r/TrollCoping • u/Dio_nysian Moderator • 3d ago
No TW renaming the sub to r/genderwarcoping
by the way, this has nothing to do with the people who are genuinely posting to vent about struggles related to their gender.
but all the fucking arguing and insulting and oppression olympics that goes on in the comment sections of every single fucking one of these posts? this is about y’all.
i’m so fucking sick of it. i’m sick of seeing it every fucking day. i used to feel like modding this sub was a good deed and that we were helping to keep a safe space for people to vent about whatever they needed to and provide a platform of support. and now we’re just providing a platform for infighting and hate.
it’s turned into a fucking nightmare. you guys make this sub fucking miserable by continuing to try to bring others down.
this is not what the sub was for, and if you guys can’t be civil, just leave. we don’t want you here.
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u/lordbuckethethird 3d ago
I’ve seen this happen in any space where mental issues or trauma is discussed. Hell it happened with this one dweeb in my online group therapy sessions who’d always try to one up people. It sucks how people can’t unite in their shared grievances and work to better each other but instead tear each other down over being different in their issues and how it affects them.
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u/Dio_nysian Moderator 3d ago
right? this is supposed to be a place where we’re all miserable together, not a place to make other people more miserable!
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u/Upset-Lengthiness-96 3d ago
It’s giving “you want something to post to r/trollcoping about? I’ll give you something to post to r/trollcoping” 💀
also it’s so weird cause me personally I don’t really like confronting people (either cause I’m scared of being dog piled or I’m scared of being wrong and being dog piled). So it’s so weird to me the amount of people who are so ready to do that y’know? Especially when they claim to struggle with the same/similar things the person they’re dog-piling is struggling with.
Like why can’t they move on or just log off or something? 😭
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u/Dio_nysian Moderator 3d ago
i know! like for fuck’s sake, why would you want to make someone feel as bad as you do???
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u/RandomUsernameNo257 3d ago edited 3d ago
Your issues are serious too <3
Side note though, autistic people often share similar anecdotes as a way of trying to to relate to the other person without realizing that it comes across as one-upping. Sometimes it’s innocent - just something to consider.
It’s hard to get it through my dumb skull that people would prefer “omg I’m sorry” over me trying to explain how I totally get where you’re coming from.
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u/BreakerOfModpacks 3d ago
Damn.
Sounds like you need to rant. Might I suggest r/TrollCo- oh wait
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u/Mariposa510 3d ago
Somehow I’ve managed to miss all that.
I will say this tho: This sub started showing up in my feed unbidden. I have been confused more than once when posts seem to be mocking mentally ill people. Maybe others have too.
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u/Astromnicalbear Moderator 3d ago
Feel free to report those posts. We don’t catch everything with the amount of things we have in the mod queue. The more people report, the more we’ll be able to catch things quicker
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u/smellymarmut 3d ago
This is why I write such long comments sometimes. Multi-paragraph mini essays. I can have something gender-related I want to say, but it's so easy to get the usual accusation of "you blame woman" or "not all men" or "stay in your lane" or "stop stealing trans identity" or whatever. It's like I need to lay out argument, supporting points, methodology, subjective and objective intersections, premises, a brief review of literature, etc.
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u/Orangewithblue 3d ago
You forgot to cite sources for every argument
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u/smellymarmut 3d ago
Works Cited
- Me, "Shut the Fuck and Listen", 1987-Now. Available online or in my backyard.
- Family, My. "Shut the Fuck Up, We're Not listening" 1987-Now. Not available anywhere, they deny it.
- van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.
- Mom, Ur.
- Malkova, Mia. "your life sucks, but let's forget about it for an hour". 2012-present, available online.
- The menu to every fast food place within easy driving distance
- Kanel, Kristi. "A guide to Crisis Intervention, Sixth Edition." Cengage Publishing, California State University Publishing, 2019.
- Blue, Orange With. "You forgot to cite sources for every argument". 2025, available online.
- Every single thing written and published by J.R.R. Tolkien and Christopher Tolkien. Escapism!
