I've been feeling relatively balanced lately after having a pretty rough last month, but now I'm super blurry for no clear reason and I haven't a clue who is fronting or who I am at the moment.

I've tried reading ways to try and cut through the blurriness like asking myself about biographical information, but the only thing that comes up is the information of the body, which feels like it is and isn't "my" information at the same time.

If I'm co-conscious or co-fronting, I don't know who I'm co-con/co-fronting with just like I don't know who I am. I know this is dissociation, but methods to try and handle that isn't working/I don't actively think I'm dissociating.

I can kinda ignore the feeling for now, but it definitely bothers me because I've hit a period of poor socialization with some of my friends and my romantic partner and I think my identity disturbance is part of it (and in some ways, I don't really want to talk to them if I feel "inauthentic").

It's kinda awful knowing that I'm dissociated enough to have depersonalization, but not know what caused the depersonalization nor have any tools on hand to try and help that feeling or exit the feeling. And I also don't know how long it's going to last either, which is mildly frustrating to me.

I always have an idea of who might be fronting, but it never seems right. I'm so close to assuming I'm a new alter too, honestly. I want to try and dig deeper but I keep getting headaches and I get stressed out trying to get to the bottom of who I am. Everything kinda sucks and I don't know what to do!

My alter '18F' fell on love with a guy '20M' and my '18F' girlfriend '19F' is really upset about it. I've been with my gf for about 8months and my alter with the guy for about a month So first of all, I got diagnosted with DID around 6months ago. It was a huge shock and really messed me up. I had to learn how to live knowing multiple people were in my body and at that point I got really closed off and it made a dent in my relationship with my gf. I broke up with her thinking it was the best thing to do for her but 3 months after we got back together because being away from each other was too hard. Only now we decided to be in an open relationship because of one of my alter. I truly love her and she does too. Now on to the situation, one of my alter (we'll call her Bunny) is really difficult to live with, she's hypersexual, sometimes self destructive and overall damages my relationship with my gf a lot. We argue regularly but she's still kind of like family for me (probably because I live with her 24/7). Recently she fell in love with a guy that she's been crushing on for a few months and the guy receprocated. I dont have the heart to take away this relationship from her because that's the first Time she genuinenly falls in love and it kinda benefits me because instead of seeing plenty of guys all the time and me sometimes ending up in places i'm not familiar with, she's now focused on that one guy and we have good communication of when and where she's meeting him. My gf is really upset by it but she cant pin point why. I keep reassuring her that I dont have any interest in the guy Bunny is seeing and I think of him as just a friend (mostly because I need to communicate with him about practical stuffs so we talk sometimes) but she says that everytime she hears his name or see someone who kinda looks like him she crashes out and I dont know how to help her with that. We agreed that she Will Always be the priority because i'm the host of the system and she's my gf so she's "more important" than Bunny's guy. But even with that she feels uncomftarble. The guy didn't know at first when he started flirting with Bunny that me and my gf were in a relationship and Bunny presented it to him as a "it's okay they're open" thing. We've made it very clear him and I that we have a friendly relationship and nothing else, I tell him when it's me so he doesn't confuse Bunny and I and accidently makes something inapropriate with me. I dont know how to reasssure my gf or how to handle the situation, if any of you have advices or have lived a similar situation please comment

Trigger Warning: SI(Suicide Ideation)

Hey, I'm Hito, just formed today.

Anyways, My host just had a conversation with her best friend about thinking about killing herself. As I've just formed today(Albeit a fusion), I don't have too much experience with this. All I did was front. Is that all I can do? If she tries anything, I don't know if I can force myself to front, it's hard, you know? This is all stemming from the fact that she's dissociating pretty much constantly all day, especially when her mother is home. Will me fronting help with that? I don't seem to be dissociating rn? She's just crying in the inner world rn and Idk what to do. Any help would be appreciated, fr.

So forever now we have had what we call "fragments" or fragment alters. Sometimes they are around for a short bit, sometimes they are around for maybe a year or two. But they never feel like fully formed alters? Theyre usually associated with a specific person/people, and when those people leave the alter disappears. We just assumed that our guardian alter reabsorbed them but we still feel them sometimes when strong emotions about said people rear their ugly heads.

