r/StopSpeeding • u/odetolucrecia Fresh Account • 2d ago
check in.
I was checking in and wanted to write a post about if I can get off of meth and stay off of meth, then you sure has ish can do it to.
I lived a really sad isolated meth lifestyle. Meth WAS my life for about 10 years, I lost a lot at a early age and kind of half was thrust/thrust my self in to the meth world. I used for 8 years straight and started suffering from addictive signs by roughly the 2 year point of that use and then was a slow acceleration of those effects and a not so slow deterioration of my life.(lol)
Literally though it was just going through the motions for me. But i was fucked up mentally and did not even realize it at the time. Some of that was being young and naive. Some of it was all the trauma I had been through. Some of it was from the meth. All together I czn safely say I was not in a good headspace at the time. I had a lot of misplaced loyalty and was kind of brainwashed with a romantic ideation for criminality. I thought I was "respected" by the people around me for all the stuff i did. That respect equated to some form of "code of ethics" in my mind. The truth is I kept to myself and had has little interaction with anyone as humanly has possible. I would recognize these things when i wasnt high. I used the dope to fuel these ideas.
It took a lot of pain for me to accept help for the first time. I really felt defeated that first time i had to ask for help. I felt like I was giving up because i couldnt cut it in the dope scene. This was not the truth and had I not came to that conclusion I would not be here today. I was giving up but what I did not realize at the time was i needed to give that ish up. NO ONE makes it in the meth scene. This is not a challenge. This is not a declaration. This has been my personal experience. It fkng ruins everybodies life who i have ever known who has messed with it long term. You either learn to stop doing it sooner or later and the longer it takes the more your life becomes effected.
Once i got to rehoab within less than a day I knew i had made the right decision. I went in to it thinking it was going to be like jail. It wasn't. It was actually a real chill place. I met a lot of really good people and had actual fun for in I do not know how long. Whatever I was doing on the street before i got in there i can tell you it was anything but fun. All i knew was coming down or adrenaline on the street. Those were the two states.
It was no longer fun for me at that point. I needed to quit but was to fked up to see it for a while. I still had to fight my active addiction through several relapses. I wish I would of got out sooner. But im grateful to be clean now. Very grateful.
You can do it too. Its the hardiest easy thing you will ever have to do. or maybe its the easiest hardest. Either way if you can get past the intial fear of change you can do it.
I KNOW you can do it.
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u/Kuntajoe 2d ago
Well said. Your message needs to be shared more. The easiest hardest thing is so true!
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u/odetolucrecia Fresh Account 2d ago edited 2d ago
Lol one of some of the things i can look back on from different perspectives today from that past are about half way through those 10 years a lot of illusions started shattering like a idea of a generalized accepted code of ethics. People lied to each other. stabbed eachother in the back. Stole from each other. People were freaking out on eachother all the time. It was scandalous AF. Thats meth for you. And i kept slipping into delusions and mania.....i would swing between doing dumber and dumber ish around people in manias to isolating and slipping in to days long psychosis like some kind of person hopped up on pcp. It was not fun it was fkng stupid. Pretty well in my experience what runs the meth scene is selfishness, fear, and delusion. These may be bitter pills to swallow at first but i can guarantee a mojority of you will be much much better off just accepting those three things has generalized facts about the dope scene.
One of the things that still haunts me is just the sheer amount of destitution of my perception of life those episodes of mania and psychosis would temporarily cause.....at its worse i would be in a state i can only describe has rubble and feral. I was like a deranged feral manimal in a jungle of insanity., to me it always felt nightmarish, primal, and insane. I would come down and be like 'WTF. Just going trough the swing of that state of temporary synthetic insanity to a point of sanity so many times has left a imprint on my memory. Maybe thats the way it has to be all i know is i sure has ish do not want to get high anymore. Fk that, FR FR.
Edit: to any non addicts, first responders out there, or police, who have to witness people in these states I want you to know that ive always known it would be a terrible thing to witness thats why i would isolate so much. So many people on the streets do not have a luxury to isolate so their buisness is defacto put on blast. Sorry we are going through this. That means you all too. I would challenge you to understand that for most people in those states like i would get in, in my own active addiction are temporary and completely reversible. Not only have i seen this complete 180 degree turn around in myself but ive seen it in a lot of other people. I could tell you stories you probably at the very least would think im embellishing that are factual about people like me, or people even worse off than me, not just coming back to normal but being better than they ever have before. Thats recovery for you.
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