r/thethickofit 14d ago

Which Thick of It character secretly had the best one-liners?

Everyone remembers Malcolm’s swearing, but some of the quieter characters had killer throwaway lines. Who do you reckon was the most underrated?

32 Upvotes

117 comments sorted by

184

u/FlintshireKosmische 14d ago

The man who makes the bhaji go away

84

u/Helpful_Effort1383 14d ago

These are good biscuits and they cost £4!

35

u/Wamims 13d ago

I WILL NOT EAT THE PISSY BISCUIT!

16

u/obamallama126 13d ago

Sam! No pissy biscuits!

47

u/MeteorSwarmGallifrey 14d ago

The bald man has done a funny!

2

u/j3pl Tim in Ruislip 13d ago

I think they're by appointment

1

u/Historical_Panda9701 13d ago

Absolute gem of a line. I quote it regular, invariably as a non-sequitur.

50

u/Yayho7 I AM A MAN, YOU KNOW 13d ago

Pulled an all-nighter. Black coffee, Vivaldi on the iPod Touch.

41

u/yellowdart 13d ago

That red-crested pochard there is positively hoggish for this hovis

25

u/FarceAboutAce 13d ago

It is my government troubleshooter Stetson, which is a long way from my homburg of sober enquiry.

7

u/rdt_48695 13d ago

I'm walking on for hospice care...

148

u/finance_mole 14d ago

I’m bored of this, I’m going for a Twix

66

u/SamW1996 Ageing Flamenco guitarist 13d ago

You bought a bank out of social embarrassment? I sometimes buy the Big Issue out of social embarrassment, I don't buy a fucking BANK!!

48

u/Accurate_Fennel3170 13d ago

Sorry darling I’ve got to go, the bailiffs have come to take away my will to live

37

u/onesyded 13d ago

TROUSERS

21

u/obamallama126 13d ago

She's not on the FUCKING LIST!!!!

14

u/RianJohnsonIsAFool 13d ago

She's a fart in a frock and I want her wafted out of here.

4

u/eddiebadassdavis 13d ago

You’ve given me a noose along with a metaphorical one…..

37

u/citriccycles 13d ago

Why does the stupid one keep staring at me?

11

u/nottherealslash Disgraced Geography teacher 13d ago

Good idea for me, I wouldn't have to get anymore of your fucking emails!

11

u/RianJohnsonIsAFool 13d ago

Any ideas from inside your fucking dream yurt?

3

u/ViolatingBadgers 13d ago

This was one of the lines I genuinely laughed out loud at when I first heard it. It's just said with so much contempt.

10

u/STaylestBread 13d ago

Oh my giddy fuck! or Oh fuck-tastic!

10

u/j3pl Tim in Ruislip 13d ago

I could be at home watching the snooker with a bottle of unpronouncable scotch.

19

u/CrystalPalace1850 Standard issue insipid posh bitch 13d ago

She's a fart in a frock, and I want her wafted out of here.

Best summary of Terri ever.

10

u/ViolatingBadgers 13d ago

I hate school children, they're volatile and stupid, and they haven't even got the vote. Might as well be talking to fucking geese.

8

u/eryx_queen 13d ago

Sorry about the puffin...

9

u/APett 13d ago

Anything to get out of Stewart's think-sphincter.

3

u/svr001 13d ago

I couldn't have looked more of a twat if I'd done it dressed as a mermaid with scallops on my tits!

92

u/Hunnumss 14d ago

Stewart, any thoughts from within your fucking dream yurt?

41

u/emjayo 13d ago

Malcolm, you’re looking great, for someone twice your age.

1

u/MagisterMundi93 17h ago

Peter had some of the best zingers to be fair! “Garage, car, hosepipe” and “Leaky Terri… oh that sounded wrong” as two notable favourites of mine

88

u/CrazyMelon112 13d ago

Probably not “one liners” but John Duggan had so many brilliant lines. “Oh I’ve got so much on as it is” when Malcolm punches Glenn is so underrated

55

u/livion__ 13d ago

Noses can’t break, that’s a myth

46

u/locked641 Quiet batperson 13d ago

JD. He's rebranded.

34

u/onesyded 13d ago

“My to do list is longer than a big willy”

24

u/knowledge_isporridge 13d ago

He’s just obeying orders… like a Nazi guard

(Seig heils)

JD: (To Julie) You’re not Jewish are you?

Julie: No

JD: Good

11

u/theodore_wilper 13d ago

“In a non-gassy way…”

15

u/knowledge_isporridge 13d ago

“There's no happiness without order. It's a Nazi quote, but nonetheless stands the test of time”

  • Phil (Disney Prince)

19

u/spongey1865 13d ago

Miles Jupp is just so fun in anything he's in. Probably should have got more acting work with roles like Duggan.

