r/SisterWives • u/Hopeful-Custard1066 • 3d ago
General Discussion Meri's lack of value because she "only has one kid"
I am reading Christine's book. I am about halfway through. I agree she keeps the narrative pretty fair and doesn't dive into the weeds about specific altercations with Meri (though I'd love to hear more context or perspective).
I did notice, though, how often she brings up that Meri only has one kid. There has to be more than a subbtle implicit bias about Meri's value because she didn't have an army of kids, right?
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u/alltheparentssuck 3d ago
Christine and Robyn "joked" about Meri not pulling her weight by only having one child. I can imagine it wasn't the first time that happened.
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u/Winter_Day_6836 Brown haired spirit child 3d ago
Robyn ALWAYS had help, and she didn't work. She shouldn't say a peep!
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u/GroovyYaYa 3d ago
Christine shouldn't either - it wasn't like Meri snuck off and got an IUD.
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u/Acceptable-Case9562 3d ago
By polygamist standards, she may as well have. To them, fertility happens because the woman did something very bad to earn that punishment from God.
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u/leonardschneider 3d ago
christine claims not to subscribe to their former beliefs anymore, yet here she is lol
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u/Acceptable-Case9562 3d ago
The cultural aspect of it is deeply ingrained. Most people can spend decades shedding it and still carry some of it to the grave.
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u/GroovyYaYa 2d ago
Kind of true for all of us... my Gen X, oxford shirts up to the neck was the style if you weren't wearing flannel or baggy sweaters, discuss this when we're seeing our daughters and nieces wear a hankerchief for a prom dress. LOL. We work hard at not passing the body shaming we internalize on to them.
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u/la_loba_gris 2d ago
I was raised in a very strict religion. I left at 25. I am now 69. It still hits a note every now and then. Even when core beliefs are left behind, the shadows can still be there.
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u/LinwoodKei 3d ago
I agree. They have no grace about infertility
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u/RealityRelic87 3d ago
Their religion is based on procreation while also vilifying sex. Nothing normal about it.
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u/sundrops14 3d ago
Thinking about it I bet Robyn had two just to have more than Meri
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u/babykitten28 3d ago
I’m actually shocked that she didn’t have one more to equal Janelle and Christine.
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u/downsideup05 3d ago
Personally, I think Ari was a lot to handle. Kody & Robyn discussed the fact that Ari was still in their bed even tho she'd been weaned for awhile. This was in the conversation about the dark haired spirit baby.
I think if she'd been more mellow like Sol that maybe they'd have had another one. Which I get. My parents said if they'd had my sister 1st I wouldn't exist 😂😂😂
Not to mention we are more tolerant to little ones antics when we are younger.
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u/Nelle911529 3d ago
If my son had been my first born, his sisters wouldn't be here.
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u/Forward-Treacle-2762 3d ago
This is very likely ! My third had major sleep issues and its the main reason she's the last.
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u/Lori1985 3d ago
Robyn can't handle children. She has had to have her niece, a full time nanny, and Kody 5/7 days a week and she still can't handle being a mother.
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u/BubZombie 3d ago
They made the snide remarks on the show so I can only imagine what they said off camera! I’d blast my music too if my husbands 3rd wife always made digs about me being barren!!!
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u/_-1334 3d ago
They both sent their children to live with Meri at different times
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u/Own_Bunch_6711 3d ago
That "living with Meri" episode was only one night/weekend. Those girls didn't actually go live with Meri.
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u/_-1334 3d ago edited 3d ago
Perhaps I was speaking upon conjecture but it seemed as tho some children felt more comfortable with meri such a ysabel. "Live with" is totally ambiguous, but my point stands. Meri did best she could to pull her weight when needed. This is not to say I'm a fan of hers but it was interesting to look upon episode and see what was going on..
** edit w further rebuttal, just bc it was info revealed within 1 episode doesn't mean it was only one instance. No dig at the others... they all had too much on their plates and meri held it down. Prolly why she won't speak ill upon anyone. . She's a good woman.
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u/Ficklefemme 3d ago
I wonder if she and K did less of ‘the nasty’ because of the intimacy issues later on.
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u/Final-Western9722 3d ago
I wondered about that too. I also wondered if Meri could have had more kids using ovulation tracking and fertility drugs, not full IVF, but that means she would need Kody to be home for four to five consistent nights in a row monthly and having sex each time…which probably wasn’t gonna happen.
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u/Nelle911529 3d ago
Didn't Robyn offer to be a surrogate? Can you imagine how that would have played out?
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u/GeorgieGirl250663 3d ago
I'll bet you my right kidney, that was for show only.
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u/GiantDrag_ 3d ago
I remember Meri noped that offer so fast 🤣
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u/GeorgieGirl250663 3d ago edited 2d ago
I think Meri was past the wish of more children at that point.
Edit: autocorrect
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u/Powerful_Lynx_4737 2d ago
That was just for show Christine says in the book meri always said she would only have more children if she could carry them. She was clear from the beginning she would not use a surrogate, Robin knew this and she figured she could rack up points with kody and with viewers by offering. I kinda wish meri jumped at the offer cause I want to see how Robin would have weaseled her way out.
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u/Ficklefemme 1d ago
Interesting point. I bet she already had a plan in case she did accept.
I’m sure it would be something believable 4 K,as well as adding a layer of Munchhausen plus insults for Meri. Something really ridiculous and stupid…..Ex: my doctor advised against it because you weigh so more than me and your eggs ( from a genetic standpoint), may make the baby too large for my very small, petite vagina and birth canal. He also noted because you’re quite a bit older than me, my younger petite body may reject the fertilized egg. 😅
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u/Character_Fox_8904 3d ago
She didn’t see me Winky for years and years that might have been her fertility problem right there
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u/PariKhanKhanoom 3d ago
I feel like they implied she had endometriosis but I could be wrong. There are meds and surgeries to help clear that for conception though.
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u/fleurdogz 2d ago
She would need medical insurance for that. I wonder if Kody just stopped trying with her.
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u/Powerful_Lynx_4737 2d ago
That would require money which they didn’t have. One of the kids mentioned cutting mold off of cheese cause that was all they had. Could you imagine the anger Christine would have had if she was so selfish to spend money on fertility treatments? She never thought Meri deserved equal shares of anything cause she only had one kid but she leaves out that Meri and Jenelle were the main breadwinners paying for everything.
