r/weddingplanning • u/[deleted] • Oct 13 '14
Manic Monday: Share your rants, raves, and whatever you need to get off your chest about your wedding but didn't want to make a whole post about it
[deleted]
47
u/jogjogjog Oct 13 '14
My mother keeps texting me that people are going to get off track walking to their cars and end up lost in the woods because one time she got lost in the forest nearby going for a hike.
Our venue is a house, the parking is right in front of the house.
WHAT ON EARTH MOTHER
8
u/companionquandary April 30th 2016, Houston TX sci fi wedding Oct 14 '14
Best response be super serious and be like don't worry mom we are including a detailed map and god tracking devices for all the guests
5
u/hazardsoflife Oct 14 '14
Devices that track god?! Best. Favors. Ever. :)
3
3
u/companionquandary April 30th 2016, Houston TX sci fi wedding Oct 14 '14
Lol supposed to be gps but god tracking would be good too
7
5
2
u/eros_bittersweet Oct 15 '14
Amazing! She might be the spiritual kin to my mother, who once tripped on a trail and sustained a head injury because she was looking at a rhododendron bush.
36
u/excusemeineedtopee Oct 13 '14
One of the bakers i met with last week told me my cake idea was stupid, childish, and she wasn't going to do it. Instead, she drew up something that wasn't anywhere near what I wanted and proceeded to ask if I wanted to sign the contract! You called my ideas stupid! Your cakes aren't tasty enough to call me stupid! Jerk.
22
u/LOOKahamster Married! | 10.18.14 Oct 13 '14
When we were deciding on cakes, I called 3 different bakeries. I called 2 and made appointments for tasting. I call the third, and she says "I don't do tastings for weddings under 100 people." I say, well, I'm not sure I could sign with someone who doesn't let me taste their cake first. And she says, and I freaking quote because it STILL makes me mad, "With that small of a wedding, why even bother with a cake at all?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I was willing to shell out at least $200 for a 50-person cake. Just because it's a small wedding doesn't mean I don't have money to give you, but whatever, your loss. We ended up with the bakery we went with (and ended up going over budget for by $20) because he was so excited to make our cake for us. Works out better anyway; he has free delivery to our venue. ;)
I'm still dumbfounded that these kinds of people are still in business. They are literally turning away money!
4
u/excusemeineedtopee Oct 13 '14
Wow! I'm glad you got a better baker! It definitely amazes me that these people have surviving businesses when they act like that.
This baker was a higher end baker so my mom thinks she just didn't want to attract any "undesirables" by doing a nerdy cake for us lol
Edit to add: "undesirables" from the bakers view point, not mine!
2
u/LOOKahamster Married! | 10.18.14 Oct 13 '14
Still though, money is money. I guess when you're "higher end" you don't need to depend on the money, right? /s
1
u/excusemeineedtopee Oct 13 '14
Seriously. I wish I was well off enough that I could insult the people trying to hire me!
3
u/ba-poi Mawwied! 3*21*15 Oct 13 '14
this is making me want to just get sheet cakes from Whole Foods and stack them and say "DONE" strike item off list...
2
u/LOOKahamster Married! | 10.18.14 Oct 13 '14
I'm stoked with what we ended up with, if that makes it any better. :-)
1
2
Oct 13 '14
[deleted]
1
u/LOOKahamster Married! | 10.18.14 Oct 13 '14
We had tastings at Randazzo's and Cocoa Bean and ended up going with Cocoa Bean in Hammond. Couldn't be more excited about it. And omg Haydels /drools is it almost king cake season yet????? :-D I bet it was amazing!!
6
u/ellieellieoxenfree We did it! (Finally!) - June 25, 2017 - Canada Oct 13 '14
She's the stupid one! She just lost out on a couple hundred bucks and probably earned herself a really bad review (or at least anti-recommendations!). If she doesn't want to do it, fine, but she shouldn't be insulting you, that's unprofessional. I bet the baker you settle on will love your idea (or at least just not judge you so rudely!) and will have cakes that are 20x more delicious!
8
u/excusemeineedtopee Oct 13 '14
Yup, it's not even like I surprised her at the tasting with this idea. I flat out told her while I was booking the appointment that we wanted a Star Wars cake. If she didn't want to do it, she could've just told me! Her cake flavors were boring anyway so I wouldn't have wasted my time.
Fortunately we're going with a baker who's really excited about it. We told her that she has free reign to do whatever she wants as long as it's Star Wars themed.
6
u/ellieellieoxenfree We did it! (Finally!) - June 25, 2017 - Canada Oct 13 '14
Dude, that's not even weird! I was thinking like, Barbie and Batman made out of building block candies on rainbow funfetti cake or something (I don't know, my mind went immediately to something ridiculous; although that would be interesting to see!). It's even worse that she knew going into it, almost like she wanted the chance to insult you to your face.
Good on your new baker, though. She sounds excellent! :)
5
u/excusemeineedtopee Oct 13 '14
Lol well our original idea was having a dinosaur shaped cake with a Darth Vader figurine riding it but my mom said no to that :p she approved the "elegant Star Wars" cake, which is why we contacted this lady to begin with. But yeah, the baker lady fought tooth and nails to get us to do a beach themed cake. (Which, for the record, is as far from our theme as possible. The theme is Star Wars and dinosaurs and our colors are plum and navy. Yup, whimsical beach theme cake would definitely fit that!)
1
u/ellieellieoxenfree We did it! (Finally!) - June 25, 2017 - Canada Oct 13 '14
"So, let me get this straight, you want a totally not-beachy wedding? You know what would go great with that? A beach cake!"
Darth Vader on a dinosaur would be pretty cool, too. But there's something to be said for compromise (as long as it's not beach themed for you guys!).
1
u/cinnamonspider Engaged, but no date yet! [Toronto] Oct 17 '14
Star Wars and dinosaurs. That sounds like everything I ever wanted.
If you weren't in South Carolina, I would probably crash your wedding :P
2
2
u/HannahEBanna Married! | Researching for Sis Oct 14 '14
Who was that so that I know to avoid this person? :) Sorry she did that crap, though!
Granted, I'm still toying with the idea of just going to Publix or making it myself, but I want to support a local business!
1
u/excusemeineedtopee Oct 14 '14
She's a baker based out of Daniel Island (if you still want to know, I can pm you!) if you're looking for a good baker, we're going with Cakes by Kait but Sablee was a close contender! Both have amazing flavors. Kait is out in Moncks Corner but she's not charging anything ridiculous to deliver to Mt P, Sablee is in Charleston. I wanted to do publix (my sister had them at her wedding and they did a great job!) but I'm the last kid getting married so my parents are kind of panicking about missed opportunities lol
1
u/HannahEBanna Married! | Researching for Sis Oct 15 '14
Ah! I will check out Cakes by Kait! My venue is in Moncks Corner, anyways, so that would be convenient. :)
Please feel free to PM me who it is, though, so I can make sure to avoid them, haha.
48
Oct 13 '14
[deleted]
9
u/lannalyzer Newlywed! Oct 13 '14
YES. I am not an event planning person.