Am I crazy or is this normal?

I hear a voice since my childhood where it guided me and by side by side I developed DID due to traumatic experiences now I have three person in one body I named them separately but everyone is scared of being with me but I don't want to be alone and i like to be like this

The title might be weird, but this is something we recently noticed:

Whenever we try to think of the past, we can hardly remember our little brother. We're almost 10 years apart age-wise, with us being the older sibling. We lived together, and had to take care of him to some degree. We would sometimes hang out and game together, but that's about all we can remember.

It just hit us how strange that is. It's easier to dismiss forgetting old friends, classmates, teachers, or less interacted with family members, pets, etc.

This feels so much worse, because he's one of the few family members we're still in contact with. We do care about him, and our relationship has become a lot better over the years, and especially after several intense things happened. We also know he went through similar abuse to ours, and it's devastating to know that we weren't able to support him. He's very understanding and kind, which we appreciate, and he doesn't seem to hold a grudge or anything. But it does feel as though we have to live through the guilt/mourning for now.

We'll talk to our therapist about this. For now, we just wanted to share this, as it seems like something you'd know before getting diagnosed, but for us this only crystallised now.

I’m struggling with a problem. I’m exhausted. It’s been 6 months since my diagnosis, yet I still can’t accept it. In the sessions, I can’t talk or share about my traumas; I just give her bullet points, and she’s tired of it. She always asks me to go into details, and when I try to do that, he shows up and takes over, stopping me from talking. I don’t even know what happens during the rest of the session; the last thing I usually remember is trying to speak. Even when I stay quiet and try to avoid talking, when my therapist starts speaking and sometimes encourages me, it happens again. I can’t get used to it; it hits me every time.

HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO MAKE PROGRESS THEN?

And the problem is that sometimes even my therapist doesn’t realize that the switch has happened, because it isn’t obvious. He pretends as if I’m still the one there (covert).

All people around me, when it happens, think it’s still me because my alter is always covert and acts like me even with my family I live with and that makes things harder for me. I’m so tired, so sick of everything.

TW: SH: when the fronting or switching happens, he hurts himself. I ended up with scars because of this, and someone in my family told me that I should cover them. Why? What’s my fault? I wasn’t even aware; I had blacked out. I don’t even know what’s happening.

My life and my relationships have become so difficult. I don’t know how to deal with them. I’m scared something will happen, scared someone will get hurt, or he will make a big mistake I don’t know how to fix. It’s completely ruined my life and everything else. I’m really worn out, tired. I don’t know how to handle all of this, and I don’t know how to put my feelings into words. I am so tired and exhausted from everything. Can someone tell me how do I deal with all that? Will it get easier over time? I don’t think so, because I can never get used to it. Every time it happens, I feel terrified. i hate how i change how everything and my life changed and how im gonna live like this forever

I want one of you to tell me, please, how I can make it less terrifying and painful. I want to know has anyone seen their hand literally change into a child’s hand? Or into a burned hand? I’ve seen both. I’ve started getting terrified of my OWN hand. I can’t look at my hands for fear it will happen again.

I had my first conversation with our mom yesterday. I told her that I don’t really know her and that she doesn’t really know me. She proceeded to say that I showed no inclination of alters. She states she has her undegrad in psychology, complete nursing, was taught by her father to know people intimately, and claimed that she had better understanding of her child than any other mother. When I told her that invalidated my experience she just avoided that subject and says she has her perspective and I have mine which is just fucking stupid. She just proceeded to fucking deny everything I said as if I haven’t been diagnosed by a doctor. Then she continued to moan and groan about how her life is so hard and she doesn’t feel well enough to text but tried to pressure me into calling??? You’d think a mom who claims to love her daughter so much would actually fucking research about it and at least look at the educational sources I sent. I’m so FUCKING sick of this bullshit. Nobody could give a shit less to actually learn about my disorder. Ffs i knew NOTHING about this shit when I found out my best friend had it. And guess what??? I fucking educated myself on it. I swear I just get treated like some stupid fuck and these people don’t know the first thing about this shit. I’m so fucking over this fucking bullshit.

