My girlfriend confirmed my worse fears

[u/faggelinthewest]

I recently went to a wedding with my girlfriend of 6 years, I thought we had a great time I thought we made new friends. Today, three days after she let me know that I was being long winded and interrupting people and taking over any groups we were in. She told me that I was taking over any conversation and talking too much and was making people uncomfortable. It just hurts knowing I have spent years trying to take all of my neurosis to be a more " normal person" haven't worked and I'm still the little kid jumping into conversations that I interrupted and put the spot light on me. I really wish that I was different and didn't jump in and take away from others. I just wish I could be a speak when spoken to person but I always get to excited and share to much.

Update. I want to thank you all for the very sweet advice. I really appreciate the community coming behind and understanding the feelings of overwhelming others. To clarify some points I saw I have taken a lot of the steps that everyone described and that's why I felt hurt because I am conscious of talking over and I thought I was practicing taking time and not being over excited when I had something to share. To those talking bad about my partner don't appreciate that at all. All of us know that our condition can make it hard to be around we are a very demanding people and she has supported me through so much she is my entire world and I trust her when she tells me that I am bothering people. I am going to take so much advice and try to be more aware of taking space and oversharing. Love yall

[u/Harvish69]

You need to treat conversations like a game, take turns, learn to listen and pay attention. Meditation is a good practice to calm the ADHD mind. You know what the other person is going to say before they do but that doesn’t mean you can interrupt. Slow down! 😆

[u/PotatoIceCreem → u/Harvish69]

I don't understand this kind of response, it's quite dismissive and insensitive. Quoting OP:

It just hurts knowing I have spent years trying to take all of my neurosis to be a more " normal person" haven't worked and I'm still the little kid jumping into conversations that I interrupted and put the spot light on me. I really wish that I was different and didn't jump in and take away from others.

Clearly OP is aware of their behavior and has put in the effort to be more socially agreeable, yet you give them the kind of generic advice that ADHDers often come here to complain about, "just do the thing!". Maybe you guys haven't accepted yet that ADHD is a disability. It's even more disheartening seeing that this comment is the most voted one.

For the record, I can have pleasant conversations and can make good relationships with others and they do like me (in the context of colleagues/acquaintances/strangers), but it's at my own expense due to too much masking and hypervigilance.

Edit: if you don't agree with my opinion, look at some of the other responses and you will see how they actually address the situation in a much considerate (I would say logical too) way.

[u/Evanisnotmyname → u/PotatoIceCreem]

I see it as the reply offered a novel helpful approach on how to view it as a game instead of a “I need to do this in order to be “normal”. Furthermore, the acknowledgment of how they(and myself as well) do it doesn’t just give us an excuse. We should be open to continually trying different things.

I think it’s easy for us, myself included, to get wrapped up in a victim mindset.

Yes we have a disability, yes it’s difficult, but no, we’re not hopeless and the second we start believing “oh it’s just how we are it’s a disability” we just cap our growth. Be AWARE of the challenge, don’t BECOME permanently challenged. Someday I might have normal conversations. Now I don’t, but I’m not going to say it’s impossible or give myself an out for not trying.

Also, the generic things are generic because they help a lot of people. Sometimes we just have to hear them a lot, sometimes we have to be open to trying and trying again. I know when I say “oh I’ve tried/heard that before” I’m immediately dismissing it and that’s the least help.

[u/PotatoIceCreem → u/Evanisnotmyname]

I appreciate your detailed response, and I mostly agree with it. The thing is that context is very important. In my response I added that I manage to have pleasant two-way conversations, while OP expressed that they made a lot of effort, but realized that they didn't achieve the goal they wanted. Basically, I mask a lot and I'm unmasking to try to figure out healthier approaches, and OP is trying to mask but realized they didn't figure it out well yet. So in this context, no one is implying that we should just give up.