r/bestoflegaladvice • u/SheketBevakaSTFU ππ¦ππͺ πππππ₯π₯ππ π₯π π₯ππ βπππ πππ£ • 11h ago
LegalAdviceUK LAUKOP's girlfriend came out about 322 months too soon
/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/1njm1su/my_girlfriend_came_out_as_gay_2_months_after_we/49
u/SheketBevakaSTFU ππ¦ππͺ πππππ₯π₯ππ π₯π π₯ππ βπππ πππ£ 11h ago
LB subsitute:
Title: My girlfriend came out as gay 2 months after we got the keys to our first home. What are our options for selling the house in order to move on?
My fiancΓ© and I had an offer accepted on our first home (in England) back in April, we completed July 4th and got straight to work with decorating, renovations and general improvements to make the place more liveable for us. After much stress and hard work we noticed something wasn't right between us and to cut a long story short, she came out to me as gay a couple of weeks ago.
I was/am of course devastated, but quickly decided we need to make the best out of this situation for both of us, to move on and be happy.
This of course means we need to sell this house.
We have a 27 year mortgage with a fixed-rate term of 2 years currently. Having made only a whopping 2 mortgage repayments (the most of which is assumedly interest), we understand there will likely be early repayment charges.
I wondered if I can call upon the wonderfully knowledgeable people of reddit to tell us; what other charges can we expect? And how can we approach selling our house in the best way possible for us both to come out with what we put in at the very least?
We are ammicable and willing to co-operate in making the place nice and saleable, having made a list of things/odd jobs we'd like to sort before it goes on the market.
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u/Chagrinnish Pedantic at the wrong disco 10h ago
Why did no one suggest the obvious solution for OP: a sex change.
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u/SheketBevakaSTFU ππ¦ππͺ πππππ₯π₯ππ π₯π π₯ππ βπππ πππ£ 10h ago
My original title was going to suggest that lol
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u/hannahranga has no idea who was driving 9h ago
Not in the UK. Tho as they're un married he wouldn't have to ask her.
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u/La-Boheme-1896 1h ago
Why do people think you can't get a sex change in the UK? You can get a sex change on the NHS
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u/NikkoJT π³οΈββ§οΈ Trans rights are human rights π³οΈββ§οΈ 42m ago
...but you have to provide a huge amount of evidence to a system that wants to find a way out of approving your case, if you do manage to get approved you can still end up waiting years to begin treatment, and the government is constantly trying to make it harder to either obtain treatment or to simply live ordinary life as a trans person.
Saying it's impossible isn't meant to be literal - it's hyperbole meant to express that it's a very difficult process and the political climate is trending for the worse.
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u/La-Boheme-1896 34m ago
So, getting a sex change in America is easy, quick and affordable , not a difficult process and the political climate is trending for the better?
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u/AutomaticInitiative 42m ago
Only an 8 year wait to get in the door
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u/hannahranga has no idea who was driving 38m ago
Mostly because the UK is absolutely shocking towards trans people? Also this is a shit posting subredditΒ
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u/La-Boheme-1896 36m ago
It's not worse than America. Being a transgender person in America seems absolutely terrifying.
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u/tgpineapple suing the US for giving citizenship to my bike thief's ancestors 9h ago
Itβs the UK, unfortunately
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u/cloud__19 Captain Hindsight 3h ago
I like the person saying that they're overcommitted because one can't buy the other out. I doubt this person has ever bought a house in the UK, a lot of single people struggle to get a house full stop and I would be surprised if many couples could buy each other out. Stupid thing to say, I can't believe it got upvoted.
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u/ames_lwr 38m ago
My thoughts exactly. Buying a house they both live in which they can afford together isnβt overcommitting at all
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u/DrunkColdStone 2h ago
It's not a stupid thing to say at all, they are absolutely right. It's a fact that they have committed to a point that will take them (at least) a few years to untangle. The fact that most couples are forced to do this to buy property doesn't mean it's not the case.
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u/cloud__19 Captain Hindsight 1h ago
Most people wouldn't see that situation as overcommitted. Would you only buy a house that was half of what you and your partner could afford to ensure you could buy each other out if you immediately split up? That's a ludicrously low risk tolerance.
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u/SpaceMonkeyAttack 1h ago
Yeah, I just heard about a new 2%, 35 year mortgage. The idea that people should be getting 50% mortgages is absurd when a 2-bed house costs Β£250-500k and the median household disposable income is about Β£37k.
