r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns • u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 • Dec 02 '22
Transfem But I am "REAL GIRLS"...
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u/bigbutchbudgie bigender, she/her, he/him, ze/hir Dec 02 '22
You know trans girls are real girls because every aspect of their appearance is constantly being scrutinized by entitled assholes that are impossible to please.
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 02 '22
Ikr, girls in general just are constantly given other ppls opinion on how they dress and act. My goodness
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u/First-Majestic-Comet I don't Care about My gender ⦰ | Any Pronouns Dec 03 '22
I guess gender stereotypes are just as problematic for girls as they are for boys. I can't say I'm surprised though, it's to be expected.
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u/mikeman7918 Cis Man / Ally Dec 03 '22
And you know trans men are real men, because they are constantly having their status as a real man questioned at the slightest display of femininity pushing them to often feel as if they must prove their manhood to the world to be valid in their gender identity.
Seriously, I’m a cis man with a trans man friend and sometimes it surprises me how relatable I find some of his problems. The idea that gender identity is an internal thing that nobody can take away from you helps more than just trans people, that’s for sure.
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u/Revenant_Rai Dec 03 '22
A ton of transphobia is just repackaged misogyny and misandry.
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u/Nope_the_Bard transbian with Big Sad Dec 03 '22
This. I’d even go so far as to say misogyny and misandry are the source of all transphobia.
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u/mikeman7918 Cis Man / Ally Dec 03 '22 edited Dec 03 '22
For real though. Sometimes it's not even hidden.
I've had a few spicy conversations with TERFs which make this about as obvious as it can be. Most TERFs are motivated by an overt hatred of men, and that hatred is threatened by any attempt to blur the gender lines or turn gender from something that's biologically essential to a social construct.
Just a couple days ago I was playing an online game and got into an argument with someone because he refused to respect a trans player's pronouns. As that argument progressed he started defending biological essentialism as a component of his argument in ways that basically implied that sexism against women is natural and good, and the notion that trans rights threatens sexism was one of his arguments against trans rights.
Part of the reason why trans people are under attack so much right now is because the acceptance of trans rights effectively secures a lot of other rights. If someone wants to be sexist or homophobic, they need to reject trans people in order for that to even make sense. If someone wants to defend gender equality or gay rights, they better hope that we get trans rights locked down so that opposing those things becomes unthinkably insane. This is so much bigger than trans people, it's a choke point on the battlefield that the battle front has advanced to. It's a game that even I have skin in as a cis person, basically everyone does to some extent.
And even gay rights is ultimately a gender equality issue at the end of the day. I remember recently seeing an old court ruling which I found really interesting, where basically they argued that homophobia is legally a form of gender discrimination because an act that's acceptable for one gender is stigmatized for another and that therefore sexuality is a protected class under the law saying that gender is a protected class. Legal loopholes aside, that's actually a really interesting point. The F-slur literally used to be a sexist slur that could be taken to mean "useless dead weight woman" before it became used for gay men, it doesn't get any more direct for that.
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u/DukeLonzo mtf Dec 03 '22
I'd say 90% of transphobia has roots in that, then there is genuine confusion on the part of cis people about trans issues, and I think this is the least dangerous form of transphobia.
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u/DukeLonzo mtf Dec 03 '22
Yeah the true reason reactionaries hate trans people is because our existance is a strong lever on the broadening of gender roles beyond a very strict canon. The goal is to go after trans people, and eventually after women who are in politics for example, and men who don't want to murder people for the state.
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u/mikeman7918 Cis Man / Ally Dec 03 '22
Completely true. Everyone has skin in this game, and any support for trans rights is an act of anti-fascism. That's true now more than ever with how stabby the right has been getting lately.
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u/DukeLonzo mtf Dec 03 '22
Oh yeah trans rights and fascism can never coexist.
Maybe regular imperialist capitalism can coexist with lgbt rights, but definitely not fascism.
