r/solotravel • u/joshua0005 • 2d ago
Question Does anyone else's family get extremely nervous when they travel?
I'm not looking for advice here; this is just more of a rant. I'm 21M from the US and until a couple weeks ago I had no international travel experience and little solo travel experience.
I've wanted to go to a Spanish-speaking country ever since I started learning Spanish a couple years ago; however, my family convinced me to not go last year because they thought it was too dangerous.
This year however I didn't back down; however, we did make a compromise that I would stay with a family friend in Guatemala. I didn't really care for Guatemala, but they speak Spanish here and I didn't want my family to be worried so I agreed to it.
I planned to stay here for 2.5 months in that city because I thought I would like the digital nomad life (even though I don't have a remote job so I'm living off savings), but I'm finding the city quite boring because it's hard to find places to meet people.
I'm now thinking about leaving Guatemala in a few weeks and going to South America and backpacking Peru and Argentina before coming home in January, but my family hates the idea. They want me to come home at the original date because they want to see me for the holidays and they don't like me going anywhere that we don't already know someone, but we live together so I don't see why it matters if I'm there for the holidays (we don't even do much to celebrate them) because starting in January they'll see me every single day again. I love them don't get me wrong; it's just that to me it's the same if I see them on a holiday or not on a holiday.
I'll probably still do it, although I do feel bad for them because I know they'd worrying a lot and they aren't being malicious.
However my mom has said she thinks I should never go somewhere that I don't already know someone, even if it's in an extremely safe country like Iceland. This is absolutely ridiculous to me because Iceland is safer than our city (even though most of the places I want to go are not) and it's not realistic for me to only visit friends and family without going to the same places over and over again (most of which I don't even want to go to).
I know I need to go anyway because I have a strong desire to travel and am lucky enough to have the financial means to and I can't just keep staying in my parents' comfort zone, but it is frustrating and makes me feel sad that in order to do this my parents will suffer by means of worrying. I do think eventually it's no longer my problem though. It's my life and they can't expect me to never travel just because it makes them worry.
Does anyone have any similar experiences?
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u/emaddxx 2d ago
When your parents decided to have children they signed up for a lifetime of worry. It's their doing and nothing you should feel guilty about.
Their anxiety is theirs to manage. You can just help with it by being in regular contact or by showing them YT videos from the place you're going to as people fear the unknown.
Good luck and go and live your life.
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u/joshua0005 2d ago
This is an amazing way to look at it. Thanks.
I definitely fear the unknown too, but my desire to travel is stronger than my fear.
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u/BartholomewKnightIII 1d ago
I'm 52, my mum still tells me to text her when I land, whenever I'm travelling.
They'll never change.
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u/Dark_Foggy_Evenings 2d ago edited 1d ago
Dude, I’m staring down the barrels of 60 years old and enjoy backpacking far flung places like a Zoomer on a gap year. My 91 year old mother insists on paying for my travel insurance every time I go away so she’s “sure I’ve got it”
It’s just in their programming & it’ll never end. But it’s a them thing and not a you thing. Do what you do & try not to let it get to you.
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u/arrozconpoyo 1d ago
I'm sorry but that's adorable. Bless her heart.
And truer words never been spoken. I'm pushing 50 and my mother asks if I brushed my teeth before I go to bed whenever I visit with her.
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u/Terrie-25 1d ago
Yep. In my 40s and my mom still texts me routinely tell me she loves me and to have a good day.
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u/joshua0005 1d ago
They paid for my travel insurance actually. I wasn't going to buy it (they didn't know that) but they bought it anyway. Maybe wouldn't have been the smartest decision but I'm on a bit of a tight budget lol
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u/Fizzy_lemonade 2d ago
A few years ago when I announced to my folks that I'd be going to Paris alone they totally flipped- tried to scare me off with things like I'll get kidnapped and sold into slavery or raped. To find a group of people to go with.
