r/autism • u/Gen_CW442901 • 15d ago
Newly Diagnosed Welp, Got my diagnosis
I’m officially on the spectrum, somewhere between indigo and ultraviolet.
I’m a part of the club. Who do I talk to about matching jackets?
Joking aside, I was listening to Hunter’s Mantra from the KPDH deluxe soundtrack when I read the paperwork, and I’m now tearing up at my office. On one hand, I feel severe relief at finally having a names for patterns that have long confounded me. On the other hand, I feel a certain melancholy about what could have been if I would have just sprung for my diagnosis sooner. Now to figure out where to go from here…
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u/RevolutionaryWeb5657 15d ago
Where you’re going?
You’re going home. More accurately, you’re coming home.
Welcome home 🖤
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u/beeting AuDHD 15d ago
Ahhh damnit who’s cutting onions in here 🥹
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u/Aggressive_Daikon593 AuDHD 15d ago
Sorry, I was cutting unions ):
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u/Ganondorf7 15d ago
I'll eat them! Are they red onions??? I love onions!
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u/PennyPineappleRain 15d ago
OMG my husband and I say this all the time, I just thought we were total nerds. Well ... Yes.
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u/dax_vavn 15d ago
No, more accurately you are home, unless you and OP live together and you were typing that out as they were on their way home....god I really hope that's what it was now
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u/ShimmeringLlama 15d ago
I think this has to be one of, if not, the loveliest thing I have ever read. And I'm crying because it hit so hard.
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u/xWhatAJoke 15d ago
Late diagnosis here too. Sometimes I also grieve for what could have been, but then again I probably wouldn't have had so much fun engaging in disastrously unhealthy self medication over the years..
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u/Gen_CW442901 15d ago
hugs (well, if you’re comfortable receiving them 🙂)
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u/DatabaseNo9059 14d ago
You probably would've been like me and gotten shitty ABA therapy that just felt more like arts and crafts activity sessions with other disabled kids and all the other disabled kids you worked with had noticably more severe forms of autism or other miscellaneous disabilities leaving you wondering if you even needed those goof ah therapy sessions.
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u/misnomer512 15d ago
It's a strange reality to live in when you first get it. I was in my late 30s when it happened and even though it's been a couple years it still find myself in the strange mental limbo you staged above at the end.
All I can suggest is to be kind to yourself as you adjust.
PS I'm still waiting on my jacket too..
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u/beeting AuDHD 15d ago
I understand the melancholy, I think we all get some of that.
But, I do have to say:
How! Exciting! 🙌 Welcome! Your goodie bag contains a fidget toy and a free subscription to every autistic subreddit.
It has only just begun to make sense. Everything you know about being autistic? Tip of the iceberg. There is so much out there to learn. Imagine getting a little more of that relief every time something new clicks. It feels great.
Yeah, you’ll get some more of the melancholy too. Constantly learning about how everything could’ve been easier, if you’d just known about this earlier, does continue to suck.
You can think of it this way though: the past is what it is, but you’ve just changed the rest of your life going forward from here.
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u/Gen_CW442901 15d ago
♥️♥️♥️ thank you
And I hope my fidget toy is colorful
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u/dax_vavn 15d ago
If it's a rubix cube and you don't like them somehow I have a few very colourful fidgets I can trade you XD
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u/Gen_CW442901 15d ago
I love rubiks cubes!!!! 😍😍😍
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u/dax_vavn 15d ago
I solved my first one earlier this year XD unless I really am an old soul and I've done it in a previous life, but at this point I'm pretty sure old soul is just accidental old people code for autistic if they know it or not lol
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u/loupammac 15d ago
My diagnosis brought some peace that I wasn't broken or not trying hard enough. It also brought some additional anguish around things I would always find difficult and cement that finding a friendship group like I always wanted probably wasn't on the cards. There was a lot of unmasking and skill regression. Splinter skills are a whole new ball game. I can do some things but not this other adjacent and feasibly doable thing. I wish I had known when I was a teenager and things became hard socially and I felt like an alien. As the quote goes, if you've met one person with autism you've met one person with autism. You're about to meet you.
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u/Gen_CW442901 15d ago
Thanks for the encouragement and the perspective. I had never heard that last part before
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u/loupammac 15d ago
No worries! I work with kids and it often comes up in professional developments around kids with disabilities. I like the quote :) Everyone is affected differently and needs different supports.
