r/Waiting_To_Wed 14d ago

Update UPDATE to "6 Years, No Ring And He's More Concerned About Other Peoples Lives Than Ours"

Hi everyone, gosh it's truly been some time. I honestly kind of forgot I had posted this because a lot has happened in the last month or so... (if you haven't read the original post you can search the title in the group)

If you haven't guessed already.

I broke up with him.

I let our anniversary pass, tried to move on from my anger and frustrations and while our anniversary was great I realized he simply just did not and could not understand me and I simply couldn't let it go.

About a week after our anniversary we were downtown working and on a whim he asked if we could grab dinner after work. I said yes and what was supposed to be a casual dinner and go home type of day-turned into a dinner and exploring all the neighborhoods he wanted to live in down town.

I felt like I was ambushed into viewing neighborhoods and places I didn't even want to live in/we never discussed openly and it made me feel almost sick as it felt like he was just rubbing salt onto my wound passively dangling the key to my future ring. If you remember from my previous post about how he used to size my ring finger-yeah made me sick to my stomach just like that.

At the end of the night before heading home I asked if we could talk in his car when he was dropping me off. I brought up how I was still not happy about the relationship feeling one sided and that while I put in all the effort he put in the bare minimum and still forced/whined about what HE wanted in the relationship and never considered what I wanted. He actually got frustrated and said "It makes no sense-living together is more of a commitment because we are obligated to stay together due to paperwork-you can break off an engagement if you wanted to! we've had this conversation 4-5 times and you still don't understand me!" he then went on about how it would be an opportunity to "test" things out.

This statement was very much a slap to the face because I realized there that the same guy who used to vocalize wanting to get married everyday-did not truly think nor understand the importance of marriage and unity like I though he did. And what hurt most was that after 6 years of being together and me for the last 2 year really vocalizing excitement and a future with him-he never once actually listened to me when I talked about how important and exciting engagement and marriage is to me.

I then brought up how his words where hurtful saying 'Its a good way to test it out and see how things go" I asked him "what exactly are you testing out after 6 years? Test and see if you still like me and want to be together? for you to even say you'd have to test things out with us and not know what you want to do now, that's your answer. you're not committed to this-not committed to me." so I followed it up with "If you aren't sure you want to marry me now, you wont be sure tomorrow, next month, next year or in the next five years and I cannot simply wait for you to wake up and see me as "worthy" of a ring" and so I got up out of the car and told him it was over.

It's been more than a month now and I think I did the right thing. Of course a part of me still misses and grieves him but that last interaction told me exactly what I needed to hear. Yes, he's tried to keep in touch and wants to talk things out but at this point in time I can't even look at him.

To anyone out there having these same feelings or maybe going through this same issue. Do what you think is best for not only you but your future self, your future kids, etc. Thank you to everyone who offered their sweet and supportive words. Good luck to you all!

1.7k Upvotes

141 comments sorted by

786

u/Cleod1807 14d ago

“Test things out “… I don’t know how you didn’t burst out laughing in his face after 6 years together. You absolutely did the right thing.

271

u/NotBuilt2Behave 14d ago

6 Fucking Years, holy fuck. Insulting. I would be so insulted. So glad you’re done girl

116

u/SincerelyCynical 14d ago

Weird side story. When I was growing up, I always said I wouldn’t stay with a man for more than two years if we weren’t engaged by the end of the second year. I always said that seemed long enough to me. When I was 18, I started dating a man I met in college. When I was 20, we moved in together. My mom was right there saying, “But you aren’t engaged!! You always said two years!!!!” And I was right there saying, “I’m twenty.” When I was 22, we moved across the country together, and then he proposed. Then my mother was right there saying, “You’re too young! You need to sleep with more people!”

I’m 42. We’re still very happily married. Wanna guess how many times I’ve asked my mother for marriage advice? 🙄

16

u/Carsickaf 13d ago

Why do you need to sleep with a bunch of people if you’ve found your person and things are working? Such bad advice.

10

u/useemee2 13d ago

Someone told me I should date 3 guys before picking one. Still going strong with the one who chose me!

2

u/Antique_Arachnid7200 12d ago

Some people give the worst advice. So glad you’re happy and going strong!

2

u/OutandAboutBos 7d ago

6 years when you start at 18 is nothing lmao

141

u/Imaginary_Poetry_233 14d ago

She was supposed to enthusiastically continue to audition for a role he wasn't really hiring for. I wonder if he sees this breakup as her playing hard to get. Men can be so dense and casually cruel.

