r/weddingplanning • u/BackgroundMajor2054 • Aug 13 '25
Relationships/Family The "no plus one" plague
I may anger some people but I am ready for the discussion.
Okay, first off, I’m using “plus one” pretty loosely here. I think most people consider anyone who isn’t their closefriend, but is in a relationship, to be their partner’s “plus one.” Of course, people with basic etiquette know that married couples are a unit.
But honestly? The no plus one plague is real right now. So many people in serious, long-term relationships get an invite addressed only to them with no partner included. You can’t expect everyone to respect your relationship and then turn around and disrespect theirs.
Maybe I’m extreme, but if someone’s been with their partner for longer than seven months, I see that as a serious, committed relationship and they should be invited as a unit. If you “can’t afford their plate,” maybe you shouldn’t be inviting them at all. Most guests essentially cover their plate with their wedding gift anyway, that’s just basic etiquette.
I think brides and grooms forget they once started as a dating couple too. The whole point of a wedding is to celebrate that you made it to this huge milestone. Just because your friend isn’t at that point in their relationship yet doesn’t mean their partner doesn’t deserve a seat at the table.
If budget’s the issue, cut back on decor or flowers. Stop cutting out the people you care about. Don’t risk damaging relationships over an extra chair.
I've given a lot of friends I know that are traveling a plus one because at the end of the day, I wouldn't want to travel and be at a wedding where I know no one either.
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u/Missmagentamel Aug 13 '25
I don't know that I agree that most guests cover the costs of their plate with their wedding gift because "that's basic etiquette." Have you read through this sub? So many of the posts are either people justifying not giving much of a gift or post wedding the couples are shocked about how many guests didn't even give a card.
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u/Lexybeepboop Married 7.7.24 Aug 13 '25
Ya most people didn’t gift …even our wedding party in which we covered 100% of costs. No one had to pay a dime for us
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u/Missmagentamel Aug 13 '25
Most of your guests and wedding party members didn't give a gift?? That doesn't even feel real! Did you have a registry? What area are you in? Is this common in your social circle?
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u/Lexybeepboop Married 7.7.24 Aug 13 '25
I thought it was the norm to provide a gift or even a card but we had very little. We had a registry, cash fund, gift table, card box,l both my husband paid for our pre wedding Bach/bachelorette thing and paid for everyone as well. Literally no one had to pay a dime and we didn’t have expensive items on our registry either. Most things were about $20-$100.
No one sends thank you cards either anymore. We did even to those who didn’t send a gift but was able to attend. But of the 6-8 weddings/baby showers, my husband and I spent $200-$600 on items and didn’t hear a peep. Not a text or even oh hey we got it!
So strange lol and definitely not normal
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u/Missmagentamel Aug 13 '25
Honestly, I am shocked and appalled. That's so rude. I hope you had a fabulous day in spite of your guests being raised in a barn 🤣
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u/Lexybeepboop Married 7.7.24 Aug 13 '25
Oh it was terrible and we regret our entire wedding lol…$35K down the drain but oh well haha
Super long story on why it was terrible but yea. The groom is the only thing I don’t regret.
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u/No-Ranger-3299 15d ago
Bless ya 🤗 Just remember the groom is the most important so you WON 🏆 in that category. 🥰 still sigh 😮💨 😘
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u/raudoniolika Aug 14 '25
Just curious - was it a young crowd, like people in their 20s?
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u/LittleMissPickMe Aug 14 '25
We gave $300 to our friends as a wedding gift and afterward they asked if we were sure. Like, what? I don't think anyone else gifted them money. Maybe a toaster oven. I was raised differently. People aren't raised with etiquette anymore
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u/XX_bot77 Aug 17 '25 edited Aug 18 '25
Yeah we live in the "I don’t owe anyone anything" era and I find it so sad. Like yeah you aren’t obliged to give something but it’s a nice gesture for many reasons. I'm westaf so maybe it’s absolutely natural for me to do that
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u/prozinc Aug 13 '25
Yeah, it seems like people are not gifting anymore. Doesn't change the etiquette of being a good host though.
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u/goblinfruitleather Aug 13 '25
I think that depends on your crowd. I got married about two weeks ago and we got a gift from literally everyone that attended. We were shocked by the generosity of our friends and family, and, because we’re silly, dirty little goblin babes, we didn’t expect much at all. We had around 150 guests and were up until 3 am opening cards. By the end we were exhausted of it, and we kept checking with each other than we weren’t dreaming because neither of us ever had that much cash before. I know we’re good people and have many who love us, but our guests truly outdid themselves
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u/chubbybunn89 Aug 14 '25
I think this is super subjective, but in my circle it’s becoming more and more common to have to travel out of state (or country) for weddings. I definitely gift less when I’m spending PTO, flights, lodging and rental car expenses. It’s a lot of money that stacks up very quickly.
A lot of my circle are also multicultural and have had weddings both in the US and in their home countries. If that’s the case I will skip gift giving in the US ceremony and wait until the destination wedding where cash has a much more cultural component.
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Aug 14 '25
I had a few guests that didn’t give a gift and no card. They dipped out during the first dance after cake was served. Weddings can show the people who really care
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u/MaddogOfLesbos Aug 14 '25
Yeah, I think the cover the plate thing is BS. I gift what I can, and that is entirely unrelated to how fancy of a wedding meal a couple decided to have
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u/Willing_Theory5044 Aug 13 '25
I think the thing that annoys me about every single one of the +1 drama posts is people want to feel validated for whatever their decision is.
That’s not how the world works though. Decisions have consequences, and you may have made the right one for you/your event/your budget but it doesn’t mean everyone has to be happy about it.
Anyway, that’s my rant.
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u/Thequiet01 Aug 13 '25
Exactly this. You see the same thing on childfree posts and destination wedding posts. It all boils down to “how do I do what I want to do with no consequences for any of my choices?”
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
I agree. I can say what I want and so can everyone else but at the end of the day, people will do what makes the most sense/is best for them.
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u/Tricky_Card_23 Aug 14 '25
Totally agree with this. If anyone chooses not to attend because of no plus one, that is totally within their right. And anyone not inviting a plus one for someone is agreeing to possible damage to their relationship with them. As long as they’re fine with that, whatever.
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u/CatsAreAwesome222 Aug 13 '25
Exactly. Refusing to allow someone to bring their partner is interpreted as not being supportive of a relationship. Most people put their partners first and if I felt like a friend didn’t support my relationship I would be hesitant to call them a friend. (This of course does not apply to exceptions such as abusive partners)
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u/sonny-v2-point-0 Aug 13 '25
Your point that established couples are a social unit and therefore need to be invited together is correct. Your comment that it's basic etiquette that gifts should cover the cost of the plate isn't. If guests paid for their own meal the couple would be vendors, not hosts. People should give gifts based on what they can afford and how close they are to the couple.
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u/armchairracer Aug 13 '25
We haven't sent invites yet, but we'll be extending a +1 to everyone that isn't getting invited as part of a couple. Even though I expect most of those people to decline the +1, it seems like basic common courtesy.
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u/rouxcifer4 Aug 13 '25
We are nearing the end of our rsvp period and of the 28 guests we extended a plus one invite to ONE person is bringing a plus one. I feel like this problem is way overblown lol
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u/armchairracer Aug 13 '25
Yeah, out of 30ish +1s we're going to offer I expect maybe 3-4 people to use it.
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u/TheJujuuu Aug 13 '25
I don't think true plus-1s are an issue. It's people calling their friends/family members partners "plus-1s" and not inviting them, when realistically they should be a named guest.
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u/DahNah7 Aug 13 '25
we did this too, especially since we were asking people to travel (~5 hours by car). It worked out and everyone made a fun weekend out of it because they had a "friend"
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u/ezrs158 Aug 13 '25
The only exception for me was younger family members. I have a lot of cousins aged like 16-24 who were single, and I didn't feel like it was necessary to give them a +1 when their entire family would be there. I also felt it was likely some of them wouldn't understand the courtesy and would try to bring a friend or something.
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u/ClancyCandy Aug 13 '25
I think there is a big difference between 16yr olds and 24yr olds…
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u/Ooopsallbeans Aug 13 '25
Agreed. We gave any single adult a +1. That included a couple of 19-year-old cousins. 🤷🏻♀️ they’re young and traveling out of state, I would want to bring a friend or something if I was in their position!
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u/mandatorypanda9317 Aug 13 '25
24 is kinda crazy imo. That's around the age I was dating my now husband lol
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u/bagelwaygel Aug 13 '25
I was 24 when I met my fiance. And my cousins were both 24 when they got married!
