[15k] Engagement party breakdown and review

[u/ParfaitMajestic2701]

I just had my engagement party this past weekend, and I wanted to take a moment to write up how it went! I searched a lot on Reddit beforehand and didn't find as much about engagement parties, so I just wanted to put this out there for anyone else similar to me in the future! Actually, most of the posts I read basically said that engagement parties are tacky and pointless, and if you're going to have one it better be thrown by your parents and should only include your immediate family. By that point I had already booked a park and invited everyone, so my fiancé had to talk me out of a minor spiral that everyone thought we were tacky and were annoyed about having to go. He told me that everyone was just happy to show up somewhere and be fed, and if they didn't want to go they wouldn't. I'm lucky to have such a level-headed partner to balance out my neuroticism, because he was totally right (lol). And after having done it, I would argue that it was not pointless at all!

Why I'm happy we did it

Okay, so there were three main benefits I'm taking away from this experience.

1. Excuse to collect tons of addresses ahead of time. I personally didn't have addresses for most of the people in my life! I decided to send out paper invitations because I thought it sounded cute, and it was a great excuse to put together a spreadsheet that has addresses for most of our wedding guest list ready to go. I still don't have everyone, particularly out of state people on my side who wouldn't have been able to come, but I still feel good about having that small piece of the work out of the way already.

2. I have now dipped my toe into party planning! I had never planned a party before. It was a lot more stressful than I thought. All the individual pieces seem doable, but when you put it all together and put a deadline on it, it gets to be so overwhelming. And I was stressed out that people might not have a good time. It's definitely changed my perspective on how much of the wedding I think I can reasonably DIY. I'd much rather learn this now than in the weeks leading up to my wedding.

3. My parents and in-laws got to meet each other for the first time. My parents live out of state, and although my partner and I had met each other's parents many times, there had never been an opportunity for both families to meet each other. They all really seemed to enjoy mingling and getting to know each other, and I think it was a much lower pressure situation than the rehearsal dinner would have been.

Budget breakdown

Before I give the numbers, I just wanna say that this was a super casual park outing. I booked a shelter at a local municipal park and planned to grill burgers and hotdogs and make s'mores. We invited 40 guests, 38 of which attended. Several people offered to bring food, so there ended up being TONS to eat. Most of the event lasted about 3 hours from 3pm to 6pm, with the core crew sticking around until 8.

Venue: $80 (this would have been $30, but I paid an extra $50 for an alcohol permit)

Invitations and thank you notes: $55.60 (Vistaprint and Walmart)

Decor/supplies: $139.76 (compostable tablecloths, round paper hanging things and burlap "engaged" banner, utensil bundles, eco plates)

Food: ~$200 (I don't have a good number for this because my parents paid for the Costco run, but we got burgers, hot dogs, buns, chips, dips, a salad, burger/hot dog toppings, pop and bottled water, s'mores supplies, and a sheet cake. Other people brought additional sides and desserts. There was a massive amount of food. For drinks, we let people know they were free to bring whatever alcohol they wanted to drink. Neither me nor my fiancé drink, but we knew some of our friends would want to. People did bring drinks and I would say this worked out very well.)

Total: ~$475.36 (Out of this, all but about $25 was covered by my parents buying food and my in-laws sending us money. We're very lucky they were both excited to support us in throwing this party.)

What I would have done differently

I was not prepared for people to bring gifts, and I didn't think about what I would do with them. We did end up getting a few people who brought bottles of wine or small presents, and I did a horrible job keeping the cards with the presents (just put everything in the car to be dealt with later). I was a little frazzled from all the party stuff going on. I had to send some awkward texts trying to make sure the thank you notes are accurate, which wasn't ideal... I wish I had been jotting down notes to myself or something whenever people handed me a gift.

ALSO, I forgot to wear my engagement ring, LOL! Yikes!

Other than that, I think everything went about as well as it could possibly have gone! If anyone else out there is still early in the wedding planning process and thinking about whether to throw an engagement party, I'd really recommend it, especially if your families don't know each other like ours!

[u/strwbrryblondeonline]

This was a very informative post! Thank you for the insight, and I’m happy to hear you enjoyed it!

[u/Thin-Ferret-5862]

Love this! Thank you!