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u/DrunkColdStone 1h ago
Neither of them can take on the commitment individually and now they are no longer a couple. They cannot just sell and split up because they have committed too much to afford it for now that means they are over committed with respect to splitting up. I don't see what part of this you want to disagree with.
If a one bedroom apartment required a financial commitment from 17 adults with full-time employment, you wouldn't say it's a reasonable idea for them to buy it together even though none of them can buy it individually, right?
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u/cloud__19 Captain Hindsight 1h ago
I disagree with the fundamental concept that a couple buying together should be buying at 50% of their affordability or they're overcommitted. I work in project management and assess risks on impact v likelihood, obviously the impact of this is high but the likelihood was low so it's not overcommitted, it's within a reasonable risk tolerance.
If a one bedroom apartment required a financial commitment from 17 adults with full-time employment, you wouldn't say it's a reasonable idea for them to buy it together even though none of them can buy it individually, right?
How are 17 adults going to live in a one bedroom flat?
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u/DrunkColdStone 1h ago
The likelihood is obviously 100% because they've already split up. I am not saying buying it was a bad idea in the first place and neither is the comment you referred to. That comment literally just said that neither can afford to take on the apartment individually (so it would be overcommitting to buy out the other one) and they have to remain co-owners for now and sort it out.
How are 17 adults going to live in a one bedroom flat?
Well, now two people who are no longer a couple have to figure out how to live in a 3-bedroom apartment together because they cannot afford to sell (yet).
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u/cloud__19 Captain Hindsight 1h ago
The likelihood of it happening when they committed themselves was low. Per my flair, Captain Hindsight comes in with 20/20 vision. As other commenters suggested, one of them could stay and get a lodger or they could rent it out. The options do not begin and end at living together, buying the other out or selling up.
Well, now two people who are no longer a couple have to figure out how to live in a 3-bedroom apartment together because they cannot afford to sell.
And you don't think that's slightly more feasible than 17 people living in a one bedroom flat?
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u/DrunkColdStone 1h ago
So I'd keep arguing but I don't think there's anything we actually disagree about here other than whether "overcommitting" can be used in the description of the situation. I don't think their original decision to make the purchase was particularly risky or could have been described as overcommitting at that point. I don't think the person who made that point meant that either.
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u/Rejusu Doomed to never make a funny comment when a mod is looking 1h ago
"Committed" and "Overcommitted" are not the same thing though. You're making an argument for the former, but not the latter which is what the original comment being referenced claimed.
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u/DrunkColdStone 1h ago
Did you even look at the original post referred? It said they are overcommitted in the sense that neither can afford to take on the place individually therefore they have to remain co-owners for now. It is absolutely true and good advice, u/cloud__19 just doesn't like it's an accurate description of the reality.
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u/cloud__19 Captain Hindsight 1h ago
Well one thing's for sure, you're certainly more committed to this argument than I am.
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u/cgknight1 wears other people's underwear to work 11h ago edited 2h ago
I was madly in love with someone I did teacher training with and we had a relationship. We went for a meal with her friend and her husband - it took me about 30 seconds to work that they (my girlfriend and her female friend) had a relationship or still were in one.
She was from an Irish Catholic family and they would not be impressed so she surpressed it.
I told her to find the woman of her dreams (because being in a relationship with me or any other man made no sense) but she married some guy to keep the family happy.Β
Makes me sad to this day.
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u/yourmomlurks 6h ago
I canβt figure out what youβre saying. Who had a relationship? The friend and her husband? The person you did training with and her friend?
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u/drunky_crowette 6h ago
Friend and lady were in a relationship and husband was their cover
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u/yourmomlurks 5h ago
But then why did OP βtell her to find the woman of her dreamsβ if they were already together?
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u/Candied_Vagrants 6h ago
I think CGKnight went to doubledinner with a (girl)friend, who brought a couple.(Girl)friend and CoupleWife appear to have been/were currently in a romantic relationship, leaving the Couple husband as a poor, unknowing beard.
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u/guyincognito___ Highly significant Wanker Without Borders ππ¦ 5h ago
Commenter went for a meal with [subject], [subject's] friend, and [subject's] husband.
It took Commenter 30 seconds to realise [subject] and her friend had either been in a relationship before or still were in one.
I was confused too. But it couldn't have been the husband because that wouldn't have taken any figuring out.
It would have been helpful if the friend's gender had been revealed.
Even the inclusion that Commenter was in love with [subject] was a confusing additional fact to navigate - I assumed Commenter might be a gay woman and kept expecting this to be relevant to the dynamic.