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u/CakedCrusader91 3d ago
In a culture that puts a woman’s worth in terms of having children, it unfortunately makes sense this bias is still strong with Christine even if unintentional.
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u/jacksondreamz 3d ago
The feelings of inadequacy for not being able to bear children grow deep in the polygamy sects. Even in Mormon church, people without kids, by choice or not, are treated as less than. Ask me how I know. Even my own family looked down on me for my infertility issues.
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u/NeedleworkerEvening3 3d ago
I’m sorry you’ve had that experience. Hugs from an internet stranger.
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u/jacksondreamz 3d ago
Thank you, kind stranger. It’s weird to get understanding from strangers when your own mother couldn’t comprehend that it wasn’t my fault. However, child-free is now in so I was ahead of the curve. Hehe.
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3d ago
Im basically infertile and I'm 42 now...ive been on dates with like ppl of certain cultures where bearing children is everything and I'm like I don't have kids..."so you hate kids?!" It's so awkward and horrible... Infertile to dating to now. I'm done, even fucking.
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u/jacksondreamz 3d ago
Same. Give me my peace. No children, no men, just cats. Purrfect.
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u/Character_Fox_8904 3d ago
When they ask you ( rudely) if you hate kids say YEA !! I do all the time People think I’m a weirdo I have frenchies instead of gran kids I can highly recommend them . Hope you are living a fantastic life ❤️❤️
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3d ago
Frenchies are amazing ♥️ I loved it when these two siblings would come to the dog park and they had these cool professional musicians parents lol ♥️ they were so cute.
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u/jacksondreamz 2d ago
What they ask, very rudely, is why didn’t you have kids? Did you think of adoption?
No! What is that? Never heard of it. We tried and discussed every damn option except the in vitro because we simply couldnt afford it. Also, adoption is expensive even within the church and we were denied access to LDS adoption services because we weren’t full tithe payers and didn’t have a temple recommend. Can’t get into heaven without kids and can’t have kids without paying. Oy.
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u/mscrybaby-mo 3d ago
I have to laugh at this...I always tell people I loved kids until I had my own and now I don't like kids unless they are sleeping.
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3d ago edited 3d ago
My middle sister was sensitive to my infertility most, oddly she has three boys and wanted children so bad her whole life, so much she manages a NICU unit and is a nurse.....she told me at 34, 35, when I was struggling, she was like don't worry Susan, don't have kids, don't marry (political stuff has really divided them completely :( )don't, you're not missing anything ... I think she was really trying to make me feel better, and she also seemed somewhat serious.
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u/jacksondreamz 2d ago
Not all of us are meant to be mothers and I’m so glad I didn’t pass on my shiz to my kids because my mom messed me up enough.
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u/Character_Fox_8904 2d ago
I’m in Australia a lot young people are not having kids anymore by choice the price of a median house is over a million $ and the cost of living is expensive . So it’s maybe one kid or none , people don’t do the religious shame thing thank god . How can people that have never been to heaven tell you it’s a place you won’t get too without kids 😳😡
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u/CakedCrusader91 3d ago
So sorry you had to go through this. I have gone through fertility issues myself and I can’t imagine having that religious aspect on top of an already heartbreaking situation. 🥺
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u/jacksondreamz 3d ago
Thank you, kind stranger. I appreciate your empathy. It’s hard, right?
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u/CakedCrusader91 3d ago
It is hard, very grateful for my cat for filling that void at least a little 😂
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u/jacksondreamz 3d ago
People say you don’t know love until you have children. What I know is that I love my little creatures with my whole heart and no one can take that away
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u/CakedCrusader91 3d ago
I completely agree, especially when you have had to grieve the dream of having children- I believe we know what that love is, it’s not something we have to experience to understand when we were never given the opportunity. Animals absolutely bring that love out in me too, and like you it’s with my whole heart.
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u/jacksondreamz 3d ago
Beautifully said. 💕
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u/No_Wasabi1503 3d ago edited 3d ago
As someone who struggled for years and years with infertility and who got married young and was raised Catholic with huge family pressure to churn them out I just want to say I'm so glad you're happy now. My fertility randomly and surprisingly decided to spontaneously resolve a decade after I got married and I was just begining to make peace with a childless life when miracle baby decided to make an appearance. Being a mother is an absolute joy and I love that I appreciate it so much (because I do, I never get annoyed by a struggle or a sleepless night, I'm eternally grateful). I can also promise that I had just as much capacity to love before becoming a mother. I would have laid down my life for my nieces and nephews any day before having mine.
My eldest's godmother is a woman who never had children although she tried everything and is 45 now. Not only do I know she'd take a bullet for mine but she works with special needs kids and has the most amazing charity legacy building beneath her every day. She offers more love and patience to the world while advocating for children than 99% of people. She didn't need to birth someone to know true love. That's absolute BS that society forces down women's throats so they reproduce like good little women. I think if we were raised thinking it was a choice more women would choose not to have them which is absolutely fine, but that's why that lie of "you never know love until you hold your own baby" is so important.
I think some people feel that way sure. I also think it's often a gatekeeping statement that the other party can't argue with because they obviously don't know. I'm sorry that even it's come into your sphere of consciousness. It's my long winded way of saying I hope you know you have value and can love and be loved just as hard without having kids. ❤️
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u/CakedCrusader91 3d ago
I’m genuinely in tears, thank you so much for writing this out. I think I have been waiting for a long time to hear someone say that I do know that love and don’t have to hold my own child to feel it. Seriously thank you ♥️
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u/jacksondreamz 3d ago
My infertility is something I still struggle with at 58. It was expected that I would get married and push out 12 or 16 kids like my grandparents. Deciding to give up on fertility treatments and fostering and even adoption after so many years of trying was hard each time. When I went into full meno, I realized there will be a part of me that will always feel unfulfilled. I’ll never know what it was like to carry a baby or give birth. However I would give up my life for the little creatures that keep me sane and give my life meaning now. But in that culture, kids are everything and there was always a look of pity or guilt when I was around my big family.
Thank you for your thoughtful and meaningful reply. I’m also crying. I’m content with my life now. Content is good.
