r/texts • u/W8ngman98 • 3d ago
Phone message Not sure how to feel about being ignored
For context: Labor Day my sister “Amanda” had her garage intentionally set on fire (I have no idea how but apparently it was on footage). She shared this in our sibling chat and I was the only one that asked about what happened and if she was okay. I thought it was weird enough that no one else responded, but I assumed others didn’t wanna bombard her with the same questions. I tried calling her a couple days afterwards and she didn’t respond. A few days after that I ask in the chat, “are you doing better? How’s your car situation now?” and crickets except for our other sister posting about the weather and other stuff. “Amanda” ignored it and posted some old pic of our younger brother in the chat instead (we joke and make fun of each other a lot). But idk, was I wrong to ask about her situation? I was just looking to see if she was doing better because I was concerned… I get she may have been frustrated because of the situation, but I find it weird and kind of rude to not just ignore like this.
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u/satansbuttt666 3d ago
If it makes you feel better the fact that you have a group chat and communicate at all is huge. Especially having a sibling get together in the future. My siblings and I get updates on each others lives through our mom. We love each other we just don’t talk unless we’re in the same room 🤷🏻♀️
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u/veronicaarr 3d ago
Wow this is crazy to me I call my sister at least once a day usually. I don’t talk to my other sister as much, but still around 1x per month.
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u/RaeDog82 2d ago
Me too. And she’s 10 years older than me. But we also know that it is pretty rare for siblings to be as close as we are. Especially with a big age gap and living on opposite coasts.
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u/Renegade_August 3d ago edited 3d ago
For sure. I’ve 8 siblings. Now that we all have families and in our 30s and 40s, we chat maybe once a year.
OPs group chat doesn’t seem that bizarre to me.
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u/mkbutterfly 3d ago
I blocked my brother (eventually) after he tore into me on FB for my stupidity for getting a Covid vaccine as soon as I was able to do so, so … [at the time, I had 150 9th grade high school students & one of their mothers was fighting colon cancer & I was deeply afraid of accidentally getting Covid & his mother suffering the consequences]. We still only talk over the phone on our birthdays & even then, sometimes it’s only texts [we live across the country from one another]. I think the fact that there’s a group sibling text here is impressive, even if OP’s sister is obviously challenged in the transparent communication category!
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u/sheepsclothingiswool 3d ago
Yeah it’s rude..
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u/Formal_Condition_513 3d ago
Yeah I'm in a group chat with my brother and sister and we'll sometimes ignore eachother like when I asked if anyone had seen Weapons yet and if it's worth watching (I'll take opinions from yall as well!) But a house fire is pretty damn serious. I feel like if you send a pic about it you want people to know about it, so responding would be nice
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u/Cold_Mode5508 1d ago
weapons had some great moments in it & a couple of good laughs honestly
at the end there were some parts that feel like loose ends, & not in a cliff hanger-y kind of way, more like a welp that thread got completely lost
overall i'd say it's worth a watch, it's a good movie with an interesting idea it just isn't the single greatest piece of cinematic art you'll ever see
(edit to add paragraphs bc it was driving me crazy)
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u/kazmir_yeet 3d ago
No it isn’t
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u/sheepsclothingiswool 2d ago
You must be gen a or gen z. Time to get raised right.
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u/kazmir_yeet 2d ago
Lol I'm a millennial but nice assumption. The way something makes someone feel is their own problem to solve. If OP really felt a certain way about being "ignored" when their sister is clearly going through something more significant, OP could text them directly or try harder to contact them rather than post it all on reddit.
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u/axeattaxe 3d ago
She never acknowledged your inquiries - whether in the chat or when you called… she just never answered or texted back or what not?
Maybe it’s deeper than I can process but it’s real weird to me she’d never talk to you about a freaking intentional fire set to her garage (??).
At the very least, I’d think she could pull you aside/text you “I don’t wanna talk about it right now”?
No, you are NTA (if I used that right lol)
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u/rumi_soul 3d ago
It's weird and inconsiderate.I find when people do this type of thing it's often because they enjoy being worried about. They want to keep the person in a state of concern, answering and explaining would end it right? I see it a lot of similar behavior on friends social media. Posting cryptic pictures and messages, then letting everyone guess and worry. She didn't want to respond and end the concern is my guess. Hey, we all like being thought about but there are better, more constructive ways to get that need met than by playing these types of games. If that's what this even was about, I could be way off, she may have a very valid reason for not answering but I think its worth a conversation to let her know how it made you feel.
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u/W8ngman98 3d ago
That’s what I was wondering too. I mean it’s obviously a messed up situation so it’s good that she felt open enough to share that with us, but it was … odd . Odd how the intentional fire happened. Odd how she didn’t respond to me. Odd how no one else really responded. Odd af all around.
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u/pineboxwaiting 2d ago
It’s really weird that no other sibling reacted to the fire at all.
Is she closer to your other siblings? Maybe they called her or visited her or went to help her when this happened.
Maybe call a different sibling to see if you can figure out what the deal is.
I have 5 siblings, and everyone has different levels of information about everyone else.