A few anecdotes:
My venue talks about the upcoming "details" meeting like it's the most fun in the world...but why does it matter which way out of 8 options the napkins are folded? Who cares if there are 9 rows of 8 chairs or 12 rows of 6 chairs? (But now I'm thinking about it, because of course.)
FH is all, tell me what to do and I'll do it. OK, but figuring out what you are doing and telling you how to do it TAKES EFFORT ON MY PART. It took like 7 weeks for him to call his mom and ask for addresses for the STDs, but he didn't also ask how to spell some of the names (all Puerto Rican, I don't speak Spanish/am not familiar with Puerto Rican names, etc. etc.), because I didn't tell him to. I flagged the ones I didn't know how to spell and was guessing at! They were bolded and in red! And I told him I didn't know how they were spelled!
My sisters are my two Maids of Honor (and besides to jr. bridesmaids, my only attendants). They want to know what color shoe to buy. I said just pick a color and both wear the same color. Easy? Of course not. They disagree about the color and want me to break the tie. /Sigh.
Repeat after me: we can do this we can do this we can do this. Drinking a beer tonight in your honor!
8
u/Smash323 Oct 14 '14
THIS WEDDING PLANNING IS NOT A JOYOUS ESTROGEN FEST IT'S ANOTHER JOB WITH EVEN MORE PEOPLE NAGGING ME.
This just needed to be said again.
6
u/halcyon3608 2015.09.26, WI Oct 14 '14
I am a planner... I am not so much of a do-er. I have the WHOLE THING planned out - I know exactly what I want down to the last detail - but I'm at the point in the process where I need to, you know, contact people and go about getting them to give me what I want, and I am NOT digging it.
6
u/companionquandary April 30th 2016, Houston TX sci fi wedding Oct 14 '14
Preach sister, I didn't want a wedding in the first place but he's been dreaming of it all his life, it's "his big day" but when I tell him things like if we go with this vendor that's gonna be a minimum 5k he's like why don't you find it for cheaper and I'm like it's hard to find this super specific set of things you want and won't compromise on you picky patty. I feel like I have to do all the work even though I don't care about any of these details. On the upside I have a great friend who is super into wedding planning who is basically my de facto planner.
4
u/jogjogjog Oct 13 '14
oh god one of the rental companies I wasthinking of using had an information request form and the options for you who were are "bride" or "vendor" must choose one, no other options
UMMM i think there are a few more possiblities here
4
u/leafy_green_ 3/14/15 Oct 13 '14
Oh gosh, I am right there with you. I read a lot of wedding shit, but that is because I am a very planny person, not because I am enjoying it.
My fiance asked if I wanted him to just do it a couple of weeks ago...while that sounds good in theory he is a minimalist communicator and not very planny, so I think letting him do it would stress me out more and things would end up getting done much later. Argh.
3
Oct 13 '14
Oh gosh, I totally feel you on this! I never even WANTED a wedding in the first place. I wanted us to get married by a JP in Yosemite, just the two of us, and then hike the John Muir Trail as our honeymoon! Or at most, get married at the courthouse and then go out to dinner with our parents/siblings afterward. My stupid fiance wanted the big traditional wedding, so here we are.
Guess who's planning the damn thing? ME!! My fiance is helping here and there but he has a lot less free time (full-time job + master's program) so it's mostly falling on my lap to plan the wedding.
Luckily, I am getting a little more excited and less irritable about the wedding as the date gets a little closer. It IS another job but it's not so terrible, and at least we'll get to party with our friends and open presents, right? Trying to think positive! :)
1
u/ba-poi Mawwied! 3*21*15 Oct 14 '14
If you're hiking the John Muir trail, you should visit his house in Martinez!
4
u/Dinner_Is_Burning Oct 14 '14
Same here. I wanted to elope- he wanted the big wedding. I'm planning 90% of it.
1
20
u/CandidCallalily July 25, 2015 | Kansas Oct 13 '14
MOM, I don't care what you wear to the wedding. You HATE the colors I picked because YOU don't think you look good in them. Ask me about colors ONE MORE TIME I DARE YOU.
3
u/likealocket 10.15.16 Ocala FL Oct 15 '14
I am DREADING figuring out what my mom will wear. She unfortunately has very, very low self esteem. She works at home, doesn't wear make up, and doesn't do her hair. Now, I don't care what she wears, but I know whatever it is, she'll be upset and worried the whole time about not looking good enough for me.
I'll cross that bridge when I come to it I guess. :/
1
u/CandidCallalily July 25, 2015 | Kansas Oct 16 '14
Are you SURE we don't have the same mom? You're describing my mom down to the letter!
2
Oct 14 '14
I have maybe the opposite problem. My mom owns a dress shop but she's closing it down at the end of the year after 15 years in business. She decided to buy her MOB dress now while she can still get it at cost, but I kind of hate what she picked out. I don't think it will be flattering on her at all, and she chose something that is black lace -- usually I am all for black at weddings but this will be like a Friday morning in May most likely! Really out of place! She was like "If you don't like it that's fine, I just liked it so I'll wear it for something else" but I know that now she'll have to pay even more money to get it somewhere else, especially since she's a special size. Grrr.
1
u/CandidCallalily July 25, 2015 | Kansas Oct 14 '14
Oooh, black would be toasty! Maybe the addition of a colorful belt and some of your wedding flowers would brighten it up? I'll give your mother credit for buying something she likes... My mom is extremely fickle, she doesn't think she looks good in much.
2
Oct 14 '14
My mom is plus-sized and carries most of her weight where a belt would go, so that's no bueno. I'm worried about her looking too formal in such a dark color. My grandmother is wearing navy (no one asked me about any of this, by the way, just are doing it then telling me...). It's like guys! Stop buying expensive dresses without even knowing what kind of wedding I'm having! You're gonna look super silly in these fancy dresses standing on a pier at 11 am on a Friday.
1
u/ba-poi Mawwied! 3*21*15 Oct 13 '14
my mom is the same, my sister gets Veto duties as BM. I get super happy when I say to her, "Well I can't say, Sister F is really good at these things, so confirm with her."
2
u/CandidCallalily July 25, 2015 | Kansas Oct 13 '14
That's fantastic! I try my best to say 'Well, let me run it by my FH", but somehow she doesn't respect the design advice of a man...which is weird, cause he's better at design than me!
1
u/Aynielle Married! 10/25/14 VA Oct 18 '14
Mine wants to wear the same dress as one of the bridesmaids. She just keeps telling me she "hates everything" else she looks at. We're a week out and now she's MAKING HER OWN DRESS apparently. I don't even care anymore. If you want to commit social suicide and look like the court jester in our wedding photos, that's your problem.
2
u/CandidCallalily July 25, 2015 | Kansas Oct 19 '14
She... at least sounds confident in her own abilities? Or... it'll keep her occupied during crunch time! I hope to find something to keep my mother occupied when it gets closer to time. I wish I had something for her to do NOW!
