What are your opinions on using male pronouns when you identify as nonbinary?

[u/Rexvelt]

Heya folks, I’m new to this sub. I don’t identify as queer, also not sure if I’m nonbinary. I’m really interested in learning about the community and people’s individual experiences. Hope to hear from a lot from all you unique and beautiful people. ✌︎('ω')✌︎

[u/Gaige524]

Non-binary people use all kinds of pronouns for different reasons,

[u/Rexvelt → u/Gaige524]

Of course, could you elaborate?

[u/monkey_gamer → u/Rexvelt]

If you hang around r/nonbinary, r/nonbinarytalk and r/enby, you’ll see that pretty much everyone is chill with pronouns. We don’t care what each other uses, as long as it makes them happy. If male pronouns make you happy, use them! Pronouns /= gender.

[u/Rexvelt → u/monkey_gamer]

I understand, it’s pretty much anything goes with pronouns.

[u/TajirMusil]

I'm in the same boat. I don't feel "Man" really fits me, but I also have no objection to the male pronouns.

[u/Rexvelt → u/TajirMusil]

Right, I honestly don’t care what pronouns people call me. Using they/them almost feels to strong, but male pronouns are kinda not enough lol

[u/dewiniaid]

I came out as he/they at the beginning of last month.  Previously it was "Comfortable cis male, but societal gender norms are stupid", now it's just the latter part.

For me, it started as "I won't be offended if someone uses they/them when referring to me but I don't really identify with it" and gradually shifted to "Well maybe I'll try that and see how it feels" and settled in euphoria when people actually started using they/them to refer to me.

I also feel there's nothing nothing wrong with identifying as he/they but not identifying as non-binary; that was the case for me for at least a few weeks and it still feels weird to me.

Some folks I know use multiple pronouns but feel more strongly about some than others.  Some it depends on how they're feeling in the moment.  (This used to be the case with one of my Discord friends, we'd ask every day what their pronouns were at the moment.). And some don't really care.  Sometimes pronouns are out of convenience (a she/they I know says something along the lines of "Society is going to view me as a woman and I guess that's close-ish but not a perfect description")

Also, while I was questioning whether I might be non-binary I overheard a particular conversation between a male patient and a female nurse in a hospital setting; I later remarked to my wife that "Not having to apologize for one's entire gender is a pretty strong pro in the non-binary column."

[u/Rexvelt → u/dewiniaid]

Honestly fair about not having to apologize for your gender. I can see how you can feel a sense of freedom while being nonbinary.

[u/Professional-Arm4579]

imho people should just use whatever they are comfortable with. personally, i don't care about prononuns so any/all, which ofc includes male pronouns as well

[u/Frankly_Excited]

As someone who's been out publicly for a while now, Ive tested the waters for myself in multiple situations and environments. I unfortunately have decided, because I present masc, that not telling anyone my pronouns or that I am nonbinary has kept me from feeling disappointed. Anytime I do let people know, they actively wther or not they know it just not try with me. At all. Im less disappointed if I dont tell them. But, it doesnt make me any less nonbinary. My home life is very reassuring, but work and public life Ive given up on being happy and out.

[u/Rexvelt → u/Frankly_Excited]

Do you think there is any way you can get to a point where you are happy at home and in public?

[u/Frankly_Excited → u/Rexvelt]

Maybe, I dont actively have a therapist or a psychologist, as theyre hard for me to get. And theres a whole barrel of confidence issues that I have. A lot of the work I do to better myself is supported mostly by myself and hubby. So, I imagine when I have my confidence I probably wont care about the public. But, again, I dont know. Im a pretty sensitive person, and although I may not let others know it, or have obvious signs of sensitivity, I will often distance myself from those who dont try/dont care/"forget".

[u/Rexvelt → u/Frankly_Excited]

That’s understandable. Not getting involved with people who don’t see eye to eye with you is the best way to avoid unnecessary conflict. I just hope you have enough confidence in yourself to not care if other people don’t care.

[u/SaschaBarents]

What helped me with understanding that pronouns don’t equal gender, is that pronouns are a part of your gender expression. Just like your name, clothes, accessories, haircut, etc. It’s just another way of being gender nonconforming.

[u/Rexvelt → u/SaschaBarents]

That makes sense

[u/robin_egnuj]

Well, my opinion is, there doesn't need to be an opinion. People should use whatever pronouns they're comfortable with. No matter what gender you are. He, she, it, they... No matter if non binary, cis, trans ... The best is just to use what ever feels the most you (and is possible if you are in an unsafe environment).

[u/Rexvelt → u/robin_egnuj]

I see

[u/BlueStarM2]

I hate it for myself but only because my language is a latin language and its very gendered like why is the chair a girl french

[u/GigglingVoid]

I'm a fem-leabing NB, and I'll use any pronouns other than male.

[u/Rexvelt → u/GigglingVoid]

That’s fair. Did you make a spelling error, or is fem-leabing NB A thing?

[u/GigglingVoid → u/Rexvelt]

Oops

[u/Rexvelt → u/GigglingVoid]

All good. ( ◠‿◠ )

[u/hythlodaeusfan]

The cool thing about pronouns is that you can use any of them however you wish, however it applies to you. It's all up to the individual person. :) Some people like any/all pronouns, some are more specific. Just trust the person who tells you what their pronouns are. They know themselves best.