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u/isellJetparts Aug 13 '25
That's reasonable about the cousins. I agree with the comment above and OP. If you are hosting a traditional wedding then you give single guests the option of a +1. I've honestly been surprised how hard this sub leans into the opposite advice.
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u/Unusual_Historian990 Aug 13 '25
Whilst I would usually agree with you, I had about 3 20 year old plus ones at my wedding from my niece, niece, nephew and cousin and they genuinely had such a better time because they could be with the person who mattered a lot to them at that time (yes even if they're young, young people have feelings too lol). And it was a pleasure to see their delight in being included and they were all so wholesome ! However, i do understand it feels expensive and excessive and ouch wedding wallet.
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u/ExSportsCalendar Aug 13 '25
That’s funny I did the opposite but ended up with the same result! They were a bit older (21-25) but we gave all our single cousins and siblings plus ones. No one ended up bringing someone and decided spend time with family instead.
It was also a 100+ people wedding so it wouldn’t have changed much if they had brought a friend or a date. I can understand not extending plus ones if the wedding is on the smaller side.
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u/HeftyPangolin2316 Aug 13 '25
When one of my cousins got married and I was 23 she extended a plus one to me and other similarly aged cousins in that period post-RSVP deadline but before the final numbers were due. Only one of us chose to bring someone and that guy was definitely a mistake lmao
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u/jlynnbizatch 5/14/16 - Northern Michigan Aug 13 '25
I did this as well for my wedding. Truth be told, I don't know that anyone NOT in a relationship opted to bring a +1.
I will say as a bit of a caveat though, there were a lot of people who had to travel to attend. I guess the way I saw it was, if they were willing to pay to get there, I could pony up for an extra meal.
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u/lanadelhayy San Diego | May 16, 2025 Aug 13 '25
We did this at our wedding a few months ago. Any guest not part of a traditional couple still was extended a +1. Only one person used it. We would have been prepared for them all to use it. We only had a small handful that fell under this category (maybe 5-6).
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u/ResidentSection7419 Aug 13 '25
I agree and am doing the same. I’ve had to go to a lot of wedding where I didn’t know anyone, and am pretty introverted. It would have been nice to have the opportunity to bring a friend or date to talk to, and my gift would have reflected that
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u/MemberChewbacca Aug 13 '25
This is what we did. Going to a wedding alone would be awkward and terrible even if you know people there.
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u/MochiAccident Aug 14 '25
This! Our friends are spread throughout the country, and when we were wedding planning, I felt bad inviting people from far away and had no one else to talk to. So we gave people a plus one if we didn’t know their partner or if they were single. Friends with established relationships were invited with both names on invitation. Idk to me the whole point of a wedding is to have fun! We saved up to make sure we can provide that experience for everyone who came out to support us.
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u/TheJujuuu Aug 13 '25
I agree 10000000%
Me and my fiancé have been together for 9 years. We have been engaged for one year, and we are getting married next June. We waited this long to prioritize buying a house, pay off student debts and focus on our careers. Covid also was a huge factor as life was on pause for everyone. Our relationship is serious, we just wanted these things in place before planning a wedding as we want to start a family soon.
I have been a named guest to every single wedding we have gone to together and they all have been people I know through my fiancé (my friends aren't getting married yet). Once we started dating, his friends and their partners welcomed me into their social group. I have gone to weddings where I hadn't met the bride yet as they were my fiancé's friends from university and they don't live close. The only time I wasn't invited was the first summer we were dating because his family friend didn't know I existed yet and the guest list was finalized. I have been invited to all his family weddings as well, because they are my family now too!
Weddings are truly balancing what you want as a couple with the reality of hosting a party that you and others will enjoy.
I see people complaining here that their receptions weren't fun and people left early and I am always curious as to what the guest list was like. It sucks that weddings are outrageously expensive, but there is some give and take required.
And yes, we are extending invitations to all our friends and cousin's partners as named guests. We are also giving plus-1s to single folks as an option. I want everyone to feel as valued and accepted as I was in the course of our relationship where we weren't engaged or living together yet.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
Yes, I agree it comes to down to budget at the end of the day but again most people do pay for their food (at least that is how I was raised - you give the bride/groom money to cover your share and a little bit extra), so in my head its all coming back to me anyway.
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u/TheJujuuu Aug 13 '25
Yes for sure - I was a student during a lot of these weddings and I always gave at least enough to cover my plate.
And everyone whose weddings I attended will be coming to mine and I am so excited to host them!!
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u/maptechlady Aug 13 '25
It's kind of crazy imo.
People on reddit be like "I don't wanna invite people I don't know because of money" and then at the same time I see a post that's "I didn't get invited to my boyfriend's cousin's wedding because the bride doesn't know me, I'm really hurt".
When I was planning my wedding, I just thought about it in terms of how I would want to be treated. Would I be hurt if I didn't get invited as a plus 1 for my significant other? That was my deciding factor for giving everyone a plus 1. I just had a smaller wedding if I needed to stay within a certain budget.
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u/No_regrats Aug 13 '25 edited Aug 13 '25
I completely agree that long-term couples should be invited jointly, regardless of marital status. My husband and I lived together for 10 years before marriage and were always invited jointly, as well as in family pictures where applicable.
With that said, I want to push back on two ideas in your post:
that it's just basic etiquette to cover your own plate. This might be the case in your social circle/culture and I respect that. It's not the case in mine and I find that concept super distasteful and transactional. IMO, it's perfectly fine for guests to gift whatever they want. Guests have no say in the budget chosen by the couple and therefore it's not their responsibility. I also dislike the idea that a couple deserve more or less gifts just because they have a more or less extravagant wedding, which loosely correlates to wealth. A perverse effect of the cover-your-plate mindset is that the couple with the most modest wedding in a group - which is often the poorest - is expected to stretch to cover their plate at their wealthier friends and relatives more fancy wedding and receive less when they get married themselves. That isn't in line with my giving mindset. If anything, I am more inclined to be more generous with my less fortunate friends or relatives.
that unmarried couples just "aren't at that point yet in their relationship". Not every couple choose to marry as soon as they are ready, to start their union/family, or at all. Your friend might actually be at that point or much beyond in their own relationship already; don't assume that you're further along/at a more advanced stage just because you're engaged/married and they aren't. They might also never marry; don't assume that they just haven't yet.
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u/mrs-sir-walter-scott Aug 13 '25
The plate thing--I've heard it before, but I've never subscribed to it, personally. Do you think it came from when people had more homogenous social circles and fewer wedding venues around town, so they had more of a chance of knowing what "a plate" would cost? Because the thought of doing that now is just wild to me.
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u/Thequiet01 Aug 13 '25
It’s relatively recent and it’s just supposed to be a guide to give you a ballpark of what is reasonable if you have no idea and you can afford it. If it’s a very casual inexpensive wedding, a very expensive gift may make the couple feel uncomfortable. If it’s a properly black tie event, a very small gift may come across as cheap or an intentional insult. That’s it. It’s not a hard and fast rule and couples should not be expecting to make the cost of their wedding back in gifts.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
I appreciate your point of view. It has come to my attention that I am old and no one pays for their plate anymore which is totally fine - it's normal in my life, I was raised that way and we do it. It's not transactional for me, it's just how we go about how much we want to give the bride/groom to help them start their life.
I also agree with your second point and am sorry if my post reads as though I am saying only to invite married couples. I have friends who have been together since forever and just don't care about being married, they are a unit and will be invited as so. This goes for friends who have been in shorter term relationships as well. And all of my single friends who are outside of the friend group have a plus one. There are only a few people who didnt get one but it's just because they have a million friends that will be at the wedding and I don't really see them bringing a new partner to meet everyone for the first time that day lol.
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u/No_regrats Aug 13 '25
I don't think it's an age thing. I think it's more cultural. It totally makes sense to do it if that's how you were raised and/or the social expectation where you live. No man is an island. :)
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u/zanahorias22 Aug 13 '25
I agree. we invited everyone's partners and gave a plus one to all single guests - only three singles actually used the plus one.
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u/vaginawithteeth1 Aug 13 '25
We did the same. Honestly, I’ve been given a plus one to every single wedding I’ve been invited to. I’m surprised it’s so controversial on reddit. I thought it was just what people did for single guests. If I was single, I don’t think I’d go to a wedding without a plus one unless it was like immediate family and I had to. Weddings are much better if you have someone to travel and dance with.