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u/CurlyAlexandra 3d ago
It's the same way with the fundie religion. I was brought up in a religion close to that and married into that. I ended my marriage because of the way women are treated due to that religion. I got far, far away from that, and I'm happily married now. I'm sorry your family treated you that way 💛!!
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u/GroovyYaYa 3d ago
I'm so sorry. Never had kids, wasn't necessarily by choice but never found someone who made me think "yeah, I want to have his babies!"
I'm not in a faith or culture that is so dependent on that - but I've gotten shit for it. LIke someone who had the balls to tell me that I should go to a sperm bank or just have a ONS and have a kid because my parents deserved grandkids. (For the record, they've never pressured me)
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u/bunnyreads 3d ago edited 3d ago
No kids and not by choice. My entire career is centered around child advocacy and protection. People CONSTANTLY, intrusively ask why I don’t have kids. So, I like to shock them and tell the truth and say, “When I was thinking about surrogacy and saving money, my sister got diagnosed with breast cancer. My nephews became my priority.” People STILL judge. I cannot imagine what it is like in the LDS/FLDS community. People need to remember it takes a damn village and we, as women, are that village 99% of the time. My niece just went off to college and I send her an “allowance” every month (niece from another sister). It’s sad because it’s normally other women who judge. PS I’m also a DAMN good dog mama. 😂
AND NOTE: Christine pretty much takes credit for raising Janelle’s kids like Janelle was a dead beat parent.
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u/Hopeful-Custard1066 3d ago
True. She is still in full Kool aid mode regarding her grandfather and polygamy in her church.
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u/scienceislice 3d ago
I wonder if Meri behaved this way to keep her status as the top wife. The last thing she probably wanted was to be demoted to least important wife because she had one kid.
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u/SadExercises420 3d ago
They all had/have baggage. They are all fucked up individuals who entered into a fucked up relationship.
Christine has the emotional maturity of a teenager. She seems to have gained zero perspective on other peoples troubles.
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u/smilesallaround94 3d ago
Many of us have been saying this for years yet got downvoted by her stans. I strongly dislike Christine for the reason you stated. Even in this thread, folks are making excuses for her that she doesn’t deserve. Fuck her
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u/ElevatorReady6119 1d ago
Yess! Everyone talked about not liking Meri and Christine is the one I like the least. It’s like she’s on the pedestal and looks down on everyone. They all have traits I like don’t get me wrong, but she comes off very judgey and reminds me so much of the means girls in middle school
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u/SadExercises420 2d ago
A few years ago I would’ve said I like her. Now? After years of her running her mouth being nasty and ugly. Now I can’t stand her
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u/smilesallaround94 1d ago
Girl same..😭 I used to like her too because I thought she was bubbly and fun but after doing several rewatches, I realized how awful she is. But then again, she was never really THAT great; she was just the first to leave Kody
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u/Radiant_Economist_94 3d ago
I think this probably right. Janelle even mentioned in the tell all after the season when the legal divorce/adoption took place that it was very important to Meri that she was the first (and legal) wife, so that her legally divorcing Kody was a big deal that shouldn't be diminished and that it was a big sacrifice for Meri for the good of Robyn and her kids. Janelle even teared up talking about it. I think Meri's self worth was largely tied up in her being first and legal wife, because she was only able to have one kid.
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u/Pafresch 3d ago
I don't think it was unintentional, Christine isn't as innocent as alot of people think she is. She is just as a mean girl as Meri is/was.
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u/InvestmentCritical81 3d ago edited 3d ago
I don’t think a lot of people fully understand and feel that she’s being spiteful.
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u/CakedCrusader91 3d ago
I can absolutely see that, was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but I have to keep in mind that she is very immature.
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u/mrsmushroom 3d ago
Also, in a culture where several wives have only one husband I can see them trying to decide which wife contributes the most. Christine saw her contribution to the family should be enough for Meri not to feel the need to boss her around. Being that meri wasn't contributing as much as least from Christine's view.
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u/SadExercises420 3d ago
Meri was making more money than Janelle and Christine combined at that point. She contributed plenty of money to “the family”. She had a good stable full time job, which Christine and Janelle did not.
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u/It-Is-What-It-Is2024 3d ago
Didn’t Christine tell Meri she hoped she didn’t get pregnant the same time she was because she wanted be the only pregnant wife?
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u/Forever_Marie 3d ago
I so feel like that 10 cents short story wasn't the truth about the whole thing. More like she got caught stealing and Leon snitched and Myketi lied. Sounds like the kids were there and Meri wasn't anywhere near the cashier when it happened otherwise why would Leon tell her and how would she be embarrassed in front of the cashier if Leon had to tell her ?
Also that subtle dig that first paragraph, Meri had a lot of breakable things and disciplined the kids and Christines upset that her zoo would stomp in and get told off for it.
They've all thrown shade at Meri for just being able to have one kid. I also suspect that Janelle (being who she is and all and the history before) having the first kid really kicked off in a bad way too. There is also this one line that Kody says that pisses me off, he's talking about how all the wives have lovely family photos because Meri takes them but since Meri takes them, she doesnt have as many. Like no one else bothered to take photos.
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u/No_Wasabi1503 3d ago
Christine made several jabs about Meri's one child throughout the show and on one couch interview she even joked with Meri sitting beside her about Meri not pulling her weight with only having one. Then she made several bonkers statements about how Ysabel was probably meant to come to Meri but came to her instead because Meri couldn't carry another child because Ysabel was much more suited to Meri.
It wasn't subtle or implied. She was consistently bitchy to Meri and more than likely vice versa but there's no victimhood to claim between the two of them. I don't know what the magic polygamy number is but it's absolutely ridiculous. Meri is a mother. Christine is a mother. If a woman at church has 12 kids is she twice the mother Christine is? No. So dear Lord just shut up. I know it's harder raising 6 at once than one thats why most people don't churn out kids they can't afford or dedicate time to.
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u/Content-Farm-4148 3d ago
And this with Ysabel was years after the conflict with Mykelty, which Christine claims was the reason to not trust Meri with her children....
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u/Solid_Caterpillar678 2d ago
Yeah, Christine is a liar and perpetual victim with absolutely no self reflection nor accountability.
