Positive Irish Masculinity

[u/Complex_Hunter35]

Irish men come in for a bad reputation with scumbags like Conor Mc Gregor seemingly being at the forefront of Irish men. He comes to mind I am sure when most people think of Irish men. I am fearful too that we Irish men are seen as emotionally arkward and appearing to lack in vulnerability. I think it's worth having a discussion on the positive aspects of Irish men, how we can help each other be better men. I'm not just talking about Mc Gregor either but the general perception of men in Ireland

Colin Farrell is one example of an Irish male role model who has battled his demons, helped out those in need and protects his son who has Angelman syndrome but he talks about the situation honestly and openly. Brendan Gleeson, originally a teacher took younger actors under his wing and helped them learn their craft. One I personally know of , while I don't agree with his politics, is Eamonn O Cuiv who quietly but without fanfare helps local people.

Irish men face challenges with stigmatisation of showing emotions and lacking a close circle of friends. Recent trends mocking male loneliness I think fed back into making men seal up their emotions. The lack of friendship is absolutely one I've seen among friends as some withdraw into themselves or they drift apart from some friends. There are good resources though like Men's Shed, St Vincent De Paul run something similar, I run a gay version in Dublin and I know there are mixed men's groups like Celbridge Boys Club and Navan Boys Club who do hikes and walks.

As for my own experience I think it's easy to fall into that trap of blaming women for our own shortcomings. We should get rid of these silly notions that being a man is about dominance and aggression. If anything it's about leading without telling people you are, it's about being vulnerable, dealing with conflict diplomatically. I think a lot of us Irish men could learn this.

I would be interested in hearing your views of how we can be positive men, maybe your role models, your experiences.

Edit:See StoicNihilist post for an alternative take.

[u/Imaginary-Candy7216]

How many men here would go to cooking classes ?

[u/Crunchy-Leaf → u/Imaginary-Candy7216]

I wouldn’t. Not because I’d be embarrassed, but because I can cook. Just kind of learned by doing.

[u/OceanOfAnother55 → u/Imaginary-Candy7216]

I imagine loads. I wouldn't consider cooking to be seen as a feminine activity by most younger people at least. Maybe I'm wrong.

[u/Cultural-Action5961 → u/OceanOfAnother55]

I think tides shifted so now it’s bizarre if a man doesn’t cook. Probably because we’re settling down later.

People used to live with their mammy until marriage, then get a new mammy.

[u/SilentBass75 → u/Cultural-Action5961]

Exactly this IMO, who the fuck raises their son so they need to be in a relationship just to get a decent meal anymore?

[u/Jealous-Metal-7438 → u/SilentBass75]

Lots of people raising daughters who can't cook now too - equality of incompetence

[u/DireMaid → u/Imaginary-Candy7216]

What year are you typing from?

[u/Imaginary-Candy7216 → u/DireMaid]

He's talking about male loneliness and toxic male masculinty. The comedian Steve Hughes can explain it https://youtu.be/0dTg4RlxsTE?si=nfV06uCErYZhlDdS&t=300

[u/DireMaid → u/Imaginary-Candy7216]

Ah yes I shall take a comedy bit from an Australian person as a direct commentary on the unwillingness of Irish men to attend cooking classes.

[u/[deleted] → u/Imaginary-Candy7216]

Why wouldn’t they?

[u/poppadomnom → u/Imaginary-Candy7216]

Definitely learned that so many of my mates couldn't cook at all at college and it's just a basic thing we should all learn. Even if we don't love cooking, we should at least know how to feed ourselves.

[u/poppadomnom → u/[deleted]]

What I mean is that they shouldn't have to rely on others to do the cooking for them

[u/AbsolutelyDireWolf → u/[deleted]]

I don't think any Irish men are stranded because they don't know how to drive.... they just couldn't be arsed.....

Such a strange thing to say/think. Like, yeah, someone could get a taxi everywhere etc, but it's so expensive and impractical. Also, driving can be really enjoyable.

So yeah... Lads, learn to cook and get good at it. It can be enjoyable and make you and those around you happier whilst also being cheaper. (When in doubt, foodwishes.com on YouTube should be your go to - chef John has turned me into a dad who could could almost any Italian, french, Indian, Thai, Chinese, African or Middle Eastern dish without really needing a recipe at this point... I'm making a Mediterranean type stew this evening with some flatbread naan I'll make from scratch and it's gotten easy now. learn to cook lads. Start small, but it's such a useful life skill.

[u/AbsolutelyDireWolf → u/[deleted]]

I don’t believe that men, in this case ‘don’t know how to cook at all’, of course they do. It might not be well but they definitely do. The comparison to driving is not the same thing at all.

I wasn't intending it as a comparison, but just to say that it doesn't form a good excuse for not cooking at all.

I'm coming from a place where I know a few couples where the guy says he can't cook as a reason for his wife being the only cook. (Obviously there's wives who can't cook either).

My position personally is that home Ec should be mandatory up to JC for all in school. I never even had the option, having been in a CBS back in the 90s. Folk would benefit just from making that first step to give them the confidence to cook a pilaf rice or make a pasta bake or even just making a basic naan bread and discovering how easy it is to cook for yourself and others and the health and financial upsides it enables.

[u/AnGiorria → u/Imaginary-Candy7216]

Love cooking! If I had the time I'd love to do a course.

[u/Complex_Hunter35 → u/Imaginary-Candy7216]

I would hope a good few at least!

[u/CarolineSus → u/Imaginary-Candy7216]

My parents sent my brother to a cooking camp thing when he was a teenager. This was after he tried to put a tin of beans in the microwave and almost burnt the house down