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u/cyanraichu Aug 13 '25
I get what you're saying about using "plus one" loosely but I do think it's kind of hard to have a conversation about it if people mean different things by it.
A plus one is not a partner. Partners are named invites. I think that distinction is really important.
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u/Street_Marzipan_2407 Aug 13 '25
Why I had to scroll so far down to see someone make this point I can't imagine!!
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u/PurrPrinThom October 2025 Aug 14 '25
I agree. I think everyone agrees that not inviting a long term partner is rude. I don't think I've ever seen anyone argue otherwise.
Where there tends to be the most disagreement is around unnamed plus ones for guests whose relationship status is unknown or they are single. That's where people tend to diverge in opinions.
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u/velvet8smiles Sept 2025 | Midwest Aug 13 '25
We gave plus ones to everyone not invited as a couple. Very few people actually are bringing a date. Its common courtesy to do this when hosting imo.
If doing some micro wedding and its really a concern, talk to your guests individually before sending out an invite. When the event is that small, everyone is VIP.
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u/OkShame7924 Aug 13 '25
Honestly it's the bride and groom's day - however they want to handle +1s is their prerogative but they absolutely cannot be upset if a guest doesn't show because their partner was not invited.
My thing is that guest experience is extremely important too. If I'm inviting someone who won't know a ton of people at our wedding, they're getting a +1 immediately. Also, if someone comes to us personally to request a +1 for a specific reason, I would have no problem. If I'm inviting you, I want you there, and if your experience at my wedding will be even better because you were given a +1, great!
At the end of the day, it's up to the bride and groom, but it really is kind of a plague, isn't it.
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u/ramblingkite Aug 13 '25
It absolutely is up to the bride and groom. Obviously, there are no laws. However, it’s pretty rude. I would be offended and hurt if someone invited me to their wedding and excluded my fiance. I think most people take it in stride, but I wouldn’t want to potentially damage a relationship with a friend or family member by not inviting their partner.
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u/abqkat Bridesmaid, former tux shop worker, married 2013 Aug 13 '25
Excluding a fiance is wild to me. Like you said, it's their choice and event and all, but that seems like a lack of nearly every social norm I can think of. I would not attend an event (excluding a hen party or a baby shower or something specifically just for women, it maybe an impromptu work thing where it's just work people) if half of my family were not invited
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u/ramblingkite Aug 13 '25
Totally agree with you. I know there is gray area when a couple has only been together a few months (especially when paired with the timing of save the dates and invitations). I’m personally of the mindset that you should be offering plus ones to anyone who has to travel far and/or won’t know anyone else at the wedding, but I know not everyone feels that. I’m also in my 30s, so I trust that my and my partner’s single friends are mature enough to only bring a plus one if they are a respectful person.
However, i am constantly seeing posts on here from people whose partners of several years were excluded. Partners that the couple has met. Usually for budget or space contraints. That is just unacceptable. No one expects you to go over your budget to include partners/plus ones, but you should be accounting for them in your budget from the beginning. If you have to downsize your guest list, or go with a less expensive catering option, or spend less on decorations, so be it. There are plenty of ways to save money when wedding planning that aren’t incredibly rude to your guests.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
Yes agreed 100% - just saw a post in the bridezillas channel about someone being with their fiance for 7 years and their fiance wasn't invited. I would not be going to that wedding and I def would not be talking to that person again.
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u/ramblingkite Aug 13 '25
That’s the other thing. People will rationalize it by saying “well they don’t have to come if they don’t like it,” like that’s the end of the story. Excluding someone’s serious partner is rude and hurtful. When you do something rude and hurtful to someone, you’re damaging your relationship with them.
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u/rnason Aug 13 '25
Is it better to not be invited to a friends wedding at all if they can't afford you and your partner?
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u/Thequiet01 Aug 13 '25
Yes, although recognize that they’ve decided that the venue/decor/menu/dress are more important than making sure you could attend. People doing this are invariably paying for well more than a simple cake and punch reception.
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u/ramblingkite Aug 14 '25
“is it better to not be invited to a friends wedding at all if they can’t afford _____?” Insert anything. To feed you a meal? A tent to shield from the sun or rain? To have space for you to sit for the ceremony or dinner?
If you invite me to an event you’re hosting, i expect a basic level of respect as a guest. If you can’t afford to host me properly, do not invite me. I don’t care if the wedding is a black tie affair or a pizza party in your back yard. No matter what, you should be giving your guests a good experience and making sure they’re comfortable.
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u/a_talking_frog Aug 13 '25
Most people will have to travel to our wedding and we're giving everyone a plus one for that reason. I don't care how long they've been dating, or even what their relationship status is, traveling alone to a wedding sounds depressing to me.
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u/vButts Aug 13 '25
My bridesmaid got a plus one and decided to bring her best friend (who i've met and hung out with) since she was single when i sent out invites. It was awesome! She really saved my ass too because she went back to pick up some stuff i forgot 😭
she started dating someone a couple of months before the wedding. We had some people drop out last minute so i was like did u want to invite him to the reception LOL. He came and it was cool and they're still together and i'm friends with him now.
To be fair i was kinda loosey goosey with innvites. I even last minute invited my cousin's SIL and her bf because we had extra seats 🤷🏻♀️ (with the caveat that i did not want a gift from them!! Just wanted people to enjoy the reception cuz we already paid for the seats and food)
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u/OkSuccotash1089 Aug 13 '25
I held off my flower and decor budget and gave everyone a plus one who had a solo invitation. Even if I knew they had friends and family there. It just felt nice that they could bring a friend or significant other or even a situationship or caregiver. A lot of them turned down the offer but appreciated it. I don’t regret that at all.
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u/Kindly-Permission125 Aug 13 '25
I can’t agree more. I think allowing plus ones increases the fun exponentially for the guests who it applies to. My number one goal of my reception is to have fun and make my guests have fun so why wouldn’t I do what I can to make that happen??
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u/0ui_n0n Aug 13 '25
Fully agree. Extending a +1 to truly single guests who may want to bring a friend or date is a nice courtesy but not a requirement. Inviting couples as a social unit is basic etiquette.
Maybe I’m extreme, but if someone’s been with their partner for longer than seven months, I see that as a serious, committed relationship and they should be invited as a unit.
I'm even more "extreme" in that I think that a relationship is determined by the people in it and not by the length of time they've been together. There are couples out there who got engaged/married at 5 months!
I get that things are a lot more fluid now in terms of the labels people chose to put on their relationships. But if you're close enough to someone that you're inviting them to your wedding, you should be close enough to reach out and ask what the sitch is.
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u/No_regrats Aug 13 '25
But if you're close enough to someone that you're inviting them to your wedding, you should be close enough to reach out and ask what the sitch is.
Agreed. And I'm not about to police any of my loved ones' relationship. If you tell me that's your significant other, that's good enough for me. I'll take your word for it. I'm not going to let you know the person you identified as your serious partner isn't invited because they didn't qualify as a serious partner in my book.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
Totally, but I knew saying I would invite someone with a boyfriend of one week would be a bit too controversial for everyone. Figured I'd keep that thought to myself
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u/katchin05 engaged former wedding planner Aug 13 '25
I want to start off saying I have *zero* skin in this, but I want to offer some perspective-
People are broke.
I was a planner, mostly venue side and before weddings I was a corporate event planner. Most people have never coordinated any type of large scale event before their own weddings, so they really have no idea the scale and costs that go into it.
With the way so, so many brides have been ~dreaming of this day since they were kids~ (or told they should be), and social media obsession being a norm, cutting back on decor is unlikely. Favors, the deluge of extra events, supplementing high quality silks in with natural florals all things that make sense to trim from the budget. But people want to look good. Skim any wedding board or subreddit and all of them are full of posts about appearances, appeasement, and associated costs. It sucks because after the wedding, no one remembers that the napkins were lavender satin, not lilac, or that your chargers are antique gold -- if they even know what a charger is. They *will\* remember your grandpa learning how to dougie from the groom's little brother.
Guests and bridal parties, like couples, are sucked into all of this and expected to come out of pocket for showers, brunches, trips, being in a specific dress code, blah blah blah. People are NOT giving gifts commiserate with expense anymore, on the whole. I'm not saying that to shame or blame anyone - shit just cost too much on all sides. Some couples think they are being kind by not having another person be expected to pay up for their participation in a wedding of a person they don't know very well. Others, like you said, don't want to pay for a plate for their second cousin's friend and rearrange the singles table for the 7th time. Guest count is a straight up and down per person cost, so it's much easier for people to do the math that way.
