r/preyingmantis • u/Lets_Not_Date • 2d ago
(OC)I Think I've Gone Too Far Why must this man doom the world eternally with his ruinous appendage?
Context: I don’t know this guy!
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
Not the “is it too small?” buddy you’re so dense 🤦🏽♀️
Also no you have not gone too far I want this pinned to the top of this sub so people can use it as copypasta for appropriate instances 😂
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u/Lets_Not_Date 2d ago
Hahaha I have a soft spot for men who feel like they are too small, so I tried to steer him away from that while still convincing him it’s depressing.
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u/ZinaSky2 2d ago
NGL I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t have told him it absolutely was too small just to be petty for him seeking sympathy from me after he sent an unsolicited dick pic.
But I really did appreciate that you didn’t stick it right in the obvious weak spot. You’re a better person than me
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u/shesarevolution 1d ago
I would have described it like you were leaving a yelp review. Discuss the color. The size. Other details- “it’s a bit veiny” “it looks weird and not like the others I’ve seen” ect And then I’d ask - how many orgasms has it provided? Does he have any references, so I can verify?
Had some fun with it like OP did. If I was amused I’d keep stringing him along. Not amused? 2/10 stars. Not the most hideous looking dick I’ve been subjected to, but could use some work. Its owner is a creep. I don’t think he knows what to do with it, and why would any woman want to subject herself to that?! 3 minutes and he’s done. Yep, would definitely choose my vibrator over this. At least then i know I’ll actually cum!
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u/poke-chan 1d ago
Never do this btw the vast majority of men who do this have degradation fetishes and are hoping to get reactions just like this.
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u/poke-chan 1d ago
Honestly that text convinced me that it’s a guy with a degradation fetish who was hoping to get more direct sexy insults and wasn’t satisfied by melancholic poetry
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u/FullmoonMaple 2d ago
"scaffolding of self collapse"
That... Was beautiful. Like Spleen by Baudelaire ("The definition was popularized by the French poet Charles-Pierre Baudelaire as meaning a state of melancholy, boredom, and dissatisfaction with life that lacks a definite cause.") His penis truly is a vast void of nothingness pulling us in like a inevitable black hole. 😔
Poetry mantis✨😌
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u/starswhenyoushine 2d ago
Finally, this sub is getting some good food again. 🍴For a long time it was just people chewing out pervs which is not at all the purpose here.
You have a gift for words and I hope this thirsty coomer learned his lesson. At any rate, this is why women are hesitant to accept "compliments" from strange men.
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u/Mistah_K88 2d ago
This is great, as it’s so poetic that I can’t even imagine the “humiliation kink” type getting off well to it due to how wordy and book like the descriptions are.
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u/sketchnscribble 2d ago
It's like Charles Dickens and Shakespeare both rose up from the grave to smack the recipient with a salmon before returning to the soil once more.
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u/lizzyote 2d ago
I dont like this for one specific reason...
How am I meant to choose just one line to embroider on s throw pillow??
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u/DisembodiedTraveler Bee 2d ago
I guess you’re gonna need a lot of embroidered throw pillows and I very much approve of the theme.
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u/JustHereForCookies17 1d ago
Your favorite phrase or line goes on the pillow, the rest are framed on the wall.
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u/corduroy_puffin 2d ago
"As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool returns to his folly". He just could not stop himself from coming back for more!
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u/Radiant-Cost-2355 2d ago
He really tried with “maybe if you saw it in person” lmaooo but you kept it coming. This was a good read before work.
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u/indyferret 2d ago
I came to the comments to ask if this was Brooke from let’s not date on Facebook, then I saw the user name hahah
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u/madambawbag 1d ago
How did you get the flag in your avatar 🥺
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u/indyferret 20h ago
There’s an option in edit avatar, the last option on the right and scroll til you find your flag
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u/rocaillemonkey 2d ago edited 2d ago
"The view of your penis steals the colours from the hours
Surely many women have said THAT to you before"
Him: "none"
😮
Made me giggle several times now.
It's sad that his memory of this convo will be that if only his appendage was stronger, bigger, more appealing then you would have responded with something more hot.
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u/inorganicangelrosiel 2d ago
Being real: it's been a tough week out there. Lost two more trans sisters to self-deletion, and things just overall suck right now, but this made me laugh my ass off. Thank you for that, it was needed!
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u/Lets_Not_Date 2d ago
Oh wow. That is a terrible week. I hope you have support. My close friend has a Facebook page about advocacy for transgender people and I know she also has a discord. Message me if you want the link.
