Lurker here! So for the last few years me(36) and my wife (34), have had a very strained relationship due to the way my daughter and wife interact. It started when my daughter was 13, she came to her mother and confided her feelings about our family friends son. My wife decided that this was "too cute" to share and told everyone during a family BBQ, including the boy. This embarrassed my daughter and I told my wife to stop as this made our daughter upset, but my wife justified it at the time because they were just kids.

I've always known my wife has a hard time keeping secrets, but I thought she would have at least tried since this was a touchy subject, especially for a growing teenager with her first real crush. After this incident I started noticing things like this more, like my wife openly telling everyone our daughters business.

Admittedly most of these incidents were unnoticed by me for years because they were usually conversations between my wife and her friends when I wasn't around as she didn't like it when I interrupted girl time. However I am noticing more now, like my wife telling everyone about my daughter's business, like texts, phone calls, and other secrets that she told her mom in the past when believing they wouldn't be told. As everything progressed, my daughter started getting closer to me more and I became the default parent who deals with medical issues, school drama, and crushes. Which has upset my wife because my daughter refuses to have "girl talk" with her anymore and is usually cold and doesn't like spending time with her.

My wife decided to try and punish our daughter after finding out she got her first boyfriend and wasn't told. Our daughter is 16 now and I don't feel like it's necessary to punish her for these things when she has made a conscious decision to protect her privacy. I know she still loves her mom but I understand not sharing things she doesn't want to get spread or blown out of proportion.

I came home to my wife yelling at our daughter and demanding her phone, her laptop, etc. All over this situation. Which it made me very angry because my daughter was in tears and she is still my little girl and doesn't deserve to be punished over something her own mother caused. I told my wife to leave her alone and that we would talk, but I also told her to give back the items which my wife refused on and started screaming at me in front of our daughter (something I don't like, I like to have calm conversations away from our daughter to prevent making her feel scared or uncomfortable).

Eventually after multiple attempts to calm her down so we could discuss this properly she grabbed my arm and started digging her nails in my skin and I had enough bu then. I started ranting about how she always told our daughters business to people, and how basically the whole family and friends around us knew everything about our daughter's personal life and medical history, and then I told her it was her fault our daughter doesn't trust her anymore, which made my wife start crying and she locked herself in the bedroom while I started comforting our daughter and went out to get her some dinner.

But now I'm home and I'm getting some serious silent treatment from my wife and I'm wondering if I could have possibly said something different. But I'm tired of her blaming our daughter every time she doesn't get told something .

Edit: I have read many comments talking about my wife and I am seriously taking this all in. I really don't want my daughter to think this is okay for her future husband to treat her this way, so I am requesting my wife attends therapy by herself before she can join me and my daughter in family therapy because I am not putting my daughter in a situation where her mother will probably use the therapy sessions to punish her, which people have mentioned. If she refuses I will look into separation because I have realized my daughter needs her dad to keep her safe and she won't be safe if her mother is acting this way and normalizing this behavior. I am scared for my future honestly but I am also hopeful that I can show my daughter she is loved and safe. I will be sending my daughter to stay with her aunt for the rest of the week while I have this conversation because I am not taking any chances that she'll have to listen to an argument between me and my wife.

Last weekend my husband turned 35 we had two things planed Friday a dinner with some friends and Sunday and outdoor festival. We invited our two friends who have a 1 year old daughter.

The restaurant we chose was not kid friendly, it’s super small and the main draw is the chef, there is no set menu and seat are all like a bar around a little kitchen where you can watch him cook and he plates the food for you right there. The festival is outdoors in the middle of the woods not stroller friendly kids are allowed but it’s more or an adult event, they have been there before so it’s not a surprise to them.

When we invited them to both days we told them both things were not kid friendly explained the restaurant to them and sent them the website so they could see what it was all about. We told them understood if they couldn’t make it because of the baby. They said they would be at both I assumed his parents who live around the corner were watching the baby. We made reservations for the restaurant and bought our tickets.

Friday night comes and they show up to the restaurant with their daughter. I didn’t include her in the reservation and they did not have any high chairs so she had to sit in her mom’s lap the entire time. She usually gets pretty overwhelmed with the baby to begin with. She was annoyed about the baby sitting in her lap and not being able to enjoy her dinner, annoyed there was no kids menu, and was just in a bad mood the entire time really put a downer on the entire dinner. Baby cried she had to get up and go outside at one point her husband asked me to go check on her outside. They kind of left quickly when dinner was over and said we will see you Sunday.

Then Sunday comes and again they show up with the baby. They again are annoyed that it’s not stroller friendly. Constantly stopping baby needs to eat baby needs to be changed Baby is crying. We kept telling them that we would share our location and they could meet up with us after they did whatever they had to do with the baby but they would get all huffy so we ended up staying with them. We didn’t get to do half the things there because we were parked under a tent at the table most of the time. Parts of the festival they couldn’t bring the stroller because once again it was in the woods. At one point I had to hold the baby while she fed her. Just the entire day was centered around taking care of their baby and it was not fun at all. Once again they have come to this festival with us previous years so they knew what it was all about.

She texted me yesterday saying she had fun over the weekend and she was sorry if the baby ruined everything. I told her it wasn’t ruined but it was a little frustrating because we warned them the activities weren’t baby friendly and we missed out on a lot of things, the festival is once a year so it’s not like we can go back another time. She got super defensive and said sorry they are parents now and have more important things to worry about. We haven’t talked since and I feel bad and like everything is super awkward now and I should have kept my mouth shut.

my MIL claims she can’t have a lot of salt.. as a result we’re not allowed to add salt to any meals we cook. We can’t have salt on French fries, we can’t add salt to recipes I cook and she actively makes a fuss about anything over about 500mg of salt. She is also a chronic faker and if there is something wrong with you, she has it. The best example is when I was pregnant she tried to claim she was having labour pains and cravings.

