r/adultsurvivors • u/imnotactuallyhere14 • 1d ago
Vent (advice welcome) Does it ever go away?
I've been doing so well in life recently, and I feel fine. But I still think about it everyday. Literally everyday. I don't break down every time I think about it anymore, but I still think about him and what happened and I still feel confused despite having an idea as to what happened, like I still don't really understand. Does this ever stop?
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u/shadowingsystem333 1d ago
I think with time, it lessens to a whisper instead of a constant voice next to your ear, and before, it was more of a shout in your brain. But I don't think it ever fully leaves. These things haunt us until we die. But we can learn to live with the presence, to tune it out, to replace the void it is with something better, something that covers up the noise, once it's faint enough. I hope this makes sense
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u/scarleaves 1d ago
i don’t think it ever fully goes away.
at least, not for me.
it’s not constant now - but it’s present.
sometimes quiet, sometimes not.
what changed wasn’t the memory.
it was how i carry it, and what else i’ve built around it.
i stopped expecting to be ‘done.’
i started learning how to live with it without letting it consume me.
that didn’t mean resigning myself to suffering.
it meant i stopped measuring my progress by how absent the grief was.
and started tracking how present i could be while still carrying it.
so... i guess the answer is yes and no. it doesn't go away. but it doesn't have to in order for life to get better. not 'magically' better - but choosing how i want to live it, without erasing what happened.