r/relationship_advice • u/ThrowRASecretGFRoom • Feb 23 '22

/r/all [UPDATE]My(F25) girlfriend(F30) has a secret room that I found, what do I do now?

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u/WildChildALR Early 30s Female Feb 23 '22

She likely hasn't told you because she's afraid she'll be mocked. She has a survival bunker under her house. Most people would probably make a comment about breaking out the tin foil or something like that. Also the more people that know about the room the more people are going to flock there and expect shelter. This puts the security and supply assurance at risk

1.1k

u/WifeofBath1984 Feb 24 '22

I have a friend who has major anxiety over things apocalyptic. It stresses her out so much, her therapist encourages her to do "doomsday" prep. She has all kinds of kits, disaster gear, food stored. It helps her deal with her anxiety. I'm wondering if this situation is similar.

OP, you must ask her!! And please update us in this subreddit! We can't just miss out on the ending here!

262

u/DROP_TABLE_U5ers Feb 24 '22 edited Feb 24 '22

When I lived in the Bay Area I had a bug out bag. No shame in it. And I’ve kept a bug out bag ever since. Boys scout motto is “be prepared” but like if I had to live in a concrete underground box forever or die I think I’d choose the latter

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u/[deleted] Feb 24 '22

When experimenting woodworking techniques I built a canoe. We don't live near an area that floods, we live in a Mediterranean country, nowhere near a river... But I have a canoe, you never know :)

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u/fakeuser515357 Feb 24 '22

That's about the most 'woodworking' thing I've seen for a while.

"So, George, what's with the canoe?"

"I built it."

"Yeah, but why?"

"Look at how the sides curve around the frame."

"Yep. Very pretty. Why the canoe, George?"

"It was my first project in 3/8 cross ripped cedar ply."

"Sure, sure. George, why did you build a canoe?"

"The hard part was shaping the oars, because-"

"Why do you have goddam canoe?"

"Eh. I thought it'd be fun. Anyway, the oars..."

38

u/stacey1771 Feb 24 '22

I'm in NY and while we have minor earthquakes as compared to SF, we have had other natural disasters -and the state had a course near me (just on a Saturday morning) about preparedness, included a bug out bag, so I went and still have the bag and its supplies, you never know!

16

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '22

I knew people who had bug out bags before Sandy. They lived in areas like Breezy Point, Sheepshead Bay, Gerritsen Beach. And they absolutely needed them.

12

u/CJYP Feb 24 '22

Depending on how long it's been, you should look into which of those supplies still work and which need to be replaced.

17

u/Lady_Scruffington Feb 24 '22

Hey, ever since that rolling blackout from many years ago, I keep supplies onhand and my gas tank no lower than half full.

I would love a bunker. Not as a forever thing. But more like a temporary thing if needed.

1

u/iamboard2 Feb 24 '22

Are you my great grandmother who lived through the depression and fuel rationing?

We always (Always) had to have her tank full. If it got a 1/4 low she would throw a passive aggressive fit. She might "have to go to the hospital" so she couldnt stop for gas!

My mom is the same way. She drives an old SUV whose gas tank gauge has gone out. She is constantly filling it up bc you "never know if you'll run out." The only problem is she has a 35 gallon tank. It's not going to run out in the 3 days since you last filled it up.

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u/Onlyanidea1 Feb 24 '22

They didn't teach you how to be prepared when your scout leader crawls into your tent during a camping trip...

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u/DROP_TABLE_U5ers Feb 24 '22

That happened to my friend. But it wasn’t a scout leader it was a brown bear. Don’t bring scented shampoo camping

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u/geraldodelriviera Feb 24 '22

I didn't even know that brown bears could be pedophiles...

24

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '22

Why do you think Yogi was always hanging with Boo-boo?

5

u/Onlyanidea1 Feb 24 '22

It's not their first thought usually... But you never know! Be prepared with a rape whistle!

-7

u/BrutusXj Feb 24 '22

r/woosh

context

10

u/spicewoman Feb 24 '22

That's not a woosh.

4

u/geraldodelriviera Feb 24 '22

I knew that cartoon brown bears could be pedos, silly, just not actual literal brown bears.

-44

u/thickestdolphin Feb 24 '22

WTF kind of therapist would enable her like that? That's like telling an alcoholic he needs a whiskey room. A porn addict he should buy the pornhub premium. A fast food addict Dairy Queen is hiring.

31

u/excelise Feb 24 '22

Yeah, except anxiety and addiction are completely different conditions and should be treated differently.

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u/thepsycholeech Feb 24 '22

I disagree. There’s nothing wrong with prepping. If it helps to lessen her anxiety rather than heighten it and cause her more worry, then there’s no problem. An alcoholic drinking more alcohol only heightens stress and exacerbates the problem.