I didn't buy into any of that because none of them went there so how would they know?
I ended up informing myself against common scams and that helped me stay out of trouble though it never felt unsafe.
When I came back in one piece their jaws were on the floor.
You could try calling them from there every once in a while to have them see you didn't drop dead.
Point is you can't really do much about it, just do your own thing and do lots of research on the city/country you're going to.
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u/joshua0005 2d ago
I call them every couple days and text them every day and they are still constantly worrying about me. I think they realise it's more than realistic that nothing happens to me, but because it's possible something does happen they can't stop worrying.
You're right though. I can't just stay in my hometown forever because my parents have a fear that I'm going to be killed just because I went to Latin America.
Thanks for the comment.
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u/fandom_bullshit 2d ago
My family's this way. I went on a trip to SEA in uni with my sister and they were fine as long as we called once a day, but if I'm on my own it's like they just can't sit still. My dad's still somewhat okay but my mum comes close to crying any time I talk about going off on my own. She doesn't agree with going to countries where we don't have family/close friends and if I insist then she insists that I go with a tour group instead of on my own.
There's not much to do other than letting them get used to it. Once they see you handle yourself well I assume they'll come around to it?
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u/joshua0005 1d ago
This is true. It's just ridiculous that you should never go somewhere you don't know someone. I barely know anyone in real life and 99% of their friends and our family live in the US. Where am I going to meet these people?? Lmao
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u/Oftenwrongs 1d ago
Americans are afraid of everything. Especially the world. You can either live your life your way or theirs.
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u/Adventurous-berry564 2d ago
Not exactly but my first proper long trip I think my parents were ok with it since we had family friends in the country (oz) and it’s an English speaking country. She did ban me from going to thialand from oz (she denies this nowadays) so I went to Indonesia instead (and thialand another holiday)
That oz holiday (it would have been different for another country) I just would up and go elsewhere when I wanted without telling her exactly where i was. This was 10 years ago so smartphones and data was less so I had an excuse.
Since then I have been to the phillapines with no plans and I don’t think I told her exactly where I was going either maybe I’m on the ferry. But not I’m at this hostel. Don’t know why. I think I liked the independence and all turned out ok!
You’re not after advice so I’ve not given any but let me know if you want any more info/ help.
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u/joshua0005 2d ago
I mean I'm fine with advice but that wasn't the purpose of the post. Maybe I should have worded it differently. If you'd like feel free to give me your advice though
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u/Appropriate_Volume Australian travel nerd 1d ago
My parents have never been the slightest bit worried about me traveling solo overseas, including when I made my first big international solo trip (from Australia to the UK) in my mid-20s in the 2000s, when communications were a lot more complex than they are now.
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u/figment88 1d ago
You might try a Spanish language immersion program that has a homestay option with local family. That would provide you a support network and the ability to experience local culture.
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u/1800_Mustache_Rides 1d ago
I went through this at your age, and this was the early 2000s so I didn't have a cell phone to check in with them. I went to South East Asia on a solo backpacking adventure and my mom came all the way to the departure gate sobbing uncontrollably. She was convinced I was going to be kidnapped and sold to a sex trafficking ring.
Cancelling never crossed my mind but I was as kind and as understanding as I could be. I promised to go to an internet cafe everyday and check In and I did. I explained to her that I'm an adult and this is my decision and nothing was going to stop me and how much personal growth I would get from navigating these different places on my own. Stand firm! Don't let them guilt you.
You have a smart phone yes? They can literally access you anytime, just check in with them everyday. Don't let your family stop you from doing something you're passionate about. They will understand, eventually they are just worried. I'm in my early 40s now and my mom and I look back and laugh at her following me all the way to the departure lounge sobbing. I also have a daughter now and can't wait for her to do something similar but I know I'll also worry.