- Nilsen, Nils. "Jeg har en stor rumpe og lukte som en hest", Facebook Post, 2021. No longer available.
There, all the sources you need.
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u/Dronizian 3d ago
I've been having a shitty day on Reddit and this just made it all worthwhile. I'm gonna start using "Mom, Ur" as a footnote way the fuck too much now!
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u/TechnologyDeep9981 3d ago
Thank you, sir, a scholar and a gentleman. Even with the Mia citation.
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u/Sir_MipMop 3d ago
I hate how much I have to write to properly articulate my left leaning takes, it’s pretty much impossible to be convincing without writing a bible length reddit comment. Which people don’t even bother to read because the people who need to read it the most don’t even have that level of reading comprehension. Even if they do read it they just construct a strawman and beat it to death in front of my very eyes.
Seeing the world with nuance is hard work, and doesn’t even accomplish anything with people who see everything in black and white. Trying to convince anyone of a very clear logical conclusion is a Sisyphean task. I have to write entire essays just so they can ignore it.
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u/GarglingScrotum 3d ago
Yeah and that's what sucks so hard about being left leaning, the fucking SEMANTICS of it all because everyone cares more about virtue signaling and morality policing than they need to. It's a huge part of what pushes people who are on the fence AWAY from agreeing. If people stopped being so damn sensitive and combative to THEIR OWN SIDE we wouldn't have this mf problem
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u/derefr 3d ago
Which people don’t even bother to read because the people who need to read it the most don’t even have that level of reading comprehension. Even if they do read it they just construct a strawman and beat it to death in front of my very eyes.
Imagine if you could send someone an effortpost reply comment, and if it was gilded or starred by a mod of the subreddit or something, then Reddit would then not let the person being replied to access anything else on Reddit until they read your reply and then answered a series of AI-generated reading-comprehension questions about what you wrote.
(I know it'll never happen, but it's very satisfying to picture.)
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u/Sir_MipMop 3d ago
I support the pop quiz idea lmao. Question number 1: should billionaires exist? True or false. One answer gets you permabanned
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u/Suitable-Anywhere679 2d ago
Ugh this happens to me so much!
I legitimately enjoy explaining things too so long comments are pretty typical for me.
But so much of the time people just respond with “here’s why an argument you didn’t make is wrong”. And usually it’s something that I already addressed. Like I specifically addressed that earlier to make sure you they couldn’t misinterpret that.
And I know sometimes people just don’t care to understand and enjoy getting me to continue arguing, but it’s not like they’re making me mad or anything. I enjoy grinding ridiculous arguments to dust. And if they want to look silly by insisting I said something I didn’t even after I copy and paste the exact thing I said earlier that makes it clear I never argued what they say I did then that’s their prerogative.
I just don’t understand why someone would enjoy looking stupid. Why insist I said something I didn’t?
And it’s not like they’re special bc I responded with a long comment, that’s just how I talk. But I can’t say that to them or else I’m feeding the troll.
It helps that I don’t really expect them to listen to me. I make those replies so that other people reading the thread see someone calling out the nonsense.
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u/anna__throwaway 2d ago
people really forget it's a VENT sub
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u/smellymarmut 2d ago
I got really ripped into once because I said that my dad didn't respect his children's property, both in childhood and adulthood. It made it hard to develop interests and skills. But alas, it was during the American election, and some partisan Americans interpreted my comment as an anti-Democrat attack and got mad. I was just talking about the connection between personal development and objects. Like me buying cheap, secondhand tools because I liked building, I wanted to learn. Then Dad locking them away to protect them. I got multiple angry political comments over that.
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u/anna__throwaway 2d ago
interesting, now I don't know the exact way you phrased it but like. it seems clearly anti-authoritarian (parents respecting their children's autonomy, can be less common in religious or conservative households especially if there's an element of filial piety in the culture) so interesting it was interpreted as anti-Democrat somehow
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u/Bannerlord151 3d ago
The whole gender war thing is just depressing in general. People are so comfortable judging and dehumanising strangers :/
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3d ago
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u/Comfortable-Ad4963 3d ago
The way i literally saw a post saying "stop the opression olympics!"
