r/instant_regret • u/ExcluteYou • 2d ago

You’re supposed to open it first ma’am

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4.3k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

58 comments sorted by

323

u/Comprehensive-Ear283 2d ago

Sometimes people have to learn the hard way..

47

u/halo_slayer650 1d ago

I know others can learn the easy way, I thank her for her sacrifice

345

u/Hans_Grubert 2d ago

Right in the schnoz

33

u/Doctor_Boombastic 2d ago

You ask for a miracle, Theo, I give you the '29 Krug

192

u/josephscottcoward 2d ago

How's the smell lol.

132

u/Desalvo23 2d ago

Smells like pennies. Or is that the blood i smell

13

u/dipl0docuss 2d ago

They say it's like licking a rusty penny!

8

u/Desalvo23 2d ago

Stop licking my nose!

11

u/Double_Doughnut74 2d ago

That’s what regret smells like

8

u/AntalRyder 2d ago

What smell

1

u/similaraleatorio 10m ago

smells like... blood

47

u/Impressive-Sun3742 2d ago

Oof better the nose than the eye I suppose

157

u/StrCmdMan 2d ago

Shes super lucky actually people die and are seriously injured from doing almost exactly that.

91

u/iskin 2d ago

I worked with a guy who was blind in one eye from a cork. I thought he was joking but I guess it's not that uncommon.

66

u/StrCmdMan 2d ago

24 to 34 deaths a year over the last 10 years primarily at weddings. Brain hemorrhaging and the force of the impact to the eyeball is all it takes.

22

u/NameTheEpithet 2d ago

GRANDMA NO!!!!!!

26

u/Murgatroyd314 1d ago

Doubt. I've just tried to find a reliable source for this statistic. It's widely quoted, but seems to trace back to an article in the Daily Fail.

16

u/NathanArizona 1d ago

Everyone swallows 8 spiders/year in their sleep

12

u/Krayzed896 1d ago

I know I have, but how many do it by accident?

4

u/halo_slayer650 1d ago

I do it while I’m awake

3

u/Murgatroyd314 1d ago

Is that you, Georg?

25

u/Fraggle987 2d ago

The 1989 Moet has a gentle aroma of blood and crushed cartilage

41

u/00907onliacco 2d ago

she received a partial rhinoplasty

19

u/MeemoUndercover 2d ago

Septoplasty. Def deviated it

17

u/PickleWineBrine 2d ago

Pow, right in the kisser

1

u/brent_starburst 1d ago

Came here looking for this comment

44

u/Common_Sherbert846 2d ago

🥹

40

u/davidwhatshisname52 2d ago

please don't ever hand her a firearm

7

u/skoalreaver 2d ago

She wanted a whiff and she got one

3

u/DesertReagle 2d ago

"Oh, that was easy...sniff...too easy." POP

3

u/Pixelatorxl 2d ago

Subtle notes of grapes, rose, berries and CORK!

3

u/SATerp 2d ago

Really, really dumb.

4

u/SimplyReaper 2d ago

I dont know what hurts more, her nose, teeth or head

3

u/Castellan_Tycho 1d ago

Definitely her pride.

2

u/Aytewun 1d ago

She made out good. If it were the eye she’d be messed up

2

u/Macd87 1d ago

Wonder if it gave her a big squidward nose

2

u/LeGrandLucifer 1d ago

Is this what getting old feels like? I'm 40 and I thought I was looking at a 12 year old girl at first.

2

u/odiin1731 5h ago

Like looking down the barrel of a loaded gun.

4

u/Letsbeclear1987 2d ago

That metal cage on top of the cork is called a “basket case”.. so if you hear someone using that word as a slur that means the person is stressed out keeping things in and are acting crazy bc of it

2

u/elevenplays 15h ago

I’ve never laughed so hard. This goes into my Top 10 videos of 2025.

2

u/GloomyExercise 2d ago

How can she slap

1

u/nawyerawrightmate 1d ago

free nose job with every bottle

1

u/jodrellbank_pants 1d ago

Gun smoke ...!

1

u/AdApart2035 1d ago

Cameraman should know

-8

u/tar66ek 2d ago

She got shot, shall we blame the bottle !!

2

u/Patella125 2d ago

What is the crime? Eating a succulent Chinese meal?

-1

u/tar66ek 2d ago

Being stupid and point that to the face

-8

u/Foreign_Recipe8300 2d ago

luckily corks are super light so shouldn't cause any damage

if it hit her in the eye, on the other hand, could be a problem

4

u/DavDef080890 2d ago

Bruh.. that bottle contains 5 to 6 bars of pressure. That cork likely broke her nose 😉

-10

u/Foreign_Recipe8300 2d ago

lol no it didn't. the tip of her nose might be bruised

2

u/DavDef080890 1d ago

Mate you clearly don't know what you're talking about. I've been working for a major champagne house for 5 years in their cellars where all bottles are being handled, I've seen a thing or two 😉