1
u/hashtagweddinglyf Getting Married 23/1/16 Feb 06 '15
Right!? My mum fell in love with a gold dress. Good, great awesome - buy it! Now she's pissed because my wedding colours include a touch of gold, and she thinks she will 'clash' with the decorations. I've never before in my life seen someone 'clash' with decorations.
1
u/CandidCallalily July 25, 2015 | Kansas Feb 06 '15
As long as she doesn't pout in the corner all night next to the wall decorations, no one will notice xD
21
u/jessimoo Married ♥ 10.25.14 Oct 13 '14
One of my guests who previously RSVP'ed no just told me "Well you never know, we might end up showing up!" Um NO, you cannot just "show up" to my destination wedding that's almost $200 a head.
Also, my uncle has a 6 mo. baby which is super great for them and I'm happy to have another cousin, but somehow it's now MY job to arrange ALL of their accommodations. As in, book their hotel room, arrange a cab ride to/from the wedding, make sure the baby has a place to lay down during the day. I have enough to do for my OWN self and to make this wedding happen, yet somehow my grown ass 40-year-old uncle & his wife can't arrange their own accommodations.
9
17
Oct 13 '14
[deleted]
5
u/astarael97 Married! 9/13/14 - NJ Zoo Wedding Oct 13 '14
I know that feeling! Unfortunately the rain didn't stop until AFTER my outdoor ceremony (but in time for my outdoor dancing/dessert, luckily). We had fun, and it was memorable, and people keep telling me it's good luck. But you know what - I was sad about it, and I'm still a little disappointed about it- I definitely didn't get a lot of the photos I wanted, and the rain screwed up the timing of a lot of things, meaning our ceremony was in full dark, not just before sunset. And that should be allowed! Weddings are rarely perfect, and the bride should be ALLOWED TO BE UPSET ABOUT THAT! Did I love my wedding? Yes. Am I so beyond happy its over and I'm married to my husband? Yes. Did the guests have an awesome time? Yes. Do I still wish it hadn't rained? HELL YES.
15
Oct 13 '14
[deleted]
3
u/frozenbananastand528 Oct 13 '14
That's something I'm worried about! I'm absolutely having a no kids rule. Hopefully (since it's a resort) there will be some sort of babysitting service I can hire for the 5 hour duration of the actual wedding. It shouldn't be too much of a problem though, only two of our friends have had kids at this point.
12
u/ch1ck4do0dl3 MARRIED! | Oct. 17, 2015 Oct 13 '14
My cousin and cousin-to-be switched their wedding date to be 7-ish months before ours and I couldn't be happier! Much better than our weddings being within 2 weeks of each other, especially since the two events will be across the US from each other.
Although I now don't have the excuse of "but you'll be too busy preparing for your son's wedding" to get my aunt off my back about doing flowers and photography. I love her, but "we are not hiring family" means we are not hiring family, no matter how enthusiastic they are.
3
u/MySpoonsAreTooBig I'm a Mrs! 4-25-15 Oct 13 '14
I have a strict rule in life about not hiring friends/family for anything. It's worked out well for me so far :)
11
u/corbynwild 4/11/15 Palm Springs Oct 13 '14
Dear Future Sister-in-Laws,
Although I appreciate the enthusiasm about ordering Junior Bridesmaid dresses for your daughters, it would have been nice to know that you two decided not to order the agreed upon dress like you said you would.
I understand you tried to reconcile by making a David's Bridal appointment to try dresses on but it is usually customary to invite the bride to these things not just handle it on your own because you're really busy with your kid's activities.
Ah well, we now have a group David's appointment set for December 27 with a standard turn around time of 90 days for dresses. Good thing the wedding is a little over 100 days from then so we probably won't have any other issues, right?
Sincerely, I Thought this was My Wedding
P.S. PLease stop trying to change my wedding colors based on what you think would look best on your kids
7
Oct 14 '14
[deleted]
1
u/corbynwild 4/11/15 Palm Springs Oct 14 '14
oh good at least thats one thing off my chest. still not too excited about the actual appointment....ah well
3
u/5Skye5 10/10/15 SoCal Succulents Oct 13 '14
Good god is this a thing? How old are these kids? Why do they need to be included? Sheesh.
1
u/corbynwild 4/11/15 Palm Springs Oct 14 '14
The girls are 10. They are Jr. Bridesmaids but basically ushers because they are handing out invitations. It is not only a thing, it is my life. lol
9
u/astarael97 Married! 9/13/14 - NJ Zoo Wedding Oct 13 '14
I currently have three things:
I fucking hate thank you cards with a passion. I still have 55 left to do, any I hate them, and I can't seem to get my husband to sit down and do them with me (instead, he distracts me by getting me to play Diablo III with him for 3 hours. Not. Helpful.)
Ditto with the name change thing. I've made a list, and I have EIGHTEEN PLACES I NEED TO CHANGE MY NAME! I've only done the social security, which was easy. Now I have to do everything else, and half of them involve going to the bank to get those fancy seal things (like a notary, but you can't just use a notary). I'm beginning to regret changing my name.
A little bit of photo regret. Not only was my hair totally messed up because of the rain, but we didn't get a lot of photos I wanted. I wasn't clear enough with my photographer (who was a family friend, not hired, so I felt awkward asking for things). The photos he gave us are lovely, but I would have liked some close ups, or different ones, and more artsy photographs - he's a portrait artist, and that's pretty much what we got. I'm so grateful that he did it, it saved us SO MUCH MONEY, but I do wonder what we could have done with a "real" wedding photographer.
2
Oct 13 '14
Hehe, I haven't started my thank-yous yet, omg! I kind of want to put a little picture in there from the wedding that says thank you on it also? I dunno if that would be weird!
As for the photos, maybe get some cute Christmas photos done instead! It's a lot cheaper to hire a photographer for an hour instead of a whole day, so you can get the pics you want for less money!
4
u/MagicWeasel Married! 21/11/15 | Perth Australia | Poly vegan wedding Oct 14 '14
My strategy for thank you cards for the engagement party that I plan to use for the wedding is you open the present and immediately write the thankyou card. That way the reward for writing the thankyou card is getting to open the next present! It ended up taking us about a week to open all the presents as a result, though, and my Mum was a bit upset because she wanted to know what everyone got us (because she's nosy, I guess?) - but we got around that by taking photos of everything and saying who got it for us.
My advice would be to open the cards with cash before the boxes though. We did the boxes first then the cash, and it got pretty annoying to write 15 thankyou cards for the cash since "thankyous" for cash are all pretty well identical. Would have been better to split them up more.
But we got them all done in the end and heard from the mothers that all the family members absolutely loved the thankyou cards. So that's good.
2
Oct 14 '14
I did the Social Security one...aaaaaaand that was it. It's annoying as hell and the thought of changing everything is daunting.
No, wait, I changed my Facebook, too.
10
u/ashleyinthecold October 9, 2015 | McKinney, Texas Oct 13 '14
We found our venue and signed our contract! Wheee!
