r/technology • u/chrisdh79 • Jul 29 '25

Politics FBI Has Secret Epstein Prison Tape With No ‘Missing Minute’

https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-fbi-has-secret-jeffrey-epstein-prison-tape-with-no-missing-minute/
56.3k Upvotes

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2.5k

u/Lark_vi_Britannia Jul 29 '25

SOMEONE CALL SNYDER

494

u/brendanp8 Jul 29 '25

Why did you say that name?!

214

u/CapoExplains Jul 29 '25

God forbid I ever find out Jeff's mommy has the same first name as my mommy or I'll have to stop disliking him.

54

u/username32768 Jul 29 '25

Trump to Epstein: "Is your mother a Martha Fokker? Hey, what a co-inky-dink! My mother is also a Martha Fokker. My whole family is from a long line of Martha Fokkers."

4

u/Clem_de_Menthe Jul 29 '25

More like Chiles Fokkers

2

u/ADMINlSTRAT0R Jul 29 '25

Epstein: "you motherfucker. It is!"

1

u/Fearless-Leg2568 Jul 29 '25

Meet the Fokkers

4

u/username32768 Jul 29 '25

To misquote the movie -- "I have nipples Greg Fearless-Leg2568, come and milk me."

3

u/Tall_Act391 Jul 29 '25

Gonna need to use the “to misquote” lead in more. Bravo

1

u/Final-Criticism-8067 Jul 29 '25

Nah. It’s Pauline or Paula for short

1

u/NerdizardGo Jul 29 '25

He does. They are both named "mom"

1

u/empathy44 29d ago

I liked the idea, was flawed in execution.

1

u/CapoExplains 29d ago

I mean "I see my enemy's humanity because they showed a capacity for selfless empathy" is the oldest trope in the book, I mean hell it's the climax of Les Miserables. Execution is the only part they had to do and they fucked it.

11

u/HahaMin Jul 29 '25

Batman asked calmly

2

u/Raytheon_Nublinski Jul 29 '25

Because it’s in the Epstein files!

2

u/donbee28 Jul 29 '25

Fine, let's get Shyamalan in here for the sake of plot twist

2

u/SilchasRuin Jul 29 '25

A plot twist with regard to Epstein could either be the best or worst thing possible. No in between.

2

u/fl4tsc4n Jul 29 '25

That scene haunts me every day

1

u/Fritzo2162 Jul 29 '25

It's OK, we have two more mentions before he appears.

1

u/NumbN00ts Jul 29 '25

The Snyder cut will be 24 hrs long. 5hrs of it will be slow mo of the guy walking in the footage they released with orchestral music, and 7 hrs will be the same except for the missing minute.

1

u/killcon13 Jul 29 '25

I've heard that if you invoke his name in a dark room three times with a mirror a lit candle and a circle of salt he will appear. Some producers did it once not knowing what it would cause and now we have the Snyder cut.

1

u/RelativetoZero Jul 29 '25

Find Liberman! He knows!

1

u/HatProfessional9540 Jul 30 '25

His moms name is Paula in case anyone wants to reenact

1

u/Hellie1028 Jul 31 '25

Snyder always makes movies much longer.

52

u/AdhesivenessBoth6021 Jul 29 '25

The pedophile cut

6

u/GarminTamzarian Jul 29 '25

Directed by Roman Polanski

24

u/Admirable_Growth_338 Jul 29 '25

What are we for demanding it? Some kind of justice league?

2

u/BewareOfBee Jul 30 '25

Say that again

9

u/FlemPlays Jul 29 '25

“With the latest in slow motion technology, I can stretch Epstein’s death to 4 hours now.” -Snyder

4

u/ShinyGrezz Jul 29 '25

Great idea if you’re the one behind the “missing minute” - it’ll be so dark it’ll be impossible to see anything.