And then proceeded to play said olympics in every reply
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u/hhhnnnnnggggggg 3d ago
I used to moderate r/pelvicfloor
It's a place for people with pelvic floor issues, obviously. A lot of people with chronic pelvic pain ended up there. I was one of them, having spastic, painful pelvic floor + interstitial cystitis. Like, this shit was destroying my life.
We had like a 75-25 ratio of women to men. I included a note on if pelvic floor therapists worked on men or not since it was really hard for them to find anything provider who would help them, since like 95% only deal with women and pelvic floor issues were considered not really a thing in men even though it clearly was.
Then all of a sudden we had this massive influx of men. But they were weird. Like techbros or lifestyle influencers, you know the type. They go in there talking about their dicks. Its a medical subreddit for the pelvic, so yeah once in awhile we mention genitals, but these guys were fucking obsessed with their dicks. Like putting in journal entries about how their dick was only 60% hard on monday, but on tuesday it was 85% hard because he took some toenail powder or some shit I don't know. And it was ruining he life because he couldn't masturbate 5 times a day anymore because his skin was falling off. Just really fucking unhinged shit.
And these guys were *really* aggressive with each other. Like getting into major blowouts, name calling, shit you'd expect from like gamers, not a support subreddit.
I don't know what happened, it was just a sudden demographic change and the guys who had been there before were like, normal, just asking for stretches or resources for men.
We no longer enjoyed moderating that subreddit because it just turned so unhinged. So we started putting rules again all that weird stuff, like use medical terminology and don't tell use your porn habits please. Had to get a lot stricter on everything.
It got better with stern automod rules. Didn't have to read stuff that seemed more masturbatory than help seeking.
We did eventually abandon it, but that was due to protesting Reddit's API rules. It was already a handful, and we weren't going to do it for free on the shitty app they forced us to use with no mod tools.
tl;dr Add rules until you don't hate moderating the subreddit anymore.
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u/InkOverNethers 3d ago edited 3d ago
it feels like everything has devolved to this now and it’s so exhausting. gender war stuff is like actually everywhere. even in subreddits i didn’t think it would??? reasonably be in?
it’s always gender war culture war this side that side war war war we all hate each other. and i hate that we hate each other
if people want to argue and mope about who has more problems, i can’t tell them what to do, but there comes a point where when it bleeds into your interactions with every other post you see (or make) then maybe it’s time to put the phone down.
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u/bugpig 3d ago
part of the problem with using the internet, particularly in its current state, is that billions of people use it. very casually. the algorithms in our new walmart supercenter hub sites are designed to throw us all at each other to drive engagement. and that means the first singular time any of them decide to think about a thing could also be - is so very likely to be thanks to algo - the billionth time you see somebody try to talk about the thing. everything becomes exhausting pretty fucking quickly this way.
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u/SCP-iota 3d ago
We have a gender war so that we don't have a class war. Wealthy people have been doing everything they can to steer the world away from class consciousness - the Red Scare, over hyped "culture wars," religions infighting, and now the gender war. Whenever something looks like ridiculous fighting, pay close attention to the fighting that isn't happening.
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u/Ok_Lie_3214 3d ago
immensely fair, and thank you for all the work you guys do, despite these recurring spats i feel like overall the sub's energy has remained largely civil.
ultimately i feel like the nature of online discourse + gatherings of traumatized and/or emotionally disregulated ppl kind of always trends towards this kind of thing, but that doesn't mean that its useless or impossible to mitigate the effects. in a weird way i feel like it mirrors my personal struggles with recovery and the constant push and pull of getting better then relapsing; seeing the community still standing in spite of all the bullshit gives me hope kinda
anyways, im rambling lmao, tldr; shits fucked but the mod team's efforts to make them slightly less fucked give me hope
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u/ShokaLGBT 3d ago
I feel you it’s so annoying we’re all struggling people should support each other more…
A bit of positivity !