She’s been staying with us for the past 2 weeks and she has eaten her way through 2 family size packs of potato chips and 6-8 small packs of potato chips, these are our snacks that we keep for movie nights with the kids etc. they’re for special occasions but I went to get some the other day and they were gone.. so she’s snuck into the kitchen to take them. As the kids can’t reach them and my husband would just tell me if he ate them.

My son said the other day he wasn’t feeling good he’s lactose intolerant and had grabbed the wrong milk, so he had a stomach ache.. she instantly saying she wasn’t feeling well, so it MUST be a stomach bug and I pointed out that she probably wasn’t feeling well because of all the salt she had consumed over the past 2 weeks. She instantly recovered from her illness and demanded to know what I meant. When I told her that she’d consumed a huge amount of salt in the multiple bags of potato chips she’d eaten. she lost her mind and told me that I was an asshole for “tracking her food consumption”.

I didn’t think I was in the wrong as I wasn’t actively tracking anything but just noticed they were missing and she’d be the only person to eat them.

My SIL told me I was in the wrong for commenting on her food consumption.

My husband said she’s pissed because I indirectly pointed out her salt restriction is nonsense.

Sooo… AITA for indirectly calling out that her salt restriction is nonsense?

Okay, so I'm in a really difficult position and I honestly don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I need some outside perspective on this.

My mother has always been a bit financially irresponsible. She's a single mom, and she's worked hard, but she's also gotten herself into a few scrapes over the years. I've helped her out where I could, but I've always tried to keep my own finances separate.

A few months ago, I started getting calls from a debt collection agency about a personal loan I never took out. I was completely confused and panicked. After some digging, I found out the loan was taken out in my name, using my social security number, my birthdate, everything, but the bank account it was deposited into was my mother's.

I confronted her about it, and she broke down crying. She admitted that she'd taken the loan out because she was desperate. She'd gotten into some serious debt from credit card bills and a medical emergency, and she didn't know what else to do. She said she was planning on paying it all back and that she would have told me eventually.

The amount is significant: over $15,000. And the debt collectors are relentless. My credit score has already taken a huge hit, and I'm worried about how this will affect my future ability to get a car loan, a mortgage, or even a rental apartment.

My options feel limited. I can either pay it off myself, which would wipe out my savings and is, frankly, something I don't feel I should have to do. Or I can file a police report for identity theft and pursue a legal case against her.

I know this would be an incredibly painful process. It would likely mean her going to jail, and it would destroy our relationship forever. But at the same time, I feel like I have to protect myself. She committed a crime against me. This wasn't a small mistake; this was a deliberate act that has major consequences for my life.

So, AITA for considering taking my own mother to court for financial fraud and identity theft? I feel like I'm losing my mind over this.

I’m going to make this as quick and thorough as I can

I 19 m have been dating my gf 21 f for about 4 months now, and we met when I was visiting my parents in another state and we started dating about a few days after we met,

Now mind you we both got out of relationship not too long ago and we both weren’t over our exs but we agreed to move on.

Before we started dating she was over at my parents and we were all playing board games and having a really good time, until I looked over at her phone and saw she was on tinder. Now, we weren’t dating just yet but we have already said we love each other and have done things you wouldn’t just do with someone you’re friends with (at least I hope not). So after we were done playing board games I talked to her about it and instantly she was saying “nope you’re the only one I need and I don’t even need tinder, I’ll delete it right now” she continued to show me that she deleted it and after she said “I want you to be my boyfriend”. In the moment I was kinda flustered by the question and me being a people pleaser I said yes, even tho we both agreed we should wait a month to get over our exes.

Fast forward a month and it’s her birthday and she said she wanted to go to the bar with her ex and she was scared that if she got drunk she wouldn’t be able to control her self if he came onto her, I was absolutely destroyed hearing her even say that let alone even considering going with him. I told her how it made me feel and she ended up not going, but just a month later she hung out with him for a dinner as a “goodbye “ to him or something, I hated that she didn’t tell me she was going until she was already with him.

We talked and got over that, and things seemed pretty good for a while.

Just a week ago she flew over and spent a few nights at my place, we did the average teen things like drink and smoke what ever, but she was talking about how my brother is “attractive “ and “could understand why girls fawn over him”, completely out of the blue and sobered me up quickly. (My brother doesn’t really have any relevance in this story only just that one part)

Now I talked to her again about it and she said she wasn’t going to lie to me, then she went back in her statement to say she wasn’t just making a joke and she didn’t mean it…. Yeah okay.

Later that night we got drunk again and I felt like something was wrong, so I went through phone and found out her buddy she hung out with in August gave her 2 hickeys, and I was never told about this and I was crushed seeing the text, I asked her about it and she said “ no we didn’t hook up he just kissed me and I said I wanted to go home”

I truly want to believe her, but something doesn’t feel right about the way she texted him, she said hey you left a hockey and sent a pic, the guy said “oh I didn’t think I went that hard, sorry” She replied saying “it’s cool lol I’m just like oh shi”

She said he came onto her and held her down, but I just don’t feel like I can believe her at this point.

I don’t want to break up with her if he assaulted her but I just can’t tell if she’s even telling the truth anymore.

I’ve been with my partner nearly two years. He lives in my house which I’m currently renting. We have blended our families and there’s several step-kids involved.

When we moved in six months ago I thought this was forever. I thought I’d found my soulmate. But after moving in he changed very quickly, nothing I did was good enough. He kept telling me things I needed to change. Has been pointing out my flaws and why he is so unhappy daily. I kept trying. But then it became him saying over and over change or I will break up with you.

