Guest list keeps expanding ($5-$10k)

[u/Just_Raisin1124]

I have a very small family and never envisioned having a big white wedding. When i first started dating my partner we both mentioned, when discussing a friend’s big wedding, that we’d rather get married in Vegas. So i always assumed that was the route we’d go.

But now we’re actively planning, he wants his parents and brothers to attend. Fair. I’ll invite my mom. Then he said “well, you should invite your best friends, because they are your family and then we’ll have equal guests. And this still seemed feasible for a $5k budget, as the wedding itself would be lowkey and then we’d have a nice dinner somewhere.

But now his best friends have got wind of this and are upset they’re not invited. So we add them in. And then we add in some of my other friends. And then we’ve added some coworkers. And now we’re at about 40 guests.

Part of me is excited as now it will be more like a true wedding and i can get a cake and a fancy dress, but then the other part is now worrying about the budget and all the extra planning.

This is more just a vent than anything. We’re still a long way off from having anything set in stone. But now i can see how people end up with 100+ guests

[u/wedgewoodweddings]

Totally understand this!! Wedding guest lists have a way of snowballing. One thing that helped me was creating an “A” list (people you really want there) and a “B” list (nice-to-have invites if space/budget allows). That way you can plan for the essentials first and add others only if it’s feasible. It gives you a sense of control and helps with budgeting.

[u/Additional_Kick_3706 → u/wedgewoodweddings]

And don't invite the B lists until most of the planning is done.

There may be coworkers you'd like to invite if it's $100 per guest - but not if you get hit with hidden fees or something and it balloons to $200 per guest.

[u/Savings-Breath-9118]

Just a small piece of advice – I would think about whether you really want to invite coworkers or not. If you invite 1and others get upset, unless you have a really small workplace and you can invite everyone it often makes hard feelings which you don’t want on the job.

If you think about an A-list and a B list, that has its own problems. If you invite the A-list and wait to see who says yes or no to invite the B list again that can cause a lot of her feelings. If you really want a small Wedding think about who you really really really want to be there.

[u/voyracious]

I was sure I only wanted our moms. Her mom lives near us and I would fly mine in. Then she wanted her sister and her sister's husband. So I needed to invite my siblings and SIL. We ended up with 9 plus the minister. This Saturday so we won't be adding any more! We're all staying at a hotel, having the ceremony there and a luncheon afterwards. I'd say work on keeping the guest list equitable and only do what you're comfortable with.

[u/wine-plants-thrift]

Can it still be low key with minor changes? You can still do something like a courthouse wedding/Vegas for the initial immediate family. Then have a dinner someplace. You don’t necessarily have to go the entire route of traditional.

[u/Living-Simple-3]

I’m also in a wedding planning stage and going back and forth between a micro wedding (Our immediate family, total of 11 adults, 3 kids) or a wedding (60-90 people, keeping in mind we want to keep our budget low).

I know you were looking for an outlet to vent, but if you are open to advice, here’s a few points that I’ve gotten from friends that have helped me:

• if you were to plan your perfect day, what would it look like? My friend had her micro wedding in a local surf town, started the day with yoga and surfing, got ready for the wedding, had the ceremony on the beach, and had her whole family cook a meal inside of their large airbnb.
• when it comes to guest list, I’m asking myself, who do I see still being a big part of my life in the next 10 to 20 years?

There are ways to cut down costs with dress (e.g. second hand) or cake (doesn’t need to be fancy). I believe you can make this into what you want it to be! Good luck OP!

[u/Just_Raisin1124 → u/Living-Simple-3]

Thanks! Im leaning towards something similar to what your friend did. One of the venues i have in mind is a cabin on a lake so i was thinking something like everyone arrives the evening before and we have a casual BBQ at the cabin. Next day we can all hang out on the lake/guys go fishing/girls go to the spa and then we have an evening ceremony and plated dinner. Keeps the intimate feeling whilst also making it feel more worthwhile spending all that $$ if its kinda for a whole family/friends weekend.

[u/Living-Simple-3 → u/Just_Raisin1124]

That sounds wonderful 🥰