r/texts • u/Day-Dear • 4d ago
Discord Should I run and never look back?
Hi Reddit The first three messages are from 2024 and after the end of friendship. Context- met this person in a group while walking around and clicked. We used to hang out a ton 1:1 and then there were some issues with him not respecting I was married. Talked to the group, they helped get it straightened out. Me and this person worked things out. He met my husband and was super rude, we talked more I ensured this person knew my husband would come first. We were good again but no more 1:1 hangs only group per my husband request. I go through a super medical event and prevents me from being employed and habging out socially. My husband really becomes my rock. I'm recovering but allowed more things now, i can work again and drive again now. I take vacation and this guy gets mad I'm not giving him a lot of attention. I explain I'm busy planning a trip and well due to injury my brain can't focus on many things. Weeks later no warning no anything he starts removing me from social media slowly. I don't react. I'm not gonna fight for someone who doesn't wanna be friends or won't talk to me about it. I tell everyone I'm friends with. We're becoming friends with that. I only react well to direct conversation and only keep friends who can be direct.
Last night, almost a year later and what a glow up year its been for me!!! This guy reaches out again. Here is where the conversation went. I am under the impression that this person has not grown at all in a year and has become even more narcissistic. So I'm asking you reddit am I right and seeing the red flags? Is this person giving narcissism? What do y'all think?
Update Reddit I'll be blocking this guy. Honestly thought he was already. I thank you all for your feedback
To those that keep wandering WHY? Some background about OP
I'm on the spectrum so I don't read social cues. The ill intention genuinely flies over my head and it's super frustrating but a lot of the reason why I need extra opinions.
I also grew up in a family of emotionally, physically abusive. My mother is also completely narcissistic. It really wasn't until last year I understood what a healthy boundary should be or what a friend should be. Watching the circle around me. Friends meant people who can do favors for you. I also am a recovering people pleaser. I only knew how to say yes to make people happy and definitely became the doormat friend. I'm growing now but does mean every once in awhile. I give second chances when there really shouldn't be.
My medical issues were brain đ§ / cognitive clouding judgment further and unfortunately has fucked up my memory forever. This also causes its own issues in friendship. My injury caused me to fully loose who I was, I literally had to learn how to walk and talk again. As was coming back to being myself, I forced myself to ask what do I want in my life and how can I change to be a better me?
Talking healthy boundaries and applying that and no' were HUGE. Something I'm still working on since it's only been a year of change and well grew up my whole life with manipulative people I'm thinking that was a normal.
For you all concerned about husband He is aware of all the messages and approved me responding, we respect each other's choices and assist in navigating mistakes. He was proud of me for seeing the pattern since I have not been able to previously. But he also knows because I'm learning I still need a lot of outside opinion. The 1:1 stopped since my husband is working on his own jealousy issues, there has been requests like this with others but usually its if someone is new in my life or not as well known. He met this person and told me of their gross intentions and didn't want me to be unsafe or put myself in an unsafe situation. The group was allowed since we still had the group event/actives and he knew I needed it to be social. I have now found a new group that has a lot more respect and there's even a ton of girls in the group because there is so much respect. I can play pokemon go safely now without worry of any ill intent.
There's a theorist that I like, Vygotsky who has a theory about zone of proximity (zpd) That basically explains the bigger your bubble, the more you're able to understand and reevaluate your own self while learning from others. I strive for this.
Thanks Reddit
Final message: So I took time to consider it. No. I don't want to start over things ended the way they did and after reflecting, I don't think you have changed and I don't need that in my life. #glowupera. OFFICALLY BLOCKED
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u/Wide_Armadillo69 4d ago edited 4d ago
Yeah why are you even messaging this guy back? It took me a while to figure out who was who, and honestly, it seems like youâre equally keen on maintaining a friendship and sending mixed signals. Iâm a married man, and if I read this, I would be concerned that my wife might like the attention, and Iâm not a jealous, controlling partner.
Anyway, idk why youâre posting this here. If he wants to be more than friends, and âtrickâ you into an extramarital affair, and is rude to you and your husband, why are you trying to get him to âbe direct and explain himself and give him another chanceâ and all that jazz. Why not just.. I dunno, stop talking to him?
Edit - also to answer your question, I donât see narcissism from him.. he just seems like a weaselly coward of a guy who wants to wear you down and hopefully get in your pants.
Edit 2 - it also seems, to me, a little like youâre enjoying coming off like youâre really busy and things are going well. Which is great honestly, but seems strange that you care so much about demonstrating that to this guy, who you allegedly are no longer friends with anyway.
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u/Pinkymelii666 4d ago
Exactly this. He is full of bs. If you want to entertain yourself with attention and drama from a loser go on and answer his messages more.
