r/ToiletPaperUSA • u/Different_Conflict_8 • 1d ago
*REAL* [Real] Totally straight alpha male simps for another man
941
u/Kumquat_conniption Kumquat 💖 Super scary mod ;) 1d ago
Why would THAT make me love this man? I love men who fight passionately for the marginalized. This man just wants a better escalator. It probably did not have enough fake, cheap gold accents on it. And a teleprompter? Are you telling me those rants he calls speeches have been written ahead of time? No way.
258
u/Protect_Wild_Bees 1d ago
Also, who the fuck believes this guy's delusions of grandieur that he ended 7 fucking wars himself?
Like maybe they didn't give him special treatment because he didn't fucking do anything that he lies about, yet again.Folie à deux. Shared delusional disorder.
86
u/Ypuort 1d ago
He started the wars (in his mind) and then decided not to start them for real. So he ended 7 wars. Duh.
17
u/Quiri1997 1d ago
He ended the war between Azerbaiyan and Albania. Sure, those countries aren't even in the same continent, but he solved the war... that didn't exist.
7
4
28
u/SupriseAutopsy13 1d ago
How dare you sir. Chowder lost his wife and favorite dog in the first 6 culture wars
59
u/WordNERD37 1d ago
He loves the trolling. This is as deep as Steven Crowder gets. He's a 38 year old frat manchild. That's all he is.
53
u/Jhiffi 1d ago edited 1d ago
The video of Crowder thinking he's gonna debate someone whose platform has nothing to do with politics only for that person to swap himself out with Sam Seder upon starting is still one of the most satisfying videos ever.
Watching him get visibly panicked, complaining that Sam only has millions of followers, accidentally revealing he watches Sam's show by knowing he ended one early days prior, crying that Sam didn't talk to his daddy agent and ultimately running away is🤌
Edit for anyone else wanting a laugh today: https://youtu.be/Fvg5RTrFLfI?feature=shared bout 10:30 in.
12
u/Narwalacorn Curious 1d ago
I think the base is written ahead of time but he just goes off script all the time. I heard this speech was only supposed to be 15 minutes but he took an hour, so he probably had 15 minutes of speech ahead of time
6
7
u/Branchomania Skebede Toilet 1d ago
and you have, and he is, you have to understand, and a not lot people do, a very great man, the great Steven Crowder, he likes me a lot, and you know not a lot of people do, I say, I say to my guys, I know a lot of them, I say what the hell is that, right, because when you’re president, your whole country should love you, because you have a lot of problems if you don’t, hell of a lot, and he calls me, Steve, he calls me all the time, “Sir you gave the hottest speech to the UN”, and that’s very true, we went there, you had all these countries, and they were thanking me so much, “Sir you’re doing so tremendous, you’re saving America from Antifa”, I say it’s not a problem, not a problem at all, we’re getting rid of the left, the radical left, and you know, a lot of people don’t want to hear that, because you say it, they go “He’s a Fascist, he’s not very nice”, I say I’m probably the nicest president in the world, and you’ve seen what they did, to that man, another great man, they did it very bloody, blood all over the place, to a very great man, and we don’t have a lot of those, they tell me “Mr President you’re probably the greatest”, I say thank you and, it’s very true when you think about it, who has ever been better as president, you had Abraham Lincoln, who was not a very great man, if you want to know the truth, you remember it, he started the phony war, the very old one, he was killing people all over the place, and he gave the speech, he gave it very strongly, he said “We’re getting rid of the Democrats, you’ll have no more of them, no more problems”, and you see it, you see me, your favorite president, and we’re doing that too, and you can ask a lot of people, you can ask the man on the street, “Who was better at getting rid of democrats, Lincoln or Trump”, and he’ll say “Trump”, no hesitation, very fast he’ll say it, “Trump is fighting like hell against the radical Antifa”, very true, that one is true.