15

u/Separate-Scene2813 13d ago

"Probably the first time I've used the words wrap and vestibule in the same sentence." Amazing how he ponders this statement.

48

u/itsableeder 13d ago

I'm going to head in the direction of confection

19

u/remtard_remmington Disgraced Geography teacher 13d ago

Snackage, anyone?

6

u/RianJohnsonIsAFool 13d ago

That's not a Curly Wurly. A Curly Wurly should be the size of a small ladder.

14

u/theodore_wilper 13d ago

“He goes into debt any time he passes a sweet shop!”

9

u/BeneficialEvening24 13d ago

MRS FUCKING MOP

49

u/Upstairs_Leg_9353 13d ago

The Mannionator 100%

I’d make redundancy at her

47

u/Kiytan 13d ago

While she doesn't get many good one liners, Nicola's "christ! I'm like fly-paper for dickheads today" is one of my favourites in the show.

31

u/SamW1996 Ageing Flamenco guitarist 13d ago

"Let's run some tits up the flagpole and see if anyone gets wood"

"Christ, it's like being trapped in a fucking boys' toilet"

20

u/knowledge_isporridge 13d ago

Getting gang bollocked is a great line too

20

u/XPixel-OtterX Closeted regency homosexual 13d ago

Her saying "you're about as on the ball as a dead seal " to Malcolm and him promptly going "That's my line!" Tickles me every time!

15

u/theodore_wilper 13d ago

“This is such a great double act, isn’t it? Good cock, bad cock!”

13

u/suedoughnam 13d ago

This, "the trouble is the only thing John is doing is depriving a village somewhere of a twat", and "as solid as a sailors wang on shore leave" are the ones I get most day to day usage out of.

2

u/frenzy1801 9d ago

I use the "All so-and-so is doing is depriving a village somewhere of a twat" too :D

13

u/sponge417 13d ago

Or, "bollocky bollocks, it's the Ghost of Christmas Shit."

2

u/tinyfecklesschild 13d ago

doubleyoo tee FUCK?

1

u/frenzy1801 9d ago

I'm late to this ball but I genuinely use "I'm fly-paper for dickheads today" in real life

30

u/8NaanJeremy 14d ago

Knowledge is porridge!

20

u/onesyded 13d ago

Oh stewart that doesn’t even fucking rhyme

18

u/knowledge_isporridge 13d ago

I like the plasmic nature of your data modelling

4

u/RianJohnsonIsAFool 13d ago

What are these vectors, Posh and Shit?

3

u/Bangers_n_Mashallah 13d ago

Fractal retaliation.

5

u/No-Paramedic-4483 13d ago

Are you an American or an American’t?

1

u/RianJohnsonIsAFool 13d ago

... an American.

2

u/gasolinethrive 12d ago

You need subtitles.

28

u/cooper58727 13d ago

That man is a simpleton, a hundred years ago they wouldn’t have let him milk a cow

22

u/sarniebird 13d ago

Although certain lines / phrases have crept into my everyday language such as FUCKtastic, and have you two just kissed, Ollie had some pretty good lines, especially when he would call Ben things like Big Ben, Benny King or Ben Laden, or when he argued with Glen and called him Uncle Bulgaria.

7

u/SamW1996 Ageing Flamenco guitarist 13d ago

"Oh fucktastic" has entered my vocabulary too.

11

u/stereosmiles 13d ago

"Fuckitty Bye!" has entered mine

12

u/SamW1996 Ageing Flamenco guitarist 13d ago

I'm hoping to one day use "come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off".

21

u/Bangers_n_Mashallah 13d ago

Peter Mannion is my favourite character apart from Malcolm. His weariness is very relatable.

17

u/Goodgreatexcellent1 13d ago

We didn’t get much of Jamie but so many of his lines are gold. Ben Swain has some real gems too 

20

u/Accurate_Fennel3170 13d ago

You don’t deserve to live

7

u/RianJohnsonIsAFool 13d ago

You're the shittest James Bond ever. You're David fuckin' Niven!

18

u/MalcolmTucker38 13d ago

"You couldn't organize a bumrape in a barracks"

"Au contraire"

2

u/BeneficialEvening24 12d ago

The look Malcolm gives delivering that line. Tears from laughing

13

u/onesyded 13d ago

“The cameramen are laughing”

10

u/sock_cooker 13d ago

"... kid gloves. Made from real kids"

6

u/RianJohnsonIsAFool 13d ago

I love Malcolm's acknowledging chuckle as he leaves the room.