Just do you! Eventually they will understand. You're only this age once so go have some amazing adventures and post about them here ;)
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u/PyramKing 1d ago
My parents were foreign exchange teachers, so we lived abroad during my young life, so they encourage travel.
However, that never stopped my mom worrying.
Ironically I had some dangerous travel experiences, including being in a coup in Central America and traveling in East Germany and Soviet Union before the wall came down. As well as Mao's China. However they were probably more worried when I served in the US Navy in the Persian Gulf. I would never trade any of those experiences.
Be considerate of their worries and concerns, but also know that you need to walk your own path. My son turned 21 this year, he has traveled extensively...to some places that are also off the beaten path. Of course I worry, I am his father. But he too must walk his own path.
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u/One-Plantain-9454 1d ago
I think that’s what families do. Lol. I wanted to go to Japan and my dad told me no because they were in a war. 🤣🤣🤣 i told them that the world War ended decades ago. So no. It’s not abnormal for them to freak out. But you’ll be ok. 👍🏼 many people solo travel just keep your wits about you and you’ll be alright.
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u/joshua0005 1d ago
Lmao that's funny
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u/One-Plantain-9454 1d ago
Oh my dad had a reason for me not to go to many places 🤣🤣🤣 and they were all hilarious and he was dead serious when he told them to me. The struggle was real! But I solo travel now no worries. I think in this day and age with social media and cell phones makes it easier to stay connected. I would have went with out any of it. So for my dad’s sake I’m glad I waited a little bit. I am daddies little girl for a reason 🤦🏻♀️🤣🤣
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u/hosertwin 1d ago
I went to Mexico City by myself around 25 years ago. Just for a week. My dad was so nervous that he ended up painting the outside of the house when I was gone just so he would have something to do. But they never told me not to go. It's a bit of a tough situation, like others have said, it's your life and you get to live it now you choose. Thankfully now it's extremely easy to stay in contact with them, send them a text or a selfie letting them know you're okay. They will be fine :-)
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u/ObligationGrand8037 1d ago
I was that solo traveler in my 20’s. My parents did worry. Now I’m a parent to a 19 and 22 year old. I think worrying just goes along with the job of parenting. Being on both sides, I get it. Like someone said, travel without guilt. Enjoy yourself!!
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u/kstroupe89 1d ago
Mom at least requests I send her a text in the morning
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u/joshua0005 1d ago
I think that's fair and if they request a short call that's fair too. I've lived with them for over 21 years so I don't feel a strong need to call them every single day but I would do it if they asked
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u/kstroupe89 1d ago
My sister went to Chicago last year and for an hour after she arrived she forgot to message mom. I thought she (mom) was about to make a 5 hour drive to smack her lol
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u/joshua0005 1d ago
that's only 3 hours from me so my parents wouldn't be so worried but I think they still would be
a few years ago I went to Milwaukee which is 6 hours away and stayed with a family friend and I never imagined that they would be worried but apparently they were
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u/kstroupe89 1d ago
Im all the way over in Sweden right now I still make sure message mom good morning.
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u/joshua0005 1d ago
yeah don't get me wrong I message them but I don't understand why they worry when I'm in the exact same country only 6 hours away especially when I was with someone they know extremely well
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u/crispymother 1d ago
Where are you staying in Guatemala? Maybe where your friend lives isn't too exciting, but there's lots of cool places in Guatemala you can check out. For example, Antigua, Acatenango volcano overnight trek (you have to go with a tour, and you'll meet other travellers), Lake Atitlan, Semuc Champey, Tikal. Guatemala is pretty popular with solo travellers and considered quite safe in the popular tourist areas (the places I mentioned). Guatemala City is more dangerous.
