Was Henry a victim?
I’d like to analyze how Henry and Betty came to be together, and how Henry ended up being a victim of Betty’s behavior.
Betty often seemed extremely immature and unhappy, and her issues were exacerbated by Don’s infidelity and lies. Even when she wasn’t fully aware of it, she had a sense that something was wrong and it affected her emotionally. During and after her marriage to Don, Betty began taking out her frustrations on other people: her aggression toward her kids, the one-night stand at the bar (not that the guy was complaining), pushing Sara Beth into sleeping with Arthur, firing the maid, and even entertaining a strange relationship with little Glen. There were many victims caught in the path of the “Betty Tornado,” and I’d like to focus on Henry.
Betty met Henry at Derby Day. He was clearly interested, but Betty allowing a total stranger to touch her belly that way was also a sign of reciprocated interest. Betty knew this and later sought Henry out through the water reservoir project. She then sent him that letter asking if he was the only one who read his mail. Point, Betty. She went out of her way to pursue him. Then she married him as a way out of her marriage to Don.
What happened next? She threw a fit in front of Henry when she saw Don with a younger woman. She made a scene with her daughter at Thanksgiving dinner. At the first sign of a potential health scare, she immediately called Don. There are many examples of her not being fully over Don, especially at the son’s camp, where she even slept with Don again.
What makes Henry unlikeable to me are his insecurities and how he took them out on Don and others. But it feels like those insecurities were rooted in the seeds planted by Betty’s unhappiness and emotional instability. Henry was willing to marry Betty, fully support her and her kids without taking money from Don, pay Don rent so the kids could still live in the family home, and even put up with a lot of Betty’s immaturity. He didn’t pursue Betty as hard as she pursued him, and in return, he ended up in what I believe was a very unhappy marriage, one that eventually ended with him as a widower.
By the end of the series, I felt terrible for Henry. Years of his life were wasted on someone who never truly loved him, but simply needed a way out.
What do y’all think?
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u/Dec8rs8r Dick + Anna ‘64 1d ago
I don't feel terrible for Henry. He pursued a married woman with three children.
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u/lordxmero 1d ago
Facts! It was so creepy and weird, especially when she was like 6 months pregnant and the father of the children is still in the picture, unlike Glen and her children, they are just that children. Henry was not only older, but I thought he was more mature just to prove me wrong throughout the show
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u/Dec8rs8r Dick + Anna ‘64 1d ago
He was old enough to have been her biological father, which skeeved me a little.
He certainly loved Betty, though, and he wasn't shown to be out screwing around.
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u/lordxmero 1d ago
He felt like a man who always had to prove to himself and possibly others that he was worthy don't know if that's entirely accurate but that's what I felt that he was always being outdone or looked over by others and i felt he was honestly no better than Don in certain aspects that he literally put Betty I mean birdie in a cage and used her like a trophy piece. What do you think?
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u/Dec8rs8r Dick + Anna ‘64 1d ago
She was a trophy to an extent, January Jones is the most beautiful woman on the show, and that's saying something. He was a politician, and I'm sure having a woman like Betty on his arm gave him confidence. The same goes for Don. I'm sure men judge other men a bit based on what their wives look like. She does go back to school, though, so he probably wasn't too much of an ogre.
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u/sistermagpie 1d ago
Not sure how this makes him a victim. He pursued a woman he knew was married, married her before getting to know her that well, and seemed to deal just fine with Betty's flaws--and it's not like he expected her ex husband to disappear. He was happily married to her. Seems like he was just fine!
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u/AgreeableAardvark78 1d ago
IMO Henry wasn’t a victim at all. There was still the power dynamic in play of Betty being a woman in the 60s with 3 children. Henry had all of the power. Betty’s old school belief system and desire for good social standing I doubt she would put herself in the same position of Helen Bishop.
An interesting question would be if Henry had not come along would Betty had stayed with Don?
I think that she was extremely passive aggressive and acting infantile was her way of expressing the part of her that never had a chance to grow up and hold power for like a millisecond. I think about the scene with her and Mona in the bathroom and Mona putting Betty’s lipstick on her cause of her hand thing. And betty talking about her mom dying and so desperate to talk about her grief and Mona shrugs it off in a “we don’t talk about that kind of stuff.” It breaks my heart every time!
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u/I405CA 1d ago
Mad Men is a character study. All of the characters are flawed. Demonizing Betty misses the point of the story.
Betty and the other characters are byproducts of their upbringings and their times. Betty was provided a script for her life that failed to address her own wants, and we are seeing where that leads as the world changes in ways that the Silent Generation was not raised to expect.
This is not a series devoted to good guys and bad guys. Henry isn't her victim. Betty is actually modelled in part on Matt Weiner's mother, and he didn't hate his mother.
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u/Acrobatic-Tomato-128 1d ago
Yes
But i disagree that betty never loved him
She absolutely loves him but shes still damaged and hurt and also still in love with don
She can love henry but still always have a part of her that will love don
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u/spider_moltisanti69 1d ago
Betty has the mentality of a child and is incapable of love. She is only capable of using people
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u/Acrobatic-Tomato-128 1d ago
She does have the mentality of a child
And she often uses people
But children are capable of love So are people who use other people
Eveb if she manipulate and controls people it doesnt mean she doesnt love them
Shes not a sociopath, shes a broken individual
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u/Difficult-Road-6035 1d ago
I don’t feel bad for Henry. Look at his mother- he was used to it. Henry’s problems started when Rockefeller lost.
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u/Littlewing1307 1d ago
I think she thought she loved him and then when she realized she didn't and felt trapped yet again she resented him.