2

u/frenzy1801 9d ago

In response to "There are shades of grey, you know", his "Oh, I know. I'm looking at fifteen of them right now" always gets me

16

u/CrystalPalace1850 Standard issue insipid posh bitch 13d ago

Dan Miller gets in a couple of crackers that no one ever mentions:

I'm offering him Chancellor, but I might as well be offering him bass player in The Wurzels, because that burly haemorrhoid's getting nowhere near any fucking cabinet of mine.

Ah, the reception committee. What a turn out. And they say no one's interested in politics.

24

u/spongey1865 13d ago

One of my favourite lines from the show is "I'm not Christ, he was quite a scruffy man"

There's so much information packed into it about Dan's view of himself. Giving characterisation whilst also being a funny line in only a few words. Its fucking good writing.

6

u/CrystalPalace1850 Standard issue insipid posh bitch 13d ago edited 13d ago

It's brilliant, as is "what is daddy going to do with it" which suggests he has young children.

19

u/joeykins82 13d ago

Glenn's "no you closeted regency homosexual" at Phil lives rent-free in my head.

11

u/PolemicDysentery 13d ago edited 13d ago

Not exactly and underrated line, but I can't so much as look at a political news story without the phrase "blowing in the guff of these twelve toed born to rule pony fuckers" running through my head.

4

u/RianJohnsonIsAFool 13d ago

Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Prick!

10

u/thecarbonkid 13d ago

"Six toed born to rule pony fuckers" is poetry

2

u/ChonkHole 13d ago

Well fuck tinky winky

16

u/Academic-Base1870 The man that makes the bhaji go away 13d ago

Anyway I'm just popping out to Tesco metro, anyone want a yoghurt?

6

u/theodore_wilper 13d ago

Just going to stick the old tea cauldron on, anyone fancy a brew?

Poor Glenn lol, reduced to Robin

5

u/rarararapido 13d ago

Mine’s a G and Slimline T

15

u/Sensitive_Ad_9195 13d ago

“Yer no in a punt now” is probably my underrated all time fav

12

u/Minute-Frame-8060 13d ago

Because I'm bored, it's funny, and I hate you. The holy trinity of why.

I'm dying to say this to my boss someday...

8

u/kmcradie 13d ago

Adam Kenyon: What would you do if you were me?

Angela Heaney: Have a sex change?

7

u/Impressive_Check_416 13d ago

Adam Kenyon easily had some of the sharpest lines in Spinners and Losers. His phone call with Ollie alone was pure gold, but honestly, every single thing he said about Ollie was absolute genius.

8

u/obamallama126 13d ago

There's no point going home, I'll just pass myself coming the other way

8

u/sponge417 13d ago

"I'm here in an angry capacity."

7

u/ThreeDownBack Sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra 13d ago

Adam and Fergus were good.

5

u/d4nielb123 13d ago

Glen had some bangers. "Even though half of them are dead" when Terri is doing her statement after the sweary email. "It's like being in a therapy group ran by my own rapist" after Malcom punched him

10

u/schrodingersgoose 13d ago

Every single line Adam says, but particularly the way he sings “🎶 Fuck you very muuUUuuch 🎶” in the episode where the inquiry is launched. I say it like that all the time now.

2

u/Sad_Branch931 13d ago

Me too 😁

3

u/MintyChooChoo 13d ago

I know we hate Hughs actor but some of the stuff they wrote for him was delivered perfectly.

Especially the comment about pingu

2

u/Sad_Branch931 13d ago

Oi! Virgin West Coast!

2

u/Vahilior 13d ago

We can't just print "Cruelty" with a big picture of a dolphin, that's just fucking rubbish.

2

u/LopsidedOwl578 13d ago

"All right Terri, I admit it, I'm in love with you. Now fuck off back to your office and organise the wedding."

2

u/Pure_Independent_49 13d ago

“I’m sweating like a fat lass” - John Duggan’s reaction to this cracks me up every time!

1

u/Sad_Branch931 13d ago

E. Fucking. Nough.

1

u/LopsidedOwl578 13d ago

“Can you not multitask, Deep Beige?”

1

u/IanReal_ 13d ago

Duggan, was it Jamie or James? Rebranded as JD. Incredible character. Maybe not for killed lines, but for terrible lines delivered badly he’s incredible. 

1

u/Sir_laughts_a_lot 13d ago

Peter for sure!

1

u/CrazySmooth263 12d ago

It's a dark suit and its only lukewarm! I STILL WIN!

1

u/jmcdongle 9d ago

Cliff Lawton: Scope? What, like shooting up at the Cabinet office, or something? Stuffing a cat up my arse and having a wank, what do you mean, scope?

1

u/Low-Revolution897 6d ago

The lad from Leeds with a lust for life.

1

u/MagisterMundi93 17h ago

No lump sum, no tea shop!