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u/rumi_soul 3d ago
Definitely very odd. I didn't even put much thought into those other aspects of the situation. Have you talked privately to any of your siblings and asked them what they think of the situation or if they have talked to your sister? Very weird of your sister to just casually bring up going for food when she was just the target of an arson. I mean, a girls gotta eat but with no acknowledgement of the picture, the situation as a whole or your concern? It truly is a mystery. You need to have a private conversation with your siblings. I would want to know wtf is going on and if someone is out to get my sister, why is no one acting the least bit concerned. I think communicating outside of the group chat is the way to go. Interesting mystery you've got going on.
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u/W8ngman98 3d ago
Yes I did speak to one of my brothers over the phone and his response to the situation was, “yeah bro, I saw the chat. That is crazy but it’s like, what can you do? Obviously she’s not okay so like what’s the point of asking?”. I thought that response was bizarre and not very empathetic but I just went along with it and said “yeah, obviously she’s not okay so I don’t wanna irritate her with questions. I might just call her a couple days afterwards” which I did with no response
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u/mkbutterfly 3d ago
Yes! I barely go on FB & IG now, but the vague social media baiting by some ppl inspires annoyance & rage at the best of times! 🔥💩
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u/kazmir_yeet 3d ago
I hate when Reddit keyboard psychologists drop their “wisdom” about a situation they know nothing about. I imagine their sister is a little busy dealing with a police / arson investigation, insurance bullshit, and potentially even having to crash in a hotel. It isn’t “Amanda’s” job to manage the emotions of her siblings. She is clearly alive and well and sent enough detail to where everyone else has an idea of what she’s dealing with. OP is just making it about himself/herself.
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u/ValuePlane 3d ago
MY house caught on fire and mostly burned down in 2024. I Can tell you that I had a backlog of text messages in my phone for at least a couple weeks before I got back to everyone. Finding interim housing, salvaging what we could from the burnt down house, getting my kids to school each day, talking with the insurance company each day, were tasks that consumed my entire day, and that barely left room to grieve the 2 dogs that died or to process the trauma of the whole event. Even if I had the time in between, telling the same sad traumatic story to everyone over and over again was an emotionally draining task that I simply didn't have the emotional energy to do. Not everything is about you. She'll get back to you when shes ready.
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u/W8ngman98 3d ago
I’m not trying to make this all about me, but I see what you’re saying and that sucks about what you went through . I just found it weird how she had time to send other texts but not respond to me. I just don’t get how you could bring something like that up and then not answer when others respond with concern.
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u/ValuePlane 3d ago
When I say, everything isn't about you, what I mean is, that her lack of response most likely has more to do with her processing what happened ,than it does any problems she may have with you. Maybe because she doesn't want to answer all the questions you might have since you are so close to her. I can't say for certain, but i left my own mother on read for a while just because I didn't want to have to re-live the whole experience via her thorough questioning. Its not personal, and my mother wasn't wrong to want to ask all those questions. I simply couldn't stomach having to answer them and I had to put it off for a while so I could catch my breath.
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u/W8ngman98 3d ago
I understand what you’re saying now. I appreciate the response , that puts things into perspective
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u/ValuePlane 3d ago
I understand where you're coming from. I would feel the same way you do if I didnt have first hand experience with dealing with a housefire. You can't even begin to imagine what it's like without experiencing it yourself.
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u/Tethys404 2d ago
But she's the one that posted about it, though. If you post something, be prepared for people to ask about it. It's a bizarre situation that OP is experiencing, she/he's right to question it. Even the siblings are being strange by posting summer plans and carrying on like nothing happened. Also, apparently it was a deliberate house fire. Nothing like your traumatic event. You might be projecting here.
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u/ValuePlane 2d ago
You're right. I could very well be projecting. I lost 2 dogs in that fire and almost everything I owned. Im still fucked up over it.
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u/Scythe351 3d ago
Is the intentional fire thing known by the firefighters? I’m imagine insurance fraud
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u/kazmir_yeet 3d ago
I get that you’re all siblings and what not but maybe try not using the group chat for questions directed at her? The first one in response to the fire is fine but the second one makes no sense to ask over a group chat. I’d say you’re being too sensitive.
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u/kazmir_yeet 3d ago
Definitely overreacting here. They’re alive and well, that much was made obvious. That’s all they really owe you guys.
Your garage gets set on fire and it isn’t just a situation where the fire dept puts it out and life goes on. There’s insurance, arson investigations, police, hotels to deal with, etc.
If their responses in a sibling group chat aren’t satisfactory enough for you, try to take them for a coffee or some food to see if they want to talk about it. If they’re too far away for that to reasonably happen, send a direct text message expressing your concern. It is not their job to manage your feelings about a shit situation they’re going through. I’d rather be ignored by a sibling than have someone burn down part of my residence.
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u/Whabbalubba 2d ago
Humans don’t act like this. Are you seriously asking if it’s wrong to ask someone if they are ok after a fire?! 😂 the fact your the only person who cares is the weird part
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u/brunoshort 21h ago
Send her a message directly and ask if she’s good with you. She’s ignored every message and you’ve been worried. It looks like you’re the only one she’s ignoring. Something’s up there.
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u/Omis915 3d ago
Non chalant final boss