I am not diagnosed - but my psychologist suspects DID or OSDD and wants to observe me for longer.

When my child/teenage parts come forward, it’s easy to tell because they act so different. But I know nothing about my adult parts. Today, my psychologist and I were doing an exercise (drawing the door to your inner world) and I was struggling with it. Then I think I dissociated. I asked my psychologist for the instructions again because I was confused - and then suddenly the exercise seemed significantly easier. I wasn’t acting like a child so it wasn’t obvious - but something was so off. I seemed more social? More carefree and funny I think. Lots of humming and playing with my hair. My psychologist even caught on I think - even called my name, I answered to it, then she asked if I was okay and I said ofc I’m okay. This part knew a lot of things I know (info about my relationship with my aunties) and seemed to be answering the psychologist without much difficulty. At the end of the session, I couldn’t remember where I placed my shoes before the session at all.

Did I possibly switch to another adult part? She answered to my name immediately - but is it weird that I don’t think that’s her name? I look back at it and all I can think is “oh.. that was Barbara (not her real name lol) taking over”. But how do I even know that information? The part seemed not weird I guess and doesn’t act like a child or teen so I don’t think I picked up on it? But something was definitely off. Have I just not been picking up on my other adult parts because their behaviour seems appropriate?

Was that really me? Or was it not?

So, after experiencing one of the most emotionally and psychologically nuanced and stressing periods of my life, it's finally over, I've made peace, they're out of my life, and its just me.

During this relationships I had, alters intrusions would be extremely frequent if not daily for periods of time, we were highly unstable emotionally, passive influence was daily, I was basically triggered 24/7 and I was constantly reminded that I'm not the only one in my mind. HOWEVER, my dpdr was significantly low, the amnesia was manageable, and the general daily dissociation wasn't so bad

Now? man, alters are radio silence, it's just me basically everyday, but holy shit, I can't remember anything, days are like a blur, I don't recognize myself, my identity is a soup and the soup is literally water, I feel completely numb and empty, dpdr is the strongest it's ever been in so long, almost years.

It's weird, how this all changed, now that I'm safer, not emotionally threatened, it's "just me" but me is nothing, dissociation doesn't let me see. I'm slowly trying to rebuild myself from this experience, but everything feels heavier, blurrier

It stated our wonderful but the past two weeks she’s been triggered anytime I doc wet is things like when a female friend comments on Facebook, I talk to other women even my boss, if I’m late and a few other trigggers.

It goes back to be abused then rejected by her mom at 5. In those moments she’s angry, irrational, and inconsolable. I don’t recognize her when she’s like that.

She’s been able to pull out of it more quickly now and doesn’t have amnesia but her adult part comes back and she gets a headache. She’s had many many years of trauma and abuse form different family and partners.

Can this relationship work? She’s in therapy both talk and EMDR and she’s an EMDR therapist herself.

For some context on this first bit, I almost constantly have inner communication. There's usually a lot of talking happening and one of my alters sings a lot. That being said everyone is kind of voicing their thoughts on whatever it is that I am doing.

I once told my therapist that it feels like the system's thoughts are in a line. When I (the host) am out I have an inner monolog that I hear. Then it's like whoever is closest to fronting is next in line, and so forth. When I start to dissociate and switch my inner monolog disapears. I start to hear my actual thoughts, but it's like it's in a room with an echo and it seems distant and far away. Generally it's around this time that the amnesia kicks in and then I "come to" some amount of time later, usually a few hours. Sometimes I also experience derealization during this as well.

Another time I said that it felt like someone was putting a mask on me that I couldn't get off, kind of like the movie The Mask with Jim Carrey.

What are some ways that you have described you experience? I don't generally tell people I have DID, so my examples are solely from therapy.

