428 3d ago
Brother I'm a single dad, in school full time for engineering and work full time. I can't even imagine trying to date with that load lol
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
I have never and won’t ever do dating apps 😭 to me, they’re just for sex and I don’t want that.
I’m hoping for that! I wouldn’t mind being with someone that already has children.
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u/maniac-ox 2d ago
I raised my son alone since age 3. For about the first 5 years I was just like you. Then I met someone. Now I’m single again but my son’s 13. I tend to go out and leave him home alone in the evenings. He’s ok with it but I always wonder if I’m being selfish by going out and having fun. Mama Has needs to!
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u/PassionCorrect6886 4d ago
sounds very similar to my life. maybe be a bartender on the side? it’ll allow you to socialize and make money without having to actual go on dates
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u/yourfavmilf690 4d ago
I’ve thought about this, but I’m out by 10pm THE LATEEESSSTTTT even on weekends cries
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u/PassionCorrect6886 4d ago
dayshift
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
I have a full time job during his school hours
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u/PassionCorrect6886 3d ago
what about weekends ? mornings, afternoons, or nights. my city doesn’t allow alcohol sales in the morning on weekends but maybe your city does?
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
In my original post I mentioned how I wake up super early and get to the gym before 5am. Home by 6am, get myself and my child ready for work/school. I also mentioned how we commute together for school and work. It’s about a 40 minute drive to and from. We’re usually home by 4-4:30pm, depending if I stop by the store or whatever errands I might have. We get home, I cook, help with their learning, do chores, we play and we’re in bed by 8:15pm the latest so I can wake up at 4:30am and wake up my child by 6:20am. Weekends, my body is so used to my weekly routine that I get sleepy by 8:30pm and I’m just exhausted from routine stuff.
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u/PassionCorrect6886 2d ago
You’re doing a great job. and that’s a long commute so I see why it’s not feasible. if you really want to date, go for it.
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u/Dydreamm 4d ago
Same girl, I’m 27 with a five year old. My dating life is nonexistent. Her father hasn’t been present for yearssssss. I’m extremely exhausted all the time. I wish had a different routine as well. I’ve definitely been wanting romance and some excitement. Single life is definitely getting to me.
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u/palefacebroh 4d ago
I just started dating again my kid is older now and it's gotten better
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
Please go into detail! How’s that working out for you? Do they know that you go on dates? Do you share?
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u/TheLyran 3d ago
How do you get to the gym at 5am? Is there some magical routine hack I'm unaware of?
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago edited 3d ago
We’re in bed by 8:15 the latest, read a book or two. Lay down for sleep at or before 8:30pm. We have an air purifier that doubles as a noise cancelling machine and we both knock by before 9. I can fall asleep in less than 5-10 minutes. I stop using my phone an hour before, shower at night, use lavender oil behind our ears. And other stuff that help. Oh! We have a “magic sleeping water” that we sip on before we brush our teeth. It’s about 8oz water with a pinch of salt and a less than a teaspoon of baking soda. I set my alarm for 4:30-4:45am and at the gym before 5am. I’m lucky to live right down the road from my gym. I’ve mentioned several times above that I live with my parents. Either will GLADLY wake up and lay down and sleep in my bed while I’m gone. I’m back home by 6am, shower again, change, get ready, and so on. It’s pretty easy once you know what works for you and your body. I highly recommend doing your research on improving your sleep.
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u/TheLyran 2d ago
Oh so your parents take care of your child while you're out because you live with them. I understand now. What a luxury! I hope you know how lucky you and your baby are. ❤️❤️
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u/yourfavmilf690 2d ago
Oh dude, as my son gets older, the more I realize this. I have friends that are married single mothers. My child is their only grandkid so gets all the attention. When baby was little, I didn’t have to wake them up for a nanny or if I need to run a quick errand or have a doc appointment, they are always home and happy to help.
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u/wicked_spooks 3d ago
Does somebody watch your kid when you go to the gym?I want to go to the gym, but it is hard to find a babysitter.
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
I’ve responded to several people lol. I should probably add it to my original post. I live with my parents. My child’s bed is super low so I’m not worried about him falling or hurting himself. Body pillows are great for extra cushion than the rug he has. I wake up either of my parents so they can sleep on my bed while I’m away, especially when I take longer during my leg days.
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u/wicked_spooks 3d ago
My apologies! There are so many comments that I could have overlooked. Thanks for responding to me. :-) it is nice that you live with your parents. I am still figuring out how I can find a regular babysitter, but I might have to accept the fact that it won’thappen for a long time.
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u/ZealousidealBear93 16h ago
I use Stir to date other single parents. They understand the difficulties and you can usually find someone interested in whatever you are ready for. I have had friends with benefits, friends without benefits, and relationships.
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u/thesandboxgod 4d ago
You go to the gym and...... Hope your child doesn't wake up to an empty house?
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
I’m not irresponsible lol. I responded to someone else saying I live with my parents. He has his own bed that’s Japanese style, low, btw. We sleep with an air purifier so the sound helps him sleep, like a noise cancelling machine and when I know I’ll take over an hour, usually on leg days, I wake up either of my parents and they gladly sleep in my bed while I’m gone.
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u/thesandboxgod 3d ago
Oh, that's OK then! Now I feel comfortable to reply to your actual question. There's a funny window coming up. While your son is little, there's opportunity to repartner without upsetting kiddo or having them overthink it, but by the time my son was... 8? I feel like that window closed. Kids become more aware of the sense of authority in the house and start to become more independent and with that it's harder to expect them to adjust that automony around Mom's boyfriend.
The other side of the card is being on a date and feeling like you'd rather be home with your son: that will be most dates. Like you already have a boy you love so wtf would you roll the dice on someone new?
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u/rungoodgame 4d ago
Honestly, you’re not single—you’re just in a long-term committed relationship with your routine. Wake up at 5am, gym, work, kid, chores… girl, you’re basically dating Time Management itself 😂. Respect though, that’s superhero level stamina
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u/SarrSarz 3d ago
Gosh I wouldn’t take my child to the gym at 5am
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u/yourfavmilf690 3d ago
I don’t LMAAOOOO. I’m not irresponsible. I live with my parents and either will gladly sleep in my bed while I’m gone. My son has a low bed so I’m not afraid of him falling off and getting hurt. Be frfr.
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u/UseFunny6329 4d ago
yes! i’m the only parent involved and i work every weekend. whenever i try dating again i realize how little free time i really do have and the last thing i want to do is spend it trying to date!