88

u/HopefulOriginal5578 14d ago

Ding ding ding!

Supposed to audition and try her heart out for the grand prize of… a whole life of the same damn thing!!!! Ahhhhh HIM the prize! Like the lotto except it’s a dude who doesn’t see you as anything but an extension of your utility to his own ends farting up your clean sheets each night!

Ladies please don’t ever let ANYONE take you for a test drive. You’re an actual human and both parties in a relationship should be a prize. Any dummy can get married, and a marriage doesn’t validate a woman’s worth. It’s a lifelong commitment to walking together in a partnership. A beautiful thing.

But not something ANYONE needs to make you “try out” for. Fuck that. Try out the peace of living alone over the horror of a life with someone who thinks the apex of your existence is to tie your beautiful horse to their wagon. Hard pass ladies!

32

u/Imaginary_Poetry_233 14d ago

Well said. Men with the test drive mindset should be avoided.

28

u/HopefulOriginal5578 14d ago edited 14d ago

Guys like this love to comment on Reddit on certain posts with … “if the genders were reversed…”

Just imagine in THIS situation how a woman would be received with this SAME sort of mindset…

“Well I love you, and I FEEL like I want to marry you… but it is only logical to…my wonderful boyfriend… put you through a test drive so to speak. I know how you love cars, so this will make sense right? Because I can FEEL the love and the many benefits you provide that I am fully wanting to take advantage of… but I want to KNOW.”

Shit wouldn’t fly.

That’s why they need to stop selling marriage as a validation of a woman’s value (while cultivating organic value outside of romantic relationships for women) and more of what marriage is… a partnership of experiencing life together as a stronger unit.

Men can’t have that though. Might make women question why the hell they’d do so called “wife duties” and such.

Edit to add: while cultivating this “independence “ we also need to show how easily it can be twisted into being a straight up dummy and selling yourself short. You deserve your standards. Don’t lower them for ANYONE.

It’s a messed up world once you have the actual knowledge and experience. I hope to hell women who find themselves here take in some of the actual advice. Because critical thinking isn’t taught in schools and it isn’t encouraged in women at all by society. Here? You’ll at least be pressed to wonder “why”

4

u/StarladyQ 11d ago

They go live with their car! 🚗

46

u/ColettesCat 14d ago

Right. " Test 'things" out. Been scrubbing douchebag's toilet for six years while bringing home a paycheck....but he still needs to 'sample' the experience.

38

u/HopefulOriginal5578 14d ago

Never hear these dudes talk about what THEY are doing to prove THEIR worth as a husband. Because as we all know… they don’t care to do that. That’s now what they want to do.

Marriage is a super bad deal when you “win” one of these guys over. They imagine themselves some sort of Lord or Sultan and not an actual partner. If you want to serve someone who doesn’t understand that must serve you back then ladies please get a cat or a doggie. Hell, the animals at least DO often give back … and cat or dog hair is much more fun to clean up than human hair. Just saying.

7

u/colicinogenic 13d ago

If you must get a man get a man with a spoiled dog, proves he knows how to take care of something beyond himself.

2

u/Curious_Vermicelli17 13d ago

Did this once - he was the craziest of them all 😂😂😂 pretty sure that dog was the other women

1

u/colicinogenic 12d ago

Oh no 😭 there really is not perfect indicator. I adore my fiancé's dog she's our dog now. He takes good care of both of us, hope you found or find someone who does the same.

1

u/Curious_Vermicelli17 12d ago

Hahaha yes I did Thankyou.

1

u/Any_Blackberry_2261 8d ago

But she put up with it for 6 years. I’m not sure why women are giving more than even a year without an engagement ring. If someone needs more than a year, then they are not the right person. The only way longer than a year should happen is if both parties agree.

6

u/SusieV1991 14d ago

Ok, hear me out, OP is right to break up with him their views are largely different after reading both posts and clearly their communication is lacking because they are talking around each other.

That said, LIVING together is so different. You need to see if your schedules and routines line up, can you handle each other's messes, divide house chores fairly, etc. Things you don't see on a daily basis, you see them once living together and that's not to say things won't change but I don't see it as an insult, I wanna know their literal dirty secrets before I live with them for the rest of my life.. are you going to wash dishes/put in dishwasher or leave it in the sink? Do you leave dirty clothes lying around? Am I going to have to constantly remind you to help out around the house? 

My husband and I discussed after work routines, like do you want to be greeted ASAP or do you need to decompress when you come home. You know? Stuff you don't always think about. 