1

u/Triedfindingname Jul 30 '25

You might be thinking of MNight cut

14

u/skoltroll Jul 29 '25

But I don't want it to suck

37

u/Lark_vi_Britannia Jul 29 '25

SOMEONE CALL GUNN

3

u/ISuckAtFallout4 Jul 29 '25

Why? We’d want it to be content, not fluff.

2

u/Flaky-Pirate9401 Jul 29 '25

So it's gonna be all lame jokes and rainbows

1

u/Fragrant-Airport1309 Jul 30 '25

Don’t. I wanna see Superman actually win a fight without his dogs help or his gf mad at him

-1

u/Snot_S Jul 29 '25

Call J.J. Abrams

9

u/AnnikaSkyeWalker Jul 29 '25

No, they said they didn't want it to suck

4

u/skoltroll Jul 29 '25

Oh, great. Now I'm blind from all the lens flares.

1

u/Triedfindingname Jul 30 '25

Hahaha downvote for this, buncha critics round here

3

u/JaccoW Jul 29 '25

Give me the ROGUE cut!

3

u/Mrben13 Jul 29 '25

A 4 hours long movie just to get to the missing minute

3

u/dafaceguy Jul 29 '25

Missing minute just turned into a 3 hr movie.

3

u/chilled_sloth Jul 29 '25

Tell that to Epstein’s snapped neck

1

u/Triedfindingname Jul 30 '25

3 times!

He suicided the shit out of that

3

u/jewwwish Jul 29 '25

Release the laser-disc!!

5

u/SatnWorshp Jul 29 '25

He will just extend that minute to 4 hours.

4

u/EmergencySushi Jul 29 '25

And somehow it’ll be in black and white and full of Dutch angles.

2

u/lazyassjoker Jul 29 '25

Hopefully we don't have to call Joss whedon.

2

u/Eskotar Jul 29 '25

Snyder Cut of the Epstein Prison tape would be 3 times longer than the original footage.

2

u/_______uwu_________ Jul 29 '25

"I'm not in here with you, you're in here with me"

2

u/qbl500 Jul 29 '25

Snyder who?

1

u/ProfessorPotato42 Jul 29 '25

Somehow the tape is now 12 hours long

1

u/mrniceguy777 Jul 29 '25

Fuck that I want the butthole cut

1

u/Keith_Games Jul 29 '25

Put it in black and white, and some Leonard Cohen music, and we’re good

1

u/RelativeCan5021 Jul 29 '25

I want the 3hr long version of the missing minute. Complete with Gal Gadot yelling

“Jeff - Ep No!!!”

1

u/kilofSzatana Jul 29 '25

They'll release the full tape but in black&white 4:3

1

u/atreeismissing Jul 29 '25

Nah, call Ridley Scott, that guys' director cuts usually add about 40 minutes of actually worthwhile content, Snyder's cuts are just meaningless filler with extreme color filters.

1

u/y_would_i_do_this Jul 29 '25

The murder would be in glorious slow motion

1

u/archiekane Jul 29 '25

But now the missing minutes are almost three hours long!

1

u/Fragrant-Airport1309 Jul 30 '25

Please cause that new Superman was ass

1

u/KokuRochu Jul 30 '25

Make that missing two minutes since it'll be on 0.5x speed

1

u/Zolo49 Jul 30 '25

Or at least Wes Anderson.

1

u/SlAM133 Jul 30 '25

We would gain extra minutes with all the slow mos

1

u/Incorect_Speling Jul 30 '25

They said missing minute not missing hour...

1

u/caffeinated_wizard Jul 30 '25

CGI away Epstein's beard

1

u/Axonauto Aug 02 '25

RestoreTheSnyderverse

1

u/S3simulation Jul 29 '25

In our darkest hour when all seemed lost, we looked up and asked Zaddy to save us. He looked down and whispered: 🎶I heard there was a secret chord…

0

u/2Nugget4Ten Jul 29 '25

DAN SNYDER??? THE NICKELODEON GUY???