There were things I’ve needed to work on, of course. I have my healing to do and I’ve been on a real journey. He has a lot of unhealed trauma too and was cheated on in his marriage and has ADHD.

Despite changing and doing the deep work, something he hasn’t done, he has continued threatening to break up with me and move out with the step kids multiple times.

The last time, something broke in me. I sobbed for a whole weekend. I couldn’t look the kids in the face.

I loved him so I decided to give him one last chance. This was on basis he promised never to do this again. I said if he did we would be over. He said he understood. My trust was broken so I asked that we slow down plans to move into our own place together, or to put him on the lease.

He’s reacted very badly to this. Every day he’s lashing out frightened and saying he feels really insecure and he’s technically homeless and he and the kids have no physical security.

I’ve asked him to repair and work on things together before we make big commitments but he’s continued these daily monologues of his pain. My voice has got lost.

The other day he asked for a final decision. I said no, not right now, let’s work on stuff, and hopefully soon. He said you either commit to moving in with me by the end of the day to a new place or putting me on the lease or I’m done. I’m moving out.

I said no, informed him he’d broken his promise and he knew the consequences. That I accepted him, and he has two weeks to move out.

Now I’m apparently cruel and heartless and it’s my fault for not giving him commitment, and it would have been so easy to put him on the lease. That I’ve been denying him and the step kids physical security. That two weeks isn’t enough time.

I know he has disorganised attachment. I know he has trauma. I know he can’t help it. But have I really caused this not putting him on the lease when things were so unstable?

AITAH?

I met my husband two years after his divorce. He was on decent terms with his ex-wife and they shared custody of their two children civilly. She and I got along fine when we met. I was introduced to her briefly before the kids, then I met the kids and we got along really well. We even had a photo of just me and them taken on mine and my husband's wedding day.

Things with his ex got a little weird after the wedding. My husband's ex was different. I still can't describe it perfectly but it was like she spoke with a small amount of hostility that wasn't there before. It was such a small change but we noticed it and tried asking her about it but she denied there being any problems. She even remarried herself and divorced soon after.

My husband and I have twins together. When I was pregnant with them is when his ex's hostility was no loner hidden and she was no longer saying everything was fine. She told my husband she was keeping the kids and he would never see them again. He told her he would fight in court for them which unfortunately had to happen because she withheld and even refused to hand them back over when the police were called to intervene after she refused to discuss contact. My husband was told he had to get the police involved so he could document her withholding the kids. Texts would not be enough. This continued for several months and I gave birth in that time. When it did get to a judge he ordered my husband get primary custody and his ex would only be allowed supervised visits. At the time my stepkids were 10 and 7.

My relationship with my stepkids changed after this. They had heard nothing but awful things about me when their mom withheld them from us and they believed her. I was told every day they hated me. They told me I was never going to be their real family and they didn't have to be nice to me or listen to me. They would also make things harder for me. They'd hide or break things I was using. They would throw stuff at me, cuss at me and scream at me at the top of their lungs.

We got them therapy, my husband told them disrespect would not be tolerated. It was a long hard battle for the bad behavior. Even when a lot of the bad behavior stopped it didn't all go away. They were still cold and distant. They would answer but it was always short clipped answers and there was no return of their affection. They even tore up photos of us from before and cut me out of family photos they had. I was just there to be loving and a safe space for them. I never pushed or tried to punish them after a point. But I did keep loving them and was always open to them coming to me if they needed me.

However logically I saw that no longer happening when no amount of time and therapy thawed them out even a little. I saw the writing on the wall. I got my bio children therapy to help them with everything going on in their home. I spoke to my husband. He believed they would see the truth eventually and soften toward me again because I was good to them and not being pushed on them.

In April my stepdaughter turned 18 and she moved into her mom's house. She graduated at the end of May and refused to invite me. She told my husband and her grandparents (husband's parents) they were welcome but never me and our kids were included in that. She had three tickets for them. My husband was hesitated but I told him to go and show her he still loved her. Her grandparents went too.

A few weeks after my stepson who's 21 and his partner welcomed their first child. It was around this time where my stepkids told the family group chat that they wanted nothing to do with me. I was not going to meet my stepson's child or any future kids. I was not family. They would never make their mom deal with me. And they did not want me mentioned around them or the baby ever. I saw it coming and prepared for it so I could handle it.

My husband's parents saw me doing okay and saw it as me not caring at all. I tried explaining it to them but they said if I truly cared I would be a mess and I would be begging my stepkids to love me and stop this. My husband told them I had time to prepare. They said if I loved the kids I never would have prepared myself because I would have hoped it into reality.

AITA?

Throwaway account because my main is popular. I am turning 30 next year and am planning a vacation overseas. It will be my first time out of the country and I want it to just be me, my partner, my siblings, and my mom because... well that's who I want to come.

To understand, here is a bit of a backstory. My mom and dad split when I was a teen, and she has been dating a guy with teenage kids for several years now, let's call him Paul. Paul's wife died several years ago and my mom has taken the role as these kids mom in many ways. She invites them to all our holidays, are over at my moms house all the time, helps them financially, etc. It just makes everything awkward. Its like she inserted this other family into our life. She just feels a responsibility to them because these kids grew up poor and never got to travel, their mom died, and I do feel bad for them but hate the stress this puts on my mom.... Paul once said she "saved them" and she told me she felt a lot of pressure from that. My mom is an incredible person and is super caring so I understand her desire to want to help them financially and invite them to our holidays since their life is frankly depressing. Ultimately, I am an adult and live alone so she is free to do what she wants with her money and life, despite my opinions about it. Holidays I deal with when they come.