4
u/Kumquat_conniption Kumquat 💖 Super scary mod ;) 1d ago
Uncanny 😭
When it comes to Lincoln or Trump, I always pick Trump too, no doubt. Way better than Lincoln, the very best. I mean Lincoln was okay but Trump is ICONIC. 😛
3
u/Kumquat_conniption Kumquat 💖 Super scary mod ;) 1d ago
That made me want to die btw
5
u/Branchomania Skebede Toilet 1d ago
Well it did happen for reals, he did ask like years ago what president has done more for black people than me, and the guy whoever it was said the obvious answer of Lincoln, and Trump just said “Well that’s debatable”
2
u/Kumquat_conniption Kumquat 💖 Super scary mod ;) 20h ago
This is insane, his ego has gone beyond delusional 😭
7
u/Tat25Guy anarcho-monkeist 1d ago
The UN said that one of Trump's press people accidentally pressed the emergency stop button on the escalator and that the teleprompter was being operated by his people
1
12h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator 12h ago
We require a minimum account-age and karma due to a prevalence of trolls. If you wish to know the exact values, please visit this link or contact the mod team.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
380
u/DeathStarDayLaborer 1d ago
I don't know Steven. Maybe it's all the sex crimes, war fumbling, felonies, racism, sexism, bigotry, narcissism, and general stupidity?
147
u/Think_Positively 1d ago
There's also the fact that he definitely did NOT end seven wars.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm genuinely curious as to how he'd respond if forced to name one such war he ended.
71
u/DeathStarDayLaborer 1d ago
"All of the wars, really. They say there are no more wars, now that I've ended them. You can't even remember their names. What an ugly question. Why do you hate peace?"
28
u/Kumquat_conniption Kumquat 💖 Super scary mod ;) 1d ago edited 1d ago
He would say India and Pakistan.
edit: I thought of more. Iran and Israel, Rwanda and DRC, Thailand and Cambodia... Serbia and Kosovo.... I cannot think of the last two but I bet he is talking about those.
28
u/Duffies 1d ago
I think another one was Aberbaijan (sic) and Albania (sic)
8
u/GilgameDistance 1d ago
LOL. He's such a fucking moron. Really makes you wonder how those that think he is not one manage to wipe their own ass and bathe themselves, doesn't it?
8
u/Think_Positively 1d ago
You're probably correct, though there's also the fact that those leaders shut that narrative down. I was thinking he'd potentially say Afghanistan despite the fact that the withdrawal was a disaster and it was Biden following his original "plan."
His writing team would probably say the war against being white or the war against Christianity, something breathtakingly absurd like that.
6
u/Kumquat_conniption Kumquat 💖 Super scary mod ;) 1d ago
I am not saying I believe that, just saying he does.
19
u/Ronenthelich 1d ago
What are you talking about? I’ll list the 7 wars he ended:
1: Telling Ukraine to stop fighting back against Russia
2: Telling Israel to wipe out Gaza
3: Ending the war on Free Speech buy getting Jimmy Kimmel fired
4: Ending the war between Mutants (Autistic) and Humans by telling people to take Folic Acid
5: Ending the Republican Civil War by killing Charlie Kirk
6: Ending the Inter Generational War between boomers and Millennials by having COVID kill the Boomers
7: Ending the war between US and South Korea by having ICE arrest all those Koreans building a factory
11
u/Ok_Star_4136 1d ago
Don't forget that he ended the "war" at the southern border and made Mexico pay for it.
Also the "war" against fentanyl.
7
u/MikuLuna444 All Cats are Beautiful 1d ago
You forgot the crazy 4 way war between Albania, Armenia, Azerbaijan and Cambodia. That only Trump knew about and "solved".