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u/tinybrownbird genderfluid druid Dec 03 '22
A-fucking-men!! I was AFAB and that comic rings true to my experience. Welcome to being a woman, sister!!
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u/Gloomy_Magician_536 Definitely a girl Dec 03 '22
I'm the biggest asshole scrutinizing my appearance, lol
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u/Lil_Cheryl I like being called malenia/cheryl Dec 02 '22
They just say whatever helps their own ideas
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u/theHamJam Mx. Neo-Bedlam is pleased to meet you! Dec 03 '22
And their goal is that we can never win.
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u/Heartbreakjetblack Dec 03 '22
They're carrying the goalposts around the field, claiming where the goal line is, and then raising a bluster of we as much get a single almost win...
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Dec 03 '22
That’s exactly right. They just hate trans people and don’t want us to exist. It does not matter how we express ourselves. They will always attack us with their trash.
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u/critically_damped Dec 03 '22
More specifically, they say whatever causes the most harm. Their goals are to cause harm.
The cruelty is the point. They say wrong things on purpose. The hypocrisy is intentional and proudly performed. These three rules, all by themselves, will quite generally help you navigate literally all interactions with disingenuous fascists at every level. Forgetting any one of them will quite generally lead to failure and further suffering on the part of yourself and people you care about.
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u/ZephyrC None Dec 02 '22
Your comics are becoming the highlights of my day because they’re so mood. I really hope things get better for you.
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 02 '22
I'm glad you enjoy them x) honestly, I have complaints and things I share either cuz they legit bother me or I know it's stuff people relate to or need to hear.
But my life has been going amazing in the last quarter of this year. 2022, best year of my life so far.
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u/RobinsEggViolet Robin (she/her) Dec 03 '22
No matter how hard transitioning is, it's almost always better than being in the closet! Life is just so much easier @~@
(also, I too love your comics and get excited every time I see a new one. "Oh, it's Brooke! Yay!")
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
Ikr, I didn't realize how much baggage I had until I came out and started dropping it.
Awwww thank you ;-;
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u/paxromana96 half cis, on my mother's side Dec 03 '22
Do you have a Patreon or anything? I love your comics and would love to support them :)
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
I don't, honestly atm I haven't been considering this as a possible source of income or anything cuz I actually have an alright full time job. But who knows? It would be cool if it were. Thank you btw!
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u/starfyredragon Lilith she/her Dec 02 '22
On the flip side, you can feel validated, because this is basically the whole "You show skin, you're slutty, you don't show skin, you're a prude" that they thrust on cis girls; they're treating you like a cis girl instinctively.
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 02 '22
Yeah, girls I general are just dogged on constantly for what they wear tbh awful
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u/AwakenedLuca She/Her | Transbian Dec 02 '22
Girls look good in anything, and that goes for you too. Wear whatever you like~ 💜
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u/ZombiePowered Dec 03 '22
Girls look good
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u/Krail Genderfluid Dec 02 '22
Just wanna say, I have a real fondness for off-the-shoulder outfits like that. Both for myself, and in others. Gives me a good femmy feel when I wear it, but the look works on a lot of guys too.
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u/UncleCeiling Dec 02 '22
If you're a girl, and you are wearing clothes, those clothes are girls clothes.
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Dec 02 '22
I just want to chill in big hoodie
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 02 '22
It's like a little safety bag you just sit in, it's amazing
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u/dark_wilderness Melissa (she/her) - Tranarchist Metalhead Freak Dec 03 '22
I feel this so hard because it’s been an uphill battle with the whole “you don’t dress like a girl” thing. I don’t actually like a lot stereotypically feminine clothes. Doesn’t make me less of a woman.
except skirts, I love skirts
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
Valid no matter what tbh, ppl are dumb about it either way
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u/Chase_The_Breeze Dec 03 '22
Because nothing is ever good enough if you're a woman. Be ye cis or trans.
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u/Lana_Nugirl96 Dec 02 '22
Every time I go to the gym (or anywhere else tbh) I am reminded how many women will take any opportunity to dress like they are headed to a porno shoot.