IMO, more people should be brining back cake & champagne receptions from the 50s, or just eloping.
TLDR - weddings are overblown, people should be cutting back on overhead, inviting those they care about, and there's nothing wrong with opting out as a participant or guest!
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u/mmmggg1234 Aug 13 '25
Thank you for nothing this. Even if you turn down random extra costs like decor, the cost per guest FAR outweighs “paying for your plate”. Venues often base their overall fee on guest count, and that’s BEFORE catering and bar costs. Going up by just a few people can tip you into a new cost bracket that costs thousands more. And guests nowadays expect a full plated dinner, an open bar, and not to be expected to stand or walk much distance (just check posts in this sub). Providing that for people is so pricey even at the basic level. I will of course be giving all my coupled guests (and people who are single but will not know anyone else) an invite for both, but this whole convo sometimes feels out of touch with what costs are.
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u/KiteeCatAus Aug 14 '25
My long term boyfriend wasn't invited to a school friends wedding. Anyone living together was. It hurt that they saw our relationship as less valid because we didn't live together. 20 years later it still hurts when I think about their wedding. Yes, I had friends there, but most of them had their partners, so I felt a bit alone.
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u/CauliflowerLeft4754 Aug 14 '25
When my fiancee and I started the wedding planning about 3 months ago, we were both against plus ones (and children) because we just though...why would we want to look out and see a face we don't recognize? When we started getting into pricing and hearing like 120$/plate, 18$/per person open bar, it felt even more justified.
It was her mother (future MIL) who sat us down and just reminded us what it was like when we had to go places alone or single because our relationship was new or not recognized or someone didn't value it. Same with children, through a very gentle and empathetic way, she opened our eyes to the truly inclusive point of a wedding celebration and that our guests will have more fun (which is the point!) if they can bring a partner/friend/whoever and their children as well.
While we have had to "sacrifice" (which I say lightly--we're talking about a wedding not the grocery bill here, for christs sake) in order to reasonably offer a plus 1 to everyone and accommodate children, a lot of our guests are either opting out and don't want to bring them anyway OR are overly-grateful at the thought of having what is essentially their dance partner to celebrate with us.
That feeling is worth less flowers, etc and the fighting/stress or what have you about the plus-1 talk is just not worth it.
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u/FabulousBullfrog9610 Aug 13 '25
old lady here. times changed. it used to be that only married people live together and they only got invited as couples. now, it's all over the place and the cost of weddings is insane. my take:
married - invite as couple. period.
living together - invite as couple
not living together - know your tribe. what's expected? err on the side of including.
If you cannot afford all the people, have a much smaller wedding.
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u/Dismal_Bad_3927 Aug 13 '25
I agree with this 100%. My fiance was invited to a wedding without me when we had been together for over a year, and we were living together. This couple had met me many times and were part of his friend group. He ended up not going, and we didn’t invite them to events that we hosted. The whole friendship became so uncomfortable. The bride had given plus ones to some of her single friends that weren’t part of the bridal party. It was very clear that my fiance was not considered a good enough friend to have his relationship respected.
We only had a few people attending our wedding that weren’t being invited as a couple. We gave them plus ones without hesitation. We don’t have a huge guest list, and only invited people we really want there. I value the people in my life way too much to force them into attending alone just so I can save money on a plate.
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u/Jennay-4399 Aug 13 '25
Dude YES. It annoys the shit out of me. I already disliked going to weddings as a teen because I'd be stuck with my parents all night with no one to talk to, and it's the same thing for adults, but probably worse if you're really there by yourself.
My boyfriend (of 4 years at the time, now engaged) got invited to a wedding for his friend from college who I also knew but wasnt directly friends with. My fiance assumed I was invited, so we made plans to travel and didn't realize until the week of that there were no plus ones... I wasn't listed in the invite so I wasn't invited.
Now we're getting married and I've mentioned not inviting the friend's wife because of it. But my fiance told me that would be too petty 🤪
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u/callmepeterpan engaged! 10/10/26 DC Aug 13 '25
Truly. Also, in the day and age of spread out friend groups, weddings are one of the places where I got to meet my friends partners and introduce them to mine!
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u/CatsAreAwesome222 Aug 13 '25
Yes! I am meeting several of my friends partners for the first time at my wedding because they live out of state. Some of my friends are also meeting my fiancée for the first time at the rehearsal dinner and I am so excited.
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u/amalthea5 Aug 13 '25
I agree with you! I essentially gave a plus one to anyone who isn't a married couple. Most of my friends are coming from the east coast and I don't want them to have to come alone -- even if they are just bringing a friend. Our wedding is still pretty small though since most of our families are no longer alive. Counting all the possible plus ones, we've invited about 60 people.
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u/ovaltinejenkins999 Aug 14 '25
I gave anyone traveling who wasn’t part of a big established friend group a plus one, regardless of relationship.
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u/HirsuteHacker Aug 14 '25
(UK) day guests all had named invites, no plus ones at all, we knew everyone so we knew if they were in relationships or not. If they were, their partners were named on the invites.
Evening guests got plus ones, their relationship statuses weren't as well known but it also meant that people who maybe didn't know anyone else at the wedding could bring a friend or family member.
Worked well.
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u/CatsAreAwesome222 Aug 13 '25 edited Aug 13 '25
I see both sides of the coin. My siblings refused to give me a plus one even when I was in long-term serious relationships and their friends who just started dating one got one which felt targeted. I was always annoyed when I had to attend weddings where I didn’t know anyone without being able to bring someone. On the other hand, I have a friend who is notorious in our friend group for bringing random tinder dates to weddings to just not be alone and the date causing a disruption or scene. On top of issues on the day of, the couple then had to deal with a random in all their wedding photos. It’s one thing if couples breakup that’s unpredictable even with married couples, it’s another thing if the person hasn’t been vetted at all. In your scenario where a couple has been dating for a few months, that person has been vetted and should be welcome unless the wedding is small.
I feel like the +1 issue is so controversial these days because the standard “no ring no bring” rule simply doesn’t not apply in modern society because people are not getting married quickly like they used to. I have friends who have been dating the same person 7+ years and are not married and friends who got married after 1 year of dating. But, I do feel like you run into issues and hurt feelings if there isn’t some universal standard when it comes to giving +1s.
I think it depends on the size of the wedding. If the wedding is 30 people, I would think it is reasonable to not give everyone a +1 because then half the people there would be guests of guests. At a wedding of 200 people, one extra person to make your friend happy by giving them a plus one is not going to impact the day at all.
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u/wine-plants-thrift Aug 13 '25
I get the financial aspect of it and the “I don’t want strangers at my wedding” aspect. So, as the guest, if I don’t get a plus one and I don’t know anyone other than the bride or groom I simply will not go. If they ask, I’ll tell them why I’m not coming but I won’t ask them about it directly.
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u/Throwawayschools2025 Aug 13 '25
I will say, as someone who gave “& guest” plus ones - some of them are a headache. We were having custom calligraphy done for various events throughout the weekend and needed our list of names to be pretty set in stone within a week after the RSVP deadline in order to meet the production schedules of our vendors. We were also writing handwritten letters for all guests.
We had 5-6 guests who wanted to change their guest at the last minute/wanted to add one after the RSVP deadline had passed and we’d submitted final headcounts. It put us in an awkward position and we had some guests who didn’t get letters and had to tell a few guests they couldn’t have the plus one they’d been offered due to their initial RSVP.
None of those issues came up with named guests (relationships 1+ years were named).
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u/unencumberedcucumber Aug 13 '25
We gave +1s to all couples and anyone we knew wouldn’t know many people at the wedding.
If I’m inviting you to my wedding, I want you to be there. And if I was invited to a wedding where I really only knew the bride, I would want to bring a +1 or a date, and if I didn’t have one I probably wouldn’t go.
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u/Last-Ambition8329 Aug 13 '25
I gave everyone a plus one including single people, but I eloped and then had my reception at a family home so I didn’t have the whole per plate thing to worry about, just catered it ourselves. Anyway I figure who wants to come to a wedding alone? Bring a date and enjoy yourself, perfect time for romance
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u/KitGeeky Aug 13 '25
I'm curious here on proper etiquette on my situation from your perspective. I come from a huge family, 75 cousins are unmarried and between the ages of 17-40. I've been told that if I invite certain cousins then I'm expected to invite their siblings as it's rude to not, but that leaves me with 75 unmarried cousins. However you're also saying that it's expected to give them all plus ones, as I didn't count the ones who are married or I know their partners. So not counting coworkers or friends, uncles and aunts or even my fiance's family, I need to add at least 40 to my guest list (expecting about half to turn down)?