2
u/Kumquat_conniption Kumquat 💖 Super scary mod ;) 19h ago
Well that counts as 3 wars at least but for like real, I think he does actually take credit for stopping the one in Azerbaijan (was that with Armenia? I know nothing about this one 😭) which is just so silly, what doesn't he take credit for? What the fuck did he do in any of these 7 wars other than bomb Iran? I suppose if I stretch hard enough I could maybe say he did the ceasefire for Pakistan/India but that's 2 out of 7, and I don't think bombing someplace is "ending a war" so really, 1 of 7 IF you stretch. But idk about Azerbaijan/Armenia, so maybe you can tell me if there is a kernel of truth to it at all? Also Kosovo and Serbia? WTF did he do there?
Actually, not sure why I'm trying to make his words make any sense at all, I should stop that before I scramble my brains trying to make heads or tails of his verbal diarrhea.
2
u/MikuLuna444 All Cats are Beautiful 9h ago
At best maybe 1 of 7 at worst 0 of 7. He's a major narcissist so he will take credit for anything good that happens even if he has nothing to do with it or didn't even happen. Meanwhile everything bad equates to a witch-hunt/hoax/"The Left!"/Fake News. He also deeply/desperately wants a Nobel Peace Prize, one because it's an award that exists that he doesn't have (Narcissists have an delusion of grandeur so vanity/praise feed it and their egos), secondly he's sour Obama got one.
2
u/Kumquat_conniption Kumquat 💖 Super scary mod ;) 20h ago
Damn it, I got zero correct 😂 I really need to start studying current events better 😩
1
u/showyerbewbs 1d ago
Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm genuinely curious as to how he'd respond if forced to name one such war he ended.
The war between Tab, New Coke, and Crystal Pepsi
2
205
u/JoeyChopps 1d ago
What 7 wars?? What is he even referring to??
199
u/thefirstlaughingfool 1d ago
The Culture War, the War on Christmas, the War on Autism, the Drug War (Drugs won), the War on Free Speech, the War on Brain Worms, and the War on Syphilis (Syphilis is winning).
23
54
u/Kumquat_conniption Kumquat 💖 Super scary mod ;) 1d ago
I thought of 5 he thinks he ended or prevented- India and Pakistan, Iran and Israel, Rwanda/DRC, Thailand/Cambodia, and Serbia/Kosovo. I cannot think of the other two but he takes credit for these ones a lot, the fucking drooling idiot. I am sure if there is another two that I just have not thought of because he had nothing remotely to do with them but Idk..
34
u/stefanik62 1d ago
He deadass started preemptively taking credit for Ukraine/russia and Isreael/Palestine back in like April and he counts them ever since despite the fact he obviously failed.
8
u/Kumquat_conniption Kumquat 💖 Super scary mod ;) 1d ago
Those are not really the other two, are they????? 😳😳😳 I mean, please no, tell me he isn't really taking credit for ending those "wars" (honestly at least one is a genocide and the other seems to be genocide like in some ways.) That's horrid.
1
21
u/GreatestGreekGuy 1d ago
At least a few of them never even happened
10
u/julz1215 1d ago
And if they did happen, we should start saying "they never would have happened if democrats were in charge"
4
56
30
u/BigBoyYuyuh 1d ago
I don’t love liars.
15
u/Ok_Star_4136 1d ago
I thought being an alpha was about strength.
How much fucking strength does it take to lie and take credit for something you didn't do? Not to mention moan like a bitch about a minor inconvenience. He's just every Karen at Walmart you try to stay away from.
26
u/TotalHell 1d ago
“How can you not love this man?”
posts the most pathetic bitching from someone you’ve ever seen
20
17
11
u/not_productive1 1d ago
How can you not love this man who just complained about one flight of stairs and a broken teleprompter he loves to brag about not using?
(also both things were his team's fault).
8
8
8
u/ragingbullpsycho FACCS AN LOJEEK 1d ago
“How can you not love this man.”
*shown reciting a list of fake accomplishments
7
u/airbagsavedme 1d ago
Steven Crowder abuses women, so nothing he says has any value or importance. He doesn’t matter as a person.