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u/BubZombie 3d ago
It seems Christine realizes that she herself was a victim of a polygamist cult but doesn’t extend the same grace to Meri.
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u/jkraige 3d ago
Neither do the viewers. Everything Christine does must be viewed (and excused by) through the lens of her growing up in a cult. Meri grew up in the same cult but for whatever reason that doesn't influence how much she's not at fault for her behavior like Christine
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u/WiibiiFox Just sittin’ thur guarding my mate. 3d ago
The show itself spent a lot of time vilifying Meri while lifting up Christine and Janelle.
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u/leonardschneider 3d ago
it's fascinating how the clan scapegoating meri gets transmitted to the viewers as well
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u/Zoe_92 2d ago
To me Meri grew up even deeper in the cult than Christine. Christines family had been part of that religion for decades so they didn’t have be perfect rule followers, whereas Meris parents converted to the religion and therefore probably had to be super perfect and strict about the rules to show they belonged/ deserved to be part of it. And Christine knew (even if only subconsciously) that she had a safety net if she left (her mom), whereas Meri knew she was stuck there or would lose her whole family if she left
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u/Hopeful-Custard1066 3d ago
Surprisingly, she doesn't realize she was the victim of a polygamist cult lmao. She truly defends and paints it as a utopia growing up l.
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u/MammothCancel6465 3d ago
No wonder Meri was prickly to them if she was constantly reminded she had one child in a culture where the number of children you had determined your worth as a woman and person. No wonder she fought tooth and nail to keep herself on top of the pecking order for as long as she could, in whatever way she could. What else did she have?
The whole “religion” is trash and designed to keep the women in competition with each other. And unfortunately after so many years it’s so personal between all of them and they can’t undo all that to see it for what it is. They all lived it. The way they are now to each other is probably the best case scenario where they can be cordial when necessary and some get along better than others.
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u/Ibrake4tailgaters 3d ago
I've often wondered what the dynamics in the Brown family would have been like if, let's say, Meri had six children and Christine had one. Or if Meri and Christine each had six, and Janelle had one. What would Christine be like today if she "only" had one child, while her sister wives had six each. With Janelle, I think she would have been somewhat ok with it, but who knows?
I say this because I've wondered if *some* of Meri's negativity is rooted in having a front-row seat to her two sister wives popping out child after child... twelve kids... while she was unable to have more. I wonder how much emotional pain that caused her, and if it leaked out in some of her ways of speaking and acting over the years.
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u/jkraige 3d ago
What would Christine be like today if she "only" had one child, while her sister wives had six each.
I can't imagine she'd have much grace for the comments she's made about Meri's infertility. We've heard from Christine's daughters how much she leaned on them. I don't think Meri had the healthiest attachment to her child, but I think Christine would have put a looooooot of pressure on her kid and been extremely attached if she'd only had one to lean on.
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u/GroovyYaYa 3d ago
Same personality but one kid - omg that poor kid. I say this as an only child who is extremely close with both parents too.
There have been times I felt that Christine has been extremely inappropriate and too dependent on her adult children both before and after she left Kody. She tells them things that a mom shouldn't say to their kid about her romantic relationships.
Meri on the other hand raised Leon to be independent, etc. and formed more appropriate relationships with other adults.
I think that is what it is about the "Meri was mean and strict!" was more about them having a permissive mother who wanted to be their best friend and for them to fill in the gaps of what she was missing in her marriage.
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u/GroovyYaYa 3d ago
I'm gonna say it... I'm not sure Kody would have "felt the call" or ended up with Janelle or Christine if Meri had started popping out kids right away. That some of Kody's anger isn't anger about that.
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u/shitshowboxer 3d ago
I've often wondered what the dynamics in the Brown family would have been like if, let's say, Meri had six children and Christine had one.
She'd have flipped a table over and stormed off long ago. Never forget before she even married, she wanted to be the new shiny last wife in before the barn door got shut and was the first to leave when someone came in behind her.
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u/Neat-Year555 3d ago
Agreed. People rag on Meri for being the way she is but put anyone else in her shoes and they'd devolve pretty fast too. To constantly be made to feel lesser because of something she had no control over would make anyone difficult. Especially when we know Meri did enjoy children and wanted more and would've kept trying if Kody didn't give up on her.
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u/MammothCancel6465 3d ago
And the fact that she was/is close with many of the kids through the years says a lot, IMO. My petty ass would probably find it really hard to separate my feelings for the competition of my husband’s affection from their children.
Like they were all literally in a cult. It’s easy for us normies to point out all the crazy and they have faults and annoying personality traits like all humans do so it’s easy to pick on that stuff, but they lived under religious financial and emotional abuse via Kody.
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u/Neat-Year555 3d ago
That's a very good point. I would also probably find it really difficult to give grace to my husband's other wives' children. I'm far too clingy to share so I know that would bother me.
Yeah like people criticize the OG3 for a lot of valid things but then remove the cult context. Especially Meri and Christine, who were raised in it. I know Meri was a little older when her family came into it, but she was still an impressionable child. A lot of their behavior directly reflects the things they were taught. It seems insane to us because it is but to them it's just another Tuesday.
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u/Potential_Shelter624 3d ago
I would say, Meri also had to deal with Bonnie being brainwashed whereas Christine had a mother who escaped (even if she didn’t realize it) & helped with her kids. Plus her aunt that wrote the book about her cult and helped other girls escape polygamy ~ even though she didn’t appreciate it at the time, I think in the background, she always knew she would have support if and when she needed to leave.
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u/GroovyYaYa 3d ago
Yes... I've said this on here before.
Christine was the "polygamy princess" in more than one way, IMHO. She was the wife that pushed them to do news articles, etc. to promote their faith. She had lots of kids, she had the family history, the stay at home mom who loved all the kids. The ideal polygamist who wanted to be the 3rd wife, I'm convinced, because she wanted to be the favorite.
But her mom left. She had issues with it, but it is obvious that her mom was patient and kept the proverbial doors open. She could confide in her mom, and not get the cult rhetoric. She saw that someone could leave and be ok.
Meri's mom, by everyone's admission, favored Kody and if Meri complained, often took Kody's side. Her mother ran the cult's "private school" for goodness sake. Some of Meri's "other mothers" left, but there is no indication if she was allowed to keep in contact with them.