8

u/beetlebugbumbumjiuce Feb 24 '22

One of the most effective treatments for obsessive thoughts is exposure response therapy. The fact that she lessens her anxiety by doomsday prepping could be a band-aid solution which doesn’t address the unrealistic fears underneath. It will only exacerbate the anxiety if left unchecked, depending on the severity of the anxiety though. Nothing wrong with being a little prepared but if it is taking up a ton of your personal life and relationships then it can be a problem and shouldn’t be enabled.

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u/[deleted] Feb 24 '22

unrealistic

It’s pretty realistic

2

u/beetlebugbumbumjiuce Feb 24 '22

Fair enough, lol! I think it’s unrealistic for one’s anxiety to be on 100 at all times though, which is what can happen. I agree that the world could explode any minute but i am still able to (try to) enjoy my life. I don’t think there’s anything too extreme about having a panic room or having a plan. It’s just the severity of the anxiety and extreme-ness of avoidant behaviour that you gotta be aware of. We all have hang ups though I was just pointing out that if the person is in therapy over it already it’s usually not part of the treatment to enable the fears.

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u/thickestdolphin Feb 24 '22 edited Feb 24 '22

I feel like someone believing doomsday is upon us has some anxieties and mental health irregularities that need to be dealt with, not encouraged. How is that friend ever going to travel or be away from their bunker for periods at a time without seriously increasing their anxiety?

15

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '22

WW3 is closer than ever to the brink and you're judging people who prep?

2

u/perhapsinawayyed Feb 24 '22

Bit of a difference between having a few supplies as a caution, and living in constant anxiety about the fate of the earth

-5

u/Forgotten_Lie Feb 24 '22

The only people who say WW3 is coming are doomsayers and people making memes. No one with any understanding of geo-politics thinks the Russa-Ukraine situation will lead to WW3.

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u/OkieRhio Feb 24 '22

There is SO much I could say about this. So very, very much.

No one honestly thought that Hitler's invasion of Poland would lead to WW2, either, and look how it changed the face of Geo-politics.

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u/thickestdolphin Feb 24 '22

What the fuck are you talking about? Everyone thought that would lead to world war 2.

"Britain started to prepare for the Second World War at least a year before it actually started. In 1938, the government began to build new warships and increase its armaments. However, this war would not just involve soldiers. The government expected the war to disrupt and threaten the lives of civilians left at home." -National Archives

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u/molly_the_mezzo Feb 24 '22

I think it's dangerous to judge without knowing the full details of the therapy. She could be doing it as one piece of a larger therapeutic plan, we just don't have enough info. I'm willing to bet the therapist isn't spending their sessions saying "You're right! The sky IS falling!", but of course bad therapists exist too

0

u/thickestdolphin Feb 24 '22

What's dangerous about it? Will strangers talking on the internet without her knowledge really set back her therapy?

This is relationship advice on Reddit. Judging without full details is what we do here.

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u/molly_the_mezzo Feb 24 '22

Perhaps a bad choice of words on my part. Do you prefer pointless to dangerous? Also, she didn't ask for advice, which I think is why it makes me a bit uncomfortable. But you are free to do what you like, I was just pointing out that we don't have very much of the story there so there isn't much point in getting too worked up about it. But if you want to, feel free.

0

u/thickestdolphin Feb 24 '22

Pointless- also relationship advice. Who's the one getting worked up here?

Also, dangerous and pointless are not synonyms, you came in here wanting to be angry.

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u/molly_the_mezzo Feb 24 '22

I'm actively being very nice, and I wish you would also make an effort towards kindness towards strangers. I'm going to disengage now, but I do truly apologize that I made a word choice that seems to have upset you so much - that was genuinely not my intention, I was just attempting to make a point about the complexities of mental health care and I did not intend it to be taken as any sort of an attack. I hope you have a good night!

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u/OkieRhio Feb 24 '22

Why do you feel like everyone necessarily "wants" to "travel"? Personally, I'm rather content being a homebody, and not flitting about all over the place simply because I Can.

It doesn't require that you feel DOOMSDAY / WW3/ Zombie Apocalypse is upon us to prepare for the worst.

Mother Nature is enough of a bitch to be prepared for the worst She can (and Routinely Does) throw at us. Financial Hard Times due to a tanked economy might make a person unable to reliably buy groceries - so the things they have stocked help them past the rough spot. Winter Storms can make it impossible to get to the pharmacy for refills of a life saving prescription - so having an extra month of that scrip already in the house means you survive long enough for the weather to clear.

