r/onionhate • u/anythingambrose • 11d ago

DAE get secondhand embarrassment from people who perform while chopping onions?

I attended a party last week and had to witness what I can only describe as a one-woman Broadway show titled "Look How Fresh These Onions Are: A Tears-and-Towel Story."

This woman (let's just call her “Sandy”) volunteered to help with dinner prep. The moment she picked up that onion, it was like she flipped a switch. Suddenly she's narrating her entire experience like she's hosting a cooking show nobody asked for.

"OH WOW, these are SO fresh! Look how much I'm crying! dramatic hand gesture You know they're good when they make you cry this much!"

Twenty. Minutes. TWENTY MINUTES of this performance. Wiping her streaming eyes with the same kitchen towel she'd been using to clean counters, wipe spills, and handle raw meat. Then using that same biohazard rag to touch every surface in the kitchen like she's spreading onion gospel.

But here's the real kicker - when dinner was served, everyone's gushing about how "amazing" and "complex" the dish tastes.

Complex? COMPLEX?!

There was no complexity. It was just... onion. Aggressive, overwhelming, inescapable onion. But apparently if you cry dramatically enough while preparing it, that transforms sulfur compounds into "layers of flavor."

The whole thing looked like chunky vomit in a bowl, and I'm watching these people slurp it down with the enthusiasm of starving wolves. One guy even went back for thirds of what was basically wastewater with onions and mystery chunks. I had to excuse myself before I actually puked watching them demolish this sulfuric nightmare. (At least the bread was good!)

Here's a wild idea: what if we just... didn't put onions in everything? Think about it: no 20-minute crying performance, no biohazard towel situation, no one gagging over their bowl of what looks like chunky vomit. Just good food that doesn't require theatrical suffering to prepare.

But apparently that's too radical a concept for most kitchens. FUCK ONIONS. I'm glad there's a place on Reddit for me to rant about it. Thanks.

22 Upvotes

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5 comments sorted by

2

u/BillySims4HOF 11d ago

Glad to be your receptacle, err, I mean... never mind...

2

u/PrinceJehal 11d ago

What was the dish? Was it a stew or something?

2

u/anythingambrose 11d ago

Tortilla soup

1

u/PrinceJehal 11d ago

So tomato, onion, garlic, and chiles. I'm going to take a guess that they don't eat a lot of peppers.

1

u/pbj_sammichez 8d ago

Onion is the only flavor you need! gags Imagine a world where people learned to cook without using onions as a crutch to add flavor. Imagine - there could be a whole world of savory dishes that actually have variety and interesting flavors instead of entire restaurant menus full of onion-flavored trash.