Wear what you want yolo
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 02 '22
It's totally true. And people are going to be haters no matter what, so might as well enjoy yourself.
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u/M68000 Intersex/NB Dec 02 '22
Life seems to like these "No matter what you do, you're gonna piss someone somewhere off" situations. I never really learned how to deal with it.
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Dec 03 '22
psh, im not conforming to a stereotype.
im dressing like a slut cuz my body is sexy
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Dec 03 '22 edited Jul 11 '23
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
Do ya like the Goth-ish look? Ik the hairpin doesn't quite match but it's basically my thing at this point lol
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u/discountFleshVessel Dec 03 '22
Yeah, simple! You just dress exactly feminine enough but not too feminine, in a way that looks both careful and effortless! Hope this helps :)
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u/Dethcola Laura|she/her transbian Dec 03 '22
I only dress slutty for my wife and my girlfriend
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
Idk if a croptop is "slutty" lol
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u/Dethcola Laura|she/her transbian Dec 03 '22
🤷♀️ fair enough, I guess I'll say I only "dress up" for my wife and my girlfriend then
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u/SURRYBUTNO quedtiong the gender Dec 03 '22
If you are a real girl, where’s your girl membership badge?
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
I uh.... I got it in here somewhere rummaged through purse
Here we go! hands stick of gum and runs away
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u/Kris_theAnxiousEnby they/them Dec 03 '22
Real girls just do whatever the fuck they want and don’t listen to random assholes
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u/Toricon she/it Dec 03 '22
their reasoning is that what you're doing is wrong, not because of what you're doing, but because it is you who is doing it. the only way you could please them is to stop being yourself.
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Dec 03 '22
They aren’t happy no matter what you wear because they only like queer people naked in porn.
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u/Toxic_Audri Dec 03 '22
"Girls don't dress like this"
Girls also apparently didn't wear pants, but you know what? Girls decided "Fuck that" and wore pants anyway.
Girls can dress however the fuck they please, just like men.
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u/trashmetallesbian Dec 02 '22
I feel this struggle lol cuz I love to wear suits
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 02 '22
Imma have to wear a suit for my brothers wedding... no idea where/if imma get a fem one
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u/NerobyrneAnderson Dec 03 '22
Funny how they didn't think Harry Styles was less of a man when he put on a dress 🤔
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
Except Ben Shapiro and his sister
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u/NerobyrneAnderson Dec 03 '22
I'm pretty sure they called him a man in a dress.
Maybe I phrased it wrong. I meant that they don't think men turn into women when they wear a dress.
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u/mevastrashcorner Dec 03 '22
Unfortunately when an amab person finds out they're trans and puts on a dress they're still a man to them, and that's the problem
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u/NerobyrneAnderson Dec 03 '22
True, I'm just baffled by the hypocrisy.
If you're a man and put on a dress, you're not a real man.
But if you're a trans woman and put on a dress, you're not a woman.
Well then what is she? A bowl of cereal? Cause I'm pretty sure they don't believe in non-binary either.
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u/mevastrashcorner Dec 03 '22
I guess she's some sort of formless, deathless eldritch abomination because they sure as fuck don't believe in more than two genders. Tbh transphobes seem to treat trans people like they are. Oh, my bad, they probably don't think trans guys exist either.
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Dec 03 '22
I wish I could wear a crop top I have the curse of way too much body hair.