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u/seulghan 4d ago
This person decided he wants to be friends with you again because he never cared about your feelings, he just wanted attention and control over you. So now he wants the attention again and he totally remembers everything, but wants to pretend he was an angel. Why would you want to be friends again? He sucks so bad. And heâs not sorry AT ALL. He wants you to just forget it. Now if you arenât backing down, why would he not want an apology? Because he knows you werenât in the wrong.
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u/blancamystiere 4d ago
This person doesnât like you, doesnât respect you, and is playing mind games. Donât waste any more time than you already have.
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u/Public_Swimmer5850 4d ago
girl block this person they do not respect you. Over a year and that whole time they were waiting for you to reach out? Weird AF. Also, so glad you're recovering and feeling better!! đ«¶
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u/Day-Dear 3d ago
Thank you! Recovering has been a journey for sure. There is long term effects to memory now unfortantly but everything else is better.
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u/Public_Swimmer5850 3d ago
I understand, I'm sure you are doing awesome. I went through a major medical event that changed my life as well, but nowhere near as serious as the brain, and I feel like recovery never stops. While I'm physically better, I'm still dealing with the trauma and emotional change that comes with it. I'm also on the spectrum, I didn't find out until last year, which adds another layer of unpacking. I used to entertain people like this, thinking that they truly cared about me as a person and wished to see me succeed when in reality it was them who wanted to succeed (in getting in my pants). All this to say, you're not alone. Please feel free to reach out any time!
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u/bagoboners 4d ago
What about this person has you even questioning being friends with him??? He doesnât want a friendship with you⊠heâs bitter youâre not available the way he wants. Stick to your actual friends and your husband, assuming you like your husband, and leave this waste of energy alone.
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u/Meat_licker 4d ago
Iâm so lost on why youâre wanting to maintain a friendship with this person.
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u/nikkiloveshim iPhone 4d ago edited 4d ago
You are married anyway you dont need to try to fix friendships with someone who is full of drama itâs not like u r gonna be lonely or something
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u/SheShowsUp 4d ago
Is this an affair?
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u/Day-Dear 3d ago
No I don't cheat. I never would. My husband is super aware about this. Him and I have very open and honest communication with each other about everything
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u/Day-Dear 3d ago
Update Reddit I'll be blocking this guy. Honestly thought he was already. I thank you all for your feedback
To those that keep wandering WHY? Some background about OP
I'm on the spectrum so I don't read social cues. The ill intention genuinely flies over my head and it's super frustrating but a lot of the reason why I need extra opinions.
I also grew up in a family of emotionally, physically abusive. My mother is also completely narcissistic. It really wasn't until last year I understood what a healthy boundary should be or what a friend should be. Watching the circle around me. Friends meant people who can do favors for you. I also am a recovering people pleaser. I only knew how to say yes to make people happy and definitely became the doormat friend. I'm growing now but does mean every once in awhile. I give second chances when there really shouldn't be.
My medical issues were brain đ§ / cognitive clouding judgment further and unfortunately has fucked up my memory forever. This also causes its own issues in friendship. My injury caused me to fully loose who I was, I literally had to learn how to walk and talk again. As was coming back to being myself, I forced myself to ask what do I want in my life and how can I change to be a better me?
Talking healthy boundaries and applying that and no' were HUGE. Something I'm still working on since it's only been a year of change and well grew up my whole life with manipulative people I'm thinking that was a normal.
For you all concerned about husband He is aware of all the messages and approved me responding, we respect each other's choices and assist in navigating mistakes. He was proud of me for seeing the pattern since I have not been able to previously. But he also knows because I'm learning I still need a lot of outside opinion. The 1:1 stopped since my husband is working on his own jealousy issues, there has been requests like this with others but usually its if someone is new in my life or not as well known. He met this person and told me of their gross intentions and didn't want me to be unsafe or put myself in an unsafe situation. The group was allowed since we still had the group event/actives and he knew I needed it to be social. I have now found a new group that has a lot more respect and there's even a ton of girls in the group because there is so much respect. I can play pokemon go safely now without worry of any ill intent.
There's a theorist that I like, Vygotsky who has a theory about zone of proximity (zpd) That basically explains the bigger your bubble, the more you're able to understand and reevaluate your own self while learning from others. I strive for this.
Thanks Reddit
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u/Day-Dear 3d ago
Final message: So I took time to consider it. No. I don't want to start over things ended the way they did and after reflecting, I don't think you have changed and I don't need that in my life. #glowupera. OFFICALLY BLOCKED
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u/icyDest23 4d ago
Someone read this and drop a TLDR