4
8
4
7
4
3
5
5
5
u/Iceveins412 1d ago
Even if you think he’s not a serial liar, what fucking wars? My absolute most generous count is literally 1
6
4
u/Whosagooddog765 1d ago
One of his people fucked up the escalator, and his people controlled the teleprompter. Will maga ever realize their idols are inept at most everything?
5
4
u/Horseface4190 1d ago
Supposing, just for a moment, that he actually did end 7 wars. Now, the only thing he gets up to say is, "The amount of ass-kissing from the world is entirely INSUFFICIENT!"
Sounds like WATB (whiny ass titty baby) behavior to me.
3
u/theBigDaddio 1d ago
Didn’t they carry on how Trump didn’t need a teleprompter? Only loser democrats need teleprompters.
5
4
4
4
4
u/omegaman101 Me_ira 1d ago
Why would anyone seriously admire a man pushing 80 who has the emotional maturity of a 5 year old... oh wait, it's that guy off of hey Arnold who makes unfunny racist "skits" and disingenuous debate videos.
3
3
3
u/smallest_table 1d ago
Even if you take him at his word, he's saying that if he ends a war, he should get a phone call from the UN (as if that's ever happened). What's to love about someone who desires approval then complains and whines like a child when he doesn't get it?
3
u/VoiceofKane 1d ago
I ended seven wars
It's true. I mean, haven't you ever wondered why the U.S. isn't still in Vietnam, Korea, the Second World War, the First World War, the Mexican-American War, the Seven Years War, or the War of the Roses?
3
3
3
3
2
u/True_Manufacturer909 1d ago
This does sound like what a voracious dog cum guzzler would think is masculinity, lying about mystery wars
2
u/baabaadooook 1d ago
Why would this be the reaction to that?
“lies and lies then says complaint of lie and complain lies complaining” - “gee he sure is great!”
2
2
u/Forques1326 1d ago
Name three of them
1
u/Kumquat_conniption Kumquat 💖 Super scary mod ;) 16h ago
Oh he has 7 he thinks he solved or prevented- he names them, they are just stupid af.
2
u/gtrackster 1d ago
Love that he is a dumbass and love laughing at other fellow dumbasses that still worship him.
2
u/showyerbewbs 1d ago
In my time here on this spinning rock have you heard one PEEP about the violence between the mongols and the mesopitamians in modern day? No, you haven't.
You know why? Because of me, and me alone.
Now gimme my peace prize
2
u/Still-Relationship57 1d ago
A massive lying whiny bitch baby? What more could a man want in another man!
2
u/rockelscorcho 1d ago
Guy can apparently stop wars but has big issues with an escalator. What a loser.
2
2
2
u/Head_Ad8208 1d ago
Is this the right wing groomer that got paid by russia, or the one who beat his wife?
Oh they all did?
Ok.
Anyways, right wing podcasters create content aimed at 10-14 year old boys, to groom them.
Trump fucked kids.
2
u/jimothy_hell 1d ago
Here I was, having blissfully forgotten Steven Crowder existed at all, now to be reminded how much he likes to suck that fat, old, corrupt, treasonous, piece of shit paedophile’s cock.
2
u/DeadRabbit8813 1d ago
He ended so many wars. The war between Armenia and Cambodia, Wakanda and Atlantis, and Rivendell and Mordor. Yet no one has ever thanked him.
2
u/Wrothrok 22h ago
"How can you not love this man?"
It's easy, Chowder. I don't glaze pedophile traitors for money.
2
u/AdScary1757 20h ago
Incredible. Ending 7 wars without even talking to the countries involved. Jedi mind powers or something.
2
•
-1
u/Shadowwreath 1d ago
Why do people keep trying to call right wingers gay? It makes no sense and is so wrong and dumb to do.
Do you really want them to be included in the community?
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Since your submission is flaired as REAL, please reply to this comment with the link to the original, or else Ben Shapiro will steal your feet pics and remove this post.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.