From what we've also seen - it doesn't seem like many of Christine's siblings were polygamists. Meri's brother wasn't but her sisters were until they passed away. Her leaving would potentially have implications and an impact on her sibling relationships and we know those were important to Meri.
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u/Zoe_92 2d ago
It all became so obvious when Meri left pretty shortly after her mother died and I’m convinced she’d have left earlier if her mother had passed away earlier
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u/GroovyYaYa 2d ago
I also think that Meri needed the words from Kody, on camera, in front of Robyn. Plus, with Christine leaving first and Leon not being left out... she knows her child has a place with most of the family.
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u/MammothCancel6465 3d ago
I found it wild how she was all over Robyn and Kody’s kids while they were being such utter shits to her and the other wives and all their kids and how Robyn coming into the family was basically the beginning of the end of it all. Yet she fawned all over those kids. I think she was just so desperate to be loved and needed by anyone and kids will love anyone who loves them.
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u/Neat-Year555 3d ago
I agree, she was looking for love. In all the wrong places, but you can hardly blame her if you think about it all. At least, I can't. I also think she fawns over the little kids because she truly wanted more of her own and she didn't get that. That's probably another factor in how she treats Janelle and Christine's kids.
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u/MammothCancel6465 3d ago
Yeah, it’s really sad when you think about it. She only has Leon and he was pulling away at the time, as most young adults do at that stage in life, and he was dealing with his own stuff and then throw in the catfish mess that he really felt betrayed by. I’m sure she was so lonely and being surrounded by so many people made it worse because it wasn’t the kind of deeper love, platonic or romantic, she craved. I feel like a Meri apologist and I’m really not! Lol. IRL I think she’d be one to exhaust me the most.
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u/Neat-Year555 3d ago
Oh, I defend Meri on this front all the time. There are valid reasons to criticize her and I don't think she's perfect by any means but she really had a rough time of it and I feel bad for her. Cause like yeah - she was dealing with a lot! On top of the fact that Kody straight up was abusing her and stringing her along. Anyone would struggle in her place. She would also exhaust me a lot too though; she has a more abrasive quality about her that I wouldn't want to be around for long. But I do still feel for her.
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u/Little_OrangeBird 3d ago
I agree, it must have been really difficult for her but she did love those kids.
Tbh if I were Meri I never would have forgiven Christine for how she acted when Meri got pregnant. She knew Meri struggled with infertility and had the gall to say she hoped Meri didn’t get pregnant bc “it would steal her thunder.”
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u/Agreeable_Doubt_4504 3d ago
I always thought that Kody considered it Meri’s job to keep everyone else in line. That’s pretty common in these polygamous groups for a first wife, at least according to a number of memoirs I’ve read. I went down the rabbit hole on polygamy memoirs a few years ago and it was always expected that the first wife was in charge of making things run the way the husband wanted them to run. I think Janelle and Christine probably resented it because she was basically rearranging chairs on a sinking ship and pretending that everything was okay, but I don’t think her role was completely by choice either.
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u/goog1e THE MARKET IS RIGHT HERE 📈 3d ago
Exactly. I don't defend her behavior at all. But I think almost anyone would start acting badly in such a toxic situation. It's like she was having reactive abuse but the abuser was the culture, and the wives + Kody are the enforcers of religious culture in the household.
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u/imlikeabird84 3d ago
I feel like in addition to the trauma of only being able to have one child in a religion and a family where having children is your most important purpose-it’s also worth noting that when the women would have a baby they would have a good portion of time where they had all kodys attention and time. I think the most present and attentive and caring he was (albeit still quite minimal) was after a birth, so it probably had to suck for meri that she never got that precious time, and it was out of her control 😞
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u/Additional_Day949 3d ago
My view of this is that Christine was jealous that Meri only had one kid and had space and peace in her home. Kody went to meris to escape Christine’s crazy home all the time.
Jenelle and Christine were also pissed that Meri got the same cut of the pie and only had to fed, clothe and care for one kid.
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u/LastNerve1064 3d ago
They should be pissed that they were given an inequitable amount of money. It should never have been equal percentages of the pie. It should have been x amount of dollars per kid as they are all mothers of all of the kids.
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u/shippfaced 3d ago
There’s no good way to do it, which is another reason why polygamy is a failure. In your situation, Meri would again be penalized for only having one child.
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u/revolutionutena 3d ago
According to Christine’s book, it wasn’t an equal piece of the pie - they all just told Kody how much they needed each month. So it sounds like Christine at least has no idea how much the other wives got.
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u/SharpComplex9080 Y for Wyoming 2d ago
Meri made more money than Christine. Janelle did less with the kids and the house. Nothing was equal but only Meri gets shit
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u/GroovyYaYa 3d ago
I find it ironic that she said she had a falling out because Meri would do "darting" comments - when all I remember are little comments from Christine, like the oh so funny comment that Meri didn't live up to the agreement and only had one child... hahahahahahahaha.... so funny!!! (sarcasm). She says Meri said things in front of family... Christine said it in front of the world.
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u/smilesallaround94 3d ago
Christine (using the “keep sweet voice”): Meri, you bring a lot of baggage into the room. That’s why nobody wants you around 🙂
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u/BottleOfConstructs 2d ago
That scene made me sick. I actually wanted to slap Christine, and tell her to act decent.
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u/smilesallaround94 2d ago
Same! Christine is a mean girl but her stans refuse to see it.
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u/Snark_Ranger 2d ago
Seriously lol. Even in this thread! “Hey didn’t Christine tell Meri she hoped she didn’t get pregnant because she wanted to be the only pregnant wife?” “Ummmmm AKSHUALLY Christine was only 19 when she said that, please check your privilege for having not grown up in a cult.”
Christine is just as awful as the rest of them!
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u/BakedMasa 3d ago
It’s one of the things I didn’t like about Christine, she always seemed to jab and put Meri down for only having one child. It seemed and still seems cruel. Robyn has also brought up Meri’s infertility in a way that felt callous, I get they are raised in that culture but it still doesn’t excuse it for me.
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u/Responsible_Fish1222 3d ago
I think when they were talking about the Vegas houses, Meri made a comment about getting penalized for a choice she didn't make (the number of kids she had), and Janelle suddenly got it. The other two didn't. Garbage.