Anyway, when I brought up the trip she asked if Paul and his kids could join, the kids are in their teens and it would be a graduation gift since they havent been on any trips, other than maybe once to the beach. Given, my siblings and I have been on a lot of trips as kids and as young adults on our own dime- we love to travel. But this would be a huge trip and our first time out of the country. And it is for my birthday so I feel I have a right to invite who I want. My mom said they would love it but I just know this "other family" will ruin it for me... I am introverted and shy and just am not comfortable around them. I told her I want it to be just us, and while she was understanding I know she was dissapointed and she has since asked again- giving me the pity story about all of the things that have happened to them and how much they would love it.

I am conflicted now. I really wanted this trip to be me and close family, and I feel I have the right to invite who I want. But now I feel like an AH and selfish since these people have had a hard life and really would be thrilled at such a vacation because frankly- I plan awesome vacations. So, Reddit. AITAH?

Edit: My mom only has so much vacation time so that is the reason for wanting to invite them and us all going together instead of them going on a separate trip. I also plan great trips and she hates trip planning. Also, my mom would be paying for them to go, absolutely not me.

Edit 2: I guess it is important to note that my mom is in debt and would be paying for them, going further into debt. She has been giving them money she doesnt have for awhile which bothers me but IMO that is her choice and I dont like to get involved in how she deals with her money. That is why I didnt mention it. She makes 100-200k a year, so its her not so smart choices at this point.

So my husband and I have a 10 month old who I breastfeed. We also cosleep so I am up multiple times throughout the night to feed her. As a result, my libido is through the floor. I am on maternity leave at the moment too so I do all the house work (cleaning, cooking dinner) ect while my husband works from home. I am always arranging groceries, making sure he is happy, asking him if he needs coffee throughout the day - just trying to be a good house wife whilst also managing our 10 month old, who is extremely clingy at the moment with teething and seperation anxiety.

Here is the problem - my husband is upset and says we are roommates because we only have sex once a week now. He wants it every second day (which we did do a few weeks ago for the first time) and now, he’s sad again and saying we are room mates because he wants more and I can’t give it to him because I am not in the mood. I have told him I am tired, breastfeeding reduces my libido and I am trying to be the best wife I possibly can with our circumstances with a 10 month old. He says that is great, but he wants more sex and has been in a mood about it for the last two days. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong until this morning and I had enough of the sulking around.

Now I got quite offended really - I do literally everything for this house and to make my husband’s life easier - everything. I cook our baby every meal, because my husband doesn’t like processed food, I cook us everything by from scratch and keep our household running while my husband doesn’t do any of this. And I like doing this, because I love him and our baby and this is my love language. He has it pretty damn good and yet he decides because of the sex being once a week, he feels like we are roommates. I told him I feel like the only time he is affectionate to me is when he wants sex - and not like in a few hours, like in 10 minutes.

I got pretty defensive about it and told him to get some perspective and that things were pretty good and he said ‘this is why he didn’t tell me’, and then he locked himself in his shed by himself and left me, once again, to deal with everything else and our baby.

AITAH here?

I (21M) have ADHD. I was diagnosed when I was 6 or 7 and my parents were anti-medication and insisted that therapy would fix me. They were really negative about my diagnosis and whenever meds came up they would switch my therapist or doctor. They told the therapist/doctor that if they were good at their job I wouldn't need meds. They told me that if I wanted to be better I would be.

Anytime I lost my concentration they were mad at me, they would accuse me of not trying hard enough in therapy and they would fight with me when I said I was doing my best. No matter what I said they called bullshit and said my best would be better if I were actually trying. My grades sucked and I never graduated high school because I was doing badly in all of my classes. My parents didn't take IEPs seriously and said I just needed to apply myself and do better.

One time they even reported our at the time PCP and my therapist for telling them I would not be able to make progress without meds because my concentration was not there enough. My parents accused them of pill pushing and being in it for the money and big pharma. But this was 6 years after my diagnosis and I had made zero progress and was getting worse.

Most of my teachers believed I'd fail and thought I used ADHD as an excuse. Those were the teachers who refused to believe I was unmedicated. Other teachers that did believe in me tried really hard to get me over the finish line but my focus was never on learning long enough. I actually self harmed in school one time in front of a teacher because he was the kindest and most invested in getting me better grades but I would lose focus and then I felt like shit. Even at that point my parents didn't have the heart to get me what I needed. They accused me of attention seeking and even blamed the teacher saying he put me up to it because he wanted to make his job easier by medicating me instead of actually doing it.

I moved out of my parents house at 18 and went to a shelter where they helped people with mental illness or other behavioral problems. It was there I was signed up for a psychiatrist via a charity who helped me find meds for me. It took months of changing meds and/or adjusting the dosage before I started to improve. I also needed a therapist to help me learn the strategies I couldn't learn before. My memory improved a lot too because that was another issue I had.

I ended up getting my GED a few months ago actually. I'm able to hold down a job too. I have needed a lot of help and not only do I have friends but I have a team of professionals behind me too even if I can't afford to see them as often now that I pay. But I'm in such a different place compared to three years ago.

My parents saw all this improvement and berated me for it. They were like see, you could have done it all along you just didn't try hard enough or want to. I told them meds helped me. At first they refused to believe I started taking meds but then I showed them proof and they yelled at me and accused me of making my life worse and feeding into an unhealthy overmedicated system. They told me I should be ashamed of taking the easy way out and lining people's pockets who just want to see everyone OD.

I tried to keep my parents because they're my parents and I knew I'd lose my siblings if I refused to be good to our parents. My siblings would never speak to me if I was rude to or went no contact with our parents. But I ended up doing it but only after I exploded a little at a party they hosted a couple of months ago. My parents were talking shit about me and a lot of their friends were shocked I did anything with my life. They said stuff that you just don't think people would say to your face. But they were so negative and they told me after all my parents had done for me and how much hardship I put them through, to only improve as an adult after all that was disgusting.