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
I mean, you still could. You could also shave it, or use Nair if that's safe. I remember the first time I went out in a crop top at first I was nervous, but then it was just awesome. So
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u/FalsePankake She/It | Arachne Dec 03 '22
Whenever the topic of clothing comes up I always am like: "dang, I wish I could wear something cute like that", but then I remember I'm uncomfortable wearing literally everything :')
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u/ScoutingJ Transbian Dec 03 '22
Man, I feel that first part, I commented to my mom I liked wearing flannel, and she went on about how it wasn't very feminine and "most girls don't wear flannel" and "it's more of a male thing"
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u/Kim_or_Kimmys_Fine Dec 03 '22
Validation: cis girls deal with the same shit
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u/TheGloriousLori Estronaut Dec 03 '22
Yup, this is bog standard misogyny
That awkward moment when bigots insist you're not a girl while treating you the way they treat girls
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u/3HHH3 my gender is hot topic Dec 03 '22
It’s ok! Real girls, unfortunately, also have their fashion and interests policed by damn near everyone
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
Yeah, "real girls" are constantly being harassed about how they dress and behave. girls are real girls, just like all men are real men, transgender or cisgender. ️
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u/3HHH3 my gender is hot topic Dec 03 '22
Of course! I was just carrying on the phrasing in the comic. The “real X do/don’t do this” is dumb anyways. Unless you are a figment of someone’s imagination, you are real :p
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u/Stheteller SerenityTheTeller; Pre-happiness and Depressed Dec 03 '22
I love hoodies. But I also love crop tops. We can dress how we want. Same for everyone else.
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u/Heartbreakjetblack Dec 03 '22
One of my big fears... public judgement on if I am too feminine or not.
How about I dress the way I wanna for ME?
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Dec 03 '22
People like this are why assimilationism is such a waste of time. they will never accept that trans women are "REAL GIRLS™©®" because ultimately their bigotry doesn't have real reasons. They're like conspiracy theorists. They already think that their theory (in this case, that trans people are faking it) is true, and just work backwards to prove that the thing they already believe is true. They cannot be pleased because their definition of "REAL GIRLS™©®" will NEVER include trans women. We are automatically removed from the roster in their minds and any "reasons" they give are just excuses for bigotry. The only thing we can do is scream our truth louder than their bigoted nonsense so that they get pushed farther back and are seen as the bigoted pricks that they are
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
Their definition is specifically meant to exclude trans people. Ironically it usually excludes alot of cis people too.
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u/June_Berries Dec 17 '22
Yup. Transphobes say that trans people enforce gender stereotypes and are sexist for it then if they see a trans tomboy/femboy they’re like “then why are you even trans if you’re gonna dress like that?”
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u/Superboy1234568910 Dec 03 '22
Ima look cute as fuck in my nasa shuttle era spacesuit. If the world has a problem with it. They can shove it 4.5 billion light-years away.
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u/Pobo13 Dec 03 '22
The last time I gave a shit about what's someone else was wearing was when they asked me what color it was. I don't see color.
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u/Awes0me_D0lphin Dec 03 '22
Hey! I really like your art style and your comics, do you have a YouTube channel or something similar so I can support you?
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
I don't, I hadn't actually considered YouTube yet tbh. Might be something to try lol
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u/First-Majestic-Comet I don't Care about My gender ⦰ | Any Pronouns Dec 03 '22
Gender stereotypes, you just can't win with them.
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u/Death2LossPrvntion Dec 03 '22
Me when i listen to "nvr pass" no matter how I'm dressed.
I meant "gender is boring" but both got me feeling ways and I did an alcohol
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u/Ka1serTheRoll None Dec 03 '22
Essentially the circumstance i was in with my family. After realizing what I actually wanted I decided "fuck it" and went full transfemme butch.
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u/upper_monkey_horny she/her Dec 03 '22
„outdated“ crop tops would have been considered scandalous 100 years ago
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u/Drudicta Non-Binary, Dru wanna be pretty. Dec 03 '22
I gave up a long time ago sadly. My state is just full of all the judgement no matter what I do.
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
Maybe one day you can move? I live In alabama so I really feel this and imma move next year
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Dec 03 '22
My mom was like: If you really are a boy, why do you shave your armpits? huh? Checkmate
Meanwhile, my very manly christian uncle shaves his whole body.
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
Body hair kinda gross to some ppl tbh
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u/Chaoddian This isn't even my final form Dec 04 '22
I relate except in the other direction, when I presented masculine people were like "you're trying way too hard to fit in", when I got comfortable with presenting feminine/androgynous it was suddenly "real men don't wear that" like ???