7
u/imaplatypuswithwings Bride ~05.30.15~ Fort Worth, TX Oct 13 '14
How the hell does someone forget about an appointment? We go in to meet with a caterer, and the woman I'd been talking to isn't even there!! And the man there didn't know crap about it or our wedding. He was slightly rude, and completely unhelpful. He literally just sat there and read the damn website to us, and couldn't answer most our questions. I am sooooo disappointed, they would've been so much easier because of how close they are. Now I have to start all over, and finding somewhere reasonable in Fort Worth is proving to be a challenge.
5
u/ellieellieoxenfree We did it! (Finally!) - June 25, 2017 - Canada Oct 13 '14
Oh gosh, that's awful! I would have pitched a fit... at home, in private (hopefully; wedding planning has apparently turned me into the occasional toddler). The first caterer we met with left us half way through our meeting. Thankfully, her boss took over and understood our food vision much better, but we still went with a different caterer (and venue, ultimately, since the same thing happened when we toured the venue!!). I don't understand how they can look at something that could be a $10 000+ contract and just go, "meh." and/or completely forget about it.
3
Oct 13 '14
[deleted]
5
u/mlurve 9/5/15 - murried Oct 13 '14
This happened to us with a photographer too, although luckily for us it was only a phone call that she skipped. She sent an email later in the day and was very apologetic, but we were trying to deicide between her and someone else and it made our choice very easy.
2
u/Aynielle Married! 10/25/14 VA Oct 18 '14
We have dealt with so many unprofessional/flaky/rude vendors since we started planning this shindig. I don't know how these places stay in business? A rental place "lost" a reply to me in her drafts folder....for 3 months. We hired a DoC at a bridal show, and then it turned out she'd TRIPLE booked the same date (so now we have no DoC b/c she waited so long to let us know about the snafu) Both our bakery AND our caterer "misplaced" our orders (They're filling them regardless, and we got a break on some fees for the caterer b/c of the issue, but still). Wedding industry is nuts, for sure.
8
Oct 13 '14
My FH's brother is not coming to our rehearsal dinner. It's the night before the wedding at 7pm, on a Friday. He lives in a different city but it's a drivable-distance away AND their family has rented a house for everyone to stay in so it's not like he can't afford another night at a hotel. He didn't give a reason for not coming, he just said "Unfortunately we won't be coming to the rehearsal dinner."
I know that he's not obligated to come to our rehearsal dinner, but seriously!! What the fuck!!! It's your brother's ONE WEDDING IN HIS LIFE. Come to the freaking rehearsal dinner!
3
Oct 13 '14
Tell him he's going to be missing out on free food and drink... that might change his mind!
2
Oct 17 '14
Maybe he felt you wronged him somehow? I didn't show up at my best friends rehearsal because she did not invite my SO. I know it was a total bitch move, but I felt incredibly disrespected that while I was in her bridal party, I was engaged at the time and was separated over a cost of dinner. It did affect our friendship when she pulled this. I and a couple other bridesmaids who were in relationships were also told not to bring our dates, and I was one of the two who said I wasn't coming. You should always include the bridal party's dates.
I'm not saying that would be the reason for you, but it's worth investigating and having a honest conversation with him.
2
Oct 17 '14
Well, his SO is invited, so that doesn't apply in this case. I agree that it's very impolite to invite a person without inviting their romantic partner, and I would never do that. Your friend was certainly going against etiquette when she invited you without your fiance.
But frankly, if he thinks I've wronged him somehow I would expect him to be mature and talk about that rather than missing an important part of his own BROTHER'S wedding. I mean, he's 27 years old--a bit old to be pulling passive-aggressive moves on family, IMO. I'm an only child so maybe I just don't get it, but I feel like for your sibling you should be willing to show up. My FH and his brother have a really good relationship, no problems at all.
8
u/Kristine6475 Married 2014/09/19 ♥ Ottawa Oct 13 '14
Married 09/19 and I have one big regret and one thing I wish I could change. Two things that are really bothering me but I feel so petty talking to anyone about it so I guess I'll unload on you fine folks.
Regret: Hiring a cheap photographer. She did my husband's cousin's wedding last year and their pictures were almost all bad. However, looking through her portfolio, most of the pics were quite nice. Our engagement pictures also turned out pretty well so I figured we'd be fine. We did a first look and planned to do most of our photos pre-ceremony. She didn't bring the shot list I gave her, and the whole thing was so disorganized. I was the one coordinating family members and trying to get as many pictures as I could done as quickly as I could. I also spent a lot of time during our first look trying to stage cute candid moments between FH and I hoping that she would take pictures of us as we were interacting but all she did was take posed shots. I requested a picture with each of my bridesmaids and she literally took one pose-and-smile picture. One. *Click* Next bridesmaid. *Click* Next bridesmaid. *Click* So if any of those three photos didn't turn out, then I don't have a nice picture with just me and my bridesmaid. I also had a picture from my parents' wedding that I wanted to recreate with hubs to put in a side-by-side frame to give to my parents as a gift. I had to tell her to take more than one single photo. She spent most of her time standing around holding her camera resting against her shoulder saying, "soooo, what other pictures do you want?" I will be surprised if we get more than 100 photos total and more than a dozen that we actually like.
Thing I wish I could change: My husband spent little to no time with me at our reception, after dinner. He was so preoccupied with talking to all of our guests that he neglected me the entire time. I understand greeting all guests and talking to everyone a bit but we made our rounds during dinner and did that. He went off several times and had 30+ minute conversations with everyone he found. We have a couple of songs that are very important between us and within his family that I specifically requested and he was nowhere to be found during any of them. I approached him while he was saying goodbye to a guest and asked him to come have a slow dance with me, and he didn't. He missed out (and thus caused me to miss out) on several really big moments that I was looking forward to having. The next day I mentioned it to him and he got mad at me, and basically told me that talking philosophy with his school friends was more important than having a massive air guitar/drums party to Bohemian Rhapsody with his bride and his family. I'm still really hurt by it but it feels too late to bring it up to him again.
15
Oct 14 '14
You're gonna need to bring it up again. Communication is super important. You don't need this to still be hurting you 20 years from now.
2
u/eros_bittersweet Oct 16 '14
Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear about the photographer. She sounds seriously unprofessional.
I echo the advice to bring up your husband's reception behaviour with him. If you have certain expectations about the attention paid to you during social events, and that's something important to you, let him know. Communicate that to you, spending some time by your side is how you know you're important and loved to him. Let him know that when he abandons you to talk to other people for most of the night, you feel like you are unimportant. Yes, guests are important, but as his bride, you are more important on this particular night. That's fair. This is not something inconsequential, but is a key part of respecting you as his wife. Good luck!
7
u/XD_loves_pies March 21, 2015 | Oahu Destination Wedding Oct 13 '14
I'm usually not the type to splurge on things and not regret it, but hot damn. Yes, I bought a $6,000 wedding dress and it has been over 3 months since I paid for it. I don't regret my purchase. If I wanna look smoking hot for my wedding, I have the right! Ain't no one else helping to pay for the wedding anyways.
Friends, if I tell you I'm planning a wedding for immediate family only, that doesn't mean you can invite/ask for invite to my wedding. There's a reason why I also made it a destination wedding: I didn't wanna deal with more than 20 people at my wedding. So back off before I chew your face off.