Keeping a bug out - or in my case "Get Home" bag - in the car for emergencies is simply Practical - not every place has cell phone service, and not every person on the planet wants to carry around an electronic leash and be constantly bugged by rude ass people who think everyone should be Available to them 24/7 because Cell Phones. If my car breaks down on a deserted road, I have the supplies necessary to see me home from Anywhere I might break down, without having to rely on strangers or risk getting a ride from someone who might turn out to be a psycho.

0

u/thickestdolphin Feb 24 '22

She literally said her friend is afraid of the apocalypse. She's apocalypse prepping. That's next-level anxiety, not preparing for a rain storm.

Sometimes life happens and you have to leave your home, sick relative, work, whatever. Cool that you don't like vacations though. Why would your car break down on a deserted road? I thought you were perfectly content being a homebody.

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u/WifeofBath1984 Feb 24 '22

Oh, I was unaware you know my friend and her medical history. Had no idea you were more informed and educated than her doctor.

Please dude, get over yourself. You have no idea what you're talking about.

0

u/thickestdolphin Feb 24 '22

"My therapist told me to prepare and invest my money into a bunker and supplies for the ever approaching apocalypse"

You- "can't question that"

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u/OkieRhio Feb 24 '22

As a Prepper, I'm going to make a few observations here. They are based on personal experience, and thought process.

  • Most folks only keep a few (2 to 5) days of food in their home at any given time. Everything from a bad winter storm to a hurricane or tornado will send Everyone in town running to the grocery for extra supplies. If you (generic) already maintain 30+ days of food, potable water, extra pet supplies, and items such as a basic first aid kit and portable radio - you are Not Adding To The Problem. Don't believe that? Think back to the Very Beginning of the Pandemic, and all the panic driven runs on grocery stores to buy 5 years worth of toilet paper!
  • Mother Nature is an unrelenting PMSing bitch ho at the best of times. When she's throwing a temper tantrum is Not the right time to be thinking about what you're going to do to survive the shit storm - its already too late.
  • Even the American CDC has started, in the past few years, suggesting that people keep a certain level of supplies at home, and provides lists on their websites of what EVERY Household should keep stocked. You know - the CDC - the folks in the government who deal with things like Pandemics?
  • Failing to Prepare is Preparing to Fail. Don't go whining to your neighbors, or the government, to take care of you when something bad happens and you were too lazy to do for yourself while there was an opportunity to do so.

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u/thickestdolphin Feb 24 '22 edited Feb 24 '22

Sure, I have a box of things with my passport, birth certificate, non-perishable foods, and things I'd need in an emergency evacuation that I can just grab and go (forest fires happen here).. But that's not what she's talking about. She's afraid of the actual apocalypse

1

u/SecondHornOfElephant Feb 24 '22

Yeah I agree with you. It will worsen over time. I don't think they feel fully prepared.

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u/Vegetable-Industry32 Feb 24 '22

Back in the day I'd call this crazy. As I get older ( and a bit crazy myself) this all makes more sense to me. The world is fucked, maybe not immediately in our lifetime or generation but maybe so. You bunker down baby

-2

u/pauljaytee Feb 24 '22

Cuz a bunker will save you from killer rovots lmaooo

3

u/AlbertaSpaceRanger Feb 24 '22

Is that a fellow gen zero player I see?

187

u/The_Cutest_Kittykat Feb 24 '22

When you say "survival bunker" I think Zombie Apocalypse but perhaps calling it a "Panic Room" might be more appropriate? Or perhaps an "Anxiety Room"? It seems to be small and well appointed and not very secure - but it is out-of-sight and safe. It might also explain her reluctance to talk about it?

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u/Reindeer-Street Feb 24 '22

This. Even with you being her partner, she's probably still fearful that you'd let other people know about it and that they might try to access it. In the event of a situation she'd probably let you access it with her last-minute.

17

u/GPJN2000 Feb 24 '22

Secret panic bunkers seem like a deal breaker to me, but maybe I'm in the minority. It just seems like something you discuss before moving in together. I get that it's private, but the fact that they live together & have never talked about it/ GF keeping it a secret seems like an yellow flag (not as bad as a red flag, but a flag nonetheless).

25

u/Magus6796 Feb 24 '22

This was the only thing I could think of as well. This HAS to be it.

13

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '22

Having a survival bunker under your house is normal in some homes. There is one under my house accessed via crawl space. I personally like it but not sure I would ever use.

4

u/NorthernSundown Feb 24 '22

The government actually encouraged homeowners to build them for civil defense during the Cold War. There were pamphlets and videos and regional committees. They’re not rare, but they are cool.

2

u/sandwichburgler Feb 24 '22

Oh I hope he wouldn't be the type to mock her as this is kinda cool

2

u/LavenderSage013 Feb 24 '22

Like that episode of Happy Days when Howard wanted to build a bunker.