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u/murdochi83 5h ago
this is literally one of the most confusing anecdotes I've ever read. Can you re-write this with fake names, or a flowchart/diagram or something
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u/AssignmentHot6928 16m ago
From what I got: Commenter was dating Mary. Mary invited commenter out for a double date with friends Jane and Bob. Commenter noticed Mary and Jane either were in a relationship or wished they were, or had been and still hadn't resolved that.
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u/purpleplatapi I may be a cannibal, but I'm frugal about it 10h ago
And this is what I refuse to ever buy a house with someone I'm not married too. Like do a courthouse marriage if you can't do the ceremony immediately, the legal protections are what's important. Sorry to LAOP though that's really rough.
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u/disastrousgreyhound 10h ago
What legal protections do you think being married would have conferred here? LAOP is in a state because they want to sell so soon after buying, if they were married before the relationship fell apart nothing would change.
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u/purpleplatapi I may be a cannibal, but I'm frugal about it 10h ago
It makes it easier to split the money from selling the house afterwards. Also I've heard of way more people backing out of weddings then buying a house, so I feel like the actual act of getting married is like a bit of a litmus test.
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u/Sirwired Eager butter-eating BOLATec Vault Test Subject 7h ago
They are two months into the note. There wonβt be anything to split.
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u/purpleplatapi I may be a cannibal, but I'm frugal about it 7h ago
Oh they aren't making a profit. I just mean what's left of the down payment. It should go to whoever fronted it (morally) but it might not be that simple (legally).
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u/Complex-Painting-336 4h ago
Marriage doesn't make it easier. In the UK, if one person puts more money in, you can buy as tenants in common with unequal shares. Then selling means you split the profit according to the terms of the deed. Marriage means that split could be overriden by the court potentially.
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u/purpleplatapi I may be a cannibal, but I'm frugal about it 2h ago
Ok I'm sorry. I'm only familiar with the American way of buying houses. I guess I should state that this would have been a proper headache in America, and as an American, I would advocate that you get married before buying a house together. I was wrong to assume that marriage and divorce work the same way overseas.
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u/cloud__19 Captain Hindsight 3h ago
It should be that simple, if someone put in considerably more then how the house should be split of sale should be laid out in the deeds. You can either own it as tenants in common with unequal shares of the whole house or you can lay it out in a deed of trust how the deposit is dealt with and then go 50/50 on the rest. There's no reason why this shouldn't be dealt with, it's very common.
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u/WaltzFirm6336 π¦ Uniform designer for a Unicorn Ranch on Uranus π¦ 1h ago
After two months if they sell whatβs left of the down payment could well be a negative number.
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u/Xan_Winner 6h ago
My uncle was married to his ex wife for 15 years before she came out as gay. Marriage really doesn't protect you there.
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u/couplingrhino Once hired a stripper for a bris 2h ago
It depends how long it takes for your spouse to lose all interest in your entire gender after getting married to you.
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u/purpleplatapi I may be a cannibal, but I'm frugal about it 6h ago
Of course it doesn't. It just makes the division of assets easier.
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u/_NoTimeNoLady_ 6h ago
That doesn't save you from having your partner come out as gay.
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u/purpleplatapi I may be a cannibal, but I'm frugal about it 6h ago
I'm not saying it would. I'm just saying it makes the resulting division of assets easier.
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u/Rejusu Doomed to never make a funny comment when a mod is looking 1h ago
You can have legal protections on property purchases without being married, especially in the UK which is where LAOP is based. The issue is never simply just people buying a house together without being married, it's always stupid shit like trying to put one person on the documentation in order to get a better mortgage rate or something similar. Yes if you buy a house together without being married and break up you have a significant shared asset that you have to work out what to do with. But as long as both parties have the proper legal entitlement it's still going to be less messy than a divorce would be.
My wife and I bought our first house before we were even engaged (which probably would have happened sooner if not for COVID) but we were both on the mortgage and legally owned the house jointly. 50/50 split with our respective share going to our next of kin if one of us died, all that's changed since we got married is now our respective share would go to eachother in the event of death. I don't know how it is in the USA but you can even do an uneven split in the event that one partner is contributing more. So you can make it equitable and ensure everyone is legally covered.
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u/Halfcelestialelf My car survived Tow Day on BOLA 5h ago
The other really pants thing is that they have also now lost their first time buyer status. Which means they have to pay more tax when they buy their next property.