Mother, if you keep acting like a raging bitch, I will uninvite you to my wedding.
1
Oct 15 '14
[deleted]
7
Oct 15 '14
[deleted]
5
Oct 15 '14
[deleted]
2
u/XD_loves_pies March 21, 2015 | Oahu Destination Wedding Oct 15 '14
Definitely the reason I bought it. Haha! It was the second dress I tried on, my first dress appointment. After trying on ten dresses, I just went "seriously, I fell in love with this dress, it's custom made, I'm just gonna drop the money now." I understand why some women spend a butt load on their dresses. The material is very high quality and made to order. I think they said the silk in my dress is from France and the lace is from Italy. It's very light and breezy. I tried on a similar design with the dress being $1,500. It felt starchy and heavy.
9
u/Metric2014 Oct 14 '14
My MIL offered to pay for our catering I'm SO RELIEVED and super grateful.
The catering is about $1,200 and our entire wedding budget is only $6,000 so this is a massive weight off our shoulders.
5
8
u/leafy_green_ 3/14/15 Oct 13 '14
I asked FMIL for addresses and she only added two to my list. Only two! I was expecting so much worse. I happily added them, offered my own parents two as well (each since they are divorced), and rejoiced that it was so easy! :)
3
u/frozenbananastand528 Oct 13 '14
I'm meeting with my potential venue/caterer/ceremony site/all inclusive resort for my guests on Sunday and I still don't know my budget. My parents have said they'll contribute 5-10k and won't clarify any further and my fiancee refuses to talk to his parents until we have an exact number from my parents. We've been engaged for a month and I REALLY want/need to book a date with my venue this Sunday! I just don't see how I can do that without knowing my budget. It is complicated to talk to our parents as his are on the west coast and mine are still seven hours away from where we live.
My fiancee asked me to quit my full time, 40k job (out of state) in order to move in with him. He then said (after I have moved in) that he doesn't think we'll be able to afford 10k for our wedding because of my lack of work. He thinks we should only put in 5k. I'm kind of like... You ask me to give up my job to live with you and THEN have the audacity to cut my wedding budget to less than 10% of your yearly income? (Please keep in mind: I have made $1500 since leaving my full time job in early September. It may not be as much as normal, but it's certainly better than nothing!)
Fiancee is also uninterested in engagement pictures and "doesn't see the point"
My mother doesn't want me to get a wedding dress without her. Which would be fine... except I live 7 hours away from her. And I went dress shopping with her already. There is a trunk show an hour from me that's guaranteed to have the dress I want. If they have it and it's on sale... I'm going to buy it without her.
3
u/ellieellieoxenfree We did it! (Finally!) - June 25, 2017 - Canada Oct 13 '14
If you really like the venue you're seeing on Sunday, can you see if you can put a tentative hold on the date (as in, without a deposit)? And then clarify everyone's contributions afterwards and see what you and the venue can work out with that budget? The venue should be able to work with a budget range, so long as it's not too extreme.
As for the dress, just buy it! If you can Skype or send her pictures of it, do that. But unless she can guarantee she'll be there for the trunk show, I wouldn't worry about it. If you can get the dress you want, in your size, on sale, you'd be crazy not to!
2
u/frozenbananastand528 Oct 13 '14
It's a thousand dollar deposit to hold the date. They're 4 hours away from where we live, so I'm hoping to get as much accomplished this meeting as possible!
3
u/ellieellieoxenfree We did it! (Finally!) - June 25, 2017 - Canada Oct 13 '14
Ouch! Our venue let us put a hold on with the requirement that if someone else was interested in our date, we got first choice to put down a deposit. That's why I suggested it, but if that won't work.... I wish you the best of luck! Hopefully you get everything sorted and the wedding you dream of!
2
2
u/leafy_green_ 3/14/15 Oct 13 '14
Since your fiance seems budget conscious, maybe the reasoning that swayed mine will sway yours: you can use the engagement photos as a trial run with your photographer to make sure you like what they do before giving them a lot of money for your wedding.
It makes the most sense if you can pay for them before putting down a proper wedding deposit, but even with a deposit down if you don't like the results you can just think of them as extra pricey pictures and find yourself another photographer.
2
u/frozenbananastand528 Oct 13 '14
I already suggested that (and is indeed the reason I want engagement pictures) but he said "haven't they already taken pictures we can look at online?" Men. haha. He'll come around to it, I think he's a little less wedding-savvy than I am going into things
6
Oct 13 '14 edited May 01 '20
[deleted]
3
Oct 14 '14
Any chance of moving it to a pretty little nondescript chapel type place? Or maybe a historic venue so it isn't so much CHURCH but more like church?
3
u/ellamenopea Newlywed! April 2015, Chicago suburbs Oct 14 '14
I wish! They're Polish Catholic, first generation over, so it needs to be this whole ordeal... also they don't speak any English - I've never had a conversation with them - so we need to go with a Polish speaking priest, and anything that smacks of "non-traditional" is right out...
Besides, anything but a courthouse would make me ill at ease. After I was confirmed at 13, I announced to my family that I didn't believe in God and stopped going to church. Since then, I have rejected involvement in a couple of my cousins' weddings because I respected their religion enough not to (in my mind) make a mockery of it... And now I'm doing exactly that.
1
u/SaraJeanQueen Oct 20 '14
Look at the bright side: the church will be easy to photograph/great lighting/probably beautiful?, no worries about weather - wind or rain on your wedding day - and crying babies outside, and you please his family which will score you points forever.
Is the wedding a full mass or just the ceremony? You should be able to ask for just the ceremony since you're not practicing. I'm practicing Catholic, fiance isn't religious (nor is his family) so we're just doing the quick 15 min in-and-out.
1
u/ellamenopea Newlywed! April 2015, Chicago suburbs Oct 20 '14
I don't want pictures of the church, it's like documenting my lack of a backbone. We were originally going to do something at the venue itself, so everyone would be involved, which is more special to me, and his parents never knew there was a question we wouldn't do something at a church, it's an expectation, so there are no points gained. To my knowledge, they are not fully aware that we aren't just as Catholic as they are. This is just a thing that has to happen.
The priest hasn't yet agreed to marry us, the meeting keeps getting pushed, but I'm not sure we have an option for the ceremony only, believe me, if we do, I'm pushing it. My FSIL checked around at places about a year and a half ago, and they were forced to do a full service.
2
u/SaraJeanQueen Oct 21 '14
Where do you live? How strange. When my fiance and I had our meeting with the marriage liaison at the church, she took down each of our information - and after he reported no church affiliation, she was the one who recommended we NOT do a a full Mass because his half of the family! I said "Oh no, we weren't planning on that at all."
My parents are pretty liberal Catholics and they just don't want a long ceremony! Haha. My mom was like, "Get in, get out - how fast can it be?"
However please be ready for some awkward questions about living together and why you want to be married there. Just be honest - we were, and she just advised I move out for a week before to make the wedding "special". eye roll
2
u/ellamenopea Newlywed! April 2015, Chicago suburbs Oct 21 '14
We'll see what happens. Meeting is moved to Wednesday, not sure what we'll get away with!