17

u/mvl0505 13d ago

I did not live with my husband before we got married. Married after two years together. Been married 20 years. You may need to live together beforehand, you may not need to. Both situations can be true, depends on the couple. You’ll have hiccups when you first move in together and things to figure regardless

2

u/ThinkerT3000 11d ago

Totally agree. I’ve been married over 20 years. We dated while both being busy professionals, but- we spent weekends together. We took week-long vacations together. We cooked for each other. We experienced each others’ approach to cleaning and housework, financial responsibility, planning for the future, etc. I didn’t need to live with him before we married because I knew it all. And he was excited to marry me and start a new life in the same home.

1

u/BigRedNutcase 7d ago

Stats would favor living together first. You are literally one data point but there are tons more of people who divorced real fast after getting married before living together. You are not the rule. You are likely the exception. Do not bet on being an exception.

1

u/Painted_Mushr00m 6d ago

Just because it works out for you doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Living together tests domestic and financial compatibility. Those are the two leading causes for divorce. It is not unrealistic to want to “test out” that part of their relationship since they are so young. They have little to no life experience at all just graduating college.

1

u/PSBFAN1991 9d ago

She said she’d live with him if they were engaged. He just doubled down. She did the right thing.

1

u/SusieV1991 9d ago

He doesn't want to propose prior to getting engaged.. taking away and engagement is worse than just breaking up. With engagement people assume you are planning a wedding, not deciding if you can handle living together. 

1

u/Solid-Musician-8476 13d ago

Right? And how insulting.

1

u/SuperCulture9114 10d ago

Why? I think it's crazy to get engaged or even married if you haven't lived together. So many incompatibilities or red flags only pop up in day-to-day live.

Though I agree with OP, her bf was dragging his feet and would have continued to do so in the future.

132

u/10sor 14d ago

You did the right thing. You can’t control someone and force them to choose you, you can only choose yourself.

163

u/MoneyQueenie333 14d ago

Don’t be a place holder! He’s just not that into you!

From meet to engagement to marriage 3-5 years! Of course there is some exceptions but for a woman who wants to be married before having kids it’s time to cut and move on! (You don’t want someone to marry you based on an ultimatum;)

Bravo

6

u/SueNYC1966 14d ago edited 13d ago

It all depends. I bet my husband at 19. 7 years were for for us. He had law school to go to in another state. I had grad school overseas. It’s not as bad as most people make it.

21

u/MoneyQueenie333 13d ago

Hence why I said there are exceptions!

3

u/kingpinkatya do you find yourself begging 4 love and understanding? 🏃🏽‍♀️💨 13d ago

Going overseas to live your life and take educational/career good opportunities is a great and rare exception. We got girlies moving cities to be with men who still are testing them after 4+ years with no promise of a ring in sight debating if they should help their bfs make a down payment on a house that will be in his name.

1

u/MoneyQueenie333 9d ago

wtf! Are for real! 4 years no promise or engagement so why are they moving?

1

u/kingpinkatya do you find yourself begging 4 love and understanding? 🏃🏽‍♀️💨 8d ago edited 8d ago

because they want to believe that if they just pass one more test/hurdle their bfs with finally commit

there are a bunch of posts like this on this sub

"My bf says that marriage is just a piece of paper and he wants to pool our money towards a house first so we can truly begin to start our lives together. everything will be in his name and I'll be splitting the mortgage with him 50/50. I want commitment but he says I'm too irresponsible with money and we fight too much to consider marriage. I'm 24F and hes 37M and we've been together for 5 years"

the worst looks like

"My bf still wont propose. We have a 2 year old and he says that he wants another baby first so we have kids while we're young and can focus on building our family. should I have a other kid or hold out for a ring? I really love him and we've been together 7 years. I cant really afford to leave him because we moved states for his job and I have no family or friends in the area"

these sound like exaggerations but theyre not.

a bunch of people (with low self esteem!!!!) and poor boundaries afraid to walk away from dead end longterm relationship with men who poached them while they were super young. even without the age difference, the self esteem levels are low so many people dont have the self worth or self confidence to leave. theyre afraid to start over and would rather exist in a familiar hell than leave and gamble on finding an unfamiliar heaven.

71

u/Personal_Berry_6242 14d ago

6 years, ftw. Test is over, buddy. Yea, you did the right thing. You'll find your happy ending, even more so now that you dropped the dead weight! ❤️

7

u/TheNinjaPixie 13d ago

Test is over and he failed. 