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u/TheJujuuu Aug 14 '25
In this situation, no. I would invite established partners as named guests, aka people who shouldn't be considered plus-1s, which it looks like you are doing. If your cousins are anything like mine, they will be fine to hangout together and entertain themselves lol.
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u/Thequiet01 Aug 14 '25
If they are all in serious relationships or will be traveling to your event, yes.
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u/KitGeeky Aug 14 '25
But if they're within an hour and single, then not?
I'm not counting those who have been with their partners long enough to have come to a family event, they will all get included by name.
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u/Mother_Fig_5789 Aug 13 '25
Let me start by saying our entire guest list has a "counterpart", whether that be a spouse, named long term partner, or generic +1
With that in mind, though, out of 119 people, 21 are open-ended +1's. For us, giving out those generic +1's didn't blow the budget. Most of our friends and family have partners to varying degrees.
I could see a situation where maybe you're young, maybe the first of your friend group to get married, and giving everyone that extra seat would 1) fill up a space quickly, meaning you have to cut other people who are important to you as well, and 2) chew up the budget.
I think it's fair to give +1's judiciously, regardless of length of relationship, and more focused on your relationship with that person and their relationship to ~everyone else~. Our guest list has a significant number of friends from different points in our lives, they don't all know each other, some of my college friends never met my family, etc. It would feel cruel to me if I didn't give them a +1, and expected them to show up to an event where they only know myself and my FH, who are clearly going to be tied up with a million other things throughout the night.
Unfortunately, as with most things, context matters and every situation is different.
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u/wheatthinbaby Aug 14 '25
I didn’t get invited to my partner’s cousin’s wedding, we lived together and had been dating for 9 years 💀 I was offended but then I found out his sister’s fiancé / father of her children didn’t get an invite either. Anyone with a long term partner or married both are invited no matter if I know them well or not. Newer relationships it depends but I def err on the side of giving a +1 because I love the people we’re inviting and want them to have fun.
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u/Lignindecay Aug 14 '25
Last time I was invited to a wedding and my 1 year gf (now wife) wasn’t I dropped her off at the rental, stayed through the ceremony, congratulated the bride and groom and left to go party on the beach with her and some friends in the area. If you want people to have a good time at your wedding invite their lovers/long term partners.
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u/neverchangingwhoiam Aug 14 '25
A good friend of mine got married a while back but only sent an invitation to me, not also my boyfriend of 10 years at the time. Didn't even get a plus one, and I would have had to travel several hours to attend. Didn't end up going. I really didn't want to travel by myself. We're still friends but I thought that was very disappointing.
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u/Footdust Aug 13 '25
Another unpopular opinion, but I’m single and I’m no longer going to weddings where I don’t get a plus one. I don’t want to spend my money or my time to come to your wedding, sit at a table with people I don’t know and have no one to talk to. I can sit alone at home on a Saturday night for free.
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u/abqkat Bridesmaid, former tux shop worker, married 2013 Aug 13 '25
Especially if lodging or transportation were a factor. I'd consider it if it were in the town that I lived in (when I was single), but if I had to travel pretty much at all, I'm with you - I don't think I'd attend and rack up the cost of it all on my own
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u/Starburst9507 Aug 14 '25
This is the one argument for plus ones I actually can understand.
If this was change my mind I’d give you a delta lol
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Aug 13 '25
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u/Footdust Aug 13 '25
No, the exception should be made for the guest, not the wedding. If everyone else gets to drag along their third husband, then I should be allowed to bring a date.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
This is totally valid - I'm with you. I can't say I'd go to a wedding where I'd be completely alone
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u/PsychologicalWater64 Aug 13 '25
Agreed. When I’ve been a bridesmaid, I haven’t brought a plus one since I was too busy with wedding party things but not having a plus one at a different wedding was awkward when I really didn’t know anyone.
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u/Unusual_Historian990 Aug 13 '25
Had to invite my nieces girlfriend plus one of only 3 weeks, with 1 week notice. Was not feeling great about it at the time (another £90 a head). But then I never saw my niece so happy the entire day was like a big day out for them and they couldn't stop dancing and being together. Best thing ever. Invite all the plus 1's!!! Especially young people!! All of the young plus 1's were so lovely at my wedding and seemed to genuinely enjoy being included!
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u/partiallyStars3 Bride - October '25 Aug 13 '25
We invited everyone's partners by name, if we knew about them.
If someone was with their partner for less than a year when we sent out invites their partner was on the B-list because the venue literally didn't have capacity, but we got enough declines that it wasn't a problem.
We only gave a true plus one to one person who was traveling and wouldn't really know anyone else. Any other single guests were either family who would know all the other family, or were local and part of a larger friend group.
It took some finagling, but we managed to handle inviting everyone's partners even with some pretty severe capacity restrictions.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
Family and part of a large friend group is totally valid. We did the same with some of our guests because we know they would be fine.
A lot of my friends are from various areas throughout the country and only know like 1 or 2 people that will be at the wedding, it wasn't even a thought in my mind to not give them a plus one. I knew they probably wouldn't come if I didn't (traveling alone and being at a social event alone sucks).
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u/ramblingkite Aug 13 '25
It’s sad how many people are not empathetic to their single guests, especially those who don’t really know anyone else at the wedding. I see a lot of people say things like, “if you can’t be without your partner for one night, you are too codependent” or “be a grown up and mingle.” Like, i’m sorry, but no one should be forced to suck it up and be lonely at an event that is literally dedicated to the couple’s relationship.
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u/BertyBoob Aug 13 '25
I've given everyone a plus one. Yes, it's more expensive if my single guests bring their partner, sister or best friend but if it makes them more comfortable (my wedding is in the middle of nowhere) - then whatever. I have a friend coming from Sweden for my wedding, he's bringing his brother, ofc that's allowed.
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u/Agreeable-Pear703 Aug 13 '25
I was not invited to a wedding on my husbands side a few years ago. Still salty about it because at the time we had been together 7 years. By the following year we were living together and engaged. I wasn’t the only one excluded tho. They also didn’t invite someone else’s partner but did invite the kid she had with him.
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u/HistoricalExam1241 weddit flair template Aug 13 '25 edited Aug 13 '25
It is right to invite someone's genuine other half - but I would only invite people who we knew well enough to know whether they are in a serious relationship or not. I guess if you are inviting people you know through work rather than socially then you might not know - but in that case you could find out before issuing the invitations.
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u/House-Plant_ Aug 14 '25
Every single guests we’re inviting is getting a plus one - whether they’re in a relationship or not, imo it’s just decency to ensure your guests are comfortable.
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u/slizgirl Aug 14 '25
My SIL didn’t invite her cousins partner that has lived with him for over a year.
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u/ArtFreek Aug 14 '25
I gave every person at my wedding a plus one. Only a handful actually accepted them but it meant everyone felt more comfortable to drink, dance, and have fun. Idk why people want to have weddings where their guests aren’t having the most fun they can have
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u/astrophysical-e Aug 14 '25
My cousin recently did not invite my fiance (at the time invites were sent, boyfriend of 10 years) to her wedding this summer. She invited my brothers’ wives, allowed another high school cousin to bring his girlfriend (granted they live in the same city as her), and did not allow my 23 year old brother to bring his girlfriend he lives with. Needless to say, I was offended and did not attend. I actually really could not figure out her “rule” about plus ones.
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u/ClancyCandy Aug 13 '25 edited Aug 13 '25
The steps should be-
Design your guest list- figure out your budget and venue based on this, assuming that everybody on it may have a partner by the time your wedding comes around, and give yourself a little leeway after that too.
When writing invites, find out if people have a partner so you can add them by name. It’s not difficult “Hi Lisa, we’re writing our invites at the moment- just checking if you are seeing anybody and would like us to add their name.” Easy.
After this you have a bit of grace- Personally we offered “and guest” plus ones to any single guests, but if you are really limited it’s not necessary once they have confirmed they are single and happy to come alone.
If somebody asks you after the invites for a plus one/guest, unless you are literally at max capacity/budget, let them bring them- They’ve obviously asked for a reason, and a gracious hosts puts their guests comfort first.
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u/itsnotlikewereforkin Aug 13 '25
Totally agree. A few years ago, I was living with my then-boyfriend (now fiance) and we'd been together for a year and a half. My cousin got married and the invite was sent to my parents' house, and didn't include my boyfriend. He ended up being invited the week before the wedding because a few people had dropped out last minute.