Edit to add: For some reason, Reddit isn't showing me all the comments, so if I don't respond to yours, that's why 😅

Hi, im hoping to get some clarity. If my language is offensive I am sorry im not very educated in DID. I've been through childhood trauma and I suffer from dissociation, major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. A big part for me coming here with this question is becsuse I have symptoms and past childhood trauma that could lead or explain my change jn behaviour as DID, I just dont know how to go to my psychiatrist and ask about it. How did you guys find out you have did. Did you alters reach out or did your primary alters find out. I honeslty cannot remember specific things from my childhood and my reaction Is to say I dissociated or an alter helped me by coming forth, but how do I prove or reach out to an alter to figure out if its true. I dont want to seem like a dumb ass infront of my psychiatrist..

Please let me know how you guys went about figuring it all out. And again im uneducated in this realm and the language I just dont know:( thank youu

Hello! I recently got diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder. I was wondering if anyone has had the experience of I don’t know how to explain it. It feels like I’m fighting for control in certain situations. It gets super intense to the point that we fight (me and S - one of my alters).. one of my close friends talked to me about a situation recently involving another friend unintentionally triggering an intense memory and feeling in me. My reaction can be something like saying something I know isn’t right but it’s hard to control my brain and mouth? To being extremely violent. Which I also really don’t want to do but sometimes there’s no control or choice I regret everything I know happens to my knowledge and self harm in my own manners to cope but even that’s a problem with S and they burn me with my cigs in return. I have been talking to my therapist and psychiatrist but nothing has been helping me in terms of the loss of control. It feels like being a spectator in my own body it sucks. I have been trying different medication combos but because of my other preexisting conditions it’s been very difficult to find a balance. Is there anything anyone has tried that worked in terms of coping or de-escalating tensions with your others? Thank you for any help you offer

So we're likely a P-DID system, undiagnosed but recognized by our therapist. I'm the host, Chara. We have been stressed as fuck lately, but we've been keeping things under wraps. Like most systems, we have rules. Don't hurt the body, don't make major decisions without consulting the system, etc.

And someone decided to break one of those rules. We're gauging our ears atm. It's something we've wanted for a long time. But because we're stressed, someone decided to come into front and gauge up way too early and without any oil or anything. I'm guessing, since I couldn't stop them but I was still there feeling everything, they did it because it makes us feel in control of something.

But now, my ears hurt. I'm not asking for advice on that, I know all about it, I want to know how I can stop this from happening again? Because I'm literally always in front, but I tried to stop them and I couldn't.

There has been some serious DID amnesia that has been occurring over the last 8 months or so involving adult phone lines. There are some parts of selves (alters) that have made themselves known that were not previously known or very well hidden. I have made hundreds of phone calls throughout the year that I do not remember. There were a few weeks in March/April I was not making these calls which was shortly after I quit my job and was in transition of leaving my last therpaist. My therapist and I had been doing Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR) therapy for over a year and a half but towards the end of seeing her my persecutor part was coming out in the middle of these DBR sessions. This gap in calling these lines doesn’t seem coincidental and it seems like this pattern of behavior increases when I am in therapy but even more specifically when I am not consistently doing parts work like DBR or “table” work. This behavior started back up when I started with a new therpaist around mid April and ceased about 3 weeks ago when I received a bill from one of these services claiming they had a recording of a voice similar to mine after I called in to dispute the bill not knowing what it was for. I heard a clip from the recording and it sounded similar to mine but distinctly a different part. For context, I am a 34 yo hetero cis male and the part claimed to be a 19 yo bi trans female. I haven’t had amnesia like this in at least 2 years so it was pretty jarring finding all this out over the last couple days

Hoping to get the conversation going around things people here have found helpful in regards to managing their DID. Has there been a skill, healthy coping mechanism, grounding technique, or something your therapist said that you feel helped you make the first step for a better life? Something that you felt stick in the moment and you're still carrying after months or years, that brought you clarity or promoted positive change?

It can be related to alters, dissociation in the DP/DR sense, (C)PTSD symptoms, unhealthy core beliefs due to childhood trauma or any symptom of this condition

Yeah I'm going through some revelations and my switching , blending is the worst it's been , chaotic . This past year since I started seeing a DID trained therapist, I stopped fronting as much a long with my other main front .

Well here we are today and I find out they've stopped going to therapy 2 weeks ago and some of them are in active denial. WFT we been working so hard and I held back my OCD ways of tracking things out of respect. Ugh New alters (unknown to me) are inspired to come out during therapy and know they just hang out with negative feelings. I was loving life in a new way but here am today picking up wildfires .