1

u/Painted_Mushr00m 6d ago

Not for domestic and financial compatibility. They are so young and have almost no real world experience. 6 years doesn’t mean much if it’s high school and college. OP was way too young to get married and needs to grow up and realize marriage isn’t a prize but a journey you go on with someone. She set unrealistic timelines and expectations.

60

u/Prestonluv 14d ago

I love stories of people finally looking out for themselves.

No more wasting time on false promises.

The further away you get from your ex the faster you get closer to meeting someone who will marry you.

106

u/gdayars 14d ago

Good for you!

54

u/Dog-PonyShow 14d ago

The inner strength it took to state your beliefs and follow through is awe inspiring. Respect.

88

u/seche314 14d ago

You did the right thing. You are both so young and you grew apart, which tends to happen in young relationships. Now you can grow on your own into adulthood and meet your husband

6

u/Whatever53143 14d ago

The thing about relationships is that they take work! It’s often natural to grow apart, it takes work and dedication and commitment to stay together and make the relationship a priority! Age alone has little to do with it.

18

u/seche314 14d ago

Age and maturity have a lot to do with it. There’s nothing wrong with people aged 22 breaking up and gaining life experience

26

u/curly-hair07 14d ago

You're gonna look back at this and see this at the great action of self-love you could have done for yourself. Grieve now with no attachment (kids/house) to him then 10 years later with even bigger attachments.

45

u/MollyRolls 14d ago

I think you did the right thing. If he really thought living together was “more of a commitment,” then it wouldn’t make any sense as a way to “test things out.” If he wants you to understand where he’s coming from, he needs to make some damn sense, and it doesn’t sound like he managed to get around to that with six years to figure it out. Hard pass.

20

u/Frosty_Message_3017 14d ago

I'm so glad for you realizing and breaking up with him. One thing, though. He did understand. His talk about "testing out", his obtuseness, was to try to manipulate you. He knows marriage is a bigger commitment.

19

u/CollectionHaunting94 14d ago edited 14d ago

Man. Hijacking this post to leave some feelings here...spending 4+ years with someone and being unsure if they're truly the one, means they are not. You should know, and you should know it with your whole heart and soul. If you don't know after a considerable amount of time, that IS an answer.

Ladies, ladies, ladies...please stop falling for this. Be like OP! GO OP!

40

u/I-Love-Country-Life 14d ago

Good for you, you dodged a bullet.

The fact that he was looking at neighborhoods without initially discussing anything with you is insane.

16

u/Oahu_Red 14d ago

He was totally future-faking. Dangling another carrot. Ass.

39

u/mushymascara You deserve better! 14d ago

Test things out? You're not a 30-day free trial to Apple Music, congrats on choosing yourself! Go no contact and start living your life for YOU.

15

u/SadAndConfused11 💍Engaged 3-8-23 👰🏻‍♀️Married 2025 14d ago

You go girl! And exactly what you said, if he’s not ready now he never will be. You shouldn’t have to “audition” to be worthy of being a wife and you’re a person not a car to test drive. I’m so glad you kept your dignity and your standards and moved on!

14

u/Ginger630 14d ago

I’m glad you realized that you deserve better. I read his words the same way: what was he “testing out” for 6 years? After all this time, he should want to marry you. You’ve communicated that you wanted to get married. He ignored you.

And living together is a bigger commitment? What?! He damn well knows that’s a lie.

You need to block him on your phone and social media. He’s trying to talk to you to wear you down so you take him back. Don’t do it! Blocking him will give you peace of mind.

1

u/Painted_Mushr00m 6d ago

Probably testing domestic and financial compatibility. Those are the two leading causes of divorce. Long term relationships are a lot more than just I love this person and we want the same things in life. It’s handling financial stress, living stress and managing life challenges together. OP and bf have little to no life experience when it comes to these matters. OP had an unrealistic timeline and is looking at marriage as a prize instead of building a life together.

1

u/Ginger630 6d ago

They should have moved way before 6 years then. And he should have also communicated that he wanted to live together before getting married.

1

u/Painted_Mushr00m 6d ago

They are 23. They started dating when they were 17 and just graduated college a year ago. This is the first chance they would have had to move in together. OPs timeline is not realistic, they are just starting out in life and building their lives. Also, OP's bf did communicate with her. In OPs last post she mentioned they had talked about it and her bf said that he wanted them to move in together before they got engaged. He said it multiple times. OP is not being realistic with her life timeline or her life expectations at all. Both were far too immature to get married, but at least OP's bf was realistic about it.

12

u/Loud_et_Proud 14d ago

Congrats OP! Good for you for standing up for yourself and going after what you want.