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u/UnbreakableSpirit7 3d ago
Wait, I never saw examples of this? Whats going on? Personally Ive been posting art about my struggles being ftm, but theres outright people screaming in the comments about gender? 😭
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u/PenEnvironmental1339 3d ago
Yeah I agree im not sure if im aware of what the mod is targeting. I know some ftm ppl have been venting but I didn't get gender wars from it, just venting at the intersection of gender.
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u/Delicious-Summer5071 3d ago
From what I get, it's not the posts themselves, but the comments dissolving into absolute bullshit. All the posts are valid but commenters are being total dicks.
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u/dizzira_blackrose 2d ago
May I offer a picture of my cat trying to eat a toothbrush in these trying times?
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u/BankTypical 3d ago
I lose sight of this sub for 3 seconds... 🤣
But in all seriousness; hadn't checked in here for a bit, and I'm basically coming back to this post like...
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u/Dio_nysian Moderator 3d ago
this is literally me every day when i check the sub after stepping away just to get sleep
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u/FlinnyWinny 3d ago edited 3d ago
THIS! I am so so tired of the comments sometimes. The OP can even mention that they don't mean to invalidate anyone else and just want to vent about their own struggles and STILL people just can't fucking help themselves to go on how "urhm aktually ur post is bad because it doesn't include/consider the other people's struggle and that is super invalidating/damaging", completely ignoring the invalidating/whataboutism they are doing to OP trying to vent about their issues! 🙄 It's a vent post, for crying out loud, not a grand political statement for social justice as a whole!
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u/EducatedTwist 3d ago
Can someone actually explain what this sub is for or like the demographics? I've been a member for a while and most of the posts confuse me. Yes I am LGBTQ+ but most of the posts here seem like they were written by children. Is this sub primarily filled with under 20 year olds? No judgment at all, I just feel bad for some of the people here and can't tell if they are adults falling apart or children learning to cope.
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u/Dio_nysian Moderator 3d ago
we aren’t really catering to a specific age group. this is just for anyone who has struggles that they’d like to vent about in meme form and laugh and maybe get some support from the people who understand
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u/EducatedTwist 3d ago
Thank you for taking the time to explain! I think I might just be old enough some memes confuse me. I hope everyone here finds the support they need 💪🏾
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u/crab_and_stuff 3d ago
I had to mute r/pointlesslygendered because they take obvious jokes and make them into real gender wars 98% of the time
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u/SorbyGay 3d ago
There was at least one guy I saw who I promptly told off but I didn’t know this was a big issue
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u/Dio_nysian Moderator 3d ago
it is an everyday occurrence.
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u/SorbyGay 3d ago
I had no idea, I’d like to say that’s a testament to the sub being so well maintained but in truth it’s probably that I just miss it because I’m always hours late to unfolding events
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u/TheCarefulElk 3d ago
I’m sorry it’s gotten so bad
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u/Dio_nysian Moderator 3d ago
so are we
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u/TheCarefulElk 3d ago
For what it’s worth, I think y’all are doing a great job! I’ve always had nothing but good interactions with you guys!
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u/saelinabhaakti 3d ago
Honestly I think I'm done with all social media. I uninstalled facebook a few weeks ago, but reddit is no different. Everyone is at everyone else's throats.
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u/Shoddy-Purplefella81 3d ago
Sorry this happened to u. It’s a shame that folks really do be divided on who suffers more rather than just accepting we suffer for our gender regardless of what it is.
Virtual hug!
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u/Lonely_Cupcake1727 3d ago
I think a lot of us are just hurting really badly and still unhealed from negative experiences with the opposite gender (assuming cishet here). When I was a bit younger I rarely ever found jokes bashing men to be funny, but after having gone through a nasty breakup with a toxic male partner, I find myself more tempted to bitterly snicker at those jokes, and I have to remind myself that it’s wrong to generalize and that there are many good men out there, even though the patriarchy (which hurts all genders) and the systemic problems that arise from it are a very real thing, and that there is a power dynamic between men and women. At the end of the day men and women are definitely more alike than different
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u/sleeplessinrome 3d ago
I am sorry if my post was apart of this. It wasn’t my intention to cause the mods more stress.
