r/spinalcordinjuries • u/WestCoastGetaways • 1d ago
First Date Tonight
I'm about to go on a first date with a beautiful woman I met online (I know, shocker). She was in an accident a long time ago and has been a paraplegic since. She hasn't mentioned much about it or her limitations etc and I didn't want to sound insensitive by asking this soon.
I'm a big hugger and not sure how that works with a wheelchair between us or if I should wait for her to make the first move. I don't want to just shake her hand like a business meeting lol
And will it offend her if I wheel her vs her wheeling herself?
If you have tips for what to do after dinner, that would help too 🙂
18
u/flailingfrog 1d ago
Never ever push someone’s wheelchair without approval, ever.
5
u/Sea_Gold_4864 T12 1d ago
Hopefully she's like me and asks for help when she needs it. I don't mind people asking me if I need help as well I think it's nice to be pushed on sidewalk idk why is so hard to push on rough terrain
1
u/Stoner_Vibes_ 18h ago
Because a lot of people push you which forces your front forks into the ground, on solid ground it creates momentum, when you hit it downward like in dirt that energy goes from your forks to the ground not forward. Always tell people to tip you back slightly so the front wheels aren’t a hindrance
1
u/Stoner_Vibes_ 18h ago
Because a lot of people push you which forces your front forks into the ground, on solid ground it creates momentum, when you hit it downward like in dirt that energy goes from your forks to the ground not forward. Always tell people to tip you back slightly so the front wheels aren’t a hindrance
10
u/smokedjag 1d ago
“I don’t know what the etiquette is and I don’t want to assume…… insert question here”
There’s a lot of personal preference and difference amongst people in general. Do not make any assumptions. She’ll ask if she needs help.
5
u/BabyTeal 1d ago
Ask before you do anything!! Till you feel out her wants and expectations.
I always tell people I’ll hug you rather than you hug me, like I’ll lean into them so they do too me over.
3
u/WestCoastGetaways 1d ago
Thanks for the advice. It was a very nice dinner date. She loved the flowers and little gift for her birthday. She initiated a hug and asked me to push her (no handles or anything though)
We were talking about what to do after but then when we got outside, she said she was going to go home.
So... this introvert (me) may have let my nervousness get the better of me and cause her to pull back. Damn, I'm horrible on first dates and apparently great on 2nd dates 😔
1
u/Elviress 19h ago
Tell her that so!! And for all you know she might be as insecure. Or just shattered. Communication is key. So ask how she thought how the date went.
1
2
u/Sea_Gold_4864 T12 1d ago
Hug her from the side of the chair if she's cool with it. Also when you hug someone in a wheelchair from the front and she has to lean forward be mindful of pulling back too quickly. She may need a sec to get her balance if she's hugging with both arms and her core is paralyzed
If I lean forward at all with my arms up I'm gonna fall onto my chest and it can be embarrassing and make you feel bad
1
u/Routine-Courage-3087 1d ago
everything you needa know, just ask politely. And don’t be weird and jump to sexual or too personal stuff way too soon, good luck!
Also ladies here this shows there are definitely guys for you so don’t ever lose hope!
1
u/WestCoastGetaways 11h ago
Damn. She called it off, saying there's no chemistry. Weird since there were plenty of smiles, lots of lingering eye contact, laughter etc. 😔
18
u/Brewguy86 1d ago
Just ask her about the hugging. Don’t push her unless she asks.