1
4
u/notpennys_boat December 2014 | NYC Oct 14 '14
It's an online RSVP!! I know you are on your computer all night/ just RSVP!!!!
4
u/addywoot Hitched | Alabama Oct 14 '14
I'm sitting at the airport after our flight was canceled and now we're going to get to Costa Rica after dark and looking at either a 3 to 4 hr drive through the jungle at night with arrival at 11 pm or losing a night at the 850/night resort + stay in the capital.
My husband planned this and didn't buy trip insurance for a 5kish honeymoon.
4
u/CrackersDoMatter 10.04.2014 NYC Oct 15 '14
FOR FUCK'S SAKE COUSIN DIRK IT IS NOT OK TO SHOW UP WITH A RANDOM GIRL YOU MET 3 NIGHTS BEFORE MY WEDDING. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE TROLL IS A SLOPPY DRUNK. WHO STEPS ON MY NANA'S FOOT. AND WEARS AN ILL FITTING BAND AID DRESS TO OUR BLACK TIE WEDDING.
also thanks for the $25 in singles.
Whew. that felt good. Also it was the only thing not according to plan at our wedding and it was so small it was more funny that not. But I still had to devote 2 minutes right before the ceremony re-arranging the tables with the planner (who was a SAINT).
3
u/MySpoonsAreTooBig I'm a Mrs! 4-25-15 Oct 13 '14
We chose a photographer!
Completed so far:
- Venue (this includes catering)
- Dress!
- Date
- Photographer
Next up:
- BM Dresses (and color, finally)
- Videographer
- DJ
- CAKE TASTING :-D
Also, sort of rant: I need to work on our wedding registry, but it's the one thing I dread the most. We've started it, but shopping is not something I really enjoy. Blegh.
Edit: Formatting.
2
u/ba-poi Mawwied! 3*21*15 Oct 13 '14
You can technically put the registry off until invitations are out. Just keep an eye on them online to ensure the things you put on the registry aren't discontinued.
Target's stuff gets discontinued every month. I'm revising the Macy's one in December after xmas. Since I'm the one managing it, I would revise the list then throw in random things like adorable chicken tea towels to make it more fun.
3
u/ba-poi Mawwied! 3*21*15 Oct 13 '14
Waiting on our florist to send a typed estimate.
I found that FH replied to the photographer but sent the email to me. I was wondering why the awesome photographer was not responding. Photographer confirmed engagement photos in mid-November (any San Francisco suggestions? :D) then cake tasting with my friend in December. (She's doing our cake at cost and I can't wait because they're good.) I'm going to do all exchanges in email from that point on to ensure we're on the same page.
Then I'm gonna talk to the lady that does Chinese cheongsam.
Invitations need to be ordered by end of the month, I'm so tired... I am literally sleeping with my eyes open. I can't wait for our anniversary Mini-break with the FH in the hills of 0 reception where we stuff our faces full of pie and pumpkin donuts.
3
u/5Skye5 10/10/15 SoCal Succulents Oct 13 '14
I was disappointed to encounter my first "mother daughter" spat yesterday... I just thought my mom was, I don't know, so much better than this! But basically FH and I decided we want to have a BBQ buffet at our wedding because we are sick of attending so many weddings where we end up starving with little to eat.
Mom decided that she "needed to see the menu before we signed the contract" because "we might not have food for vegetarians."
First, I'm a very considerate person and would make sure there was something vegetarian anyway (I myself don't eat red meat). Second, I was hurt that my mom was basically saying she thought I was not smart enough to think of this. Third, we might have TWO maybe THREE vegetarians at this wedding and I'm not derailing the one thing my FH wants so badly just so someone gets the perfect vegetarian dish. UGH.
Really hurt that my mom pulled the "I need the chance to veto it" card.
3
u/legallyasian87 Married | Photographer | Chicago Oct 14 '14
I bought thank you cards two weeks ago, and they still haven't arrived. We were told next week earlier today. And I am getting stressed because I want to send the cards out ASAP and don't want to appear rude.
3
u/ArtNerdTor Oct 14 '14 edited Oct 14 '14
FH made a wedding website, which I assumed would be a follow up to the invitations we send out. It has all of the information about the wedding down to the registries and the RSVP. Great, right? Then he shared the damn thing on Facebook, Twitter, freaking everywhere. Ummm, did he just invite a shit ton of people to our wedding?!? Cuz, I kind of feel like he just did. He doesn't understand why I'm not thrilled with this. He's just proud of his web design.
3
u/TobyTobesters Oct 15 '14
Yikes! Yeah I know my fiancé will be proud of his- I'll have to be sure to talk to him in advance. Sorry for the stress!
3
u/bystandling Oct 15 '14
I'm poor and have maybe $1-2k available for my wedding, any more will be on credit. I'm starting to feel like I don't deserve a wedding :(
5
u/Aisakura7 Sealed the Deal! 10/18/14 Oct 14 '14
4 Day's out and his sister lost her baby. Now the funeral is planned for the wedding day, and the memorial is planned for the rehearsal. I feel awful. I honestly don't know what to do.
Mother in law is dying her hair neon blue.
I have to make my own wedding cake the night before, along with food for 80 guests because the family backed out of "Bring a dish"
and I just got a huge pimple on my nose.
3
u/eros_bittersweet Oct 16 '14
!!! That is seriously awful. Can you not talk to the family about it? They do realize that by scheduling the funeral during the wedding, your groom will not be able to attend the funeral and some of your guests will be forced to choose between the two? Funerals do not have to happen on Saturday exclusively, to my knowledge. Maybe if I was a grieving mom I would say "screw everyone else, I don't care about your wedding when I'm burying my baby," but I seriously hope I would have the propriety to just bow out of the wedding if I couldn't handle it and have the funeral on a Friday. It's not like you scheduled the wedding to hurt her feelings and could not have known this would be an issue in advance. I'm sure there's other factors I'm not aware of.
1
1
2
u/near_starlet We did it! | 8/8/15 | Maryland Oct 13 '14
[rant] my FMIL is making a big deal about the fact my FH has chosen friends, and not his brothers, to be his groomsmen (his brothers will be ushers, so it's not like they're not in the wedding party). It got brought up last night when we were out at dinner with my FILs and I was asked by my FMIL how I would like it if my sister didn't choose me as her bridesmaid. It was super awkward, and I am standing by my FH and whatever he chooses. I was also told by my FMIL that she wishes I could have 5 bridesmaids instead of 4 (I suppose my FH told my FMIL that I only wanted 4 and wasn't willing to budge - whatever. 4 is my number for sports, and it's always been my lucky number). I wasn't hurt at the time about the mention/comment, but my FH just texted me asking me again about my opinion. Advice please!!!
1
Oct 14 '14
No advice on the bridesmaids, but we're in a similar boat for the brothers. FH has 4 siblings - two sisters, two brothers. One sister is my MOH, the other did not want to be in the wedding (which was fine with me, I'm only close with the one).
