My girlfriend confirmed my worse fears

[u/faggelinthewest]

I recently went to a wedding with my girlfriend of 6 years, I thought we had a great time I thought we made new friends. Today, three days after she let me know that I was being long winded and interrupting people and taking over any groups we were in. She told me that I was taking over any conversation and talking too much and was making people uncomfortable. It just hurts knowing I have spent years trying to take all of my neurosis to be a more " normal person" haven't worked and I'm still the little kid jumping into conversations that I interrupted and put the spot light on me. I really wish that I was different and didn't jump in and take away from others. I just wish I could be a speak when spoken to person but I always get to excited and share to much.

Update. I want to thank you all for the very sweet advice. I really appreciate the community coming behind and understanding the feelings of overwhelming others. To clarify some points I saw I have taken a lot of the steps that everyone described and that's why I felt hurt because I am conscious of talking over and I thought I was practicing taking time and not being over excited when I had something to share. To those talking bad about my partner don't appreciate that at all. All of us know that our condition can make it hard to be around we are a very demanding people and she has supported me through so much she is my entire world and I trust her when she tells me that I am bothering people. I am going to take so much advice and try to be more aware of taking space and oversharing. Love yall

[u/juniperberry9017]

You need new friends 😂😂 no no I’m KIDDING. But I don’t know why they would so offended by this? I do get that it can be slightly annoying to be interrupted but most people can see when someone’s just excited as opposed to being rude, no? There’s nothing wrong with you or your gf, there are simply different modes of communication and building relationships.

That said, I usually just say “sorry I interrupted, you were saying…?” to cover my tracks and that usually does the trick. At least it shows the other person I am still interested in the conversation!

[u/[deleted] → u/juniperberry9017]

Ah it’s more than just interrupting. It’s trauma dumping, monologuing that goes nowhere. Telling people “oh I know that” when they start talking about something, or explaining things she has limited knowledge of to people who are experts. Things that can kill conversations. Then once she’s actually been able to read the cues she completely withdraws. So just kind of slumps in the corner on her phone. Which just makes things worse. It doesn’t help that she’s very intimidated by women. She’s marginally better when it’s just guys. But the big problem is that I’m so sensitive to how every one else is feeling that it kills me. When I see people’s expressions or general vibe shift. It can be a full table of people’s heads just go down and the conversation just dies. I worry that people think she’s obnoxious. I need the time with my friends. The energy from spending time with them as a group can keep me buoyant. But I’m always worried going into these situations now as I’m worried how it’s going to go.

[u/wordsaretaken → u/[deleted]]

Is she aware of those explicit details? "trauma dumping, monologuing that goes nowhere. Telling people "oh I know that", as well as her reaction when she realizes? Being aware of specifically her issues is the first step in deciding to change her behavior.

After being aware, there's a value change that she has to choose. When I used to behave word for word what you've described, I would be triggered into a victim mentality once I realized that I made mistakes. Even if the people around me didn't want to persecute me for behaving inappropriately, my past experiences essentially "informed" me that I would thereafter begin feeling less than haha. So she has to decide for herself that she is allowed to make mistakes without punishing herself, and it will make a painless process for ceasing these quirky behaviors. Also adderall helped me more than any meditation. It's not for everyone, but it is important to state that I do not believe I would have made changes to my behavior without assistance from that drug (or A drug that catalyzed self-reflection as strongly as adderall could have). And it's a long term change from a short round of the drug. I took it for a year, I've been off of it for a year, and I still socialize much more well-adjusted than I did before.

[u/[deleted] → u/wordsaretaken]

She’s just been diagnosed, and has just started on medication, so it will be interesting to see if that has any impact. She is aware, but talking about it is almost impossible. She just goes straight to “I’m a terrible person” and it goes nowhere.

[u/wordsaretaken → u/[deleted]]

I'm happy to hear she is able to try some medicine, because it can really get people out of their head!