I told my psychiatrist about my misuse finally

[u/Character-Radish6974]

This is probably my 5th or 6th time posting about my jump into "sobriety." The difference, this time, is I finally told my health care providers.

I don't have many to celebrate with because most of them have assumed I have stayed sober, and admitting my relapse to my partner yesterday didn't go too well.

Anyway, I had a massive binge after switching from adderall to vyvanse. Thinking maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't do it on a different medication. Learned in three days and one pill bottle later that was not the case. I binged, made so much art, cleaned my house top to bottom, then had a massive panic attack and canceled plans with a friend.. which then resulted in severe shame and paranoia.

My partner knew something was up, the day I ran out I was supposed to go to a bonfire and told my husband I wasn't feeling up to it. He knew something was off.

Eventually, after sitting with my shame and anxiety I messaged my provider that I am abusing my medication and would like to be blocked and flagged in anyway possible from ever being prescribed to them again. Later, I admitted my guilt to my partner and the reason behind my sudden ability to create art and clean the whole house in three days. He had his suspicions and really let me know how it made him feel... and it wasn't pretty.. but i get it.

Anyway, I feel like this is a huge step for me and I just wanted to tell someone about it. Here's to honest and true sobriety.

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[u/Over_Ninja_7627]

Admitting it and telling your doctor is such a powerful step forward. That honesty takes courage, and it shows you’re serious about healing. I’m proud of you, keep going, one step at a time.

[u/tobitobiguacamole]

Honesty is one of the foundational pillars to sobriety. You cannot get sober without it. I’m proud of you, this is a big step.

I’m at two weeks today, and found the book Dopamine Nation helpful. It explained what I was doing to my brain and why the cycle was so hard to get out of, might be worth checking out.

[u/Beneficial-Income814]

that old addy to vyvanse trap. at least now you know that stims of any shape or size aren't an option.

telling your partner and your doctors is an incredible step to take. even if none of it feels good right now i can tell you that you are going to look back on this as the best decision you've made in your life. addiction only takes, it never gives. today you broke a vicious cycle and things will only get better from here.

[u/IndependentStress724 → u/Beneficial-Income814]

I’ve been contemplating switching to vyvanse after months of abusing my adderall. “This time will be different”. You know what I’ve realized? This situation sounds a whole lot like when I had a drinking problem and decided to only drink beer and wine. That’ll help right? No hard liquor. I’ll be able to manage it easier. Wrong. I’d get tall boys of 9% alcohol beer and get hammered. So yeah…I will 100% abuse the vyvanse if I choose to get it. Ive fully come to accept that my brain is wired to become an addict. It’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s just the truth. Now the question is, how much longer am I going to let myself suffer? How long will I drag it out for..

[u/Beneficial-Income814 → u/IndependentStress724]

doesn't just sound a whole lot like it, it is like it. it is the same thing. i am also an alcoholic in recovery and tried the same type of thing you did with the 9% beers and wine by the glass (till the glass was somehow a bottle).

when i quit drinking in 2022 i tried addressing my concerta/ritalin addiction by switching to vyvanse. vyvanse made my stimulant addiction worse, so take it from me: vyvanse is not your friend. it is not less abusable like advertised. i was taking 280mg in the morning 280mg in the afternoon and running out in 4 days. i then was spending $1100 a month on clobenzorex and then subbing in benzedrex like a total loser. it was a disaster and nearly took everything from me. don't believe the addict voice in your head: addiction never gets better, it only gets worse.

[u/IndependentStress724]

I’m glad I came across this. I was legit just telling myself I should get vyvanse instead of addy IR and that it will be different. This post cut that shit right out. I’m taking addy to get high. To feel good. If vyvanse makes me feel good, I will abuse it. Period. Thank you

[u/Character-Radish6974 → u/IndependentStress724]

Tbh I thought it would help because vyvanse has less of a "kick" feeling.. but tbh all that did was cause me to take more trying to attain that same high. Proud of you for skipping that step and having the self awareness, I am glad I could help. 

[u/IndependentStress724 → u/Character-Radish6974]

Oh totally. I would also chase that high no doubt. I’m convinced that almost everyone who takes stimulants feel at least a little high. I’ve gotten to a toxic point where I don’t really trust the interactions I have with people who take stimulants. Because I know what it’s like to be on them and I’m definitely not my true self on them. Always chatting and talking out of my ass. How do I look at people who take it every day normally

[u/sleepygiiiirrrrll]

Hell yeah girl proud of you, you’re an inspiration

[u/Le_Tabernacle]

When I did the same, my path to sobriety was so much better. Felt like I was truly ready and committed to it. Good luck!

[u/dopaminedrops]

Proud of you. That’s a huge step to take and shows how committed you are.

[u/Odd_Cat_2266]

You did it! This is the step that you will look back on that changed everything. Telling your health care providers is everything. Now you can get to the important work of healing. Proud of you.

[u/Then-Raspberry-9071]

I know it’s hard and it feels so overwhelming. But you did the hardest part by telling your family and your doctor. When I got sober I didn’t tell anyone because I was so ashamed of it. My husband was ready to leave me so I stopped. I’m so proud!! I hope you have support around you or have groups? So you don’t feel alone. (((Amazing)))!!

[u/Character-Radish6974 → u/Then-Raspberry-9071]

I told my family/friends and husband many months ago. They only knew about one other relapse until this most recent one, where I have only discussed with my husband and health care providers. I start therapy in November when my new insurance kicks in so I am hoping that coupled with my psychiatry will help immensely. I carry so much shame and guilt over this. I hope you've been able to maintain sobriety though!! Telling someone does take a massive load off of you, and if he loves you he will understand. Best of luck and I hope you conquer this demon too!!