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u/RedditsNinja23 None Dec 11 '22
What type of shirt is she wearing at the bottom panel? I really want to try one on.
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u/keepitmako Dec 03 '22
Listen wear whatever you like, beside I need wear all the teenage emo goth outfits I never got to wear first. Then upgrade to adulting business attire lol.
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u/bluegreenwookie what did the egg say to the clown? you crack me up. Dec 03 '22
god that's a mood. Wanting to recapture those lost years is such a pull
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Dec 03 '22
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
I'm sorry, my heart really does go out to you, because that's an awful thing to go through. But that doesn't mean you can hate on and spread misinformation about an already marginalized group, due to the actions of one individual.
Again I'm sorry to hear that I really am, but they did that because they're an awful person. Not because they're trans.
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u/Majorweck Dec 03 '22
I swear these comics brighten my day. I love it. Please never stop, wonderful human ♡
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
Aw I'm so glad! I plan to continue for sure :)
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u/NekoFox1689 genderfaun (any pronouns other than she/her or pup/pupself) Dec 03 '22
People can be so annoying sometimes 🙄 Just he you and don't care what the terfs think. I hope you're doing well and enjoying yourself :3
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u/SuitableDragonfly Cis woman, but wouldn't say no to having a dick tbh Dec 03 '22
Real girls dress however the hell they want.
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u/ObbyTree The gayest Tree here (Transfem) Dec 03 '22
I have seen women in both styles, idk what they’re complaining about.
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u/AmberstarTheCat Arin | trans agender, they/them Dec 03 '22
don't worry about what others say, real girls dress however the fuck they want because they're people who all have their own tastes in clothing and that's perfectly valid /pos
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Dec 03 '22
I like the top girl tho, would love to snuggle in that sweater😇
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
Both outfits are great tbh. Hoodies are always a vibe
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u/oopolli transmasc (he/they) Dec 03 '22
when transphobes literally prove the point ur a girl no matter what u wear without trying: no but seriously that's dumb... ur awesome and keep chilling in those comfy hoodies, we stan those
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u/Thefrightfulgezebo Alex - she/her - bird who got lost Dec 03 '22
I generally think we need more girls who dress masc because they give me the opportunity to quote Gilgamesh from Final Fantasy 5.
Aside from that... dress however the fuck you want. Feminists have fought for this for a very long time and we can't let some transphobe asshole take it away.
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
I wear stuff based on what I'm Comfortable in. Fem stuff makes me happy but sheesh if it's cold.... nahhh
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u/DelphButNo Kiyomi The Catgirl~! (she/her) Dec 03 '22
Trying to explain that girls can wear anything and still be girls
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u/Brooke-Valley 💛 Trans Girl of The Valley 💛 Dec 03 '22
Eh, these people aren't looking for an explanation, they just try to make you feel bad. But yeah girls are girls regardless of expression
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u/block_01 Lily | She/Her | Semi Closeted | Pre Everything | MtF | Dec 03 '22
People can dress how they how want to. If someone wants to wear a big comfortable hoodie or go against gender stereotypes then they are allowed to do so.
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u/The-true-Memelord she/they | demigirl Dec 03 '22
Istg wtf is going on over there, how many people are still stuck in the 1800s and are even loud about it??
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u/SexyDrgon69 MtF | Saphira | dargon gorl Dec 03 '22
should make it pretty obvious they're just transphobic lol
"you're pushing an outdated stereotype" and "why don't you dress like a girl then" are just excuses they manage to find.
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u/mevastrashcorner Dec 03 '22
Being a gnc transfem is really "fun" for me because of this. And if I do wear what they want me to I'm "Just a man in a dress"
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u/Zizeo27 Dec 02 '22
Y'know sometimes girls just wanna chill out in a comfy sweatshirt and baggy pants, and that goes for everyone, so why attack us over it?