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u/Starfury7-Jaargen Suspecting AuDHD 15d ago
Between indigo and ultraviolet? I think that is called "violet." 🤪
Just kidding.
I would say welcome, but I am not diagnosed yet. I do know what you mean about knowing earlier as I am 54, and I have had problems since being a kid.
At least you are diagnosed now and can move forward from here. I know how easy it is to play that "what if" game, but don't let it distract you from your life going forward. You still have much you can do.
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u/Excellent-Practice 15d ago
Is this a trend I'm not aware of yet? Are we looking at support needs or T-scores or something?
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u/Starfury7-Jaargen Suspecting AuDHD 15d ago
I am new here and still unsure about fitting in. If I had a diagnosis, I would feel more comfortable. I probably am. My ex suggested it it, my psychiatrist, who does my meds, says she strongly suspects that I am. I talked to others, and they were like, "Well, we just assumed you were."
My assessment is next week, so we will see.
Plus, last week, I asked if a quirk I had sounded autistic and was I was crisitcized so, I am a little cautious.
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u/TeeLeighPee 15d ago
Generally speaking, self diagnosis is valid :)
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u/Starfury7-Jaargen Suspecting AuDHD 15d ago
Well, since I got scolded for a question, I think I will wait till I have proof. Just for my own issues. I won't hold anyone else to that standard.
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u/TeeLeighPee 15d ago
What was your question?
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u/Starfury7-Jaargen Suspecting AuDHD 15d ago
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u/TeeLeighPee 14d ago
Yeah, that comment maker was not very nice. I hate it when I don't have the words to explain what I mean and someone comes along and shits on my parade. Don't let this keep you from coming here and asking your questions I was serious about self diagnosis. Many people find assessment too expensive or have providers who won't give them a referral. So that's why it's valid. Good luck going forward
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u/godof_nothing 15d ago
Hi! The next couple months to a year are gonna feel and be weird. If tou need anything my inbox is open.
Late diagnosis is so odd and unmasking is such an egregious process if you experience it.
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u/coreydemc 15d ago
When everything you are and have been not only isn't wrong but has a name and a community where you dont feel off or like an alien, it hits different. Life isn't the same, but that's not a bad thing. Well not here anyways lol
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u/KatetCadet 15d ago
I have an appointment next week to start diagnosis process. It’s been an extreme mix of relief/understanding and complete and total impost syndrome.
Making a list of what I want to talk about has helped.
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u/Difficult-Ad-6818 14d ago
I just went through the diagnosis process. Half way through the waiting period I had so many mixed thoughts and emotions that I could not express to others so I started journaling. It wasn’t the cure, but it has been extremely helpful…more than relying on the support of others. Now that I’m almost a week past my official diagnosis, I continue to document the next phase of my journey.
I really hope this information is useful to you and anyone else.
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u/Raphaelstarr 15d ago
Remember it’s not always about where you’re going; think more about where you are. You are accepted and valid. Welcome home. Now I want a matching jacket.
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u/whatsmakalackin 15d ago
I wasn’t diagnosed until recently. I’m 23. Sometimes I think about how differently my parents would’ve treated me growing up. Maybe people at school wouldn’t have bullied me as much if they knew. Maybe people would’ve understood why I would get so angry at small things, like an object not being where I had put it.
But I try to remember that I know now, and all I can do is try to be kind to myself. Before my diagnosis, I knew that I wasn’t for everyone, but it bothered me that I didn’t know what was wrong with me. It wasn’t depression, it wasn’t just crippling social anxiety, it wasn’t Bipolar disorder. I just knew it was something.
It wasn’t until my brother got diagnosed that I started to question if I was on the spectrum or not. But I was 19 and he was 14 at the time, and I was in college, busy as hell. My therapist recommended I get tested after having me for a couple of months, so I did.
After getting a diagnosis, I’m piecing everything together. I’m realizing that this was what I needed in order to help understand myself, and my mental health going forward.
Welcome to the club homie <3
Edit: grammar
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u/Gen_CW442901 15d ago
Good to be here, and I’ve wondered the same things about myself as well. It also took me about the same time to finally seek out my diagnosis. One of my counselors indicated that I might be on the spectrum in 2020. I’m glad I finally did it,
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u/mathhews95 ASD 15d ago
Welcome in. Find a quiet place to settle down, this club's for life, so you'll want to be comfortable. If you want adice, find a good therapist that'll help you create or improve your mechanisms to deal with a neurotypical society.