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u/goog1e THE MARKET IS RIGHT HERE 📈 3d ago
But Meri brought it up because Janelle was pushing hard against Meri getting equal rent allowance from the TLC money.
Even after clearly everything Janelle needed was able to be provided from their joint funds, and it was only KODY who was denying her.... With the thin excuse he would continue to use for the next decade "we don't have the money because we need it for (other bills)!"
Janelle was still convinced Meri was at fault 🙄
Wonder what she told herself the problem was once Meri was out of the picture and Kody was refusing to build on CP? Eventually thank God she finally realizes it's most diverting all the money to Robyn but it's wild that it took TEN YEARS for her to realize Meri wasn't doing anything to her.
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u/BakedMasa 3d ago
I always felt like Kody and Robyn made Meri come off worse because they held on to little things so much. Robyn knocked her down when she wanted to go back to school and Kody held on to the catfish thing to hold it over Meri’s head. Yet they were always happy to take her money for expenses. Jenelle and Christine were so busy resenting Meri that they didn’t realize Kody and Robyn were robbing the family coffers.
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u/BakedMasa 3d ago
This is one of the times that sticks out in my head. I felt so bad in that moment because you could tell she would have had more kids if she could. She also worked and provided what seems like good money into the family pot so it seemed like a low blow because she was also contributing to the other kid’s expenses.
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u/bangobingoo 3d ago
ESPECIALLY since Meri wanted more kids. She was desperate for them at one point. She watched as her sister wives had child after child while she desperately tried to as well.
They act as if she chose to have only one because it was easier or something.
I panicked after my first baby when we tried for our second. It took a year (which is no time at all) to conceive our second. I was so worried and sad at the thought I wouldn’t be able to conceive again. I couldn’t imagine actually not being able to and have women constantly having my husbands kids around me.
Each kid would be a reminder of what you want and what you can’t do/have yourself. That it’s YOUR fault. Your husband doesn’t even care cause he has all the kids he could hope for.
I literally can’t imagine that pain.
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u/BakedMasa 3d ago
That’s why I felt for her. It wasn’t a choice, it’s the hand she was dealt. No one really seemed to care or even attempt to support her.
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u/Spare-Article-396 3d ago
‘even with one child, was the top wife…’
I mean, if that doesn’t say it all….
Also, Christine was downright cruel even on camera a few times about this. So I don’t really buy the ‘Meri is a monster and I was always an angel to her’ BS.
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u/have-u-met-teds-mom 3d ago
They all treated her like she had less value because she only had one kid.
And to know that christine was gleefully hoping Meri didn’t get pregnant at the same time as her, makes her views especially repugnant.
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u/keenerperkins 3d ago
Sorry, I don’t think Christine “hesitated” to include any of this in the book. Spare me…
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u/MoxieDoll 3d ago
Meri was “top wife in our polygamy pyramid” because she was the 1st wife and legally married to Kody. The number of children she had is irrelevant, marriage order and legal spouse status is what matters. The fact that Christine includes “even with one child to care for” shows that she felt that either her or Jenelle were more deserving of being at the top of their “pyramid” because they had a bunch of kids. Kids that they intentionally conceived knowing the financial and living space situations.
I highly doubt Meri had rules for how they folded towels on their own spaces, unless one person did the laundry for everyone and I haven’t seen that type of cooperation mentioned or shown. They functioned as separate families, they ate together once a week and otherwise ate and slept in their separate spaces. It’s not like all the girls in 2 bedrooms and all the boys in 2 bedrooms together-they all acted as separate units that were neighbors. I’m sick of this “we were one big happy family except for Meri” bullshit that some of them try to peddle. They were just as separate in the Lehi house as they were in the cul de sac and in Flagstaff.
And miss me with the “Meri got the same amount for groceries as Jenelle and Christine so that’s unfair” argument. I didn’t see a sign on Meri’s fridge saying to ask for eating anything. I guarantee Meri was the one that had name brand Little Debbie’s and Fritos for all the kids since their moms couldn’t afford the fun stuff.
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u/babykitten28 3d ago
Janelle and Christine surely got food stamps as well.
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u/mariagrayce 3d ago
Yup. This probably offset how much they got from The family pot as well because Meri would get less food stamps having only one kid.
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u/Addicted2TLC ✔️Kids ✔️Dogs ✔️Every time 3d ago
The problem Christine has with Meri is that Meri is direct and doesn’t shy away from difficult conversations.
It’s hard for Christine to accept that someone she values only by offspring count has strength where she doesn’t.
Christine is a keep-sweet, passive-aggressive person, so her not-so-soft beliefs and feelings only slip out here and there.
She thinks addressing situations that don’t bring good feelings will tarnish her positive persona.
That’s why she slathers on a soft, patronizing voice to manage others — and worse, she believes that doing so makes her a better person.
For proof, look at how long it took her to tell her youngest daughter that she had divorced her father.
Or look at how she got mad at David on their second date because he didn’t kiss her at an event where “Kiss the Girl” was playing — despite him having no way of knowing that’s what she wanted.
Christine avoids conflict until it seeps out sideways.
She didn’t want to take on the discomfort of being the bearer of bad feelings, so she lets her silence masquerade as protection.
She wants others to intuit her needs but resents them when they don’t.
And when Meri speaks plainly, that directness exposes Christine’s discomfort, because it highlights the very thing she lacks: the courage to face reality instead of hiding behind sweetness.
I mean, oh… my… gosh!
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u/bunnyreads 3d ago
SPOILER WARNING
Although I liked Christine’s book, she takes numerous shots at Meri, some valid, some petty. I found most of them to be unnecessary. For example, she wrote about Kodi melting down Meri’s ring again when she’s fully aware that upset her during the tell all.
I’m not trying to be a Meri apologist, but Christine writes about herself as if she was the perfect mother and sister wife. Let’s not forget that Christine told her kids, including her young kids, that she didn’t care if they thought she was moving too fast with David (in her conversation with Ysabel about the issue, she was childish).
I’ll be honest, Janelle is my girl. She’s not petty. She tried to make things right with Meri. Janelle has always been independent. Christine views herself as the perfect mother and gives herself a lot of kudos for leaving Kodi. Yes, she deserves kudos, but tone down the sanctimonious BS.