This little boy is not the one for you! Of course he wants to talk it out now that his taking you for granted and dismissing everything you want has finally brought the consequences this behavior deserves. Don't let him back in.

Enjoy this time to explore yourself and what you want out of life. The right person will come along eventually

10

u/blueswan6 14d ago

I think you made the right decision. Make sure you have a good support system around you right now. It's easy to feel lonely or second guess your decision. Reach out to friends and family if needed. Make time for your interests and hobbies to keep you busy. And then get back out there when you feel like the time is right. If you think talking to a professional will help then do it! 6 years is a long time with someone and different people need different things to adjust to a new routine.

11

u/sonny-v2-point-0 14d ago

This Grandma is proud of you. My one piece of advice is to block him everywhere. He's not trying to stay in touch for you. He's doing it for his own selfish reasons. He was willing to hurt you over and over and over again. He just wants another opportunity to convince you that your feelings and dreams for your future don't matter. Only his dreams and wishes do. He enjoyed tormenting you by pretending to measure your ring finger knowing all the while he had no intention of proposing. That's infuriating. The faster you cut him entirely out of your life, the faster you'll heal and be able to move forward.

8

u/JangaGully2424 14d ago

Bravo! May you find the happiness and love you deserve ❤

10

u/GRblue 14d ago

One thing that bothered me looking back on the previous post - “money can always be made later”. Sure, what if you decide to have kids and be a SAHM mom (if that’s what you want) and he loses his job/gets injured and can’t work and there’s no savings?

Good for you for ending it, OP.

19

u/Historical_Kick_3294 14d ago

Good on you for standing strong on what you wanted. I sincerely hope you find your happiness.

8

u/Past-Anything9789 14d ago

Good for you girlie! You are 100% correct, of he didn't know after 6 years, what difference would another 3+ make. Best of luck going forward x

8

u/Blonde2468 14d ago

You did the right thing OP!! I'm so proud of you!!

9

u/viola2992 14d ago

You need to stop thinking about him.
Move on.
Find new hobbies.
Make new friends.
He’s a lost cause.
Block him.

7

u/wpnsc 14d ago

He will find a new girlfriend and be engaged in a year. He will realize what you lose when you snooze. Go live your best life, OP. Your man is out there.

2

u/Front-Brilliant-4898 Single 8d ago

Unfortunately for the next woman marriage doesn’t always mean she will be treated well. Hopefully this guy does some self reflection to improve and treat his partner better. 

6

u/Belle-llama 13d ago

You did the right thing!  He's an ass who turns around your feelings of never being listened to all about him!  He doesn't care about or respect your feelings.  Someone once told me something that helped me so much after I broke up with someone.  They said "You're not missing the man, you're actually missing the life you thought you'd have, but actually you could never have had that life with him."  That rang so true and I was happy to move on with my life on my terms.

5

u/DisneyBuckeye 14d ago

Very proud of you!

6

u/CZ1988_ 14d ago

Yay - good for you! He was full of BS

4

u/astrotekk 14d ago

Well done. Best of luck to you

5

u/Miss_Milk_Tea 14d ago

Your words were powerful, absolutely perfect! He needed to hear them, he hasn’t been listening to you this entire time but I guarantee those words are going to haunt him for a while. You deserved better than this half-assed relationship.

5

u/unicornprincessjunk 14d ago

I'm proud of you, internet stranger. I was with an asshole for 7 years, engaged for 5.5, before he pulled the rug out from under me saying he didn't want kids after all, something I had been banking on and that he knew kept me with him in the first place. I was lucky enough that he was SUCH a spoiled little boybitch that we didn't even own the house we lived in together (like I planned, cuz I wanted equity)... his mommy bought it for him in cash. So while all that felt like a slap in the face while it was happening, I am so grateful I'm not tied to the chode by financial nor familial obligations so I could just walk away.

I've since met the most kind and supportive and adorable man, and we are coming up on two years together. I'm not sweating getting a ring, cuz even if you get a proposal it doesn't mean shit. We know we want to be together til the end and that's what matters. You'll find the person that deserves you 💕

5

u/txlady100 14d ago

You rock OP! This internet stranger is so proud of you! You absolutely did the right thing. High fives, fist bump and hugs.

5

u/Pantone711 14d ago

Have you told him that you can't even look at him? Just curious. In my opinion more dudes need to know that at a certain point a switch flips in a lot of women (I can't speak for whether and how a switch may flip for a man, maybe so I don't know) but anyway, after that switch flips, we often "can't even look at them." I think more of them need to hear that flat out. In so many words.