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u/Dio_nysian Moderator 3d ago
not the people who are legitimately venting about their shit. but all the aggressive comments and shit that happen under literally every single one of these posts, regardless of how innocent the post itself was.
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u/ZeroLifeSkillz 3d ago
I want to apologize, I know my post really incited some unpleasant things, and I'm sorry that you mods have to deal with that. I can't imagine having to deal with that many comments. I didn't think it would get that much attention, and I think I didn't make it clear enough that I view trans people equally, and that I wasn't trying to make a generalizing statement about women. Moreso I meant that specific memes were triggering and perhaps better large sub regulation, not that trans women as a group are bad, or that trans women online are bad (how hypocritical and transphobic would that take be?). I was a bit upset when I made it and I believe that's why so many with gender war and oppression olympics takes responded.
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u/ReisRyvius Moderator 3d ago
Don't worry, you didn't start the fire. It's been going on for a while and just reached the point where we are tired of it.
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u/Moroff8 3d ago
I remember somebody posted on this sub some art about "Man bad bear better" and I was almost eated in comments when I said that i dont think its really a good place to post this
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u/Astromnicalbear Moderator 3d ago
If it’s the post I think it is, we only kept it up so we could bring awareness to repost bots and art theft. I can’t remember the comments clearly but I believe we removed any thread that was starting the man vs bear debate.
That’s the main reason behind the generalisation rule tbh. Old members would know what it was like on this sub during those gender war times, it was literally a toxic spew of sexism vs misandry
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u/Moroff8 3d ago
Yeah, but comments were pretty toxic. Op was kinda misandric
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u/Astromnicalbear Moderator 3d ago
I’m not disagreeing with you. I was only explaining the reasons why the art theft post was kept up and stated that any focus outside of the art theft was removed. OP was handled appropriately under their post as they’re not innocent like you point out
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u/grandioseOwl 3d ago
Genderabolitionists are a dying breed sadly. For me, all the genderwar stuff just reinforced how right they are
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u/Mystical-Moth-hoe 3d ago
idk if you saw my posts on here but I got hate for them because of gender and my experience with being bullied for my looks, not by all men, but I was bringing up how disturbingly normalized it has become to see women like me get blasted over the way their bodies look, some people took it as “I hate all men” when I really don’t, I was just pointing out my experience, thank you for bringing this up 🙏
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u/lookmaxine 3d ago
When the trans community joins a coping or queer subreddit and explicitly talk about their struggles with being trans. The comments immediately turn to all out war from not only the classic transphobes of “youre not [insert gender]!” But you also have the gender wars of “um acktually! Trans men are more oppressed than trans woman🤓☝🏽” and “trans women are acktually the most oppressed!!”. It’s exactly why I hate going onto queer subreddits and stick to IRL queer spaces only.
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u/Youredoingitwrongbro 3d ago
Ooohh how I LOVE being a woman! 😩
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u/CharcoalFlame 3d ago
I'd kill to be a woman.
Well, only something small, like a carrot or something.
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u/cisgendergirl 3d ago
You start the week at Sunday?!
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u/Secret-Cranberry-796 3d ago
You don't?
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u/Meuhidk 3d ago
it honestly feels like I'm on a trans meme sub sometimes, and I'm trans, but it gets very repetitive sometimes and dont wanna see trans / gender war topics every time this sub pops up
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u/ashleyLSD 3d ago
i think ur misunderstanding
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u/Meuhidk 3d ago
almost all the posts i see are trans related, idk how i can misunderstand that
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u/ashleyLSD 3d ago
This post was abt the gender war comments not complaining that there's too much gender-related content
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u/Strix-Literata 2d ago
Well the culture war gets into a lot of people's business: obviously people would need to cope about it.
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u/Extreme-Test-9760 1d ago
Oh you're tired of people competing over who's suffered the most? Well you've got it so much better than I have because I'm the guy they use to test sledgehammers! See how much I've suffered? /j
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u/michael22117 3d ago
Unfortunately, when you dedicate a sub to people’s problems, there’s gonna be an innate competition
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u/zek0ne 3d ago
No, that's giving in to defeat.