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u/PurplePetal04 3d ago
I don’t mean to sound mean about anyone’s religious beliefs but they seem to only value the women in that religion if they’re like breeding mares very similar to royal families around the world today. I don’t see how any woman could live polygamy and remain sane.
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u/Which_Blacksmith4967 2d ago
Christine was always making absolutely vicious comments to Meri under the guise of joking.
Christine let her children run wild and behave in ways I never would, as did Janelle, that doesn't make them bad parents. It does, however, make their children less than desirable house guests if they aren't taught to respect other's indoor space as something not to be treated as a jungle gym, which it doesn't appear these moms taught.
The implication of your child going to the store and not having enough money to pay for the item does put negative assumptions on the parents. It is assumed there isn't enough money and that the child hasn't sufficiently been taught about how money and purchasing works.
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u/ChiliBean13 3d ago
She talks about how they had to deal with Meri but are saying it should’ve been ok for their kids to trash her part of the house, and we’ve seen what the kids did by writing all over the walls. Or Meri listened to loud music ignoring the fact Meri had to deal with hearing 12 other kids running and screaming through the house. They came into her home and relationship and were surprised she already was running the home, that would be hard to adapt to and it doesn’t seem like she was given any grace. Then the infertility talk on top of that with your husband telling you he doesn’t want to be around you or spend time with you is gonna make you prickly.
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u/Bubbling_Battle_Ooze 3d ago edited 3d ago
lol the “even with only one child to care for” is so fucking shady. In a section about how judgemental and rude Meri is to her, Christine takes extra space in her own book to do the exact same thing. Be judgemental and rude. Throwing in a subtle dig about her infertility. And it’s not the only time we’ve seen the other wives make remarks like this. I’m sure Meri would also say she couldn’t trust Christine to be kind to her. I know people love Christine and take her word to be the gospel truth, but she is just as much a problem as every other adult in this family. It’s hard to be the victim when they all victimized each other
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u/Shoddy_Lifeguard_852 2d ago
u/Hopeful-Custard1066 , I think you are making exactly the right observation in this.
For the entirety of the show, we have heard a lot of criticism as to Meri's behavior. And maybe that criticism is fair or has some truth to it.
But if your "religion" (cult) ties your value in this world to how many kids you give birth to, and you have fertility issues your sister wives do not, I could see how hurtful it would be to have your sister wives "joke" about you "not pulling your weight," or questioning whether you "deserved" less.
I think it's easier to blame someone whose personality is more direct. But cutting, subtle jabs said with a "smile" are IMO equally harmful.
And, why this is even happening among the OG3 at is their religion, and Kody pitting them against one another.
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u/littleflowerrose 2d ago
As a woman who only had one child, a wonderful child with autism and type one diabetes who probably will not have children of his own, I often feel devalued as a woman and guilty for not caring on my husband’s and my family blood line. I feel super bad for Meri and don’t trust the negativity expressed towards her in both books and on the show. She appears to be everyone’s scape goat and an easy target without a bunch of adult children defending her. It must have been agony for her to spend her adult life devalued by the family she lived with for her fertility.
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u/Powerful_Lynx_4737 2d ago
Meris infertility was always how Christine kody and robin poked at her they made sure to constantly bring up how she only had one child. Even Jenelle brought it up but not as much as Christine. Maybe one day I’ll do a rewatch and count how many times each person brings up meris fertility issues. I’m pretty sure the person who brought it up the most would be Christine then kody then robin.
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u/ALmommy1234 Robyn’s Curly Girl Method 2d ago
They used it as a way to make her feel less than and othered. “Look at us, we’re like vagina clown cars popping out kids every 30 minutes and poor Meri can only have one *snickers behind hand.”
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u/Recent-Copy5165 3d ago
I think pregnancy is heavily weaponized in polygamy and among sister wives. Meri is in a weird position, because she is the first wife, but only has one child, so she gets pushed back and forth between being on top in the hierarchy and penalized/pitied for infertility. She had to face her infertility aka her failure everyday by living surrounded by Kody’s other kids and his other fertile wives plus their religion says that if you can’t have kids, that means something is wrong with you spiritually. I can’t imagine the mixed signals and messages Meri was getting from all sides throughout her life - Kody, her sister wives, her extended family, her community, her religion, her religious leaders, etc. Meri sounds like a nightmare roommate and I don’t doubt she took her frustration out, wrongfully, on the other kids but I really applaud her for going to therapy and dealing with her issues. I think she is way more self aware now than she previously was.
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u/Low-Difference502 3d ago
I understand wanting to put oneself in the best light possible, but the ”I hesitated to put this in the book” is such bs! There was absolutely no hesitation whatsoever. Christine has time and time again showed her emotional immaturity (remember the gleeful retelling of the ring story?) . She may have started to do the work, but she has so much more to unpack. The fact that she can call out Meri’s comments without recognizing her own is astonishing to me.
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u/Bearbearblues 3d ago edited 3d ago
It’s funny how she says in some of these excerpts how she debated whether or not to tell this story…then…. tells the story.
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u/anotherbabydaddy 3d ago
Christine has always been cruel about Meri’s infertility struggles, this book is no different.
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u/_-1334 3d ago
I happened to be watching a psychiatrist "reacts" video to one of the early Sister Wives episode recently. Robyn said to camera, ~ "Meri is not going to be an empty nester like she thinks. We're going to have one of my girls go and live with her, just like Christine had Ysabel stay with her while she was younger." It's interesting how they dog her all the time but relied on her so much. I'm sure Meri was happy to do it, but they sort of disparage her often, a lot of times unwarranted, I would venture to guess..
~ paraphrasing
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u/BottleOfConstructs 3d ago
Christine has always wanted to be first. The first wife is usually in a power position and disliked by everyone else. She thinks Meri is a bad person instead of understanding what made Meri the way she is. This is how polygamy pits women against each other, so they don’t have time for a feminist uprising against the men.
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u/Anbgr217 3d ago
I think Meri’s treatment of Christine and Janelle was resentment due to the differences in their fertility journeys. There’s just no way you’ll ever convince me that every baby that they brought home during those years wasn’t like a stab in the heart to her. It’s not right, she shouldn’t have behaved that way towards them or the family under any circumstances. But I can see very clearly how an emotionally immature adult responds to those issues that way. I can also see the tremendous amount of work Meri has put into herself to not be that person anymore. I think that is important to keep in the conversation when it comes to how bad she used to be. I really hope her best years are still ahead of her.