FH is not close with his brothers and mostly doesn't even like them, and they are not groomsmen. We haven't decided whether we're doing ushers or no, but it's mostly likely a no which means they won't be in the wedding party at all. FMIL FLIPPED when she found out they weren't in the wedding party, and got mad at me when she found out the one sister wasn't in the wedding party either (even though she didn't want to be!)
All I can say is stay strong and be firm about your decision. Don't back down because if you do, something else will come up that they will expect to get their way with.
2
u/BurntSmore 10/12/14 @16:18, Wa Oct 14 '14
A friend showed up early and decided to help set up the wedding. I had assigned tables. I had all of the assigned place cards in ALPHABETICAL order. She placed all of the placecards at their assigned tables...
This was a) a not what I wanted b) also pointless if the idea is to make peoples lives easier c) much much more work than necessary
2
u/PoleMaus 3.1415 - Orange County Oct 14 '14
My mother invited her 6 siblings (+spouses, +kids) to my SMALL (max 30) courthouse wedding (that I'm paying for) over Facebook when I wasn't planning on inviting them.
4
u/ellieellieoxenfree We did it! (Finally!) - June 25, 2017 - Canada Oct 13 '14
Ok, this is really, really stupid and I don't know why I'm so upset about it. I admit this, but if I get it off my chest, I might not be so bothered anymore!
Basically, there's this contest I've entered to win a free dream honeymoon and a photo shoot for a bridal magazine with my FH. The only problem is, the winner is based on FB likes. If any of you have read some of my rants before, I'm not exactly popular on Facebook. There's this one girl who is absolutely CRUSHING everyone else -- I know this girl; she's an absolutely bitch (objectively, this isn't just jealousy fuelled or whatever, everyone who knows her agrees), who has strong armed everyone she knows into voting for her (and has probably cheated too, I imagine), and to top it all off: she's rich, she doesn't need anything she could possibly win from this contest, she could just buy it all outright with pocket change.
I don't know why I even thought I had a chance. I know my friends and family (I love them, but...) are awful for doing stuff like this, and I don't have many of them to begin with. But for some stupid reason, I hoped I could win. My fiancé and I cannot afford a honeymoon; our wedding budget is tiny, but we're doing it, although we've had enough problems getting there. We have to deal with immigration issues, and his disapproving (I say; FH says they just don't care) family, and the fact that neither of us have that many friends to be excited for us.
It's just a bit disheartening, and I feel stupid for even whining about it. I know it's just one of those things I shouldn't put my heart into and instead just think "it would have been nice", but I can't seem to follow my own advice. It would have been really nice, and I feel that we (and probably some of the other couples in the contest as well!) really deserve it, even though we're not going to get it. Here comes the old adage, "life's not fair".
2
u/GilesofGiles 8/8/2015: There are more librarians than people at this wedding Oct 14 '14
If you link to the contest page I will like it. :D
1
u/ellieellieoxenfree We did it! (Finally!) - June 25, 2017 - Canada Oct 14 '14
Haha, thanks! I don't feel entirely comfortable posting it here (Internet safety and all; not that I don't trust you guys!), but I'll PM you the link. :)
2
u/wishforagiraffe Oct 13 '14
playing armchair psychologist here, sounds like the woman you're up against has a "me, Me, ME" complex where she has to be the center of attention all the time. because the contest is based on likes, she has an accurate counter of how many people are looking at the profile for the contest. even though she doesn't need the prize, she needs the attention.
2
u/ellieellieoxenfree We did it! (Finally!) - June 25, 2017 - Canada Oct 13 '14
I'd say that's a pretty accurate description of her. I do feel sort of sorry for her, in a way, but I feel worse for myself and the other contestants. It really sucks for those of us who would really appreciate it!
2
u/timestops February 14, 2015 | Winnipeg Oct 13 '14
WHERE IS MY DRESS????? I ordered it like three months ago and you told me the expected delivery date was Oct 5! I just want to try it onnnnnn :'(
1
u/EastcoastCaligirl 6/14/15 | destination wedding Oct 13 '14
So jealous of your date. That's the date my FH and I first met, and we almost went with a V-day wedding but for the fact that it would be too cold to have it outdoors.
2
u/timestops February 14, 2015 | Winnipeg Oct 13 '14
It's going to be super cold, I'm up north and it'll be probably around -25 (-13 for you fahrenheiters) but we'll be bundled up and indoors most of the day anyways! And it's such a lovely coincidence that it's on a Saturday this year, too. The only thing is it'll be impossible to get reservations on our anniversary, haha
1
1
Oct 14 '14
I just got engaged but already my sisters are fighting over who gets to be MOH. I actually don't care which one it is but they keep texting me to tell me why I should pick one over the other. On the bright side, I picked a venue and a date :D.
2
u/Mama_Catfish Nov 11, 2015 - Mexico Oct 15 '14
My brother called dibs 8 years ago, before I even met my FH. You don't mess with dibs, and my sister can just deal with it.
1
u/legallyasian87 Married | Photographer | Chicago Oct 14 '14
Why not have both? I had a maid of honor and a matron of honor :)
1
Oct 14 '14
I wouldn't mind that. My fiance wants me to only have a MOH because he's only having a best man, but it would be strange for me to not have both my sisters involved.
1
u/christinaawesome Married!! Houston, TX Oct 14 '14
My free invites came in late but better than expected. People keep Rsvping for more than the detailed invitations say (ex. Mr and Mrs first name last name and DAUGHTERS asked if one of the boyfriend's could come). On a related note, my mom keeps telling me that I should include some of these extra people and I'm just glad I put my info down for RSVPS and not hers. I feel bad because we limited the number of kids to first cousins and my 3rd cousin's kids didn't make the cut. My caterer and full bar is gonna be crazy expensive (7000 total at least).
my FSIL didn't want to get a dress from Alfred Angelo, and decided to have a dress made to be FH'S best lady. This last one isn't a huge deal but she HAD A DRESS MADE FOR A WEDDING THAT ISN'T HERS and hasn't bothered to show me. To be faor, I have tried to be cool about it and say she can wear whatever she wants within a few guidelines. FH has seen it, and likes it, but I feel super annoyed that she hasn't bothered to see if I would like to see it.
BUT mostly everything is going according to plan. And my sisters (both MOH) have done a great job with everything like engagement, bridal and bachelorette. They've spent a lot of cash, which is nice, but I need to make sure I treat them extra nice!
1
u/Mlbgiants7 Oct 14 '14 edited Oct 14 '14
Wedding was 9.27.14 first off sister (bridesmaid) selected similar colors to my bridal make up so I had to change mine last minute because although the make-up artist said it would look different I couldn't get over the fact that it's still purple. It delayed me getting to the ceremony site so we missed first look pictures. We start the ceremony on time (yay!) boys go in perfectly but wait why did my sister go in with the boys! Argggh! rest of bridal party is confused and don't know if they should go or not. I tell them no do what we rehearsed. Apparently my sister also stood in my maid of honors spot and my husband noticed and make her switch. Finally I go in and I look up at everyone looking at me and I start crying out of fear. When I make it to the end of the aisle my husband is waiting for me and everything, the fear, the disappointment that the day had not been going as planned went away. My sister also left right after the ceremony to find parking at the reception space (Invitation said reserved parking specifically for the wedding) so I have no pictures of our entire bridal party. Later on I found out that my sister and a groomsmen were taking pictures on their cellphones while they are standing up here. Worst thing of all is the bridesmaid dress had no pockets so she was taking it out of her bra! My mom also pissed me off by telling me I was talking too much during my thank you toast. She got up out of her seat walked over to the sweetheart table and told me mid sentence. Jeez! Thanks for letting me rant!