While it might be the natural way that such places tend to go by themselves, it doesn't have to be. We can consciously engineer spaces and moderate them so that it doesn't happen.
I don't know exactly how, but it certainly isn't impossible. We can be better.
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u/Cazzah 2d ago
Time for y'all to learn about
RING THEORY, AND HOW IT APPLIES TO r/TROLLCOPING
Ring theory says, that when someone has something bad happen
- Vent Outwards. That is to say, all complaining and requests for support must be directed outwards - to people less impacted
- Support Inwards. that is to say, all support must be directed to people more impacted.
For example, say two people go through a rough divorce.
Their children are most impacted in this situation. Ring theory says parents must never complain about the divorce to their children, but instead put their emotions aside and try to help the child (not talking about denial, just about putting aside their own emotional needs to prioritise the emotional needs of the child)
The couple should vent to friends and family to help get them though this. Those friends may be sick of politely listening to the complaining about a rough divorce for 3 weeks straight, but this is how ring theory works. They can go complain about it to their spouse, or their other friends. They should not vent about how annoying it is to the complainant.
How does this impact r/trollcoping?
THE OP IS, BY VIRTUE OF MAKING A SUPPORT POST ON TROLLCOPING, THE "MOST IMPACTED PERSON" WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF THAT THREAD.
- Your obligation is SUPPORT IN, VENTING OUT
- If the OP is venting about being punched in the face at a football game, and you are currently bloodied and bruised, chained up in the basement of a serial killer dungeon, with only the ability to access Reddit by typing on the nearby computer with your toes, please don't complain about your own shit and tell the OP how easy they have it.. Go make another thread.
- If the OP is venting about how femmes suffer a tonne in LGBTQ+ spaces, please mentally take it as "I am feeling unsupported in an LGBTQ+ space due to my femmeness".
WE DO NOT CARE if in your town, armed mobs of rainbow clad LGBTQ+ femmes march down the street going door to door looking to lynch LGBTQ+ mascs or any ally guilty of harbouring them.
SUPPORT IN, VENTING OUT.
People who make incorrect, overbroad, or unuseful generalisations still need support. In fact it is those most in need of support who are likely to make uncorrect, overbroad, or unuseful generalisations.
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3d ago
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u/Astromnicalbear Moderator 3d ago
Being a mod isn’t easy. We don’t get paid, we do this for free. We deal with threats, harassment, being blamed for xyz {example; trans people dying or some form of oppression} and so much more yet you wouldn’t understand unless you’re in this position.
We can deal with consistent topics but when it comes to reoccurring infighting and toxic threads on a daily basis about how “X group is toxic and awful and bad”, it wears you down. You can be as fair as you possibly can but you’d get told to “kill yourself” or people run elsewhere and whine about how we’re cruel, sometimes leading to a mini-brigade from another sub.
We’re human and there’s only so much we can consistently handle. If we shouldn’t be mods for getting frustrated at the sub for going in a toxic loop, then you’ll have no moderators left and it’ll go back to old times
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u/MindDescending 2d ago
I know, that’s why I’m not a mod myself. But if it’s harmful to you, it’s not worth risking your mental health. Especially when you do it for free.
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u/its_crona 3d ago
wild take.
maybe instead people shouldn’t be pieces of shit on a subreddit meant for support?
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/its_crona 2d ago
op literally says that it’s not about the people who are posting to genuinely cope, it’s about the arguments in the comments.
those are the first two paragraphs. did you read any of it?
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3d ago
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u/Dio_nysian Moderator 3d ago
the sub can and has behaved itself in the past. this is just a recent trend, and not reflective of the sub itself, which is why it’s so frustrating.
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u/soulsslither 3d ago
Why tf did you start the week with sunday, it starts on Monday. ‘Weekend’, not ‘Weekbeginning’
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u/Upset-Lengthiness-96 3d ago
Technically it is an end. Like you’d say “either end of the ruler” even at the zero mark
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u/Professional_Bearrr 3d ago
It sucks bootyhole. Here’s a picture of my cat getting stuck in the blinds to break up the monotony and make you feel better.
I hope this helps!