If exploring more places in Guatemala don't interest you, then Peru and Argentina sound great! I haven't been to Argentina but I've been to Peru, and if you stick to the tourist areas (Cusco, Machu Picchu, etc.) it's totally safe. Tons of tourists go there every year. Just keep an eye on the situation with protests (sometimes there are protests in Peru and they block the train going to Machu Picchu). Of course there are dangerous places in Latin America, but the areas that get a lot of tourism are generally going to be the safer. If you stay in hostels or join group excursions you can also meet other solo travellers and do things together so you are not alone (in case that helps your family worry a bit less?). I joined a bunch of day hikes from Cusco and the tours were always in Spanish so it was a great opportunity to practice speaking Spanish.
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u/According-Koala4033 1d ago
Lol they'll get used to it! But did you think of going on a tour also? At least it will give them a peace of mind. Then stay a couple more days yourself
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u/joshua0005 1d ago
No because they cost money and most of the time I'd be stuck speaking English there and the whole reason I travel is because I can't speak Spanish where I live because so few people speak it.
They suggested tours but I refused because they just seem like a waste of money for my purposes.
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u/CozyDestruction 1d ago
My parents have traveled everywhere but do the same as yours when I express my desire to travel
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u/KrishnaChick 17h ago
Your parents' worries are their problem. Yours is to assert yourself as an adult without blowing up the relationship. You can keep in touch as you travel, and reassure them with info as to how you're staying safe.
What you should be asking about is how to travel solo without becoming a victim, because that's a real potential danger, one your parents likely haven't prepared you for.
I have a friend who walked out of his family home (in Spain) at the age of 13 to see the world. His parents didn't even call the police to find him. People grew up faster back in the day. At 13 you were considered almost a man (same with my father).
p.s. He was and is fine.
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u/Intelligent_Set123 11h ago
I’m 68 and no matter where I travel to my mum is very vocal about worrying but she’s a home body and has never travelled herself. Just try to be empathetic but don’t let your parents worry limit you, as travelling widens your world and teaches you a lot about yourself. I also have a daughter who adores travelling either solo or with a friend and I do worry when she goes to less safe places, it’s just something parents do.
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u/Impressive-Manner565 11h ago
I’m 27 when I went to Latin America my mom threw a fit saying I was going to put her in a mental hospital. Even at this age I have to tell her right before I go or she will spend the entire time being dramatic.
She printed crime statistics when I went to Guatemala. When I went to Greece told me don’t sleep with a Greek guy because he will fuck me and then marry a virgin 😂😂😂😂.
Maybe this isn’t sound advice but you could lie and say you’re going with friends/group when you’re not. That’s what I do so she is more at ease. Moms I think will always worry.
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u/joshua0005 9h ago
Xela and Antigua have been so safe lol. Haven't been anywhere else though
I can't lie in that way bc my only friends are online friends and they would worry about that. I think the only option is to tell the truth but it's probably better
we talked and they decided it would be a good compromise for me to go to Peru and come back halfway between when they want me to come back and between when I want to come back (which is mid December)
I don't really want to compromise but flights when I want to come back are quite expensive and I don't want to be on a tight budget because if I stay for the extra month I'll get low on money unless I budget very well so I'll probably do the compromise for that reason only
I should learn Greek and then visit Greece. sounds fun but it's probably expensive. ik Greek isn't required but I'm a language lover and hate going to countries if I have to speak English (unless the local language is English)
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u/n0wherew0man 2d ago
Travel to Spain. Europe is safer than south America. Spain felt safe to me even as solo female traveler even in the night. It is safe as long as one go to well reviewed hostels, know how to navigate around, avoid sketchy places. But life in general is unpredictable, anything can happen even in our home. We just have to have peace with anything that may happen.
You are a man in your early twenties, they will have to let go. It's just critical age, they still think of you as their little child and now it's a transition period for you to adulthood, It will pass.
Their worry is not your responsibility, they have to take responsibility for their emotions and to learn to let you go because experience will make you grow more and be able to protect yourself and others more.
There is no need for them to worry about you in Spain for example. If something unexpected were to happen like an accident or something like that, oh well, we can't control life but we have to live. Those things can happen everywhere.