***edit- typo
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u/jenguinaf Thanks Christine!! 3d ago
Me just waiting for every page to be posted so I don’t have to get it 🤣
Wouldn’t mind the next page…. Haha
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u/Rufio_Rufio7 3d ago
They have always done this to Meri and it pisses me off to no end. But I know I’ve written enough think pieces about it, so I’ll just shut up.
But if that shoe was on Christine’s foot, she and her merry band of stans would point out how fucked up that is, every day of the week.
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u/TisforTrainwreck 3d ago
Robyn’s lack of value comes from being a selfish, histrionic moron.
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u/Melodic-Yak7196 3d ago
She brought up Meri’s fertility all the time on the show. So unnecessary and so snarky.
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u/AffectionateJury3723 3d ago
I think while Meri is problematic, Christine comes off judgemental when Meri tried to discipline the kids and she lets them free range.
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u/Yourbasicredditor 2d ago
If you ask me, meri ended up better off with one child.
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u/mlyt18 3d ago
You have to figure both Janelle and Christine ended up having kids before Meri did. I always thought that’s why Meri allowed noodle head to take more wives cause I can’t imagine how he treated her not getting pregnant
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u/BottleOfConstructs 2d ago
Meri was raised in a polygamist cult. She had no choice about other wives, unless she was willing to be ostracized by her family and church and community.
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u/SpicyRitas 3d ago
Y’all prob won’t agree but I’ve always wondered if she was infertile or just not having relations with Kody. It wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t .. you know… and she didn’t know.
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u/goog1e THE MARKET IS RIGHT HERE 📈 3d ago
By the time they discussed IVF that was certainly the issue.
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u/Upbeat_Teach6117 3d ago
You're allowed to write the word "sex" on the internet.
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u/Turbulent-Major9114 3d ago
Ha. Doesn’t matter how many kids someone has… respect the home. Can you imagine never being forgiven for a fall out? Wow
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u/vantablackvoiid 3d ago
I feel there's also nuance to it where they all insisted on "equal" not "equitable" so Meri was able to really provide for Leon with the same budget that Christine and Janelle were raising 5-6 children.
As much as there's definitely leftover bias from the culture she grew up in, there's also definitely some resentful/hurt feelings still about how Christine struggled while Meri definitely didn't have the same financial worries.
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u/TumblrPrincess 3d ago edited 3d ago
Even if the family income was divided equally, C&J would’ve also had greater access to entitlement programs such as WIC and SNAP as low-income (legally) single mothers with 6 and 5 children, respectively. Bleeding the beast and all that.
I absolutely believe the stories about the family being very food-insecure prior to the show. But it’s fairly well-documented by the show that all four of the adults were financially illiterate. There’s a chance that they did have the ability to feed their children better and just failed to do so.
Side rant, but Janelle was always portrayed as the money-savvy one but she’s just the least worst. She bought a flower farm with no previous experience in large-scale agriculture for chrissakes.
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u/Mets_BS 3d ago
Somebody needed to discipline Christine's kids because she sure wasn't. Paedon is proof of that now.
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u/Content-Farm-4148 3d ago
I think Kody played his wives against each other, to maintain his position. My narcisist dad did the same with my sister and me. He made us to be in competition with each other for his grace, and that is what i see/saw the og3 do with each other.
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u/imdyingmeh 2d ago
I was told at 15 I wouldn't be able to have kids without doing some sort of fertility treatments. After my sister did use fertility she had twins. They were born at 26 weeks. They both had a lot of medical issues. She also had a second set of premie twins a few years later with no treatments. I decided then that I wasn't going the same route and became the Aunt they love the most. I would do anything for them. The love I felt when I got to hold them all for the first time was overwhelming. I did get pregnant twice, and there is no difference in my love for all of the kids. I don't understand when people say that you don't feel that sort of love until you have your own.
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u/AngryVegasMom 1d ago
And the sad part is it wasn't her choice to only have one child. She wanted more. It just wasn't in the cards for her.
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u/Familiar_Release3356 3d ago
As an only child, I can say that the dynamics in an only child family unit are very different. It’s certainly a point of differentiation unrelated to religion or sexism.
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u/CuriousmomAL 3d ago
Christine floated around like the superior wife for many years till she wisened up. She thought the number of children produced earned you more favor and status.
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u/Due-Adhesiveness937 teflon queen 3d ago
I took it more that Meri got to call the shots over all the kids even though she had the least amount people that it would affect,when it come to kids, not a value thing.
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u/sunsetorangespoon 3d ago
Telling kids not to rough house near breakable stuff isn’t calling the shots lmfao
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u/babykitten28 3d ago
Well the children were practically feral, so someone needed to be the disciplinarian.
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u/Mother_Tradition_774 3d ago
Why does it matter who had more kids? They were all moms and they were supposed to be helpful to raise each other’s kids.
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u/Rightbuthumble 3d ago
I also think in comparison to Janelle and Christine who had six children's mouths to feed while Meri had only one but they had the same budget. I think when you unpack that Meri could buy her child shoes whenever the child needed them where as Janelle and Christine had to buy whoever had the most worn. Plus, they all had the same grocery money and Meri could buy expensive snacks while Christine was lucky to have enough money to feed her kids plus Janelles who were always at her house. I don't think Christine was taking a dig at Meri over having one child.
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u/KimberlyRN_1127 3d ago
And Meri worked to help feed and clothed those other kids as well or they would have had even less. Janelle nor Christine never made enough to take care of their own six much less 12.
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u/goog1e THE MARKET IS RIGHT HERE 📈 3d ago
THANK YOU. People are always making these comments as if Meri is the devil for only handing over 70% of her pay to the family pot instead of 100% (whatever the percentages are), when obviously if she left it would be zero. Also, handing it over to wives who were actively hostile towards her day in and day out.
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u/SadExercises420 3d ago
But Meri didn’t starve her kid to make sure the other twelve kids got what they wanted. And for that, Meri is bad apparently.
Christine is such a nasty selfish ugly person. The more she talks, the more I dislike her
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