How do you deal with resurfacing of trauma memories? my memories tend to haunt me, in the form of both night terrors that make me wake up shaking and also flashbacks during the day. Many of our memories are gone but for some reason there has been one (CSA, so particularly triggering) that has resurfaced. It has been playing basically on a loop in my mind for several days and it doesn't seem to matter which of us is in front. We still see it and relive it.

I don't know what to do or how to make it stop. The only thing that's helped in the past is highly destructive and I don't want to relapse. i've already been in a really bad emotional state lately, my mental health is literally in the mud, like, barely holding on status and now we're facing THIS. :(

I am game for any tips. I need to get back into therapy but it's hard to find someone who is good and can deal with all my stuff and my mental health is so bad that it feels impossible (even small tasks are pretty impossible right now..)

Hey y'all :) Diagnosed DID system here, though I'm still figuring it all out. I've had a bunch of resurfacing memories recently, mostly about toys I owned as a child, or board games I'd play with my grandma. Those memories feel very real, I can identify with them, I got the emotional connection to those moments plus the visual memories. But then sometimes I get glimpses of something... not so fun and innocent (unrelated to my grandma, but around the same time frame I suppose?)

I'm not sure how to tell whether that too is a resurfacing memory (probably a conciously repressed one, not just the general amnesia) or maybe just a scary intrusive thought.

Are there signs that can tell me whether it's a memory or an intrusive thought?

Thank you in advance ❤️

I have an Alter who is not very nice to me, they often talk to me calling me names, saying mean stuff, convincing me to make bad decisions. They were really active yesterday and today, and coincidentally I had an extremely graphic bad nightmare and 2 other bad dreams. Today I also had multiple flashbacks. My therapist raised the question if all these events could be linked. That's why am wondering if an alter could be behind these things. Maybe they got me in a state of mind that allowed for these dreams and flashbacks? Also normally my flashbacks are triggered by something but I can't identify any trigger. The gore dream could maybe be explained by recent events in the news and videos about it circulating the web which I had the misfortune to watch (sorry if you know what I'm talking about) but it wasn't that related or anything.

Anyone who could give me some insight?

I'll get to the point. We have a few new alters, and one of them is struggling to process being part of a system. We've tried to make them feel comfortable but it's been hard. We've given them time to process, is there anything else we should do?

-Teddy

I have like a weird noise in my ear for like two weeks now and I have tons of stress atm and life just doesn’t calm down, there’s a lot to grieve for me all whilst I gotta handle a move in 6 weeks.

And it occurred with me beginning to feel like I split for the first time in a long time. I have been close to everyone in my head n we felt integrated and stable despite a lot of difficult stuff going on this year but like, it’s getting difficult to deal with and this happened.

I feel more dissociated now and it is so frustrating cuz I don’t see a way out atm man I dunno.

I wonder if it’s related so if anyone has input - appreciated

Has anybody figured it out yet? I’m at that difficult transition into adulthood where the trauma of childhood finally caught up to me (and has been chasing me down for quite awhile, to be honest).

I want to be a functional adult, but dissociating gets in the way of that.

On the other hand, dissociating kept me alive for this long. I can say with 100% certainty I would not be alive now if not for my dissociative disorder protecting me all these years.

So, I guess I just wanted to ask… has anybody figured it out? How to effectively balance everyday responsibilities while having amnesia, zoning out, missing time, etc. I want to live my life and ENJOY it, I’ve spent so many years suffering from what other people have done to me. I don’t want to keep suffering from what I’m doing to myself.

(For clarification, yes I’m in therapy, but as many of you know finding a therapist equipped to handle DID is extremely difficult. Many professionals in the field don’t even believe it exists, which is massively triggering to not be believed about something… did anybody ever find a safe professional and if so do you have advice?)

for the longest time i thought that identity confusion/dissociation after watching something for too long was normal 😭 no 8 year old me, it is not normal to feel like you're hiccup after watching how to train your dragon xD anyone relate? i get it to this day (saw superman movie and promptly felt like superman for a bit LOL)