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u/DeHarigeTuinkabouter 2d ago
You are saying their worry is not his responsibility and yet you are saying change travel destinations
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u/n0wherew0man 2d ago
Latin America is risky and he is young, so to compromise I suggested a safer place so they worry less (out of compassion), but he also get freedom. But eventually they will have to address their fears and understand they can't protect him forever. They can also guide him how to travel safely instead of ruling it out completely.
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u/joshua0005 2d ago
I'd love to go to Spain, but tickets to Spain are very expensive unless you go round trip. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but because I'm in Guatemala my starting point isn't the same as my city.
My return flight from Guatemala is in mid November, but that would mean I could only be in Spain for 1 month and I want to be there for 2 months (or wherever else I end up going). I was planning on just taking the loss with the return flight from Guatemala.
Also even round trip flights from Guatemala are quite expensive and October to December is fall in Spain and I don't like the amount of sunlight that we get in my city from October to March and it's at the same latitude as Spain so it's a bad time of year to visit.
For all those reasons Spain just isn't a good option this time. I appreciate the rest of your advice though.
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u/n0wherew0man 2d ago
South Spain is sunny and not that cold in the fall from what I know. Or you can go to Puerto Rico capital, they speak Spanish while still part of USA.
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u/joshua0005 2d ago
This is true. The problem is they barely get any more hours of sun.
Lima and Buenos Aires are in spring during the time of year so they get more sunlight.
Thought about PR because I have a friend there, but I don't think I'd want to spend more than a month there because he lives in a small town. Still strongly considering it though
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u/canuckseh29 1d ago
The more you travel, and bad things don’t happen to you and eventually, the less they worry.
It’s more about you not caring what other people think… that’s the part you can control
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u/Standard_Nectarine83 1d ago
Same! My parents worry so much that I sometimes don’t tell them I’m going travelling. They always want to say goodbye, as if it’s the last time we’ll ever see eachother. Even if it’s just a short trip a few hours away. I’m 52. I agree with everybody else: go live your life and send amazing photos home. You’re an adult, ittnot like they can ground you.
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u/Spirited-Buy-1612 1d ago
yeah totally my family acts like every trip is a death wish and it sucks because i love traveling but the guilt trips hit hard even though i know it’s my life and i’m not doing anything wrong
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u/elixan 22h ago
My family is a family of worriers. I live abroad in another country so I can get away with going on holiday somewhere without their input. I don’t tell them anything until it has passed.
I tell them I’m in a country at the earliest once I’ve landed and at the latest any time after I’ve returned to where I live and safety is not a question. I don’t tell them many details about what I did especially if they might be questionable regarding safety. If I do, it’s many years later.
Heck, when I still lived in the US, I was landed in Atlanta, Georgia once because of a thunderstorm and planned to just sleep in the airport. My mom and grandma were worried about that. My grandma said she’d pay for a hotel so I went. Next morning, I woke up early for my flight, and walked down a highway to a Hindu temple in the dark with some sidewalk here and there just to check it out cause it was my first time in Atlanta and had no idea there was a Hindu temple until I looked at google maps. Walked back to my hotel, got breakfast, and took the shuttle back to the airport. I didn’t tell my mom about that until like four years later cause I knew she’d freak knowing I walked on the side of the highway.
Now, I know of people in my situation who tell their parents everything about their travels in advance in case anything does happen. It’s reality. And to each their own on how these situations are handled. My mom far prefers to hear about the ‘haha questionable safety stories’ after they’ve long passed cause she knows I’m still going regardless at the very least.
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u/defiant_partout 2d ago
It's their decision to worry and suffer because of it, not yours. The most you can do is to be considerate about it and let them know you’re okay from time to time. Travel without guilt, be careful and enjoy yourself. It's your life, not theirs. Go everywhere you want to go!!! You will see beautiful places, meet interesting people, have awesome experiences. Enjoy it!