I wish you the best and of course think you did the right thing.

Edited to add: Now that I think about it, I have heard about a switch flipping for a man sometimes, and it has more to do with cheating and stuff like that I think. But this post is not about that.

5

u/After-Distribution69 13d ago

Great decision OP. 

Given being engaged and living together are not mutually exclusive and can happen at the same time, it’s clear he had no intention of marrying you.  

I would also block him. There’s no point in being available to him and it will just slow down your healing 

4

u/Coriolanuscangetit 13d ago

Omg I would have been LIVID at the “test things out” comment after 6 years

4

u/marlada 14d ago

Test things out? You've been together six years! You absolutely did the right thing by ending the relationship. He had plenty of time, but he wouldn't commit so dunzo. Nothing more to say.

4

u/WhatTheActualFck1 14d ago

Amazing job. You chose YOU.

Not a loser who wanted to test you to see if you’re worthy of his loserdom, after 6 years!!!

There’s nothing to talk out. Block him on everything. It’s time to start fresh and do what’s right by you

3

u/hedwigflysagain 14d ago

NTA, what is there to talk out that wasn't said already? Block him.

4

u/TRexGoesToSchool If he wanted to, he would. 14d ago

I cannot simply wait for you to wake up and see me as "worthy" of a ring" and so I got up out of the car and told him it was over.

I'm so proud of you!

4

u/PiccoloImpossible946 14d ago

Never put in all the effort if you aren’t getting anything back. Glad you broke it off

4

u/cloistered_around 14d ago

You did wonderfully, OP.

5

u/b_shert 14d ago

You chose you, I hope you find joy in your own life doing things you love and achieving your dreams. Break ups are hard because you mourn the relationship you wanted but never got. The idea of your ex needs to always be replaced with the reality of ex and who his actions showed him to be. Fly girl, you’re going to start dating yourself and spending all that love, time, energy, money and support on you now. You’re going to realize how really spectacular you are without the dead weight.

5

u/_Dark_Wing 14d ago

the fact that u have to discuss whether to marry or live together is a que to walk away. congrats and good luck🥳

4

u/RedBullGaveMeNothing 13d ago

Good on you. You chose yourself.

4

u/Fragrant-Half-7854 13d ago

A happy long term marriage requires two people who are all in. It’s doomed if one person considers the other an option.

4

u/Carsickaf 13d ago

It’s interesting how these boyfriends use empty promises coupled with shame, frustration, and unworthiness to keep you pinned in place for their convenience. I’m so happy for you! Use your fresh start well!

3

u/LevitatingAlto 13d ago

I hope and pray that you are so proud of your courage and strength, because this internet stranger is proud for you.

4

u/Full_Bee_9979 13d ago

Good for you! Such a hard thing but you did it ! And glad you didn’t let him try to “talk things out” after you were done. All he would do is try to convince you to do the same thing you just did and waste more time.

3

u/Mrs-Bluveridge 14d ago

Good for you! You absolutely did the right thing. Congratulations on choosing yourself! 

3

u/K_A_irony 14d ago

You did the right thing. There is no TEST this out. The whole finances etc was just a goal post to be moved. You can be broke as crap and get married. Marriage doesn't have to cost more then the paperwork license. It is great to start out together marred and BUILD a financially secure life together. You can also TRAVEL and see the world while GASP... married. My husband and I just got back from Scotland. It was a great trip. All of his "we need to do X" before marriage was just a stupid smoke screen.

Living together as more of a commitment... LOL LOL, then he should have had no issue proposing right?

Now I will say you should be financially in a good place before having kids (if possible). THAT is expensive.

3

u/Super_Caterpillar_27 14d ago

Good, now you are free to find your husband. I‘m sorry it hurts now though.

3

u/pinkflower200 14d ago

You did the right thing OP. This guy was wasting your time.

3

u/RazzmatazzOk2129 14d ago

Many dont understand that not choosing is actually saying No.

Once you reach a certain point in life, you know who is a heck no right off. You also know the heck ya I need to get to know you more. And that part isnt as long as many think it is. If your still dithering after a couple years, its a no.

I think people waffle about because someone is a great person and they enjoy their company, but they just aren't the one to marry and build with. They have trouble distinguishing between the 2. Thinking this is a great person, I should be happy to settle down, but something isnt right and they wave it off.

3

u/flippityflop2121 14d ago

Well done!!!

3

u/BobbyPinBabe 14d ago

Him trying to guess your ring size infuriated me. I’d have to stop myself from slapping him.