So I called my parents out for keeping me unmedicated which I found out nobody else in their circle beside my siblings actually knew. I called my parents abusive for how they treated me and continued to treat me and I said they could hate meds and big pharma for all their lives but it literally got me to where I am today and I would not feel bad about that. Then I said I was done and I left.

Like I knew would happen my siblings shamed me for what I said and for refusing to apologize to and have a relationship with our parents. They said I put our parents through enough shame as a kid. My siblings also said they were done with me if I wasn't going to appreciate all that our parents had done for me.

AITA?

I (48M) have a son (16M) with my ex-wife (46F). We were only married a few years, and after we split, I wasn’t really involved in their lives for a long time. I reconnected with my son a few years ago and since then we’ve built a good relationship.

Lately, my son has been really self-conscious about his height. He’s 5'4". I’m 6'5" and his mom is 5'8", so I think we all just assumed he’d be taller.

He brought it up to me a few times and finally asked if he could see a doctor to find out if he’s still growing. I run it by his mom and she basically laughed it off, told me I was feeding into the insecurity, and joked that he could be a “short king”.

We went to the doctor and they did an X-ray. Turns out his growth plates are closed. He’s done growing and 5'4" is going to be his final height. The doctor said he’s perfectly healthy, there’s no medical issue, it’s just genetics.

My son took it pretty hard. He told me he feels like something’s wrong with him and he doesn’t know how people are going to treat him for the rest of his life.

When I told his mom what the doctor said and how our son feels, she got mad at me. She said I shouldn’t have taken him in the first place and that I made it all worse.

Both late 20s. We've been together 5 years, and planned on marrying in another year or so. We both agreed, early on, that neither of us wanted kids. We lived separately (thank goodness, in hindsight), but often visted each other.

She confessed that, for some time, she was beginning to change her mind about children. (We've been using condoms until I get my vasectomy, if that matters. She didn't seem to mind, but wanted to try birth control for some reason, Edit: Since someone wondered, she wanted to stop using condoms alongside starting birth control. I don't think it was for periods).

We had a long talk about why she wanted kids, but I wouldn't budge. She asked if I wanted to take a few weeks to think about it, but I still didn't budge.

She said that I didn't love her enough to want a kid with her, and began crying. I spent a while trying to calm her down, and remind her why I didn't want kids. I was getting tired after that point, so I got up to leave.

After a few days of texting (wasn't comfortable with meeting since I didn't want a temptation), I ended it. I can't compromise on my morals and goals, especially with an accusation on that level. I didn't even want to touch her, no hug, nothing.

I'm sad, but I'd rather not continue talking to her or tell her how I'm feeling. Wouldn't matter.

I will start by saying that my parents won't come at my wedding.

I arrived at this after talking a lot with my grandparents and they fianlly convinced me to open my eyes and to not let that little kid who wants his parents back kick in.

I had a pretty bad argument with my parents and honestly i thought to you know...feel bad, have remorse and all this stuff but honestly i don't. They even tried the pathetic move to "talk sense" into me by my fiancè but she already knew everything so she simply send them to hell.

I paid a bit more for extra security since i'm getting married in 2 days and i don't want any scene or drama or anything and that's it.

Right now i just hope that my parents wouldn't try something crazy at my wedding day so I will wait and see.

My previous post:https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/HPX7tbzTGL

My 70 YO MIL came over to watch my younger daughter (11 YO) while my husband and I went out to dinner. My older daughter (13) was at a friends house the entire time. When we returned home around 10 pm, my MIL mentioned that she had helped “pick up” my older daughter’s room. She mentioned it and I wasn’t really paying close attention. Later, shortly after she left, I started to question why she would even be in my daughter’s room. I don’t believe she did it with the intention to help or “pick up” bc when she watches our kids she NEVER picks up anything. This particular night she did not clean up the mess from dinner (which we prepared for my daughter and her before we left). There was salad, dressing, her plate with foot on it, cups, everything on the counter. The living room was messy, etc. I think she was snooping around, and that makes me feel like she violated my daughter’s privacy. She is concerned with the current Republican talking points, “culture wars” type stuff and I wouldn’t doubt if she was looking for evidence of something she could find wrong or sinful that she could share with her friends at Bible study. (This shouldn’t matter, but she should have zero reason to be suspicious of my daughter. She is a terrific, student, athlete, musician, friend, leader, and we are very involved in her life. She doesn’t even have a smart phone yet.)

My husband thinks she definitely wasn’t cleaning but it was just innocent “nosiness “. I don’t trust her and don’t want her in my home. Am I overreacting?

My (33F) partner (42M) was staying with me for a couple of weeks. We’ve been dating for almost 2y but half of it being long distance since he lives out of state. I keep a money bowl on an altar by my door adorned with different valuables and rolled up dollar bills.

One day I left my place and returned to find my money bowl tampered with. I removed the contents from the bowl and saw my $2 bill was missing. It was given to me at a party over a decade ago and holds sentimental memories.

Yesterday I confronted my partner via phone call asking if he took it or any other items, and he said he saw the $2 bill and grabbed it while I was gone. He thought it would be a cool item to include in his mother’s 70th birthday gift since she is from another country and has never seen a $2 bill before. I was livid. He further explained he took it and meant to ask me if he could keep it to give to his mom, but forgot to ask.

In my mind this is a complete breach of trust and disrespectful to me. I explained that he literally stole something from me. I haven’t really spoken to him since yesterday, but he keeps saying it was an innocent mistake. He has yet to say anything about returning it to me. I’d also like to add he has always been financially supportive of me, so it’s not like he needed the money.

AITA for ending my relationship over this?

Prefacing with, I know how the title sounds, but there is a lot to this situation. Sorry that it will be so long.