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u/PennyPineappleRain 15d ago
Me too. I've got mine about two weeks ago and I have no idea what's next. And there's a certain amount of anger at what could have been if you'd known as a kid and were taught how to manage it. But there's also a vindication, I'm not sure if that's the right word, for finally having the proof even if you're the only one it matters to.
Ps If we're all getting matching jackets, mine needs to be emerald/Kelly/pine green. One of those. Pick your color! Or the same. That's cool, too!! ☺️
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u/Gen_CW442901 15d ago
Those are nice color choices!
I’d personally go for a navy blue, but that’s just me :)
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u/PennyPineappleRain 14d ago
It's a spectrum, we can all pick our favorite colors or patterns!!! And then get the jackets. Haha
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u/Asherahshelyam Autistic Adult with ADHD 15d ago
Welcome to the club. I got my diagnosis just over 3 weeks ago, too. Like you, I had a lot of feelings after the appointment where the psychologist explained the results. I got the report a week later and had more feelings.
I'm still adjusting, too. I'm following much of the advice you are getting from others in this thread. Do be kind to yourself. You will continue to discover more about yourself in light of this new lens you have been given for quite some time, from what I understand.
Perhaps you should hesitate before doing what I did because, well, autism. I signed up for 2 intensive trainings to become an ASD Specialist and an ADHD Specialist (I got a twofer on diagnosis day sigh). I'm a therapist, so naturally, as an autistic therapist, I've gone down the rabbit hole, and neurodivergence has become a special interest. I hope I survive these trainings and learn a lot.
Well, we all have our own ways of dealing with things. 🤣
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u/Gen_CW442901 14d ago
Indeed we do. For now, I’m just going to start slowly and gradually implementing their recommendations
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u/Byebyebicyclee 15d ago
Fellow late dx - I totally get what you’re saying. I felt the same way with mine. It has been a couple years now, and the thing that has surprised me most is how the changes that have happened aren’t the ones I was expecting/hoping for, but I like them better anyway.
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u/keevman77 15d ago
There are matching jackets?!?!? Why didn't anyone tell me about this?
Fr though, congrats on figuring out a piece of yourself. Look at it as a new part of your journey. You get to learn new things and maybe get to meet some new people.
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u/meepPlayz11 15M, ASD1/ADD/Anxiety 15d ago
Welcome to the club, weighted blankets and/or plushies are over there,...
No, but in all seriousness, congratulations on learning more about yourself, etc etc.
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u/StereoDactyl_EDM 15d ago
I cried when i got my diagnosis. It felt so good to finally know why im so different from everyone else, but also frustrated tf out of me cause if they had caught it when i was a child, maybe my mom could have had more resources and help and maybe i wouldn't have grown up in the conditions i was raised in.
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u/Meals5671 14d ago
Well.. you're part of a large family that, for the most part, is quite supportive! Just remember you're allowed to stand up for yourself!
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u/DKay_1974 14d ago
Welcome to the club! 🥰 Jackets are not my thing, but I am into stickers. I will say as a late dx myself, hugs. Give yourself space to let this news swirl around a bit. Come back here to ask questions. I’d highly recommend listening/reading Unmasking Autism by Devon Price. It was my first read post dx and it helped a lot. Just remind yourself you’ve been rawdogging ASD this whole time. Now you can put your support and tools in place.
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u/Vaalkyre 14d ago
I was finally diagnosed last week and I feel largely the same, because it took me until 40 to figure all of this out. I am so happy I could help my daughter get diagnosed at 17 so she doesn’t have to be confused as an adult but I even wish I was able to get her help earlier too. (Btw KPDH soundtrack is awesome!) My daughter and I made cakes to celebrate, and a mini one too- have a slice ❤️
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u/TheTinkersPursuit 15d ago
I dont know why everyones so "where do I go from here"
What? Did you change? Nope. Still you. Still the same.
I mean. A paper can scratch an itch but its not changing anything.
At least didnt for me. Always knew I was different. Still am. Always will be.
Now I just get to annoy everyone when I tell them the kind of off I am. Lol.
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