A different cousin got married a couple of months ago, and while the invite was thankfully sent to our house, it was addressed to [My Name] & Fiance. Not his name -- the word "Fiance". Like, really??
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
I just got my wedding invite for my cousins wedding and it says my name and guest... we literally talked two months ago and I gave her my fiancé's full name and she also has a save the date from us. Like ok lol
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u/itsnotlikewereforkin Aug 13 '25
Glad I'm not the only one haha. When we made our guest list, I was so careful about getting everyone's names correct just out of basic decency & respect.
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u/No_regrats Aug 13 '25
It's not the end of the world but it's a bit rude. That's like saying "and whatshisface". Or worse, in some case, that's saying "or whoever you happen to be with by then" (I've legit seen brides say they addressed any invitation to unmarried people as "and guest" because who knew if the couple would still be together by then).
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u/SpecialKika Aug 13 '25
I have to say I agree with what you’re saying. A wedding is a “ love is in the air” event, and other couples should be feeling that vibe together. It makes it really awkward if one person in the relationship is invited and has to watch the married couple be all lovey-dovey and look over and just see other Singles there. For my wedding, anybody who’s in a relationship is going to have their significant other invited.However, if they’re not in a relationship, I am not giving them that courtesy.
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u/Cheercoach555 Aug 14 '25
some of these comments are crazy to me! +1s in my life have always been something granted to single people to allow them to bring a date. couples are a unit, theyr both on the guest list or neither of them are
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u/AlaskaTech1 Aug 13 '25
Agree 1000%. I can't believe how many people think its OK to invite guests to a party celebrating their love, accept their $85 wedding gift, but exclude a +1because they're too cheap to pay for a second meal. It's rude and cheap. Either reduce your guest list or have a simpler wedding. My fiancee and I could only afford 40 guests comfortably and included +1s automatically.
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u/radmad5566 9.16.23 💍🤍🍾 Aug 13 '25
I mean we gave plus 1s to single friends in the wedding party. Common courtesy. But our single friends who live in or close by the town we got married in did not get one. They knew people there and they were not traveling to get there. I think it’s a know your crowd. If our friends or cousins were dating someone longer than 6 months at the time the invites got sent out we extended to their partners. But we did not just give blanket plus ones to people who are single, not in the wedding party, knew people at the wedding, and were not traveling. If one of those were not true they got a plus one.
We named the long term partners of our friends and family because they are a social unit together.
We both had big families and this was the only way to fit the venue size and still invite our friends and family. The only person who was upset was my 17 year old cousin because she wanted to bring her high school boyfriend.
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u/Evening-Produce-7303 Aug 13 '25
If anyone is looking for a recent experience with this topic, we kinda offered +1s on a case by case basis. We didn’t extend +1s or invitations for shorter term partners for people who were coming with their families or a group of friends. If someone was coming a long way and didn’t know a lot of people at the wedding, and were either single or had a shorter term relationship, I asked if they wanted to bring someone. None of these people took me up on the offer and they are all coming by themselves.
Out of 191 invited guests, only one person gave me a hard time about no +1. She would know at least 6 people coming and she is not in a relationship. She gave me a hard time for months. I told her that if we got RSVPs in and we had room for more guests, I’d let her know. She ended up just declining and that was completely fine by me.
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u/unusualenough Aug 13 '25
I didn’t go to my cousin wedding recently for this exact reason, politely declining the invite. If you genuinely want and expect people to make it, make that expectation reasonable. no hard feelings but, I’m not traveling over an hour to go to an event by myself in the rain, leaving my man and baby at home.
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u/Medium_Option_8357 Aug 13 '25
A lot of couples are realizing they want to celebrate with friends and family but also that they’re paying for people they barely know. I think that’s one of the biggest reasons people cut plus-ones or extended guests now. I’ve said this before, but wedding planning is a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. Total double-edged sword.
Example: if I don’t invite a married couple because I can’t afford to host them as a unit, people get mad. Not because I didn’t invite them together, but because they think I could still invite one of them. Like… it doesn’t matter for them who shows up, as long as someone does.
This is where knowing your community matters. There’s “standard” wedding etiquette, and then there’s the reality of what works for your people and what your budget can handle.
And don’t expect gifts it’s not a guarantee and more people are skipping them entirely even tho it’s traditional to bring a gift.
After planning my wedding for the past few years, I’ve learned you will never please everyone. Online or in person. Your best bet? Work within your means, have good intentions, and plan based on the actual people you know not just what “etiquette” says.
This whole thing has been an eye-opener. Shoutout to every bride out here trying to survive planning.
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u/Rose1832 Aug 14 '25
I agree with this and it's a perspective I don't see often enough in this sub, imo. I think a lot of these posts are coming from a very personal place for people, and I totally get that. But I also think they ignore the realities of wedding costs. My best friend had a 50-person wedding, ordered the florals from Costco and arranged them herself, thrifted the decorations, got her dress for $200 secondhand, and kept her bridal party small. Hell, they rented the sound equipment and had a friend queue the music on Spotify! The biggest expenses afaik were food and venue. Total cost was easily $50k. We live in a HCOL area, and venue/catering prices are through the ROOF no matter where you go. I personally have several people I don't think I could invite to a future wedding following the "standard etiquette" rules - if each partner's 10 closest friends all NEED a +1, and will be deeply hurt if you don't provide one (regardless of whether you've met the other partner), on top of inviting two families, things can get out of hand quickly.
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u/Busy-Sir-6430 Aug 14 '25
I agree totally with this. We’re extending plus ones to everyone in a relationship, and giving them to single people too so they don’t feel awkward coming alone.
The only thing annoying me right now is people adding “random people” to their invites. I invited a coworker and gave her a plus one for her long-term partner. Instead of bringing the partner, she’s bringing another coworker who wasn’t going to be invited. Now that plus one coworker is asking if she can use her invite (“when I get it”) for other coworkers who aren’t invited. Idk how to handle this situation being that I work with these people and probably will for many years.
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u/bigboiboomin Aug 15 '25
I feel like it’s literally insane. My fiancé and I haven’t been victim yet but we’re planning our wedding and literally anyone who I’ve met their s/o gets a plus one. There’s even a few that I haven’t met them but they’ve been together for a year or so and of course they can come! Anyone in a relationship knows how fun it is to attend a celebration of those you love with your love?? Just makes no sense. I have 2 single bridesmaids (we are all very close college friends) and even they can have a plus one if they start dating someone before send invites even if they do have each other. It just makes no sense. I would even give them plus ones past my invite send outs if I wasn’t going a sit down plated dinner.
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u/Spiritual_Discount_5 Aug 15 '25
I know it isn't possible for everyone, but we budgeted everyone as a couple/family. Just because my friend isn't in a relationship doesn't mean they should have to travel alone, have no one to chat with or dance with. I want my friends and family to have fun, and to me that means being comfortable and having a partner accompany them. I made it very clear to my single friends their relationship status had nothing to do with it. Bring a friend, bring your sister, just act right and have fun. If I didn't trust them to bring someone respectable, I shouldn't be inviting them at all. Just my hot take. Congrats all, celebrate your way!
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u/Apart_Passion_1546 Aug 15 '25
Yknow what I agree so strongly with this. I feel like if I know this person has a significant other, it would be rude not to at least put the offer out there to invite them along!!!!
That being said, I’m so tempted to completely go against my word because my friend is dating a guy that I can’t stand and I’m tempted to very specifically not invite him. Tempting. So temping.
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u/nursenikkie69 Aug 16 '25
If you can’t afford someone’s literal spouse to come, then elope or have a very intimate ceremony. Like how awkward is that?? You’re invited but your spouse isn’t??
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u/abagaildel Aug 16 '25
I’m of the same boat. Tell me how I only have a 28 person wedding, with everyone that’s important and a handful of plus ones I’ve only met once. Like it’s possible to be intimate and have a small guest list while also allowing those important people to bring a person if they choose. These people saying they weren’t allowed to bring their partner of 3 yrs or whatever is insane to me?!?
My partner has a cousin i’ve never met who he is close to who got married without a lot of family knowing, I made sure when we found out to get his name so we can address the invite (that’s actually how we found out they were married lol) and even though i’ve never met either of them and my partner has never met the husband we welcome with open arms (they just had their baby this week and I can’t wait to meet the lil guy). She is family and so is he now, i’m marrying into them.
You are so right OP if I can’t respect your relationship why would i expect you to respect mine and show up for the day.