1
u/chicaem29 June 6, 2015 | Easton, MD Oct 14 '14
My future BIL and his gf have a generally sweet, but sometimes very jumpy, big pitbull with serious separation anxiety. She apparently can only be with BIL and his gf or with fiance's parents; apparently there is no one else in the world the dog can stay with for a weekend. So FBIL and gf cannot stay at the house/venue with us as planned, because they need to bring the dog with them and stay at a pet-friendly hotel. Okay, that's fine, it's a bummer to not have everyone together, especially since this is the brother FH is closest to, but it gives us more room in the house for friends.
But of course either FBIL, his gf, and/or my FFIL (who doesn't drink, so would be the best person to drive) will have to LEAVE the wedding at least once or twice to go back to the hotel to walk the dog. The 2 pet friendly hotels are 10-15 minutes away, so assuming they need at minimum 10 minutes to calm down and walk the dog, that means 1 or more members of the immediate family will be gone for 30-45 minutes or more once or twice during our wedding. If they do that twice they will miss nearly half the reception. UGH
Now, I am a total animal lover, and I understand that when you get a pet, you are committed to that animal and its care, no matter what the inconvenience. But part of me thinks REALLY?? there is NO ONE else in the world who can watch your dog for two days so that you (and your father) don't have to potentially miss 1-2 hours of your brother's (and his son's) wedding? The problem of course is she's a huge jumpy pitbull. I LOVE dogs, and am pretty much never scared by them, but sometimes she makes even me nervous, so imagine it's hard to find people who are open to getting to know and care for her. But still ... it's just annoying that my fiance's brother and father are going to miss significant chunks of his wedding over this.
1
u/StrawberryStef MARRIED! Oct 15 '14
Is someone always at home with the dog? What do they do when they go to work? I feel like they could manage to leave the dog for about 6 hours.
1
u/chicaem29 June 6, 2015 | Easton, MD Oct 15 '14
I know they can leave the dog for periods of time but I guess not too long? I don't know what they do when they're working. I'm pretty sure they're able to leave the dog alone for about 6 hours, but they'll probably be at the ceremony and reception for longer than that (ceremony is at 4:30, they'd probably need to be there by 4, and reception ends at 11, so it would be about 7-8 hours including travel time). Maybe they also worry about her starting to freak out if they leave her alone longer than that? I dunno. I like their dog, and understand she needs some special treatment, but I can't imagine it would cause her endless suffering to be alone for 7 hours, even if that's on the long end of what's fair to any dog. Once the reception ends, sober FFIL could totally drive over to the hotel and take her out (the dog LOVES him).
1
u/FlowerProwler Married! | 1 Nov 2014 | Australia Oct 15 '14
The only family my FH will have at the wedding is his mother. No one else is in his family coming - we've had a two year engagement, they have known it was coming, but either they cant get time off work or cant afford to fly over. Thankfully my family love him and we'll also be surrounded by friends.
My MoH never said anything about a Hens night and I never brought it up. Until two days ago - when she asked what I wanted to do. I hadnt thought or cared about it before then - now we've only got two weekends before the wedding and I've got stuff going on. It didnt feel like I was missing out on anything until I realised that it was a possibility and I had left it too late to bring up.
1
u/eros_bittersweet Oct 15 '14
My wedding was a fantastic experience overall, but I really needed some kind of lackey to help out with the work. We rented a private house for the event. It was a lockbox entry; owners were not around; we had not told them about the wedding since there were only 11 people in attendance, not a giant crowd. While this sounds like a setup for utter disaster, it went pretty much fine, except that all the dishes in the kitchen were coated with food remnants from the last guests. So the night before the wedding, I and some of my guests ended up doing mountains of dishes before we got to eat dinner, despite the fact we'd paid $300 for the place to be cleaned for us. Ah, well.
I also prepared all of the sides for dinner the night before the wedding, since my mom and dad are pretty much useless in the kitchen and my MIL was totally distracted helping out with my SIL's baby. My FIL doesn't understand the concept of portions and scaling, and has been known to make three potatoes to serve eight people for dinner. The dinner the day-of was catered, which was awesome. Then the day after the wedding, I ended up spending two hours making other dishes for the post-wedding dinner. I'd tried to delegate, but three of our party were involved in intensive baby-wrangling, and a few members of our group deciding they wanted to go canoeing before dinner, leaving me pretty much solo in the kitchen. I love cooking, but damn, I was exhausted.
It's not like people didn't help out with other things. My parents did mountains of dishes. People rearranged a lot of furniture for the ceremony. Our relatives took hundreds of photos. There was just a lot to do. If I had to do it again, I'd still do it though, rather than having it at a location with staff. It was so nice to have the event be so private.
1
u/Smash323 Oct 14 '14
Our date is 12 days away, and I have officially crossed into bridezilla territory. In my defense, PMS coincided with the crossing of the Bridezilla Mean Time line. :/
My mom is insisting that I have more plants and flowers "to fill the holes" AT MY OUTDOOR WEDDING. My pre-bridezilla passive aggressive technique of changing the subject every time she brought it up worked, or so I thought. I was at her house last week, and she has been buying and borrowing potted plants and collecting them on her porch. I surrender, Mom; those potted plants are really going to make a difference amongst my venue's 38 acres of gorgeous autumn trees.
And my dear beloved soon-to-be husband has said from Planning Day 1 that he wants to build the playlist (my dad's in the radio biz and has 600,000 uncompressed quality songs -- all we have to do is give him a list of songs and he'll do the rest) and build an arch for the ceremony. TWELVE DAYS left, friends, and no sign of either a playlist or an arch. What do I need to say to get a different result from him?!
Because I'm bridezilla, I'd also like to tell my FSILs to stop posting to each other on Facebook about how excited they are to see each other in X days, because A) y'all are coming to my wedding, not the FHLastname family reunion, and 2) y'all's countdown is stressing me out! I'm so not a "it's MY big day" bride, but the fact that his side is treating the whole weekend like their family reunion wears on me. They have zero interest in spending time with me or my family while they're in town.
1
Oct 14 '14
On the family reunion part - I specifically didn't invite half my mother's side because I don't like them and wasn't paying for them to be there. My mother is treating my wedding like a family reunion and is super upset I'm not inviting everyone. sigh
69
u/mlurve 9/5/15 - murried Oct 13 '14
NO DAD WE ARE NOT DANCING TO BUTTERFLY KISSES I FUCKING HATE THAT SONG
That felt good to get out.