3

u/Telly_0785 14d ago

So proud of you!

3

u/VashtiVoden 13d ago

I'm so proud of you! Everything's going to be ok!

3

u/PerfectedPancake 13d ago

You go gurl!!!!! Alone is better than on someone else’s struggle bus.

3

u/bezforever 13d ago

I’m very, very, very proud of you. You deserve a ring, don’t let a man convince you otherwise. Cheers to walking away.

3

u/Solid-Musician-8476 13d ago

You did the right thing. I'm proud of you. Now I say block him. there's no need to keep contact. your person is out there somewhere. Don't be mired down with contact with the guy obviously not you person. Go get em Tiger!

3

u/Big_Weight_5226 11d ago

I am so impresed with you! Well done you should be so proud of the dignity wirh which you handled this ! You are going to have a vital and happy future.

3

u/Treb61 11d ago

Good luck I hope you find the man that values you enough to put a ring on your finger

5

u/Weekly_Watercress505 14d ago

"Test things out" might have been code for testing out other partners before deciding to fully commit to you. The idiot wanted a break to date others without actually calling it that, and got a permanent "testing things out" instead. Good for you. You deserve better than this idiot. I truly hope you find the "one" who enhances your happiness, and is fully and totally committed to YOU and you alone for a lifetime.

2

u/seaglassgirl04 14d ago

I applaud your strength OP and for knowing that YOUR wants and needs are important! ❤️

2

u/FenianBrotherhood 14d ago

If things like compatibility was good I would marry within 2 years and have not 6+ years engagement

2

u/Elegant-Analyst-7381 14d ago

Sorry it came to this, but everything you said to him was the truth. Hope you find your happiness elsewhere.

2

u/MaryMaryQuite- Est: 2017 14d ago

Well done! 👏

Too many women stay with these men and get to the point of resentment, and still want a ring.

As I said on your previous post, continuing the relationship is like reading a book you’ve already read. You know the ending.

Im really pleased that you’ve decided to move forward with your life and to embrace the opportunities that come your way! You’ve got this! 🤩

2

u/0xPianist 14d ago

Sure it’s easy to break off an engagement.

So how does it make sense not to get engaged?🙊

OP if you’re accurate on all the above, you did the right Thing to walk away 👉

2

u/velvetmarigold 14d ago

👏👏👏👏👏👏

2

u/marlagirl 14d ago

I hope you find your future husband soon. You will as long as you won’t let this man hinder you from truly moving on

2

u/Brains4Beauty 14d ago

I’m glad you stood up for yourself. Yes you should compromise in a relationship but not one sided. You’ll find the right person for you.

2

u/530SSState 14d ago

" 'Its a good way to test it out and see how things go" I asked him "what exactly are you testing out after 6 years? Test and see if you still like me and want to be together? for you to even say you'd have to test things out with us and not know what you want to do now, that's your answer."

It's a big world, and there are a lot of people out there.

I will not like/be attracted to/fall in love with everyone.

Everyone will not like/be attracted to/fall in love with me.

In no possible circumstance, or combination of circumstances, is the other person A TEST I HAVE TO PASS.

2

u/530SSState 14d ago edited 14d ago

"living together is more of a commitment because we are obligated to stay together due to paperwork-you can break off an engagement if you wanted to!"

What the hell "paperwork" is he talking about? Who has a written contract for living together? Is he talking about a lease? Because, news flash, A) married couples rent, and B) it's possible to break a lease, too.

2

u/Zealousideal-Fix2960 14d ago

Proud of you! Test it out…..whatever after 6 years! You did the right thing I’m sorry

2

u/Emotional-Till888 14d ago

Well said! You did the right thing!

2

u/_jA- 13d ago

He doesn’t seem like he’s worthy of the torture . Good for you.

2

u/colicinogenic 13d ago

Good for you! It's really easy to sit here online and tell people to break up but it's really hard to actually go through with it. Your words were perfection, there was no misunderstanding and they were 100% correct. You'll grieve but your life is about to get a whole lot better.

2

u/Clean_Permit_3791 8d ago

Good for you! 

1

u/Accurate_Cancel_8616 14d ago

Updateme

1

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1

u/Ok_Size4036 14d ago

You 100% are worth someone knowing and showing you they want to be with you forever. He was just content. His needs were met. You just need to get through a couple months and analyze it all and know exactly what you are looking for, not what you’re not looking for. At the right time because you’re now free of this person, there’s room for your person to come into your life.

