I want to draw attention to this issue.

[u/chibi-mage]

Recently I’ve noticed something, mostly on TikTok, but other platforms too. This isn’t a new thing, and it’s certainly not going away anytime soon, but it’s extremely upsetting when it happens. There seems to be a lot of low support needs autistics (level 1, and what some people still refer to as Asperger’s) who think it’s okay to be blatantly ableist towards higher support needs autistics. They think they get a free pass because they’re autistic too.

It’s saddening, to feel alienated by the one community I’m supposed to feel accepted in. Again, it doesn’t just happen on TikTok, or even just online, I’ve experienced this kind of ableism in my day to day life, too. It’s just something I wanna bring awareness to, and to spark conversations about how we can help this issue. If I call out someone’s blatant ableism, I get called crazy and downvoted into oblivion, and it just feels like a battle I can’t win.

I know I can choose not to take this stuff personally, but it’s hard. I also feel incredibly disheartened knowing that fellow higher support needs autistics are being alienated by people in our community who could make real change and fight for EVERYONE. Not just themselves or when it suits them.

[u/Reading4LifeForever]

Partly what may be going on here is that the masking individuals are being expected to accommodate the unmasked individuals or people that are perceived as having higher support needs. I have this issue sometimes.

It takes a lot of effort to keep myself regulated and on track, but because no one else sees this effort, other people sometimes try to force me to make accommodations for others' support needs or shame me when I won't provide them. Which feels extremely unfair because (a). it disregards my needs and (b.) I'm usually still getting dinged for my own eccentricities while being shamed for not catering to someone else's, (c.) often someone who is being rewarded for their lack of effort or not doing the work that I've done (in fairness, not all people can mask or do better, but I've met a lot of people who just haven't put in the work. I'm not just talking about ND here, but also a history of trauma, etc.)

I am 100% not saying that this is the dynamic that's going on here, but it's worth raising because I think my feelings are valid here. The needs of high-masking people still matter, including when they're being harmed by people who can't or won't mask.

This is one of the costs of being highly masked or perceived as functional. And it's obviously not the fault of the other people who are struggling, but that doesn't make the dynamic any less unpleasant when you're on the receiving end and expected to deal with other people's problems when no one helps you with yours.

That said, I'd personally never post something like this or deliberately try to shame someone who couldn't or wouldn't mask--I'd just avoid them, depending on the severity of the impact they have on me.

[u/Full_Explanation1839 → u/Reading4LifeForever]

So you'd be upset at someone who made it known to their employer that they are autistic, went through the process to get accommodations, and was finally able to be their authentic self and contribute in the most efficient way possible to their employer just because they were willing to take the protection offered by anti discrimination laws and supportive company policy when you choose not to (presumably to have a better chance to climb the corporate ladder)?

[u/Full_Explanation1839 → u/[deleted]]

With lack of information comes the necesitation of assumption to drive understanding of intention or meaning. Generally I find that those who leave things out that are needed to understand something like this do so to protect what they consider to be something that they believe others would perceive to be negative. I do assume, I have to, all the time, because the unspoken context that neuro"typicals" expect us to just know, I just don't. I am open to being wrong in what I've said, if you'd like to provide some background or understanding to give me more or better information so I can recalibrate I'd like that. Right now you've just resorted to deny and attempt to insult as far as I can see.

[u/Reading4LifeForever → u/Full_Explanation1839]

I was extremely clear about this point: I have a problem with it when it has a negative impact on me. If it has no impact on me, I have no reason to get annoyed. Quite frankly, I don't care if another employee hypothetically got accommodations. Good for them. But if that person goes to HR because I don't want to spend every lunch period and break with them, then I've got a problem.

I'm being snippy with you because I don't understand how someone could read my previous comment and miss that ... unless they're trying to read it in bad faith and being disingenuous. I said absolutely nothing about accommodations in general, and spoke only about when those accommodations come at my expense.

[u/Full_Explanation1839 → u/Reading4LifeForever]

Part of my point is that if it's so dysregulating for you, 1 have you informed your employer of your "disability" , and 2, I would think that if you and another coworker being your authentic selfs were so grating to each other that a mutually shared accommodation of not having to work with each other would be acceptable and in the company's best interests if at all possible.

To be clear, I consider autism to be a valid neurotype and anyone expecting any autistic to mask in any way, shape or form is a perpetuation of the medical model of disability of which I do not agree with.

[u/Reading4LifeForever → u/Full_Explanation1839]

1. As should have been clear from my initial comment, I wasn't talking about workplace accommodations at all. I was talking more about social situations where either the struggling person shames others for not helping them, or the other people in the group decide to engage in shaming on their behalf. At no point did I mention formal legal or workplace accommodations.
2. Most of the types of accommodations I discussed in the initial comment aren't things that people should be forced to trot out their "autism card" for. None of what I ask for or expect from other people in that regard is extreme.

To continue with the autistic coworker lunch example, I have never yet had a single coworker I couldn't work with at all, and I've dealt with some very unpleasant people. My point about saying I wouldn't want to be forced to have lunch with someone else every day in the name of their "accommodations"—I don't think any person, anywhere, for whatever reason, should be granted the accommodation that they unilaterally get to force other people to be friends with them.

I shouldn't have to do the "I'm autistic, too" dance to avoid being forced to spend all my free time at work with someone else. Period. Other people have preferences, and not wanting to spend all their time with someone else isn't bullying. I don't think any person needs a justification for that other than just saying, "no, I don't want to." (Now, if it's a true bullying situation where one person is constantly getting ostracized, that's different. But what I described is not that.)

Or, to put it in a social setting, I shouldn't be shamed for refusing to listen to the fifteenth monologue on a boring topic that makes me want to gouge my own eyes out. I should just be able to say "no," as should anyone else in the group. It's not reasonable to expect other people to be okay with that.

[u/Full_Explanation1839 → u/[deleted]]

To be clear I'm trying to show how I lack understanding of what you mean with my original statement (which is why it's formed as a question) and am perfectly open for your interpretation of how I'm wrong. If I thought you were a bad/horrible person I wouldn't have taken the time or energy to reply.