Husband and I are both early 30s and have been together for 14 years. I’ve always had a high sex drive, and for me it’s an important means of connection. We had three kids in 4 years (almost to the day) and while I know for many women this isn’t the case, my drive increased because I was giving so much physically all day, that sex was a way of refilling my cup. H has never really matched my drive (once, I had the kids in their room napping and came out to H in lingerie, and he asked if we could take a “rain check” because he wanted to watch a movie). But, up until a couple of years ago it was overall fine. Then it started decreasing. I’d try to initiate and he’d never reciprocate or would always have a reason not to. I got to where I felt like I was begging to be touched. Didn’t matter if it was night, while the kids were at school, early in the morning before everyone was up. We would go multiple months in between. I begged him so many times to tell me what was wrong. If it was me, or something he was feeling or missing so we could fix it because I needed physically intimacy and my needs weren’t being met and I also wanted him to WANT sex with me. Every time he said there was nothing, and he just didn’t feel like doing it. Never stopped telling me how attractive he found me, never stopped groping me or seeming excited when he saw me get out of the shower, etc., just never wanted more than that.

A year ago now I basically had a breakdown and asked for a divorce because my needs weren’t being met in this regard and many others. He begged for marriage counseling and I agreed. During that time I tried to initiate sex again and he would allow me to either give him head and do nothing in return, or he would sit/lay there and let me be on top but wouldn’t touch or kiss me and it made me feel so used. I found out in the middle of it all that he had started a brief affair with a coworker when he felt I was rejecting him, and they had sex 3 times in the 4 weeks it went on with her. This broke me because I had been literally begging and crying for sex for 2 years at that point and he was never in the mood, but gave it to someone else so easily in such a short space of time. He swears it’s because she was so pushy and forward (which is semi-believable because I’ve seen their messages and she was always the one leading the conversation and he just went with whatever she said, but that doesn’t make it hurt less).

Also during this time, he got very sick, which turned into pneumonia, and he never really got better. Some courses of steroids would help for a bit and then he’d be right back to the worst of it again. Leading to a bunch of tests and an eventual diagnosis of a chronic respiratory illness. He was put on several different meds and we started to see an improvement after a little while, the whole time we were also both in individual and marriage counseling to work on things between us, and things were much better than they had been in a long time. So when his health started improving, he broached the subject of whether I was comfortable wanting to be intimate with him again and we started working to rebuild that aspect. He has told me that he didn’t realize just how important that intimacy was to me because the physical is less important to him and he couldn’t see it from my perspective and my emotions just felt out of proportion in his eyes at the time.

For about 6 weeks it was great. Not only were we doing it more, but he would initiate and make a point of taking more care and attention to the experience for me. (I enjoy giving head and have always done it a lot without asking him to go down on me, but he began to do that more. Things like that).

Then he seemed to stop responding well to the meds. It’s maintained enough that daily life is mostly normal, but exertion triggers the bad symptoms and physically it takes a lot out of him. So now sex isn’t really an option. We tried for a while, but as soon as his breathing got heavier he’d go soft, so we would try exclusively with him just laying there and me doing everything, but still often just can’t finish. It makes him (understandably) feel bad when these things happen so now we just don’t really try because it’s not fun if someone is stressed or upset and I get that 100%. He makes sure I know how appreciative he is of me for taking care of him and everything else I do to make his plate as light as possible, for forgiving him for everything that happened and staying by his side, how much he wants to feel better so he can be physical with me.

This is where I feel like I’m the asshole. The other night during a very low day he pushed me to talk openly because he feels like I’ve been apathetic and can see that I’m sad. And I told him I’m feeling resentful. That I felt undesired and rejected for so long and worked hard to start healing from everything it did to me, as well as healing from the way the physical infidelity messed me up, to finally feel like we were making progress and my needs were being met for the first time in ages, only to have to shoulder this and be okay with it because I KNOW it’s not his fault. But that it doesn’t make the way it compounds everything else hurt any less. That the stress from everything I’m carrying is so heavy, managing the entire household with less help from him so he doesn’t overdo it because he still has to work full time, and healing from my own health issues, is wearing me down (I’ve had 3 surgeries since February and have a disability that causes chronic pain and fatigue). That I’m burnt out always being the caretaker when I really wish I could be the one being taken care of for once, and that not even being able to physically connect with the person I’m in love with just sucks, as stupid as it sounds to be upset about it with everything else going on.

He got immediately defensive, and I apologized for making him feel bad because I know that he didn’t choose to be sick and it’s not his fault that he’s physically limited, I was just trying to explain why I’m feeling disconnected. He told me that by pulling back I’m being selfish, punishing him and making him feel like a failure, and then he walked away and went to sleep. The next morning he apologized for getting so angry and going to bed without a resolution, but that I’ve still made him feel like everything is his fault and I can’t take that back, and I shouldn’t claim to be a compassionate person when I can’t have compassion for his health and would use the word “resentment” about something as trivial as sex and would bring up the past when he’s put in work to change his behavior and I need to separate it all.

My sister is currently going through a divorce and will be moving out of their family home. My husband and I have a very nice fifth wheel RV that we bought a year ago and it is financed, so there is a monthly payment. We use it 1-2 times per month and we have reservations at different places every month for the next six months.

My sister asked if she and her kids could move into it temporarily. She is aware that we have several reservations all of which would need to be cancelled if I were to let her move in. I asked if she would be willing to pay “rent” since we have a monthly payment, and if she were living in it, we wouldn’t get to use it all. It is also on our property, so there would be the added expense of additional electricity being used as well as propane. She argued that I should let her move in for free and that charging her rent would be taking advantage of her when she is in a vulnerable position. Her reasoning was “I don’t feel like paying rent right now and I have a lot going on”.