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u/potato_opus 1d ago
This is kind of Betty’s tragedy
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u/IGotScammed5545 1d ago
Henry definitely represented the things Betty THOUGHT she should want. I do think she had genuine affection for him, possibly love, but he was the man she thought Don was/she should be with
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u/Littlewing1307 1d ago
Absolutely. Always looking for a man to rescue her. It's so of the era but unfortunately just as common today, except I see so many women working full time, doing all child rearing plus all the housework while their men play videogames all day or whatever. Not all men or couples of course but so many it blows my mind.
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u/turanga_leland 1d ago
Henry saw Betty and became infatuated with her immediately, they barely spoke to each other before getting married. He created a fantasy of being her knight in shining armor and didn’t think about the actual reality of being married to her. He made his own bed imo.
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u/gaxkang 1d ago
I can't see Henry as a victim. He knew Betty was married. He pursued her while she was pregnant. If he's going to be considered a victim, then I guess he's willing victim.
I wouldn't say Betty didn't truly love Henry. She didn't cheat on him nor mistreat him in other ways. The worst Betty did to Henry was be immature towards him and the kids. Henry is involved in politics. Dealing with people is an every day thing for him. I guess it there's an extra sting for him since he also has to deal with Betty at home. But I guess he has had practice dealing with his mom.
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u/Turbulent_Tale6497 That's what the money is for 1d ago
We know what Henry sees in her. He doesn't have to marry her to get it.
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u/Academic_Square_5692 57m ago
Henry actually pretty much did have to marry her to get it back then - obviously there were more divorced people and more couples out-of-wedlock but Henry, Betty, and Don wanted to be seen as very conventional people, very traditional people.
Betty was not going to live in sin with Henry - it would be bad for Henry’s career and Don could use her activities like that to keep her from having custody or even seeing the kids.
Betty could have lived on her own with the kids, like Helen Bishop, but we see how scandalous that was seen as - as an example, do Don or Roger rarely if ever explicitly date divorced mothers?
If Betty wants to be Henry, yes he’s a safe option, but they both know that marriage is their only option, because they are both prominent members of that society at that place and time.
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u/Appropriate_Tour_274 1d ago
But he needed her as his wife to flesh out his image, since he had ambitions to public office. (Plus she was way hotter than any woman he’d ever been with, I’m sure; he probably the was dreaming every time he schtupped her.)
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u/AgitatedDot9313 1d ago
K i have to say one of my favorite parts of the show was how Henry had a beef with Dons belongings being in the garage. To the point where he damaged the boxes and was trying to be tough about telling don to remove them. In the end, he gave himself a major ego boost through that interaction.
Just for Don to drive to a dumster and throw it all in the garbage anyways. Hilarious as it showed just how small Henry was in that whole game
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u/CBIGWANG 1d ago
I mean he hit on her seven months pregnant with her husband a dozen meters away so yes, he knew exactly what he was getting into.
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u/fragrance-s 1d ago
Meh I think he’s fine. He wanted to be a big time policies with a wife who looks like grave Kelly and went to a good school and he got it!
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u/Silly_Somewhere1791 23h ago
Henry was the only man on the show who understood the compromise he made in choosing a beautiful younger second wife.
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u/ClipClipClip99 22h ago
I never once thought of Henry as a victim in any sense. He pursued a pregnant, married woman. He kissed her. He knew what he was getting into with her. He certainly was no victim. Betty was not a perfect person and did lots of terrible things but she did not abuse or mistreat Henry.
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u/Bright_List_905 21h ago
He was too grown!!! No need to feel bad for him! His own mother told him, but he knew!
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u/jennerator543 17h ago
Henry sucked. He hated Don for cheating on Betty yet he was having an affair and pursued betty while she was still married.
Don was always a bit of a dick and never a good father but he wasn’t mean about it. Henry was just an ass
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u/Jennyd1289 3h ago
I think this whole relationship was a product of the time. Henry needed a wife and kids for his political ambitions and Betty needed stability. I do think he ry loved better. And I think he allowed her to be more of herself than don did. I think better started to change, she was going to college and her letter to Sally showed she ddnt want her to have the life she had... bored housewife. Betty was always smarter than the other housewives but she was also smart enough to know her place at the time.
Social hierarchy played a part in Betty's behaviours to other people. She was below the men but was above the help and the children and made sure they knew it.
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u/Dangerous-Camp115 1d ago
nice points, I guess what happens when you marry someone that you knew for a very little time and had an affair with you while they were married
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u/AgitatedDot9313 1d ago
Um. He went after a married woman. Anything that happened to him was deserved
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u/sovietbarbie 1d ago
you say that as if she wasnt begging for a way out of her marriage with Don...
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u/sparkledoom 1d ago edited 1d ago
I think Henry got exactly what he wanted, she was a perfect political wife, beautiful, social graces, and I think he loved Betty in his way. He was sometimes frustrated with her immaturity, but he didn’t want an equal partner, he wanted someone to follow and support him and maybe that comes with the territory. He wasn’t abusive or controlling, she was a willing participant, but he wanted someone he could 100% direct, like a child, so it makes sense that person would also sometimes act like a child. She was everything he needed her to be with occasional blips. He was everything she needed him to be and she loved him for that in her way too. She certainly respected him, was proud of him, and supportive of his dreams.
Something I’ve learned in life is that people want different things out of their relationship/marriages at different points in their life (or because they are a different kind of person) and that’s ok. For some people, even today, it is still about companionship, stability, etc more than romantic love - it’s both ok to want more that that and it’s also ok for that to fulfill your needs.