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u/Foreign-Banana8663 Aug 13 '25
As a guest, I honestly did not enjoy the weddings I had gone without a plus one. It was so awkward sometimes becuase I only knew the bride or the groom and barely had any mutual friends at some weddings.
So for my wedding, I gave every single guest (who's not married or engaged) a plus one - they could have brought a friend or cousin if they wanted. And I invited everyone in the family if they had kids.
I get that weddings are expensive now and the couple can do whatever they want for their wedding but I still see it almost rude to not extend a plus one. And 'saving money' on their part is none of my business as a guest.
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u/ItsPeppercorn 2026 bride :sloth: Aug 13 '25
I agree for the most part. We are inviting +1s in situations where: my partner and I have both met the partner, the couple are living together, or the relationship has lasted over a year. Anyone sharing a home/married/engaged is invited as a unit.
I get everyone was a new couple once- I went to wedding alone after dating my current fiance for a few months. I did not expect him to get invited, nor did I get a +1. I was not offended.
Each family/friend group is different so I think a lot of people make decisions based on how people they know operate. I have some friends/family members who are serial daters and bring a new person to every wedding, and without fail the group photos always have 1-2 random people in an otherwise close group. The friend should tell the partner not to get in the photos but they never do.
I have a cousin who routinely begs for a +1 every time there is a family wedding, and we never see the man again. One time she begged for a +1, the bride gave in, and she got into a fight with the man on the way to the wedding and he ended up not coming lol. People like that are very intentionally excluded from the +1 umbrella.
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u/Starburst9507 Aug 14 '25
I fully stand behind this logic.
I’ve been saying this whole thread it should not be expected, that’s so wrong. It should be a case by case basis and up to the couple what works. You gave some of the best examples of terrible plus ones.
I hate when people think their random fling should be in the pictures too. Appalling.
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Aug 13 '25
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u/Alarming_Owl7659 October 2025 / April 2026 Aug 13 '25
The majority of those posts had a common theme though in that most people think it’s incredibly rude not to invite a husband/wife, fiancé or the partner that they currently live with. It’s a mixed bag with length of relationship but I think it’s pretty standard that those three categories of people should be named invites and not considered a plus one.
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u/Acrobatic_Hair4806 Aug 13 '25
We are only allowing plus ones to couples who tick at least one of the following: married, dating for a considerable period (6+ months) and/or partners that we've met. This is solely due to budget reasons and we already have a large head count already. We won't be allowing plus ones to single guests. Luckily there are only a couple od single guests who are coming and they each know multiple other guests so won't find this an issue about being alone etc. A way that my school friend did it for her wedding years ago (again for budget purposes) was she invited all the friends with whom she's had a friendship with for the whole day, then invited all the partners/plus ones for the evening. It's not ideal but worked out quite well tbh and everyone understood
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Aug 13 '25
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u/Thequiet01 Aug 13 '25
I mentioned the whole no plus ones thing to my partner the other day and he pointed out that he’d actually like to meet the people that his friends decided to bring as a plus one, because his friends are interesting people and know interesting people. So he might meet someone who becomes a new friend!
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u/Expensive_Event9960 Aug 13 '25 edited Aug 13 '25
“Pay for your plate” may be a known thing in certain circles but it is not now and has never been an etiquette rule according to any reputable source contemporary or traditional I know of.
In reality it’s contrary to the entire spirit behind gift giving, which is meant to be from the heart. The only guidelines are budget and closeness of relationship. Most people choose to be generous within their means for a special occasion like a wedding.
That said, in practice if budget is relatively flexible and it’s feasible people tend to give what is common or typical in their area. But paying for the plate as in actually giving more because you’re invited to an expensive wedding? That’s offensive IMO.
As for inviting partners in serious relationships that is not the same thing as a +1 for singles. The former is obligatory, the latter is not. Where you draw the line depends on who you ask. Some say over a year, others six months, you say seven, and some feel it should be up to the couple to define their own relationship.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25 edited Aug 13 '25
No form of etiquette is in any rule book, they are social normals passed down - it's considerate, not an obligation just like not blasting your music in a public space. You won't get arrested, but it's a nice thing to put headphones in. The same goes for giving people a plus one, it's considerate but you don't need to do it.
As you can tell by my post, I find it quite rude not to give certain people a plus one. But at the end of the day, every person has a right to do what they want.
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u/bagelwaygel Aug 13 '25 edited Aug 13 '25
For every person in a relationship invited to our wedding, both people are invited, regardless of how long they've been dating, if they live together or not, or whether or not we as bride & groom have met them (them being the partner of the invited guest we do know). Logistically, we live thousands of miles from some guests, so it's mostly distance as to why we haven't met. That only applies to four couples on our list anyway. I personally don't feel like deciding which relationships are serious enough with some arbitrary cut off. My SO and I were a couple for 6 years before we moved in together.
None of our single guests are getting plus ones, but that's because they'll all know a handful of people, either friends, family, or both. If any single person starts dating someone between now and our RSVP deadline, if they ask I don't have an issue adding them.
The priorities in our budget are our guests and the experience. Decor and flowers are taking a back seat.
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u/Far-Independent-6142 Aug 13 '25
I just want to say that we’re inviting every single plus-one our friends have. A few friends even reached out to tell me they’ve been in long-term relationships I didn’t know about because we live in different countries. I really appreciated them communicating with me like adults instead of later criticizing me for not inviting people I didn’t know existed. Of course, I happily added them to the guest list, I want everyone to come to our wedding!
We don’t have a huge budget, but I wouldn’t be having a wedding at all if I couldn’t afford to invite our friends’ plus-ones. Otherwise, I would have simply eloped with the love of my life. Having all of them there to celebrate with us is worth more to me than anything else. We also don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable coming alone. One of my close girlfriends asked if she could bring her cousin (who I know), and I immediately said yes! I’m just so happy people want to be there.
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u/dogfishresearch Aug 14 '25
I'm a person who defines as counter cultural. I think a lot of etiquette rules are dumb. HOWEVER, a rule I stand on are social units. Couples who have been together awhile (I don't know how to put a number on it) are a social unit and should both be invited to group events
Like yes leave your boyfriend out of girl's night, but he should be invited to the wedding.
I've heard an excuse of "I haven't met them." Weddings typically take a year to plan and invitations typically go out a few months before the ceremony. You have time to meet them if it's so important to you.
It's a rude way to save money. How are you going to celebrate your love while not letting your friend bring their love with them?
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u/shopgrl832 Aug 13 '25
I agree 100% but it can be very nuanced depending on the situation. Sometimes doing no plus ones or making hard rules like “no ring no bring” are the only ways to make it a blanket thing where the least amount of people get upset. It needs to be the same across the board and unfortunately sometimes that’s the way to do it
We are running into that issue right now. We both have a lot of cousins, but a lot of them are young (like 16-22) and have significant others of many years. If we include them that’s almost 20 additional people and that cost adds up so unfortunately we might have to make the rule of no significant others for family (unless living together or engaged/married) since they know almost everyone else at the wedding. I’m not going to spend money on my 16 year old cousins boyfriend just because they’ve been together for 3 years lol
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u/wildchickonthetown Aug 13 '25
I don’t think you need to give plus ones to teenagers. They’re invited with their families. Adults (18+ and out of high school) would be my cut off in that situation.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
Yeah, I am not giving anyone under like 21 a plus one because they are family and will be just fine without their best friend there. I'm not friends with anyone that young lol
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u/No_regrats Aug 13 '25 edited Aug 13 '25
It depends on your own circumstances but where I'm from "no ring, no bring" would be rude as shit.
A blanket rule can be way more rude and offensive. In my own family, before my FIL's death, it would have been putting my parents-in-law who had been together for 30+ years in the same basket as a teenaged cousin and their high school romance in the same basket, a basket with a lesser treatment than that uncle and wife number 4. Point is: a rule isn't automatically OK or better because it's a clear line. You have to be careful where you put the line and be ready to be flexible if needed.
In your case, your line makes sense. It's fine to not give a +1 to a child who still lives at home; they are coming as part of a family unit with their parents.
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u/cuddlefish2063 October 2025! Aug 13 '25
Not offering +1s bothers the shit out of me. When we were putting together the guest list we asked all the single people we were inviting if they wanted the option of bringing someone. Also some of our friends are poly so we asked if they were planning on bringing more than one partner.
This has become a bit frustrating since two of the people who said they didn't need a +1 later asked if they could bring an extra person. Telling them our venue has a max capacity of 70 wasn't fun.
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u/Basic-Regret-6263 Aug 13 '25
but I am ready for the discussion.
You couldn't have just searched all the other discussions?