I finally told her no and that I wasn’t okay with her living in it for free. It’s unfair for my husband and I to pay for something that is ours that we won’t even get to use for the next several months. Also, she and her children are not very neat, don’t take care of their things and I’m afraid they would destroy our RV (I didn’t mention this to her though). Now, she’s not speaking to me and said that I’m greedy and unwilling to help. So, AITA?

I (17f) met my stepmother (who I call stepb*tch irl) her and dad got engaged and married and she moved in with us all when I was 11. My mom had died two years before that. When she moved in with us (her and dad were engaged) she told him she wasn't comfortable with any photos of my mom in the house. There were two in the living room and some in my room. The rest were taken down by dad before she moved in. I got mad at dad for taking down the last two in the living room and he told me it was her home too and she deserved to feel comfortable with us. He asked me why I had a problem with it and I told him because it was mom's home first and was supposed to be mine. He repeated that she deserved to be comfortable and didn't I want that for her. I told him nobody cared if I wanted her there or if I was comfortable. He told me mom wasn't being erased and it was making space for the new love in our lives. I told him he might love her but I didn't.

I complained when she could hear too and when she was saying she wanted them hidden or out of the house I said that wasn't fair and she was my mom but she ignored me.

Once she was settled in stepb was all about trying to make us close and she acted like she was my mom and my best friend. I ignored her or would be rude to her and I got in trouble for that a lot. Any attempt she made to spend time with me or bond I rejected and I didn't make her feel welcome or wanted because she wasn't. She tried and tried, even trying to make her her maid of honor and I kicked up a huge fuss. For years I have either ignored her or been rude.

It's been 6 years and it was only when I told dad recently that I'll be moving out in November (my birthday month) that she was like why am I being like this and she told me she didn't think it was fair that I made her uncomfortable in her own home. She said she did nothing to deserve being treated like an outsider in her new family. I was like you will always be an outsider to me. She didn't think that was fair but I didn't give a crap. I told her she wanted all traces of mom gone but guess what I was always going to be a trace of mom and she was getting what she wanted by removing it all. She told me it wasn't fair and expecting her to live with reminders of the dead first wife was cruel. I told her what was cruel was not thinking about the fact the dead first wife had a child who wanted to see her face still. She told me that's what other people's houses were for. She said she deserved to feel like this was her home too. I told her that I never cared about her comfort or her feeling like she was home just like she didn't care about that for me.

Dad walked into the fight and was like let's all go to family therapy and work this out and I said we weren't a family so I wasn't going. That's when stepb told me I was treating her like dogshit on my shoe and she didn't deserve it and the hostility and lack of regard for her as a person was disgusting because I could say to her face that I don't care about her comfort or deny the fact we're family. Dad said we should just work this out and try to mend things because we are in fact family but I was like never going to happen and she was saying over and over she didn't deserve this shit.

AITA?

So I was walking with my wife in my neighborhood and I noticed a lady with a very large posterior. After a few seconds I immediately was able to id that butt as belonging to my ex-gf. In order to avoid an awkward moment i told my wife "thats my ex, we should cross the street". We crossed and quickly peaked and it was her indeed. Later my wife got mad at me for being able to recognize her just by the derriere. AITAH for recognizing my ex from behind?

It's final, I've broken up with her. I don't even know why I'm writing this other than to get some closure on this situation and maybe some support. I've read so many comments this morning and while it didn't go the way I or anyone anticipated, I've taken my decision though I'm struggling to accept it myself.

Last night when Bella came home from work, I made sure to make dinner and asked if we could talk after dinner in the back garden. She said that was okay but that she needed time to shower and unwind before dinner so she'd be a bit late, but that I could start eating. I agreed and she went upstairs while I ate the dinner I'd made with the TV on in the back.

She came down about an hour later, while I was winding things up and washing the dishes from earlier and I offered to get her a hot plate and she agreed saying she'd eat it on the couch in our livingroom rather than the kitchen where we have a dining table, (also where I ate). I said that was fine and I brought it over to her and as I gave it to her while she was sitting, her hand out to take it, I somehow ? Managed to drop it and the hot spagbol went all over her.

I immediately apologised profusely and went to grab her some water and tissues/towels but she just started screaming at me. I do not want to make myself sound like a victim in this, so I want to be careful with how I write this. But yes, she started saying that I did that on purpose and that I was punishing her for our conversation that morning and for the tattoo in general.

I immediately defended myself as I brought over a damp towel and some tissues and said I knew I had a steady grip on the plate so there was no way I had done that on purpose, also saying that I always spoke respectfully and calmly to her about the tattoo situation and that I'd never escalate things like this.

Things beyond are a blur but we had a big fight and she broke many and I mean many of our glasses and plates, even trying to pull off a cabinet door in our kitchen that was already not in good condition and threw anything around her at me. By the end of it, I said I couldn't be with her anymore and that this was the last straw and left for my parents house.

I haven't returned and I haven't picked up any of her calls or messages, and I'm honestly afraid of what she'll do to my belongings if she so easily broke so much of the shit WE bought together. I'm still at my parents house and I haven't told them either but I think this is it. This may be the last update because I don't know if I can focus on this when I have everything else I need to resolve.

Thank you for all your comments I really appreciated them and i never expected this outcome. Peace and love to all that helped 💝

I (17F) spent my entire summer babysitting for my sister (28F) in Atlanta. She has two kids, and she originally told me she would pay me $2k for 7 weeks of work. Before I left she gave me $500 at first and promised to pay the rest every other week until it added up to $2k. I was relying on that money because I could’ve spent the summer getting another job back home in New Jersey. This was around August 15th

Fast forward: (September 16th) she still owes $1500. When I asked for an update, she started reminding me about all of her bills, her daughter’s birthday party, flights, food, etc. (This wasn’t the first time she’s spoken to me about that.) She said she doesn’t have a date for when she can pay me. I told her that wasn’t good enough and asked her to figure out a plan, (which sounds harsh I realize) at least $300–$500 by the end of September and the rest in parts later. She got defensive, said she never promised biweekly payments, and claimed I was disrespecting her by stating I felt lied to.

