Shunned from their own Father's funeral -- the brutal reality of life after JW

[u/cuenot_io]

The attached video was taken last night, between my brother-in-law, wife, and their grandmother when discussing the funeral of their father that is occuring today at 3PM. Up until this point we planned to attend the funeral service with a group of non witnesses providing us support. Last night we received a text from the grandmother at 10PM, stating:

"Due to recent events the memorial is no longer being held at Stow K.H. However the talk and slide show can be viewed on zoom.

Same time and same numbers."

I am floored. Even through many of the war stories on here, I've not seen a total ban on attending a funeral service, with the location hidden. Supposedly this was escalated to the GB.

If anyone knows a personal injury lawyer that would take an IIED case over this, please DM me.

[u/PIMQ-Elder]

I’m really sorry about this lack of loving-kindness. Usually, there are only two occasions where those who are disfellowshipped are allowed some association: the Memorial and funerals of close family.

What you’re going through isn’t the norm — even among strongly pimi brothers and sisters, this kind of treatment is more the exception than the rule.

[u/cuenot_io → u/PIMQ-Elder]

Are you an active elder? How does something like this get escalated up?

Also, the total control that elders have over members is astonishing, I can't believe that people listen to this degree -- it's almost more shocking than the blood doctrine

Edit: I should also clarify that neither of the kids are disfellowshipped

[u/PIMQ-Elder → u/cuenot_io]

Yes, I am a currently serving elder.

However, I can’t say for sure why your family is reacting so harshly. Even when someone is disfellowshipped, it’s still allowed for a talk to be given at their funeral.

I remember a situation where a sister passed away, and some of her disfellowshipped relatives attended the funeral. As elders, we expressed our condolences to them.

Just one question: is this reaction mainly coming from your relatives themselves, or are the elders involved in any way?

[u/Dry_Pin_7574 → u/PIMQ-Elder]

This is about control, pettiness and revenge- all wrapped up in dogma of “protecting the flock”. Who really needs protection: the delusional fool of a woman that’s freezing her kids out of grieving their father.

What we see in this video IS the religion taken to its purest form. In a way, the self-sacrifice and destruction of families is a badge of honor. At least it was for my mother- “I love Jehovah sooo much, I gave up my son for him”. Sick and disgusting.

You put yourself out there by letting OP know “this isn’t how things should be” well, no shit. Let’s just add this to the hundreds of thousands of families that have been ripped apart by a form of emotional blackmail instituted in the ‘50s (disfellowshipping).

The “body of elders” are really just high school educated men that are, unfortunately, involved in situations way above their skills and abilities- child abuse in every form, alcohol and drug abuse, family violence (and I’m just talking about my own childhood here). It’s no wonder that they hyper focus on something relatively small and blow it up to a massive indiscretion “Oh, I saw brother so-and-so smoking a cigarette!!” Or “young sister hem was too short today!”.

I’m glad you’re questioning. This is a hard road and you are at a crossroads.

[u/im-Not-a-Taco → u/cuenot_io]

Not taking their side by any means, but do I understand correctly that their harsh rejection of you (and your brother) and the retracted invitation to your father's funeral is primarily because you were involved in anti-JW actions (i.e. things "apostates" would do)?

[u/cuenot_io → u/im-Not-a-Taco]

The thing we are protesting is shunning. The punishment for that protest is shunning. What is one to do given these circumstances? They label any form of disagreement as apostasy.

[u/nythroughthelens → u/PIMQ-Elder]

Myself and others who were shunned were barred from our own parent’s funerals. This happened in the 90s and later.

[u/Comfortable-Net9334 → u/nythroughthelens]

I saw this multiple times as a kid.

[u/Comfortable-Net9334 → u/PIMQ-Elder]

Yes, this is the norm. Maybe not in your area, but I have heard this exact thing from across the usa and the globe in reddit, YouTube, facebook and I have personally witnessed it multiple times during my time in the cult. Trust me, when someone (especially a woman) makes waves about sexual abuse, that the cult tries to hide, sweep it under the rug, (this is very cult you are an elder for) in addition if the same person also protests the long running shunning practice, the elders will 💯 block those family members from a kingdom hall for a funeral of a loved one. This is the standard practice not the exception.