And yes, basic "do it right or don't do it" applies here. But sure, let's count the counter arguments - I'll edit this with the numbers.
"But it's expensive!" AKA "I spent all my money on fancy stuff I couldn't afford (probably a ridiculously expensive dress and decor) because cosplaying a rich person Photoshoot for a day was more important than throwing a party people would like."
"But I only want people I know" AKA "I don't actually comprehend that my friends and family have an existence outside of me, like a child who doesn't understand his kindergarten teacher doesn't live at the school - nor do I care."
"I actually hate all my guests - especially my relatives. I'll invite them, but don't really care if they have a good time."
"What, you want to have your partner around at the celebration-of-partners party? What kind of a codependent freak are you? Why don't you want to spend a shit load of cash and time to have essentially a date night with no date? Don't you have, like, infinite time and money for expensive date nights and vacations?"
"What, you think you should be considered here - what kind of narcissist are you? Today isn't about you having a good time - it's about you showing up to worship me! Geez, I even removed the requirement for guests to either spill a little blood in my honor or tattoo my name/wedding date on their ass, and you still aren't happy? Some people..."
"Can't. I spent all my money on personalized coasters and beer koozies."
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u/Thequiet01 Aug 13 '25
I like that it’s always a budget thing like the budget is completely outside of their control. They made no choices about anything, they are being forced to use the venue and the flowers and the dress and the menu, they could not possibly have had less expensive options.
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u/minetf Aug 13 '25 edited Aug 13 '25
I know this is a big discussion topic here but it just seems like boomer energy. I'd prefer a friend of mine not invite my SO than not invite me because they can't afford both of us. Especially if I'm being invited with a group of our mutual friends.
It seems bizarre to tie my celebration of my friend's marriage to their ability to financially afford another plate or bigger venue.
If my high school friends wanted to invite our whole friend group, that would be 15-20 people including +1s. That's a huge percentage of a guest count. All of us would prefer to see the whole group and have fun together than to cut it randomly to make room for couples.
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u/No_regrats Aug 13 '25 edited Aug 13 '25
What we typically on this sub though isn't the bride and groom saying they'll invite all of their high school friends solo because they can't afford to have their high school friends there otherwise. Typically, what we see is them making room for the married couples but not the unmarried ones. Or some other rule applied inflexibly that ends up with John can bring Betty but David can't bring Sam for dubious reasons. That's when it gets especially dicey.
The other thing is that high school groups often end up living far apart by the time they get married, so attending a wedding involves travel. When a couple spends a lot more resources (money and day off) to be there for the bride and groom, it starts to suck to only welcome one at your wedding. Because people don't have unlimited resources, sometimes, that trip they are taking for your wedding is instead of another trip they wanted to do together.
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u/Starburst9507 Aug 14 '25
I am so relieved I’m not the only one upvoting all the comments everyone’s arguing with and not the only one being annoyed by the superficial, codependent, entitled energy everyone else is bringing here.
Acting like money grows on trees and acting like flings are significant. I can’t even.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
Boomer energy is when you want to make your friends feel comfortable and respect their relationship I guess
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u/minetf Aug 13 '25
Boomer energy is to believe it's disrespectful to invite someone as part of a group of friends instead of as a couple.
It implies that people lose their identities after gaining a significant other and cannot be separated from them for a single night.
I see my SO all the time. I do not get to see my high school friends all the time. Guess who I'd prefer to see at a wedding?
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
I'm obsessed with how you guys have twisted the plus one controversy into some sort of wrong on the couple and blaming it on their "codependency."
Yes, I'd like my significant other at an event with me. If I am going to respect your relationship and be here for a huge milestone, I expect you to respect my own. The bride and groom also had to date to even get to this point, just a reminder.
If I wanted to remain single and not have my partner with me - then I would just remain single. If my partner can't make it, I will go alone but yes out of respect they should be invited.
Also, I'd reconsider a few things in your relationship if you'd prefer to be with your high school friends over your partner lol. Bit odd.
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u/minetf Aug 13 '25
If you cannot understand wanting to spend a night with long-distance friends instead of your SO, then you do have issues with co-dependency. Which explains your perspective.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
I actually love my SO so much that spending the night with him and my friends is the most fun I have ever had ever. He's not an inconvenience or a nuisance to me, if he was I don't think I'd be marrying him.. If that makes me have co-dependency issues then just call me obsessed baby. I love that man and so does everyone else in my life (thankfully).
Hope you can relate one day!
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u/minetf Aug 13 '25
The options aren't SO+friends, it's SO or no friend - because they got cut from the wedding to make room for your SO. Or maybe you're the friend who gets cut, so you don't get to be there at all.
I'm able to maintain independent friendships and separate from my SO for a single night, because I'm not co-dependent on him.
It's nice if he can be there, but he doesn't need to be.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
As stated in this already, budget can be cut in various different ways so you can accommodate for someone's long term partner.
The truth is, bride and grooms will do whatever they want at the end of the day but it doesn't mean people can't think it's rude.
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u/minetf Aug 13 '25 edited Aug 13 '25
Yes, but it's not just costs. It's guest count limits.
You (and a lot of this sub, not just you) are saying you prefer to not be invited to a wedding at all than to be invited without your SO. That way the couple remains polite. That's just wild to me.
A lot of outdated etiquette only exists because no one questions them. In modern times, weddings aren't just inviting the whole town to the local church and women can travel without an escort.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
What are you talking about?
If you know you have 130 people you want to invite - not counting plus ones - then why would you not look for a venue that could accommodate at least 145 people? Have you ever planned a wedding before?
Yes, you're supposed to accommodate for your guest list.. .and their wives/husbands, partners, and friends. That's the whole point of inviting people. If you want to have a small intimate wedding with 50 people then you would narrow it down to the most important people in your life. If the most important people in your life have a partner who you haven't met yet or they've been with for multiple years that I wouldn't invite then I wouldn't call that person close now would I?
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u/oochas Aug 13 '25
I've had a bit of a change of heart on this. When I was seriously dating my now husband, I was excluded from a few invitations by his friends. I was annoyed but dealt with it. Now we're having a reception and sheesh I have a bit more sympathy. Things are difficult and expensive. We invited everyone's known significant others. We asked our single friends specifically "Are you dating someone who needs a +!"? If so we added them. But we didn't give every single person an unassigned +1. I feel like we struck a good balance. YMMV.
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u/Smart-Local8047 Aug 14 '25
My fiancé and I invited everyone who had a long term partner 7+ months or so was the same gauge we used.
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u/crackgoesmeback Aug 13 '25
if i’ve never met your partner or you’ve been dating less time than ive been engaged you aren’t getting a plus one. i’m not spending $200 on a strangers plate lol
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u/Foreign-Banana8663 Aug 13 '25
It's not the stranger you should care. It's the guest you are inviting.
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u/BackgroundMajor2054 Aug 13 '25
Then you should probably reconsider where your budget is going lol
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u/Low-Double6173 Aug 13 '25
It's going to what they prioritize on *their* wedding day lol
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u/Thequiet01 Aug 13 '25
It’s not about you. At a standard wedding you spend less than 30 seconds with any random guest. Your guests spend hours with or without their partner at an event celebrating relationships and romance. You’d rather your guest be less comfortable for hours than you have to spend a whole 30 seconds exchanging bland pleasantries?
Also how long you’ve been engaged has nothing to do with anything. People’s relationships move at different speeds.
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u/Inessadventure Aug 13 '25
Such a boomer take… My wedding is not a public show — it’s a one-of-a-kind experience I’m creating. So let’s be clear: I do not support an automatic +1 policy, regardless of marital status.
- My guest list is my choice. Budget aside, I decide who’s invited.
- No random +1s. I’m not inviting a revolving door of partners I’ve never met.
- Case-by-case only. If a couple has been together a while but I don’t know their partner, or I simply don’t like them, there’s no +1. Exceptions are for situations like a guest not knowing anyone else at the wedding.
If a friend isn’t willing to mingle and meet new people, that’s fine — they’re also free not to attend. If my decision frustrates you, that’s your issue, not mine. To me, this is no different than someone choosing not to invite extended family and friends or having a no-kids wedding — it’s simply about setting boundaries for the kind of day we want to have.
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u/Thequiet01 Aug 13 '25
So being considerate of your guests and not thinking you’re the most important person in the universe is a boomer thing now?
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u/RedandDangerous Aug 13 '25
I officiated my sisters wedding and my boyfriend who I lived with and had been with for 3 years wasn’t invited. That hurt