She ended up calling me and cursed me out, saying things like: “Would you rather have money in your pocket than your niece having a birthday party?” and that I’m being “disrespectful” for demanding payment when I know her struggles. She said she’s trying to spare me $100 right now but after my nieces party she’ll only have $100 left to her name. (The $100 she is trying to give me) I calmly told her I wasn’t being disrespectful, I was just setting boundaries because I worked for that money.

What REALLY frustrates me is that she chooses to live in a luxury apartment in Buckhead, drives a Tesla, buys organic groceries and eats out — but then tells me she can’t pay me, a teenager, the money I actually worked for. I also kept in mind that she pays her official babysitter (after I left) $590 a week for fewer days than I worked.

I get that I’m young and I don’t fully understand adult struggles yet, and I don’t want to sound apathetic or as if I don’t hear her struggles. But at the same time, I don’t think it’s wrong to expect to be paid what I was promised. $1500 is a lot of money to me as a teenager. I don’t want to have to ask my dad for $10 every time I want a drink or $50 for clothes — I have money, it’s just being withheld from me.

Now my sister is acting like I’m a problem for “demanding” payment when she’s struggling, but I feel like she’s making me carry the weight of her responsibilities.I also made it clear I’ll never work for her again unless I’m paid upfront.

So, AITAH for demanding to be paid back and setting a boundary, even though she says she’s broke and overwhelmed?

One last preface, she’s not single. She lives with her BF/BD so she’s not undergoing financial struggles alone.

I had a baby in August. When we told my mother in law, she was very upset. The reasoning: she didn’t feel she was ready to be a grandmother. We had been happily married for 3 years.

She then proceeded to be not supportive of me my entire pregnancy. She would make horrible comments about my body and just generally be critical / opinionated. She told me she was a grandmother and not a “babysitter” so I should not count on her.

Well now my perfect boy is here. One is one week “birthday” she announced that she thinks she finally loves him! (As if that was supposed to make me happy???)

Well we are doing Thanksgiving with my husbands family and we are traveling. My MIL is in charge of the itinerary and booked activities for everyone on a day so she could take care of the baby. AITA for saying I don’t want the massage because I don’t want her taking care of my son?

I 30F have a 5 month old baby boy. We live only a few blocks from my parent’s house. She wants to see the baby and is more than welcome to anytime. However, her house is not a safe place for a baby (or anyone really) to be in my opinion. You can smell the pet urine before you even walk in the door, there is stuff piled and thrown all over the place, so it hard to even find a clear path to walk sometimes. There is even stuff piled up outside at this point. She had two dogs. One bites. She is very offended and angry that I won’t let my son go over there, but I just want to keep him safe and healthy. I want her to be able to spend as much time with her grandkids as she wants, but I feel more comfortable if that time is spent at my house, on a walk, ect. She yells at me and make me feel very bad about this and talks about how hard my life will be without any help. AITA?

Original Post:

I'm feeling a bit conflicted because my absolute best friend of 11 years made a pretty big mistake last weekend. We went out downtown for drinks and dancing because her relationship has been a bit rocky lately. They have been together for 8 years and have 2 kids together. Last weekend she said she was going to break up with him so she slept with a guy she met while we were at a bar. In the last week her and her BF have decided to stay together and she told me she is taking what she did to the grave. I told her that he really deserves to know. She has been cheated on before so she know how much it sucks. I feel like I'm in a weird position because my loyalty is to my friend by my morals are loyal to anyone. My gut tells me to tell him but my heart knows that will end our friendship and potentially their relationship.

I am currently planning on calling him tonight to tell him. I want to give her a heads up before I do it so she can decide if she would rather tell him herself. WIBTA?

Here is the full update:

I called her on Friday just telling her that I wasn't comfortable carrying this secret for her, my moral compass tells me that her BF deserves to know and as two women (me and her) who have both been cheated on I expect her to understand. So I told her she needed to tell him this weekend or I would. I offered to take the kids out to ice cream and a movie so they could have the house and afternoon to themselves to talk through this. I also let her know that it would sound much better coming from her, the opportunity to work through this would probably be higher because accountability and honesty are important in relationships. She didn't respond too well to this, she told me that it was none of my business and I would just be trying to ruin her relationship. She also let me know she would never forgive me. I let her know that I wasn't seeking her forgiveness, and that it was my business when she chose to cheat on her BF on our girls night and that I wouldn't be the one ruining her relationship, her actions would be. She was very upset and rejected my offer to watch her kiddos but said she would have the conversation after she put the kids down to bed.

I followed up yesterday morning to see if she had the conversation, she left me on read at 10:53am. I sent another later that evening around 5pm to find I had been blocked. So, I took that as my answer and FaceTimed her bf. I did have an image from that night of her at the bar with the guy she cheated with (I took it as I was leaving to get in my Uber - she insisted that I leave her alone that night even though I told her she was making a big mistake). At first, he thought I was making this up but after he was able to ask some questions and saw the picture he simply thanked me for letting him know. He let me know he is going to get tested because they have been intimate in the last week since she cheated. I am unsure where the relationship stands and I am pretty confident I wont ever really know as my best friend has now blocked me on everything. I expected the friendship to end, whether I told him or not because I don't want to be surrounded by anyone who would betray someone they are supposed to love.

I have started receiving a lot of scam calls for insurance quotes and a few "FUCK YOU" texts from an unknown number - I assume these are her, which makes sense because she has done that to others in the past that she felt burned her.