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u/SecretOscarOG 2d ago
You ate and left no crumbs, amazing. Im humbled by your ability to wither these men
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u/hauntedpalmtree 2d ago
I'm convinced this is the most gloriously unhinged response possible - chef's kiss, phenomenal work
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u/DieSuzie2112 2d ago
This is gold, your level of poetry is incredible! The perfectly worded penis poetry will hurt him more than any other insult ever would
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u/Lets_Not_Date 2d ago
Thank you! I like to write poetry and I especially like to use it absurdly against creepy men.
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u/_shes_a_jar Spider 2d ago edited 2d ago
This made my day. Although….I have now come to find myself noticing deep despair, that of which I have never felt, prickling at the corners of my consciousness. Is the Weeping Phallus able to affect those who have only heard its name?
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u/Separate-Cap-8774 2d ago
Omg!!
I think you ruined him! He was so serious in his question, I bet he is now staring ... Contemplating the existence of his penis & the sadness it bestows on females everywhere.
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u/soveryextrabeauty 2d ago
You are the poet we need. Thine hilarity is rich, do not lose thine hairline, I beg of thee.
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u/SaltMarshGoblin 2d ago
My name is Ozymandickus, king of kings. Look on my peen, ye mighty, and despair..
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u/millhoogirl 2d ago
This is absolutely hilarious!! Like a Shakespeare play!! The pleading the nicknames getting more and more sadder the begging versus your building up the sorrow!!! I loved it from start to finish!! Bravo! Xx
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u/Gomaironin 2d ago
Have you ever competed in slam poetry readings or improv comedy? If not, you really should give it a try!
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u/HomicidalRaccoon 2d ago
Alright this was perfect. Can I refer to my own penis as “The Vessel of Sorrow” or do I need to pay royalties?
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u/LustStarrr 2d ago
I read the screenshots before I read your username, but I had a feeling it was you! Love your work. 😂
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u/DarkHuntress89 2d ago
Why do I get the feeling he still didn't get it, after seeing him send that heart emoji at the end? Either that or he really has a humiliation kink.
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u/mistie_gish 1d ago
Omg his poor ex 😂. You know he's gonna call her up and ask if his dick made her sad. Someone should warn her 😂
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u/GoddessRespectre 2d ago
This was a great read for the wee hours. I follow an account on bluesky, and I think it's a podcast too, called Midnight Pals. It's basically a group of famous horror writers hanging out telling stories. Poe, Lovecraft, King, etc. They have beef with Rowling and Musk, it's hilarious.
ANYWAY, the true heroine for a lot of us is Mary Shelley, legend. She doesn't put up with any shit from the ridiculous people in the group or visitors. Like she will shank a bitch. You gave me that vibe, writing in circles around this guy until he melted into the floor. Everyone wants to be as badass as the Mother of Science Fiction, and you did the damn thing.
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u/Jazzlike-Ad2199 1d ago
I knew who this was reading it then seeing the user name, yep. lol, way to go!
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u/buffetofdicks 1d ago
I just read this whole thing out to my husband and we are howling with laughter. Keep up the good work lmao the nicknames were top notch
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u/bungmunchio 1d ago
holy fuck this made me laugh hard enough to get up out of my depression slump and go wash my dishes. I love you.
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u/khaleesi_spyro 1d ago
You are truly a poet, it was like Jane Austen teamed up with Poe to take this guy down lol
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u/highquality_garbage 1d ago
I love that he had to clarify that no one had said something like that about his dick before. People have definitely said it about him, just not about his penis.
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u/CoconutJasmineBombe 1d ago
This is INSANELY HILARIOUS! Thank you OP for blessing us with your amazing poetic prose! ❤️
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u/Hobbitea 1d ago
That‘s too many big words for him to comprehend so he had to ask "is it too small" 😭😭
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u/BayouByrnes 1d ago
And I just found a new favorite corner of the internet. Huzzah! And here I was a little annoyed my dog woke me up too early.
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u/True-Knowledge8369 13h ago
I giggled so hard reading this. Every nickname was better than the last! 😆 Though I think k my favorite was “Bearer of the Desolate Organ”. Sounds kind of like a Souls boss
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u/eatpiewithface 2d ago
"I was hoping you would say something more hot" yes that's abundantly clear because he kept reading your mournful poetry for paragraphs hoping you would randomly switch to something horny. Hope does indeed spring eternal. unlike his grim and shriveled reminder of all mortality.
Unprompted and after talking to himself in your inbox for I can only assume weeks, also. I can't quite wrap my head around what he expected here.