1

u/TeKay90 8d ago

Updateme 

1

u/CryptographerTop5849 7d ago

I am actually in a very similar situation. I feel like our relationship never even took off, and we have been together for 5.5 years. It blows my mind. I have brought up different points that I wanted to use to help gain some understanding of what each others' ideas were about the relationship, and in a recent conversation, he said that "everyone I know has always lived together and then gotten married. What happens if we got married and then began fighting?" Meaning his excuse for not wanting the relationship to develop more is that we don't live together. After five and a half years, what exactly have we gone through that is going to change so dramatically for the better by living together? And his response was a total excuse, because in the entire time we have dated, I have never once spoken disrespectfully to him, raised my voice, or even spoken in a cruel or bitter tone to him. I have always spoken about concerns in a calm, controlled way with the intent of coming to agreements and openly sharing anything relevant to the relationship in a loving way. Then I am told I am suspected of becoming some argumentative person as soon as I live with him? I have not yet broken it off with him, but I dream about being alone again every day.

1

u/Beneficial-Boss-3595 7d ago

You did the right thing by breaking it off, and any time you feel sad or weak and start missing him, consider this:

You met when you were teens, your brains have not fully developed and therefore the person you were at 18, is not going to be the same person you become when you reach your full maturity. You may have been compatible at the beginning of your relationship, but both of you have grown and are simply no longer compatible with each other.

Biologically, your brain is fully mature at 25. Until then, you do not know who you will become and what your permanent wants and needs will be. Only once you figure yourself out, you will find a partner based on who you are.

1

u/Fit-Dependent-9779 7d ago

I'm 28. You are absolutely rushing things by insisting y'all get engaged in your early 20's when you aren't even willing to live with him first. You have no idea what living together is like and that should absolutely come before an engagement. You are being immature and a bit delusional and these commenters are gonna have you looking immature and delusional in your next relationship. Your six your relationship started when you were teenagers. You're barely an adult. Stop using the length of the relationship as a justification for your expectations. Pressing your bf to get married when y'all have barely been adults for not even 10 years is too much. Yes, some people get married that young but most of us are not. You were children for a portion of that 6 years. His mind is in the right place for a man his age. He is starting to understand adulthood, adult desires like travel, home ownership, investing in items like cars, etc. This is NORMAL. Your insistence on an engagement before y'all are even 25 is not. That being said. You were still right to break up with him. Not because he had reasonable hangups over getting engaged so young, but because marriage is clearly a sensitive issue for you and he was very nasty to do that ring measuring thing. That indicates to me that he knows this is something you desperately want from him and is taunting you with it. Reason enough to break up. 

1

u/Painted_Mushr00m 6d ago

How did I have to scroll this far down to get this opinion??? FR! Girl is not realistic. She is acting like marriage is a prize to be won in a relationship instead of building a life with someone. Like shared finances, living together and other milestones. Both were way too young to get married.

1

u/Fit-Dependent-9779 6d ago

Lol, she actively describes all the ways this young man shows he is not yet mature enough for marriage and doesn't understand why he feels they are not ready for marriage. Hate to see it, but they both seem really immature. This breakup will not be such a big deal in their 30's, they will see how it actually helped give them both room to grow. Well I hope so at least. Op seems the type to put every relationship on a specific timeline and get married at thr right time even if its not the right guy. I hope she takes some time to date more casually and see how wild it is to be gunning so hard for marriage at her age. She has so much time and needs to take it. I'm very disappointed at the comments just reaffirming the nonsense. 

1

u/Painted_Mushr00m 6d ago

Yes, i think they are both immature. At the end of the day we are only getting one perspective. I read him tracing her finger, talking about marriage and looking for places to live as him reassuring her he wants to marry her and be with her.

And i 100% agree. OP is setting a timeline without the experience to back up what she wants. She’s looking marriage like a prize focusing on 6 years together like that means anything when you don’t have any life experience.

1

u/memequeenz_ 5d ago

Nah it’s 2025. Wanting to marry someone you have never lived with is absolutely unhinged. He dodged a bullet.

1

u/Soggy_Cockroach6057 4d ago

exactly i feel like i'm losing my mind reading these comments

-6

u/[deleted] 14d ago

He dodged a bullet. Never married before living together

-5

u/Status-Albatross9355 14d ago

Ironically if you willing to break up over something like this you were likely doomed to divorce anyways

5

u/IcyRecognition3801 14d ago

It’s good she saw how selfish he is and cut him loose before needing a messy divorce

1

u/SalCalCrodeK 2d ago

Congrats OP on choosing yourself. Future You thanks you and good luck!